Wet And Cold And Endangered
by JenRod
Summary: After s1e15 "Before I Sleep" Rodney assigns himself to another team going off-world and has to face consequences for all his actions. And it is going to hurt. (a few sentences are going to be in French with a following translation)
1. Introduction

**Title** : Wet And Cold And Endangered

 **Author** : JenRod

 **Set** : after s1e15 'Before I Sleep'

 **Disclaimer** : Not mine except for Allan's team and Hillary and Betty and Alec and a few more people, the planet M1X-808 and the special device. I'm sorry if Rodney gets to suffer too much or if John and Elizabeth get too distraught. I'll try to do the TV show justice and be a good little girl when writing.

* * *

When the old Elizabeth from the first timeline died, her body was burnt and 'our' Elizabeth scattered her ashes over the city of Atlantis making her a part of the planet like her first timeline John and Radek, who had been killed in the battle with the Wraith. Information about the first expedition, which she had given to this expedition, shattered their emotional and mental well-being more seriously than anyone could have imagined. Because of this, Elizabeth ordered them a few days off. Two days to be exact because they were needed in the Pegasus Galaxy. And what's more, the old Elizabeth had given them addresses where ZPMs may be found. They couldn't miss such a generous opportunity. But for the time being, Major Sheppard's team was out of work.

Each member of John's team planned what to do and, except for one of them, they chose relaxation. The one was once asked to be more open, friendly and sensitive. So he obeyed this advice and assigned himself to another team to help them with investigations on one of the planets from the list. How come he didn't know what would happen when he left Atlantis without the right backup?


	2. Leaving Atlantis

John was standing on a balcony leaning over the railing. He was staring out at the ocean spread below the morning sky. He was watching the sun slowly rising on his right and was inhaling the cool breeze blowing around him. It all seemed so peaceful and restful after what had happened during the previous days but, suddenly, the door to the balcony opened and he heard someone come in. He didn't acknowledge him because he wanted to profit from the last calm morning moments before the visitor's infinite monologue would take them all away.

The visitor stopped dead at the threshold wondering how to approach John as he'd never been good at this. John recognised him thanks to how he arrived because the only people who would disturb him here were his team. Teyla was so gracefully quiet that you weren't able to hear her before she stood right next to you. Aiden was always cheerful so you could distinguish him by a laughter or a chatter echoing through hallways long before he even came near you. And the last one, the always morose scientist who had social graces of a bull in a china shop, was either arguing with or speaking to someone. This scientist was the one who paid John a visit and finally greeted him with: "Hey, I was looking for you."

John sighed before stating: "You've found me."

An uncomfortable pause stretched between them and Rodney coughed slightly to get John's attention.

"May I help you somehow, Dr. McKay?" John asked kindly, not turning at him. He wondered why Rodney came to him so early in the morning when many other people were still fast asleep.

Rodney didn't answer him immediately. Instead, he copied John's posture and looked over water masses surrounding the city. He still had a lot on the mind; the fact that he didn't manage to save those dependent on him was stabbing him like Kolya's knife. Fortunately, he got a second chance and he wanted to use it right. Moving his sight to the sunrise, he started speaking: "Captain Jorgenson is taking his team to M1X-808. They did an initial check yesterday and spotted some rather promising ruins. I figured I'd go with them when there is a chance of finding a ZPM there."

John was astonished and asked himself if this was their Dr. Rodney McKay. Then again, it hurt him that Rodney didn't want to spend time with his own team and went off-world with another.

But Rodney wasn't done. "It's the first planet from the list, you know. They could use the help. Thought, maybe, you'd like to come, too."

"Ruins," John muttered. "I think I've seen plenty of those already." He did register the first sentence but still, it didn't catch his interest because he didn't put two and two together.

Rodney looked at him surprised. "But it might be interesting. Who knows what we'll find there? A ZPM would be…"

John sighed tiredly watching waves crashing below them against the northern pier. "But it's our day off."

Rodney was upset. "But I don't have any project going on in my lab and there's nothing broken that needs my immediate attention." He spread his arms in exasperation. "And you know how unhappy I am when you arrive in a middle of my experiment to tell me that we have to go on some godforsaken planet for a trading mission."

John looked at him intently. "Yeah, I know. But I still don't get what makes this planet any less godforsaken than most."

Rodney started to be a little aggravated that John still didn't understand the importance. "The Ancient ruins…the possibilities. Come on, it'll be fun."

"It's our day off," John said again. Then he made up his mind, pushed up to a standing position and added: "In fact, I've just decided. I'm taking out a Puddle Jumper."

"Puddle Jumper?" Rodney repeated in wonder. "Going to fly around for a bit?"

"Yeah," John replied, nodding his head decisively. "A calm relaxing trip around the planet would be nice. Maybe I'll check out the lake I saw last time on the mainland. Looks good for swimming. Today's going to be nice for swimming."

Rodney hesitated because this was more tempting than studying some remnants of past times which may hide nothing but spiders and insects. Oh, he hated those as much as he was allergic to citruses… Due to this, he asked: "You wouldn't need a co-pilot, would you? I like swimming…"

John could see how tempted Rodney was and how much he would love him to say yes. Nevertheless, he responded: "I think I can handle it."

But it didn't stop Rodney who kept talking. "Because, maybe, I could use some more flight time," he continued. "Might be more productive to me than…"

"You've already committed yourself, remember?" John said with a grin. "See what happens when you schedule yourself for work every day? No time for plays. All work and no play for our brainiac."

"Fine," Rodney responded sulkily. "If I find any goodies, I'll keep them for myself."

"You do that," John said with fake cheerfulness. "I'll go find Teyla and Ford."

"Enjoy," Rodney stated as he shook his head unhappily, rather regretfully, then turned on the balcony and disappeared to find Jorgenson's team.

For a moment John watched the empty doorway wondering if it were too late to follow him because he finally realised what list Rodney had meant. It was the old Elizabeth's one. They might find a ZPM there and Rodney would return with an I-told-you-so grin if he discovered it himself. And he would gloat about it for months.

But Rodney was already gone and John had never been the one who would run after someone else. And a flight with a Jumper would surely be much funnier than another trip to another planet to investigate other ruins, although this one may not be futile. John didn't want to blame himself so he quickly left the balcony in search of his other teammates to enjoy the day and fly around the planet he'd seen dozen times already.

– – – – – – – – – –

Rodney walked to the Gateroom with all the necessary gear but his enthusiasm was long gone. He had never been good at socialisation and being smart hadn't given him any possibility to try because people had avoided him rather than talked to him. So his only sanctuary was his science whose victim he had become long ago. He sighed deeply, unhappy about the situation he had got into as he started to like his team and to care about them more than about all other people in his life, except for his sister Jeannie. He allowed himself to return to his youth when they created an unusual bond because their parents…

His train of thoughts stopped abruptly when he heard Allan Jorgenson's voice: "You ready, Doc?"

Rodney blinked fast and noticed that he had managed to arrive at the Gate without even noticing. The Gate was engaged, Allan's team was ready to step through. Rodney shook his head and answered: "Yes, of course."

He looked at Elizabeth's office where she was working, maybe reading another mission report. She frowned a little, then covered her eyes with her left hand and sighed. Rodney felt sorry for her; she was buried under work and still had to remain strong and calm facing the new pieces of information.

Jorgenson touched his shoulder to inform him that they were the last to go and so the pair left for M1X-808 as well.

– – – – – – – – – –

Meanwhile, John had found Aiden and Teyla sparring in a gym. She won the round although Aiden gave her hard time. John realised enviously that Aiden was much better than he was and Teyla didn't need to use only half of her real strength. She ended up atop of him with her stick pressed against his throat. He held her tightly around her waist so she couldn't move. Had they had a fairer complexion, they would have been as red as Cupid's symbol. He tickled her until she started to giggle and released the pressure, and turned them so he was lying atop of her and then he started to lean down. John watched all this from the doorway and chose this particular moment to announce his presence by saying: "Hopefully I'm not disturbing."

Aiden froze in motion and looked at Teyla whose eyes showed as an enormous surprise as his own. They untangled themselves, released the hold and got up quickly embarrassed. John did enjoy their discomfort and laughed internally. Aiden was the one who responded: "No, sir."

"That's good." John smiled at the duo. "I thought we could go on a trip. Are you in?"

Teyla looked at Aiden and shrugged. "We'd love to," she said politely, her eyes betraying her insecurity after what had happened.

John clapped his hands. "Great. See you in the Bay in twenty." He started leaving but, suddenly, he stopped and turned back at them as he remembered one detail. "Don't forget to bring your swimsuits and towels. We're going swimming," he added cheerfully.

Teyla's brows went up as she asked: "What are swimsuits?"

John and Aiden were taken aback by her question and exchanged unsure glances. It was John who spoke up. "You know, the garment you use when you want to swim in a lake or elsewhere."

Teyla still didn't understand what he meant. Why should she wear clothes for something as natural as swimming? She voiced her thoughts: "But I have never used a swimsuit before. I have always swum naked without a problem."

John went red a little. Aiden noticed and tried to hide his smirk. In vain. "Well," John said, "we-we usually wear one. Uhm… I think it would be inappropriate…"

Teyla noticed his apparent discomfort and interrupted: "Fine, I get you. I'll ask Hillary if she has one. Don't worry, I won't embarrass you."

She smiled tightly and left the room. From the hallway her sigh 'Oh, these men and childish Earth customs!' was heard and stunned the men a little.

John was looking at her retreating form while Aiden was watching him carefully for any sign of unhappiness or anger. Then John looked straight in his eyes and said: "Don't ask, don't tell."

And with that, he promptly left the room leaving Aiden staring and gaping with mouth wide open at his back.


	3. Ruins, Swimsuits And More

Rodney and Jorgenson's team finally reached the ruins. Rodney was panting a little and sweating from the uphill path they had had to go through as the walk through the thick forest was brisk and long. Despite being on John's team for almost nine months, he still wasn't in the top form and others could see it. Allan was surprised but didn't comment on it. His second-in-command Lt. Carlos Vegaz hid his smile successfully while checking the perimeter with Sgt. Maria Sergejevna Vysockaja. The last member of Allan's team was Dr. Sarah Ginger who was much like Rodney considering new findings – she let her team check what was needed, paid attention to nothing insignificant for her and went to study the ruins herself.

Rodney puffed but decided to stick with her and work on the same structure. Allan stayed with them, watching the ruins for any sign of an ambush. Sarah quickly chose where to go and moved towards one of the smaller buildings to their left which looked as if it was leaning over the slope right behind it.

Both Doctors took their equipment out of their backpacks and the research of the entrance could begin.

Rodney used his Ancient data computer and found faint energy readings deep underground, but wasn't too positive it meant anything but some radioactive ore. Then he knelt down to investigate something just above the ground level of the entrance.

On the other side of the building, Sarah was more successful as she discovered writing which looked like that of the Ancients. She double-checked it with her data pad before announcing it to him. "Dr. McKay, can you look at this?" she said although she kind of knew what snide remarks he'd say on her theory.

Rodney looked up from the ground and scowled at her: "What?"

Sarah let out a long breath to calm herself down before she answered him slowly, putting enough stress on every more important word: "Can you move," she swallowed 'your ass', masked it by a quick lick of her lower lip and went on, "here and have a look at this writing?"

Rodney grunted but then he stood up, supporting himself on the wall, and reached her side of the entrance. He watched the stone intently, touched it and then closed his eyes to fully feel the engravings under his fingertips. They did seem Ancient, which was good by the way because they were here just for that, but the last letters were missing so it would be difficult to translate them.

"It's Ancient," he finally admitted after what seemed like forever to Sarah. She was happy for not being shouted at for not saying it sooner or for damaging it somehow by her touch.

"Can you read it?" she asked hopefully, not wanting to put every letter in the computer translator which had only a limited amount of vocabulary.

"You're nuts? D'you think I am a walking dictionary?" he spat at her.

She pressed her lips together in a thin line and didn't bother with a response. Rodney realised too late that his rudeness had hurt her a lot but he couldn't help himself. He was like that. The life had taught him to be like that.

He closed his eyes, sighed so silently she couldn't catch it, opened them again and went on to work on the translation. What he didn't expect to see was Sarah pulling away all green stalks to have a clear view of the wall and taking a few photos of it with her camera. One was of the complete text, others of parts with zoom. He looked at her questioningly so she explained: "We can send them to Atlantis so that Dr. Weir or someone else can help us with translating it."

Rodney shook his head slowly when he remembered Elizabeth's worn-out appearance. "We should try to do it ourselves. You can send them but I would recommend you not to bother Dr. Weir with such minor things."

At that time it was Sarah who stared at him. "She's an expert. No-one can do it better."

Rodney prepared himself for the impending argument as he recognised the tone of her voice which meant nothing but anger and disdain. Fortunately, Allan came because he didn't like the raised voice and stopped whatever doom awaited the pair. "What's going on?" he asked watching them both.

Sarah didn't want to look incapable of doing her job so she quickly replied. "Nothing. I've just taken photos of these," she pointed at the writing, "and we're about to translate them. Shouldn't take us long."

Rodney was surprised how she had changed facing her commander. He realised he behaved the same with John, and his thoughts drifted to the lake where his team must have been having a nice relaxing day.

Allan nodded and encouraged them: "I'm sure you can solve this till the end of the day so we'll see if there is a ZPM or not. I'll be somewhere around here so if you need me, just call."

And then he left. Sarah didn't look at Rodney, she just shot him a quick glance and opened her translation program to get everything done as soon as possible not to spend more time with Rodney than needed.

– – – – – – – – – –

Atlantis. Teyla knocked diffidently on a door in the living area. She tucked a naughty strand of her hair behind her left ear and waited. Suddenly, the door opened to reveal a brunette in her early thirties. Her hair was mid-long and her piercing green eyes fit well with her green T-shirt. She smiled at Teyla who said softly: "Sorry for bothering you, Hillary, but I don't know where else to go."

She sighed, startling Captain Hillary Daniels a lot. Hillary thought about the worst, that something bad had happened, so she stepped to the left to let Teyla in.

Teyla went on unsure: "May I come in?"

"Of course. Come." Hillary took her around her shoulders and brought her in. She closed the door and led Teyla to her bed so that they could sit next to one another. She turned Teyla to her face and waited.

Teyla bit her lower lip and spoke up shyly: "Hillary, John is taking me on a trip and…and he asked me to bring swimsuits." She continued a bit sheepishly: "And I don't know what it is and how to get one and he has made fun of me…"

Hillary started to cough in laughter. Teyla gazed at her puzzled; she didn't expect such a reaction from someone so close to her.

Hillary started to apologise as soon as she noticed Teyla's expression. "I didn't laugh at your expense, no. I just thought it was something more severe than that."

She smiled reassuringly. "I have one that you can borrow if it's your size."

Hillary left for the cupboard where she had put her clothes and other personal belongings. She opened the first drawer, searched a little and fished a two-piece crimson swimming costume. It had a lovely multicolour tassel on each hip and coloured stripes of cloth used to tie the bra. She showed it to Teyla. "This is a type of a swimsuit. You needn't like the colour or the style but John would love it, like many other men, believe me."

She approached Teyla and gave it to her. "So what do you think? You can try it on right now."

Teyla fought shy of doing it. It was a feeling she had never experienced before, facing much harder challenges. She exhaled decisively and took the garment with her right hand. The fine material was really soft to touch and she wondered how anyone was able to produce it. Nevertheless, she didn't obey Hillary straight away. She rather studied the material, with her eyes focused on the tassels, with which she was playing. She spoke up. "Why did he want me to have it? And he even wasn't able to tell me a significant reason."

Hillary sat down next to her and shrugged. "He's a man. They're helpless at explaining something intimate to women. My father was a good example." She chuckled at the memory and went on: "Anyway, you can ask me about whatever comes to your mind now. I'll try to explain it to you as well as I know it myself."

Teyla looked embarrassed but swallowed her anxiety and did ask: "Why do people on Earth wear clothes for swimming when it's just something that can be left on the bank?"

Hillary knitted her brows together while she tried to come up with a reasonable explanation. It had never occurred to her that she had always worn a swimming costume without asking why; it was just an unwritten rule. Teyla saw rings turning in Hillary's head and waited patiently because she had promised to answer her.

Finally, Hillary admitted: "I really have no idea why, but it's a part of our culture. I don't wanna tell you nonsenses. Nevertheless, we always wear it when we go swimming in a public pool or elsewhere where more people can see and, more importantly, watch us." Then she realised Teyla might not be familiar with the term of a 'pool' and asked: "Has John or someone else explained to you what a pool is?"

Teyla shook her head no. Hillary rubbed her forehead and said: "It's a small artificial roofed pond, lake, where people can spend their free time swimming no matter the weather. Is it clear?"

Teyla nodded. "Sure." But she couldn't make much sense from it. She decided to find out more about it later because now her goal was to find out more about swimsuits.

When Hillary didn't continue, Teyla stated: "So every time a stranger may see you how you were born, you rather prevent it by wearing swimming clothes, am I right?"

Hillary licked her lips, before shrugging uncertainly. "More or less. Rather more. You know, John may have been embarrassed when having to tell you. No-one I know from the Earth would discuss such a thing in public in front of an opposite sex if they haven't been friends for a very long time. Or if they aren't a couple."

Teyla frowned. "What are you trying to hint me? That John might have been ashamed to tell me that he would feel uncomfortable if he saw me naked because we've spent only about nine months together?"

Hillary's eyes widened in surprise and her only coherent response was a quick nod. Teyla rolled her eyes in disbelief. "Okay, you've shed enough of light on his behaviour."

She put the swimming costume in front of her eyes and watched it sceptically. "I suppose he'll have his own, right? And he's used to it and now he doesn't know how I will face it."

Hillary patted her shoulder. "You'll be fine. I would assume that he's prepared a program during which you'll forget you're wearing something."

Teyla smiled at her. "You get me out of every problem I have here. Do you realise it? I don't know what I would do without you here when all my former, life-long, friends are on the mainland."

Hillary smiled as well and nudged her slightly, eyes moving to the garment. Teyla got the message, so she stood up and started to strip. She took off her vest and skirt for training, leaving only the underwear in place. Hillary noticed that Teyla's wasn't as sophisticated as her own but served the purpose well. Teyla took the lower piece of swimsuit and put it on. She was feeling very uncomfortable wearing it, as it kept rolling down her underbelly. Nevertheless, she put on the bra piece as well. What a pity it didn't fit at all! Hillary looked at her sadly when she realised that Teyla's breasts were way too big for her mini Bs.

"Teyla, you can't wear it. It's too small for you. Sorry about that."

Teyla smiled at her. "Don't be." She looked at the clothes. "You've tried. It is not your fault that my size is so different to yours. At least I've learnt something new. But maybe I'll cancel the trip, say that something has got into…"

Hillary stopped her by putting hands on her shoulders: "Hey, stop it! Why don't you keep this bra you have now, it looks good? Or if you have another one of this style, take that one. And concerning the pants…"

She turned back to the opened drawer when an idea hit her mind. She smiled cheekily. "You can ask John to lend you one of his trunks. Show him that you're confident like you really are. He'll appreciate it. Well, at least he should."

Teyla eyed her doubtfully. "You sure? Isn't it for men only?"

Hillary nodded persuasively. "Of course, I am. And that doesn't really matter. Now, get dressed and go to him."

And so Teyla started to undress the tight swimsuit.

– – – – – – – – – –

Jumper bay. John was preparing a Jumper when Teyla cautiously entered the Bay, followed by Aiden only moments later. They both had small bags with all the necessities for their trip. John didn't notice them until they stepped on the ramp of the rear hatch. Then he turned and greeted them with a warm, genuine smile. "Here you are! I was wondering if you had forgotten how to get here."

Aiden sent him a strained smile and replied: "There was something we needed to see to. But it's fine now and it won't bother us."

John moved his eyes to Teyla but her face revealed nothing of use. So he only nodded and turned back to the windscreen. "We'd better be going," he informed them, "to catch the first rays of sun glittering on the water surface."

Aiden dropped his bag on the left bench next to John's and sat down in the co-pilot's seat. Teyla seated herself behind John and put her pack next to her legs.

"Let's go," she said enthusiastically.

John turned his head slightly and asked her: "Did Hillary help you?"

He didn't need to say with what. They all knew. Teyla nodded and stated: "Yes, she did. Her advice was very…helpful."

She tried to wipe out the image which had appeared right in front of her eyes. It concerned John and his swimming costume, or rather its lack thereof. She realised Hillary had been right. John had to be as uncomfortable without it as she was with it. Finally, she understood. She wasn't close enough to him although they had been together on many missions and occasions, trusting one another with their lives. Sometimes they even shared blankets, in both meanings of the words. Nevertheless, she was repeatedly sharing blankets with a young lieutenant who was flashing her a real smile right then, so it must have been even harder for John to behave casually if he knew…

"Right," John whispered a little stunned by the choice of adjective, "we can go."

He activated the intercom and called the control room: "Control room, this is Sheppard. I'm taking my team to the mainland in Jumper 2."

A female technician from the control room, John thought her name was Betty, replied: "Jumper 2, you have a go. Have a nice day and return before nightfall."

"Roger that." John ended the call with amusement clear in his voice. Then he opened the ceiling door and started for their destination, the lake on the north-west side of the mainland, far from the current Athosian settlement, in the middle of nowhere but still within radio range if anything.

– – – – – – – – – –

Forest of M1X-808. Carlos and Maria walked slowly around the ruins as there was nothing suspicious there. They were far enough not to hear what was said in the ruins, not to be heard if they got to a hot potato during their talk, but still close enough to get to the ruins in a matter of seconds if they were called for help. They circled slowly, enlarging the radius slightly every pass, taking into account what the landscape was like if they needed to defend the team or just flee as quickly as possible for the Gate. The ruins were situated on a levelled area surrounded by hills on one side so there weren't that many places to expect an attack from. It would take them less than half an hour of usual walking to get to the Gate; ten, fifteen tops, if running. Not bad.

"So what do you think of Dr. McKay?" Maria suddenly asked in an attempt to break the constant silence.

Carlos thought about it for a moment before replying: "He's different to how others have described him. I haven't heard him rant or whine since we stepped through the Stargate, although it was a very difficult path and he seemed out of breath when we reached the ruins."

Maria nodded and added: "Personally, I haven't been with him for a long time but he seems nice to me. I really don't know why he's backbitten so much about his bad manners."

She sighed slowly, letting her words sink in. Carlos remembered spending time with Rodney and his team after John had been shot in his chest and shoulder a few weeks ago. He had been among those who had rushed to save the team from the enemy siege. He had seen how Rodney kept John awake on the way back by asking him about mathematical equations, from 'simple' divisions and multiplications of big numbers through logarithms and complex numbers, ending by nth roots, exponential equations, and maybe even trigonometric functions. He wondered how John could know all those things, count them without writing the process, be a soldier and, more importantly, be hurt so severely that Carson was very sceptical he would make it through when he himself had never heard of some of the used modifications before. Well, maybe he had but he didn't remember them. That was it. He had decided to ask John about it but hadn't found an appropriate time since then.

Carlos broke the silence, which had been created while he was lost in the past, and looked straight at her. "He has changed. He's not at all the man that arrived in Atlantis from Antarctica. Maybe Major Sheppard is nurturing him well on the team."

Maria smiled and a soft chuckle rezoned in her throat at the thought of Sheppard nurturing Dr. McKay because she had witnessed several of their arguments either in Rodney's lab, the shooting area for training, or the control room. They had always shouted, offended one another, but in the end, they left the room laughing like good old friends.

Carlos frowned as he didn't get what was going through her head: "Why are you laughing? I wouldn't say that it's funny."

Maria blushed a little. "Sorry. It's just… These two and the word 'nurture' just don't go together," she said apologetically.

Carlos laughed out loud and Maria followed him a little later. He leant over a tree a bit short of breath. "You're right, Maria. This really does not work. Just imagining it… I didn't realise what I was saying."

She kept smiling and tapped his arm. "No harm done, but you can be glad neither of them heard you. Anyway, we should check the way we came here as well, don't you think?"

She shook her head in that direction. He was confused. "Why…?" Then he realised what she had meant and quickly added: "Sure, it's very, very important. I should…as well check my stuff before we set off…"

She chuckled slightly. May others guess what they were about to do… And no, it's NOT the S word if it has already crossed your mind!


	4. Fall Back To The Gate!

Thanks for the reviews. I should be preparing for my exams but I just had to write more for you.

Oh, and if somebody feels a little bit familiar with the mission Carlos talked about, I got an inspiration from one of the stories I have read, but I can't remember its title. If it's your story, sorry for not asking prior to publishing. It just felt right to use it there. O:-)

Now on with the story:

* * *

Ruins on the planet. Rodney and Sarah had already finished the initial examination of the entrance and had moved inside the building where they had found other carved Ancient letters, but these were completed with symbols which looked rather decorative. They kept arguing throughout the translation because of nonsenses like if it was in present or future tense as it could mean something else in different phrasal structures. Rodney was so sure he was right, he wouldn't admit a defeat no matter what. He had never been wrong! He was always, almost always, right. Well, only according to himself. Others knew he wasn't a perfect infallible Superman but still, he had pulled miracles out of his pocket and had been their Sydney Carton a few times…

Anyway, right then he shined his torch on the wall again to check the inscription, they had been working on, once again. He was perplexed; not that he would admit that. Sarah had thought this was important but he wasn't so sure.

"It's utter nonsense," he muttered silently before facing Sarah. "Look at this. It seems to be saying 'Total Fear Will Be Walking Interior'. It's ridiculous."

She defended herself: "I thought it might be of importance when it is repeated several times along the corridor." She sounded perturbed when finishing with: "I have translated it to 'Beware All Who Enter'."

Rodney responded: "Well, yes, if you read all the symbols completely wrong." He showed her his data pad. "These 5 symbols represent the noun 'fear', metus, not the verb 'beware' - entirely different symbols. Moreover, they've used future tense of 'to walk', not the infinitive of 'to enter'. Although they may look the same, there are two different symbols, see? And the word 'interior' looks as if it was from a more modern dialect." Rodney clutched the pad to his chest and rubbed his forehead. "It's all utter hogwash!"

"But…" Sarah tried, "…they might have meant to say 'Beware all who enter'…"

Rodney snorted. "Then it would have said that, wouldn't it? This is all just gibberish! As if someone used the Internet to translate a sentence, not even bothering to cross-translate it to see the result! Only a moron would try to find a meaning in this lunacy!"

Sarah didn't bother with his last comment. She kneeled down to her small pack and fished a camera. Then she took a few photos and thought that once they returned, Elizabeth or somebody, who wasn't so snobbish, would tell her who had been right. Then she realised something was odd. She looked at her watch to find out they were due for a check-in in five minutes and they had promised to report their progress in. And their progress was currently in her hands even though it should have been with Allan.

"You know what? I need fresh air. Do whatever you want, I'll be back as soon as I check in with others."

Rodney hummed something but didn't reply properly. Sarah turned her head, returned back to daylight and shouldered her backpack. She didn't plan on returning too soon and this was an awesome excuse she couldn't miss. Allan was already gone so she strode away by herself, settling in a pace which would take her to the Gate rather quickly.

Meanwhile, Rodney moved further into the corridor. He shone his light along rows of pretty but pointless symbols. Some of them seemed to form words, a logical syntax, but the rest of them was just 'wrong'. "It's as if someone didn't want to make it obvious for a normal reader," Rodney said out loud. "And added some useless graffiti to make it harder."

He involuntarily shivered in the cool damp air filling the corridor and pulled his jacket closer around his torso. Having to run before the Wraith could catch him and start to feed, and evading ambushes had taken their prize – his formerly tight jacket had become loose-fitting.

The weather conditions inside the corridor were a bit worse than outside in the ruins because what little sunshine was out there didn't penetrate in the building. "It makes no sense," Rodney complained again but he noticed Sarah wasn't with him anymore. He started to panic but then he remembered her saying she needed to leave. Or something like that.

He leant one shoulder against the wall and contemplated the situation he had got into. He was lucky he didn't push a certain glyph, but at that time nobody knew what it was for… And there were some drawings covering the proper Ancient texts; maybe it was another language, who knew?

"What is this all about?" he asked the air around him because he knew no-one would hear him and answer.

He exhaled deeply. Right now he could have been on the sunny surface of the Lantea's mainland. He clearly remembered the lake John had mentioned as he recalled having seen it from a Jumper when their team flew around the mainland after the Storm. He even remembered how Aiden claimed it would be a nice place to hang out. And Teyla who stated that swimming there naked would be very freeing. He wondered if John and Aiden had actually paid any attention to the word 'naked' when they nodded thoughtfully to her comment, or if it was just him who had put another word in her sentence. It would be interesting and maybe quite funny to spend time there, without straight contact with Atlantis but with people he cared about. Not to mention that he was quite familiar with the surroundings as well.

Rodney's heart fell. Once again he felt left out of the loop. He thought that it wouldn't be so bad, were the ruins not so frustrating, was the planet not so damp and drippy, was Dr. Ginger not so … over-sensitive. He would have loved to go with his own team no matter if Teyla brought her swimsuit or someone had to lend it to her. From what he could see during training fights and her clothes, her body was shaped like the statues which were exhibited in Ancient sections of many museums. But he preferred another woman, the one who always saved his ass, the only one who could calm him down in every situation, the only one who could see his real self, caring and soft-hearted but mainly broken and bruised from his childhood.

He thought how nice it would have been to spend a day on the shore of that pretty lake with his team. He hoped he had become one of John's men but maybe he kept pushing them away and it was not bearable for them.

He started drowning in his sorrow so he quickly snapped back to reality without knowing, rather being oblivious to, how long he had been thinking what could have been.

"Well, you've chosen this particular expedition, Rodney," he said aloud. "And you'd best stick with it. Complete the survey and report back. And you might receive a nice gift."

He glanced to the doorway, wondering where Sarah had gone. Then he chided himself for being too anxious and returned to work.

He reached the end of the corridor and realised he had got very far from the entrance of the building because his only light was his small torch and he didn't see a lighter spot behind him. He shone his torch around to get an idea where he was. There were two wooden doors, one at each side of the corridor. He chose the one on his left and opened it by pulling. It led into an oddly shaped room; it looked like a hexagon. All walls were grey, without a tint of another live colour. Right in front of him, there was another door like the one he used to get in. And in the middle there was a white pillar with blue glass atop of it, sitting on a dais. Rodney eyed the room suspiciously, just like John would, and he used the same, John's, tactics to check it. When he found out it was safe, he moved over to the column but didn't step on the dais. He could distinguish Ancient letters on it, and smiled to himself.

"Now we're getting somewhere," he whispered delightedly. To get closer to the pillar, he put one foot on the dais which started glowing blue. Rodney knew something had to be here and there should be some power left. It may have been a research centre, with a ZPM hidden somewhere deep underground. Then he realised he should contact others so he stayed like this and activated his radio. "Listen," he told them, "Captain Jorgenson, Doctor Ginger, I think I've found something you'll want to see."

Allan's tired voice replied: "What is it? More of those damned symbols?"

Rodney decided to step fully on the dais to get even closer so that he could read the letters more easily, and it got even brighter. Even the walls began to emit soft light but Rodney was too concentrated on the column and the conversation to notice.

"I've found a room with what looks like an Ancient column. Send Doctor Ginger. We really need to explore this area thoroughly and…"

The column shone bright white which ricocheted from the walls and formed a thick white field in the entrance. Before Rodney could realise what had just happened, he heard Allan's shout: "Wraith!"

And he heard something buzz in the sky although he was in a hill. Rodney froze, listening to the sound of a Wraith Dart nearby. Shouts of Jorgenson's team mixed with it. "Take cover under trees! Maria, get back to me! Vegaz, get Dr. Ginger to the Gate! Go to the Gate! Run, run! Fall back to the Gate!"

Rodney repeated to himself: "Fall back to the Gate." He turned to see that his only way out was blocked. "No, no, no, NO!" he began. He looked around frantically to find another way out, to get to Jorgenson's team. The door on the other side had vanished so he quickly pulled out his data pad and connected it to the pillar to access this defence mechanism.

"What the heck!" he swore when everything he found was a message of farewell in Ancient. No information about a ZPM, the structure, or its defences. No access codes. No embedded link to something else. Rodney punched the column and cried out in pain when his right hand collided with the hard surface.

The Dart was still within hearing range and painfully reminded him how little time he had.

Rodney cradled his arm, which was still sometimes painful due to Kolya's surgical accuracy, and stepped off the dais. As soon as it didn't sense the presence of the ATA gene, it went dark, the light stopped shining and the white wall in the entrance disappeared. Rodney watched it bewildered, "How could I have been so silly?"

He didn't wait any longer, pulled out all the wires he had connected, and shot through the door and the corridor right to the main entrance where he had left his backpack. He put it on his shoulders and hid in the main entrance, gazing up. He was far from the tree canopy so he needed to make sure the Dart wouldn't get him before he reached the protective leaves. The ruins didn't provide him with enough cover and what was worse, there were dark clouds forming in the sky. Suddenly, the Dart whizzed past right above him. Rodney involuntarily jumped up at the sudden loud screeching noise. He followed it with his eyes until it disappeared behind treetops and then he still counted to ten before he ran to the forest. Another useful/useless habit he had taken from John Sheppard, as he realised when he was safely hidden under trees.

He tried to recall how they had arrived in here because they had chosen a zigzag path which wasn't covered in so much undergrowth. He decided to run straight and not to bother if he got wet as the imminent danger was worse than any kind of mud. He inhaled decisively and began running to the Gate while watching the sky for any sign of the Dart or a culling beam. He rushed through the mossy forest to join his team as soon as possible so that they all could return to Atlantis.

"Shit, damn it, shit, damn it," he muttered between grasping for the too moist air. He tore into the woods without paying much attention to where the path was. All his surroundings were shades of green; olive, bright, dark, pastel, khaki…, they seemed unreal for Rodney. And his fear intensified them so much that it hurt him to watch one spot a little longer. Many times he stopped due to branches, dodging his way through the verdant wood. Moss under his feet was very spongy, being watered almost every day, and where there was none, the ground was slimy with mud. He had to balance a lot to remain on his feet, not to fall and roll down. Any professional skater would be proud of what he was performing.

Nevertheless, it wasn't only the ground which endangered him on this perilous path, not considering the Dart roaming around. Every now and then he was showered by rainwater collected on the foliage, and the flora of this planet had developed huge leaves and low branches, which he considered for nothing but beating him in the face and spraying him with water.

During his frantic dash, he found enough presence of mind to unholster his Glock 9x19mm, but he knew it wouldn't damage the Dart at all. It could, however, slow the Wraith on the ground. He sadly remembered John with a P-90 clipped on his chest and his thigh holster. Both these guns had saved them many times. He longed for John's calming shouts to run, that he covered his six. He longed for the sound of his gunfire. He was feeling so lonely!

He suppressed a pang of grief and self-hatred because he knew he had to return to his current team. He wasn't planning on being the reason why the team stayed in plain sight, waiting.

As he was getting closer to the area of the Gate, he could hear the gunfire of P-90s trying to get down the Dart. He hoped to hear a thud when the Dart was hit and land-crashed. It didn't plummet, to his bad luck, but it flew right above him and he stopped breathing in rapid shallow breaths. He was in a less covered area so he sure as hell didn't want to be caught off-guard. He didn't look where he was going and collided with another branch. It smacked his cheek, leaving red marks there. Rodney gulped in some more air, wiped water from his face, which was mixing with his sweat, and moved on. After a while, he realised he couldn't hear any instructions from Jorgenson and was terrified that the Dart took them. The heart hammering in his chest began galloping even faster.

He touched his left ear and, to his immense relief, he found out his comm was gone. He calmed down a little because it must have been torn off by the last branch and it was obvious he wouldn't be able to hear them without it.

He continued running, slipping more and more than actually walking. He reached a fallen partly-rotten tree covered in moss and lichen. He couldn't bring himself to leave the straight way down, so he put one leg over it but slipped and fell on it as if it was a horse. He muffled a cry of pain in his groin which ended up on a basis of a branch. He pulled his other leg over and exhaled a few times to make the pain subside, which happened quite soon with all the adrenaline coursing through his blood-vessels.

He rushed onward getting to knee-high ferns. He was already so wet he could pretend to have run through a heavy rain.

He didn't have the power to speak, even to curse, anymore. He was so angry with himself. He mentally scorned himself for not going with Dr. Ginger to send the photos, for not being in a better shape, for not spending enough time in the makeshift gym and for being a total failure. However, he was NOT completely right. He wasn't accustomed to the terrain, which was more slippery than most waxed dancing floors.

His lungs burned so much. His muscles were trembling from the exhaustion but he didn't want to let up. He shoved aside wet branches, slipping, stumbling, sliding, getting to his feet again, moving on. His vision contracted to a tunnel so he didn't have the 180 degrees angle to take into account all his surroundings. But all the moss, mud and muck weren't much to look at. Sometime during his falls, he lost his Glock. And the worst fall happened to him when his backpack got stuck in a tree, jerked him backwards and sent him spinning to the trunk. He let out a cry of despair and frustration when he fell to his knees. He turned his head to see what happened and realised he didn't have time to extricate his pack. So he freed himself and stumbled onwards.


	5. Where's Rodney?

But how had it been with Jorgenson's team?

Sarah arrived shortly after they had checked in. The wormhole was still active so she sent her camera through to give Atlantis something material to support their report. Dr. Peter Grodin had accepted the call because Elizabeth was currently unavailable. "So," he said, "do you have anything apart from the Ancient texts?"

"Not really," Allan started.

Sarah interrupted him: "We haven't been too far. Dr. McKay and I were working on the translation near the entrance for almost all the time others spent by checking the rest of the buildings."

"Is true," Carlos agreed. "They all seem to be living houses without writings, documents or anything else."

Maria interrupted him to lighten the grim situation, "That's not entirely correct. We have found some interesting pieces of pottery and dried herbs which became dust when we touched them."

They could hear Peter's soft sigh and slightly disappointed voice: "Except for those, is there a chance of finding a ZPM?"

Allan shrugged. "Maybe. Doctor McKay is continuing with the research in the only significant building. We'll see once we meet him."

"Right," Peter replied. "Don't leave him alone for too long or he'll cause a calamity," he added, joking half-heartedly. Allan's team smiled at one another.

"Don't worry," Allan calmed him. "We're about to get to him in thirty. And we'll contact you after another five hours."

"OK, good luck," Peter wished before the wormhole closed. Sarah breathed in resolutely. She hadn't told her team what had happened in the ruins and supposed it would be of no use if she had. But Allan started angrily: "Why have you come here alone? We have agreed to always stick in pairs for safety!"

"But-but," Sarah stammered, "I-I didn't want to disturb Dr. McKay because-because he had found some inscription and seemed so…so concentrated on making sense from it, that I didn't allow myself to bother him."

She stopped and hoped others would buy it. She didn't want to admit him having been oblivious to what she had been doing, him having sent her away because he had thought he was the smartest person ever and didn't need her help. She realised she was feeling sorry him, she was pitying him.

Allan turned his head in disbelief. "This is not a lab, Sarah," he said in a moderate tone. "When we're off-world, we need to stay aware that anything can attack us. We often don't know what may be lurking on an uninhabited planet as there is always a reason."

"I know," she peeped tearfully.

"Oh, come on," Maria embraced her from aside. "He's not so mad at you, Sarah. He just wants to protect you. We all do. You just aren't experienced enough to be on your own."

Sarah nodded and Allan approached her, scratching the crown of his head. "I'm sorry, I didn't mean to upset you. I'm just worried something bad will happen and I don't want to lose you. I just have this bad feeling on the scruff of my neck…"

Sarah smiled lightly. "Thanks for your concern. I'll try not to make you too anxious."

Carlos patted her shoulder and the team set off for the ruins. When they were walking for about seven minutes, Rodney contacted them: "Listen, Captain Jorgenson, Doctor Ginger, I think I've found something you'll want to see."

Allan sighed and replied to him tiredly because he expected something about what Sarah had predicted. "What is it? More of those damned symbols?"

Nonetheless, Rodney totally surpassed his expectations by: "I've found a room with what looks like an Ancient column. Send Doctor Ginger. We really need to explore this area thoroughly and…"

During this information, the team heard a soft buzz getting closer. As soon as Allan recognised it, he interrupted Rodney with a shout: "Wraith!"

Sarah looked around and skyward terrified. She had never met the Wraith in person and didn't desire it on her first couple of missions. She stood like a pillar of salt, trembling. Meanwhile, Allan started to give orders to protect his team. "Take cover under trees!"

Then he noticed Maria running in the direction of the ruins and stopped her: "Maria, get back to me!"

Maria obeyed unwillingly because she wanted to help Rodney, to protect him like she should because he was another civilian on the mission. No way was that happening. She only hoped he would be alright.

When Allan saw Sarah's still form, he waved at Carlos: "Vegaz, get Dr. Ginger to the Gate!"

After he had made sure everyone was moving, he shouted more, searching for the Dart. "Go to the Gate! Run, run! Fall back to the Gate!"

At that time Rodney was past his concern. He was too far away and Allan needed to protect his own team which was the most important. Allan didn't realise he hadn't switched his radio off, so everything was audible for Rodney. They ran along the path, not stopping, and, suddenly, the Dart appeared above them. Carlos threw himself on Sarah to get her in between trees to protect her but there was no culling beam shining in their direction. Allan and Maria got to them, pulled them to their feet and dashed on. Fortunately, this part of the forest was relatively dry as most rainwater had already been sucked by tree roots and there was no moss.

In a while, the team got to the Gate and prepared in defensive positions. Sarah couldn't catch her breath and was gasping fast. "This is so not in my job description," she complained silently, but Maria heard her and smiled sadly in her direction, before refocusing on the sky. The Dart was circling around the Gate clearing and once it got within the shooting range, Allan's team started firing; nonetheless to no avail.

They were precise but despite their huge efforts, they couldn't damage the thing.

"Try the engines!" Allan shouted at Carlos, who nodded and aimed at them. He shot several times, was sure he didn't miss, but the Dart seemed unharmed.

"We can't take it down, Captain!" Maria shouted over the high-pitched screaming. The Dart flew away without a smoke trail of a successful hit.

Allan was shattered. This had never happened to him. Sarah voiced his own thoughts fearfully: "How are we supposed to fight it when we can't hit it?!"

"We can't. Well, not now." Allan sounded calm and collected despite his inner chaos. He realised they had no other choice. "Sarah, dial the Gate," he ordered. Carlos stepped to the treeline not to be hit by the opening wormhole.

Sarah looked perplexed. She looked around frantically and Allan told her again: "Sarah, the Gate."

The Dart returned with vehemence. Maria covered Sarah by the DHD while she punched in Atlantis' address. Men again shot at the Dart, again in vain. The Gate kawooshed to life in a blue whirlpool. Carlos was the furthest one so he started to back. Sarah sent her ID code through and nodded to Maria.

At Atlantis, Peter accepted her code and informed Elizabeth, who came rushing from her office as soon as the Gate started dialling: "It's Dr. Ginger's code."

Elizabeth was confused because they called only a little while ago. Surely they couldn't run into danger after five hours there, or could they? Then she painfully remembered Rodney had gone with them and it was quite possible he had the same magnet like John. If she hadn't sent Ford on the satellite planet sooner than promised, they both could have been…

Her inner talk was interrupted by Maria's call: "Atlantis, this is Sergeant Vysockij. We're returning in hot. Take the shield down, please, hurry."

Elizabeth opened her mouth but couldn't say a word so she only nodded at Peter who opened the shield and rather said himself: "Done. You can come."

Allan heard it, kept shooting with Carlos and called: "Sarah, Maria, go!"

He and Carlos gradually backed to the Gate while checking their women who disappeared in the event horizon. Carlos watched Allan so that Allan didn't stay alone. They both wondered why the Dart was circling all the time without using a culling beam to catch them or firing blasts to kill them. They reached the Gate simultaneously, nodded at one another and Carlos stepped through followed by Allan only moments later because he tried shooting for the last time.

As soon as Allan got to Atlantis, he called to the control room: "Bring down the shield!"

Peter did it straight away because he expected them all to be present. The team leader always left the planet last. Allan spun around in expectation of a thud or anything else on the shield but there was nothing like this, and the Gate closed silently. Then he breathed out a light sigh of relief he didn't know he was holding.

"Son of a bitch," Carlos couldn't help but spat out. He clutched his P-90 closer to his chest but knew they were safe. Then he realised one person was missing. The most important one. He swallowed uneasily, his sight darting between other three members of his team.

He noticed Sarah was leaning heavily against Maria and he heard footsteps running from the upper floor.

Elizabeth came running down but rather stepped on every stair not to fall. "Report!" she demanded on her way.

"Wraith," Allan breathed out. "We don't know where they came from. We had left the Gate about five minutes before the Dart appeared, but I'm positive it hadn't come through it, from behind us."

"There are probably more of them," Maria sighed. "Sometimes we lost it out of sight."

"We're lucky we got out when we did. There might be an entire Hive ship in the orbit." Carlos sounded convinced but there was a hint of concern in his guarded tone.

Elizabeth noticed it but didn't know why it was there. She sensed that she should be concerned as well but she still couldn't identify the reason why.

Sarah was trembling, terrified. This was her worst nightmare – a Wraith hunting her, but her being unable to shoot and kill it.

Allan combed his sweaty hair with his hand. "We barely made it through the Stargate, Doctor Weir. We couldn't hit the damned thing."

Sarah approached Elizabeth from behind and commented: "It must have had some sort of a defence system. No matter how precisely we shot at it with the rifles, it didn't slow down or show a sign of damage."

Elizabeth knew this was a problem with major P. She knitted her brows together and asked: "Is it possible that the Wraith have accustomed to our technology and this was a scout?"

"Seems so," Allan unwillingly agreed. He didn't want to think that the Wraith were even more invincible than before.

Then Elizabeth realised what she was missing. There were no complaints about the Wraith endangering them or about this being like on John's team, no suggestions what may have shielded the Dart, no warm welcome with his angry voice. She turned around to find out there was no Rodney in the Gateroom. Her pupils grew wide with terror. "Where's Rodney?!"

He had never been Dr. McKay for her unless there was a problem she needed to negotiate and she had to behave professionally. And another reason was when she spoke to someone unhappily about him.

Allan looked around quickly and cursed mentally as he remembered leaving Rodney there without support. He could not admit the truth to Elizabeth and contemplated his options. Carlos bought him a little time by silent: "We left him."

Elizabeth narrowed her eyes, first at Carlos, then at Allan, menacingly. "How dared you?!"

Allan quickly defended them: "We had no choice. He was far in the ruins. We couldn't just wait for him to come to us. It would take him a good half an hour. It was too…"

"And how do think this helped him? He's alone there with the Wraith! We never ever leave our people behind!" Elizabeth couldn't believe her furious blood-freezing tone. Everyone in both the Gateroom and the control room shuddered under its power and knew Elizabeth was extremely aggravated.

Allan looked for help at Maria and Sarah but didn't get one. So he lied, sounding more professional than he felt: "He was instructed to stay in the ruins because he was deep underground. He'll be safer if he stays there. I told him not to leave the building until I contact him again."

Maria closed her eyes and a soft sigh escaped her. She scorned herself for not going after him despite Allan's orders. She was 100% sure Rodney had heard the shout 'Wraith!', took his pack and rushed to meet them at the Gate. If only they had stayed a little longer…

Sarah was broken as well. Her thoughts were running in almost similar trails while others briefed Dr. Weir. She chided herself for leaving Rodney alone when going with the camera. She would have surely survived a bit more of him along the way. If only she was more open and tolerant…

Elizabeth couldn't believe Allan's words. "And he agreed?" she pressed with raised eyebrows.

Allan hesitated for a moment. This was so getting out of his hands! But he knew he wasn't allowed to waver to convince her, and so he answered: "Yes, he confirmed he would remain there until we returned. He clearly understood the order to stay put and off the radio. This was the only way to ensure his safety, ma'am."

Carlos, Maria and Sarah knew how far from the truth it was. Maria was the only one who had remembered him before leaving through the Gate. And still, they couldn't let their leader down. He had chosen them for a particular reason because he believed in them. So their only help would be to support him and if Dr. McKay wouldn't make it back…

Carlos inhaled and added: "Dr. McKay did agree. I heard him say that he would remain there although not voluntarily."

Partly true, Allan thought. He realised he had chosen his team well. They all knew he was lying but they stuck to it in spite of the possible and probable punishment if, he corrected himself, when Dr. McKay returned.

Sarah looked up at Carlos tearfully. She was sure Rodney wouldn't make it back and that it would be only her fault. Maria hardened her eyes not to betray her inner shattered emotions and looked at Elizabeth who put her hand on her face to cover the single tear in her eye, which appeared at the thought of losing Rodney. Her Rodney. She stopped herself by mentally saying: 'I mustn't allow my emotions to overwhelm me. He's a man like any other and he isn't gone, yet. We still have time to send a rescue team.'

Suddenly there was a calming hand on her shoulder and she turned her head to see Peter standing next to her, eyeing Jorgenson sceptically. "What makes you think that the ruins were safe?" he asked, his eyes betraying his anxiety while he tried to steady his voice.

Allan was uncomfortable under the scrutiny of these two very important people. He swallowed hard and moved his eyes downward. "I did the best to save my team."

Elizabeth was shocked and grew even angrier with him. "You mean Dr. McKay wasn't a part of your team on this mission?" She put a lot of stress on the words 'wasn't' and 'your' and 'this'.

"The rest of my team," Allan corrected his statement. He knew it sounded lame. He knew Major Sheppard would skin him alive if he ever learnt the truth that he had forgotten about Dr. McKay and left him there like a burden. So far, he fell in both Dr. Weir's and Dr. Grodin's eyes.

Peter asked incredulously: "So you just left him there, right?"

Everybody present was able to sense how appalled he was. It was Elizabeth's turn to touch his shoulder. "Peter," she whispered softly, calmingly. He nodded in understanding. He didn't have the guts to accuse Allan of killing Rodney right here and then. He was sure John would do it himself and much better.

Elizabeth closed her eyes, turned her head to the control room, opened them again and then returned to face Allan. "We have to get him back," she said loudly enough so that all staff in here could hear her although their ears had already been strained to hear every word said since the Gate closed and Dr. McKay didn't step through.

Allan licked his suddenly dry lips before saying: "We need more gun-power." He hefted his P-90 for demonstration. "Using these did nothing to the Dart. I wasn't about to sacrifice my team because everything we threw at it, didn't even scratch its body. Hell, it didn't even slow down!"

Elizabeth nodded sharply and turned to get back to the control room. If Rodney was still out there with a Dart like this…

She decided to put together a team of soldiers and scientists to find out how to fight off these new Darts. The thought of an enhanced Dart was very disturbing. But she was sure they'd make something up. Unfortunately, the person who knew the most about alien technologies like these was currently stranded off-world, maybe about to be on a Wraith menu, if they found him before her people did. She wanted to vomit at the thought of Rodney becoming a desiccated husk and was finally happy she hadn't got to eat her lunch. She promised to herself she would save him like he had saved her when Kolya threatened to shoot her or when he drowned to give the entire expedition a second chance.

She reached the control room and looked firmly at the technicians. They all waited for her to give orders despite the fact that they more or less knew what to do.

She smiled sadly at them and said: "Call a meeting in five minutes."

They nodded in agreement. Elizabeth continued: "Hansell, call Dr. Zelenka and his team to the conference room. Tell them I need to discuss a possibility of destroying a Wraith Dart. And one thing, leave out Dr. Kavanagh."

"Yes, Doc," she replied, chuckling to herself at the mention of this particular scientist with an ego bigger than the solar system, and activated her communication console to call everyone at once.

Elizabeth looked to the back doors where a marine was standing on guard. "Martinez," she informed him, "call Sgt. Bates, Capt. Grimfin and his team and other soldiers you think would be an asset on this mission. It's a rescue and attack one. I count on you to choose wisely."

"Of course, ma'am," he said surprised by the amount of confidence she had in him.

Elizabeth put her right hand on her forehead and wobbled slightly. She'd been unwell for a few minutes, maybe since the check-in of the team. She leant on the balcony railing quickly to camouflage her weakness but still, some people caught it. One of them was Peter, who reached the top of the stairs right to see her unsteady form, so he asked her worriedly, "Are you alright, Dr. Weir?"

She laughed morbidly. "Sure as hell, I am. My chief scientist is on his way to all the ends of the earth and all I can do is call people and wait!"

Peter was feeling sorry for her. He knew she'd been through an awfully lot with her aged self from the first timeline and he knew it was Rodney McKay and he himself who had allowed this marvel to come true. So some feelings for Rodney may have attacked Elizabeth even if she didn't want them to.

Elizabeth wanted to sob, to cry in despair, but knew better than to do it in public. "Sorry, Peter," she apologised quietly before continuing, "Someone call John's team off of their vacation. They should know what's going on."

She bit her lower lip, then made up her mind and added: "I want Dr. Beckett as well. He might add his valuable point of view. Tell him he's going on the rescue mission, too. Who knows in what state Dr. McKay might be found."

They all exchanged unsure glances but didn't comment on it. Cullings did not leave many survivors behind…


	6. Relaxation Can Hurt

When we left John's team, they were heading to the mainland. During the flight, they talked about the lake, about the Athosians, about the old Elizabeth and about her story.

John arrived at the lake in twenty-five minutes, give or take, but they spent another good ten minutes choosing a landing site. The reason was simple: the lake was situated in a small valley with cliffs on one side and a deep forest on the other. And more importantly, John clearly remembered his first lesson in leadership, 'Always plan for the worse case scenario', so he behaved according to it.

He parked on a cliff because there was an easy way down with a little tilt so they wouldn't have a problem with getting to it, they wouldn't soak it wet, and the Jumper was partly hidden, so they could pretend to enjoy a nice day without all their bothers from Atlantis.

"So here we are," John said in a singsong voice when he landed. Teyla smiled politely and grabbed her bag. John took his own and opened the rear hatch. Aiden was about to take his when, suddenly, a warm refreshing breeze blew in and played with Teyla's long hair. Aiden laughed at her unsuccessful attempts to smooth it and she sent him a dirty look. This provoked him to laugh even more and she couldn't resist following him.

John rummaged through his numerous pockets and took out a blue band. He gave it to her, saying: "Try this. It should help you with your hair."

She looked at it confused so John smiled and told her: "Turn your back at me."

Teyla did it unsure of what his intention was. John carefully took all her hair in one hand and tied it with the band. "Better?" he asked while touching her neck in expectation of goose bumps he would cause.

She turned back quickly, shivering a bit. "It is. Thanks, John."

"You're welcome," he smiled brightly at her, then urged them outside.

When they stepped out, they gaped with mouth wide open. The landscape was picturesque, the waters were so crystal clear, with small plants which could be related to waterlilies, that they easily saw the bottom with its pebbles, and small animals were playing in shallow water. It was calming, magnificent, wondrous. They had never been this close to the lake and were greatly struck by its beauty.

They descended cautiously and silently to the shore not to scare local fauna. Those waist-high 'antelopes' without horns looked at them but didn't run away. They kept bathing in water until the team got down completely. Then they stopped frolicking and came to them with dark fearful eyes.

"Hey, boys, we aren't going to hurt you," John lifted his hands up.

Aiden smirked. John's behaviour was unique and when he didn't need to pay attention to his facial expressions and remarks, he was fine. One antelope approached Teyla, nuzzled her hand and gave out a high squeak. Teyla jumped up at the sudden noise but the antelope did not disappear into the woods as predicted. It only butted her slightly and looked longingly at her pack. Teyla gave John an oh-really? look and he shrugged.

"Maybe we aren't the first people to discover this paradise," she stated. Then she let out a soft shriek of surprise when the friendly animal butted her again in her bottom.

"You should give him something, or you won't get rid of him, Teyla," John joked jovially even though he liked the gleam of the animals' eyes. As if they knew something people did not…

"It seems to really like you. You can be happy it doesn't have horns. It would be quite painful." Aiden added while patting the head of another antelope.

They were so interested in the animals that they didn't notice a small makeshift shelter built from everything at hand located behind first six rows of trees on their right. It was greenish and fit well with the place so it was quite hard to distinguish.

And there was another thing they didn't know but the antelopes did. Rodney had been here several times with Elizabeth when he managed to pry her off of her paperwork. He had kept trying since the Storm and was half-successful, half-ineffectual. And Peter always masked Elizabeth's absence so why would anyone worry? And the antelopes got used to them bringing fruits or salad so they expected the same from the trio. They'd learned that when someone came and they were at the lake, they got some sweets as a bribe to leave the people alone but stick close enough to warn them with their squeaks. Such an intelligent species!

Teyla took out a few small apple-like fruits and put them on her hand. The nearest antelope approached her outstretched hand, sniffed the fruits, then licked her forearm and took one. Other five gradually came to take their prize and lick her in a thank-you, then they all left in one big herd.

"Wow," Teyla breathed out, "that was…"

She searched for the right word how to express her feelings but found out she lacked it. Even waving her arms didn't help. John and Aiden smiled at her and started in unison: "Teyla,..."

They looked startled at one another and Aiden motioned to John to finish his sentence first. "Teyla, you don't have to name it. Sometimes, words don't reflect the reality well enough. We can imagine how unique it must have been."

Teyla tilted her head in the way only she did and said: "You're a wise man, John." She flashed him a big smile after which Aiden became green with envy. But then he realised he wouldn't put it this way and maybe confuse her. He decided this was a far better option.

After this unusual encounter, they found a sunny place on the shore and set their towels on the sandy surface. John and Aiden started to strip without paying much attention to Teyla because they had already put their trunks on before they had set off. Teyla looked around uncomfortably and realised her only cover would be trees. So she took her bag and disappeared behind the nearest one. She opened her bag and pulled out men's khaki trunks and a green cotton bra. She watched the clothes intently trying to figure a way out. She stopped this thought because there was only her team there and John must have been organising this for some time. He couldn't just inform Elizabeth that they were leaving for a day. When she asked John why Rodney hadn't come as well, he replied Rodney had better things to do than to hang up with them. She hadn't understood him.

Then she heard calling: "Teyla? Teyla, where are you?"

She sighed and called back: "You didn't think I would change next to you, guys, did you?"

"Oh, sorry!" Aiden called. "We're waiting for you."

Teyla sighed, undressed and put on the said swimming costume. She tied the trunks, then packed her normal clothes and returned to John and Aiden.

They were once again taken aback by her appearance and began to drool over her. She walked past them nonchalantly, but aware of their looks which were, figuratively, undressing her, and tossed her bag near her towel. Then she walked to the lake, tried the water temperature and swam away from the shore.

She realised the clothes only got wet and didn't influence her movements at all. She felt as if she didn't wear anything and smiled to herself happily.

"Wow," Aiden murmured on the beach.

"Yeah," John answered. Then he blinked a few times and noticed Aiden's sort of lovesick expression. It occurred to him that he may have the same one on his face and shook his head to get rid of it.

"Why are you two still on the shore? Didn't you plan on going swimming?" They heard Teyla well enough and rushed to meet her at a third of the lake.

They were swimming slowly for a moment but in a while, they were playing like small children and swimming freely. None of them dared to swim across the middle of the lake for their safety but they still had a lot of fun not too far from the beach.

Teyla felt like the little girl who had just learnt how to swim with her father. She saddened due to the memory because it was a few weeks later when the Wraith had struck and culled him.

Aiden was younger than John and Teyla so he clearly remembered his youth and all the silly tricks with which he had teased his friends on Earth. He tried to determine which ones would be suitable here and found quite a lot.

And John finally felt relaxed. Finally, he let go of all his tension and his mind cleared. Finally, he wasn't worried about further missions, about the Wraith, about the life of stranded in a different galaxy without a way home. He finally enjoyed being with his team and for a very small while he even missed Rodney. He'd grown fond of teasing him because the astrophysicist took everything too personally.

John realised he had stayed behind when thinking and rushed to others. It took him a few moments to catch up with them swimming again in a slow, lazy motion. He managed to splash Teyla accidentally and she quickly returned him the favour but hit Aiden as well. And so a water fight began.

It was… Lots of splashing. Waves running all around the lake. Laughter. Wipes of eyes. Wet hair. Diving in a prevention of coming water. Splashing with closed eyes. Coughing out water. Touching. Looking around for game enemies. Mock-drowning others. Happiness? Freedom? Finally fun? Were they even adults?

Nevertheless, the one who called a halt to it was John because his shoulder started to burn and hurt unmercifully. "I think I have enough. You two have more fun." He said and slowly proceeded to return to the shallower water hissing silently every time he used his left arm.

Teyla looked at his stiffly moving form and noticed his tensed muscles. She knew immediately what had happened. "He must have moved his arm wrongly," she told Aiden.

They were treading water while he answered: "Or it was too much for his recently cured shoulder to bear. I only hope he will be able to pilot us home because neither of us has the gene."

"We're still within radio range so we can call Carson."

"Hopefully not, Teyla."

With that, they swam to John who had already walked through water instead of swimming. He got ashore and tried to secretly massage his shoulder, sitting on his towel. When he spotted the pair swimming to him, he stopped.

Teyla rushed to him and knelt on his left side ready to probe his shoulder. Aiden followed her only seconds later and sat on John's other side to support him.

"You didn't have to follow me. I'm fine," John said but winced in pain when Teyla touched his tender joint. He didn't say anything more, only his face contorted for a second before he managed to fulfil his second lesson in leadership, 'Never let them see you sweat'.

Teyla shook her head unhappily and started her own style of massage to help him move normally again.

"You're such a fool," she told him. "You shouldn't have moved so fast and done such nonsenses. You'll hurt yourself again and we're going to be grounded for another couple of days."

John couldn't help but admire her choice of vocabulary and intonation. He was sure she wasn't very angry with him because it wasn't only his fault; and, in fact, he was right. She partially blamed herself for starting the fight, but they all knew they had needed it. They had needed to switch off completely, to be ordinary people they would never be again.

"Sir, John, you shouldn't have exhausted your shoulder so much so soon. Dr. Beckett had asked me to keep an eye on you and I failed." Aiden looked ashamed that he didn't manage what he had promised.

"It's my fault as well, John. I should have been more mindful of your state of health."

Teyla kept massaging John's shoulder and he realised it didn't hurt so much anymore. It was still tender but the heat was almost completely gone. He sighed in relief and answered: "I am the only guilty one. Carson told me to take everything easy until he allowed me to return to standard duty. And I disobeyed his direct orders on the first time out of Atlantis. That's just me."

He smiled and turned slightly so that Teyla got a better view of his arm and was able to do her magic longer and more thoroughly.

He sucked in a breath when Teyla touched a painful spot but her quick soft touch overcame the pain and unknotted his muscles and ligaments.

Aiden watched them worriedly. "Should I fetch the medical kit?" he asked.

John shook his head and tried to smile. "Nah, it'll be fine without pills. But thanks for the concern."

Teyla stopped her massage and said: "John, lie down on your belly. It should loosen you."

John hesitated but the feeling of her touch was more tempting than sitting and watching her and Aiden swimming. So he lay down as ordered, and enjoyed her attention.

"I'm sorry I ruined your free time by my irresponsibility," he stated suddenly, genuinely unhappy.

Teyla bit her lower lip, gently went on rubbing his shoulder and didn't answer him. Aiden touched his other shoulder. "Don't worry about it, sir," he said encouragingly. "You're the most important part of our team. The one who put us together in the first place. What a team would we be if we could do without you and not support you?"

John smiled and realised that the piece of writing, which he had given to Elizabeth after a foolish prank war with Rodney, was more than 100% true. He had chosen his team of unusual people well enough to rely on them all the time no matter what happened. A small silent itchy voice reminded him that Rodney had left them but he stamped it into the dark part of his mind where he had been putting things he wanted to forget.


	7. Applied Physics

Forest of M1X-808. Rodney kept running. Although it should have been easier for him without his pack, he didn't see any difference due to his exhaustion, quick shallow breaths, which hardly provided his body with enough oxygen, and hammering heart. However, suddenly, he noticed the forest was getting brighter and his feet didn't bounce off moss anymore. He swallowed a sigh of relief because he hadn't won, yet, and, moreover, he didn't hear shots from P-90s of Jorgenson's team. He knew it was a bad sign but he still hoped they were hiding not to reveal their position or preserving the rest of their ammo to get out through the Stargate with him.

He sprinted even faster to join them but he stopped abruptly at the edge of the Gate clearing when he didn't see them there. He leant over a soft lichen-covered tree, which felt like a Persian rug under his fingertips. He breathed out, trying to calm himself down, and contemplated what to do with the rest of his things. He felt so vulnerable when he found out he had lost his gun, his ear-piece and even his GDO, so he wouldn't be able to send the code through.

He listened to the scratching buzz of the Dart and realised it wasn't flying overhead without a pattern. It seemed to be choosing the path specifically as if it was hunting something. Or somebody. His partly calmed heartbeats and breaths went wild again.

Rodney was trembling when he looked up at the sky and thought that it could not know his current position or he would have already been taken.

He moved his look back to the Stargate hoping to catch a glimpse of somebody from Jorgenson's team. He didn't want to walk in the area until he made sure they knew about him so that they didn't shoot him like a Wraith. Unfortunately, it looked as though nobody was there. Poor Rodney still thought they were only hiding very well not to be detected. But still, it was too calm. He scanned the area thoroughly but didn't see a shadow that would hint him where they were concealed.

"Where the hell are you?" he whispered.

The Stargate was on the further side of the clearing and the Dart's circles were getting smaller and smaller and closer and closer to him.

He wondered where the Dart had come from. Jorgenson's team must have been by the Gate when it appeared and if it had been engaged, there might have been an entire Hive in the orbit. But then he asked himself what a Hive would do above an uninhabited planet. There was no obvious reason unless…

"Oh, this sucks. They are after us again," he muttered to himself. "But it can…it can only be a coincidence. It could have come…from another planet."

He breathed out heavily, shakily before looking around again hoping to see his current team. Then he silently added: "Why aren't you trying to take the ship down? You should expect me to arrive and help me get to you so that we can all leave."

Then a thought crossed his mind. They could have tried to call him and when he didn't answer, they might have assumed he was aboard the Dart. Then a worse one occurred to him. What if they had been taken themselves while waiting for him, exposed near the Gate, or when trying to save him?

He moved around the treeline to the middle of the clearing. He watched the ground looking for footprints. He saw a pair of them heading in the direction of the ruins, then nothing more.

He didn't know that these were Carlos' because he had left the radius of the opening wormhole and had backed to the Gate, stepping in his own footprints to hide the trail.

"Oh my God!" Rodney exclaimed silently. "And it's only my fault."

A surge of pain reached him. Four fine people sacrificed their lives for him! He didn't notice he left the security of trees because his vision blurred with sorrow. "No," he whispered miserably, "no, I won't leave it this way."

The Dart was just a small distance away and came flying right on him when it spotted him. Just then Rodney realised he was in a clear area. "Oh crap!"

He rushed to the DHD but realised he couldn't lead the Wraith to another planet and Atlantis was out of options. "You fool!" he chided himself and set off past the Gate and back into the forest. The Dart turned dramatically and followed closely behind.

Rodney ran, unarmed and upset about Jorgenson's team because it seemed like a logical course of actions and he took their capture as a fact. He wasn't slipping on mud, he wasn't about to lose his balance every now and then due to the wet ground; he was glad this area was drier and he wasn't sinking in it.

Despite this positive fact, it was getting harder and harder for him to draw some air into his squeezed, hurting lungs as he pressed himself for higher speed. His body wasn't designed for more than twenty minutes of non-stop running on an uneven surface. He could easily sit twenty hours on a chair in his lab trying to figure out a solution to a partly or fully mathematical problem without many consequences, but here, in the field, he needed more than his brain and hands.

'If only I had been faster, they wouldn't have been captured,' he regretted his actions mentally.

His eyes let a few tears out for Allan's team. Mainly for Sarah whom he offended several times without an apology. He thought about how he had let them down, how he had committed them to a terrible death due to his faulty body and head. He accused himself of their fate because if not for him, they would have gone to Atlantis to be safe.

"I killed them," he admitted aloud, brokenly, breathlessly.

He decided he couldn't allow the Wraith to cull him as well because he was the only chance Allan's team had that Atlantis would learn about their fate and organise a rescue mission. He'd be able to detect the Wraith Hive ship sitting on the orbit and he'd save them. He'd save them before anything bad would happen to them. Not like with Brendan. They depended on him!

The forest was too bright for his liking but still provided him with some cover. To his bad luck, the Dart was on his tail all the time, easily maintaining speed. He didn't allow himself to look behind if the drones were also after him, not to lose what little lead he was keeping. He listened to the whizzing but didn't hear any shots from their tasers although they must have known exactly where he was.

A small tight voice kept nudging him to turn to learn how far from the Wraith he was. Unfortunately, he obeyed and turned round. He saw the Dart was very close, flying faster than he could run, but no ground troops were in his vicinity. Why was he unlucky? Just when he turned, the ground gave way under his left foot and he rolled down the hill with shocked screams. He got clammy from the damp soil but he couldn't complain when his body stopped very few centimetres from the edge ending high in the air.

The wind was whipping him at this open platform while he was trying to get up. He was kneeling when he quickly looked down and realised he was on a cliff about 15 metres high.

He backed from the edge, gasping for breath, not to fall. On his knees, he knew he was exposed to the will of the Wraith if he stayed; the menace was hovering over him like the sword of Damocles.

He spotted the Dart behind over the hill and looked back down at the abyss. He was trapped. He had nowhere to go. Either way, he could die, and both could be quick or painfully slow. He slapped his cheek once to get some sense into himself because he needed to get back to Atlantis to save Jorgenson, Vegaz, Vysockij and mainly Sarah.

He inhaled and exhaled deeply a few times and started to count mentally: 'Average velocity equals track divided by time. Evenly accelerated movement with the beginning speed at zero is acceleration times time. Free fall is gravitational acceleration times time. I need time.'

All this lasted mere seconds. He looked around frantically and found a stone. He let it fall from the cliff and counted. One, splash.

"One and a half second."

He looked backwards. The Dart seemed to notice he had moved to the edge. He quickly continued his speech aloud: "God, but I don't have the gravitational acceleration for the free fall! I should have found out when I was at Atlantis. Wait! What about energies? My potential energy now almost equals my kinetic energy down there, so…so gravitational acceleration times height equals half velocity square. Damn gravitational acceleration!"

He snapped his fingers and went on rambling to himself. "Free fall's height is half acceleration times time square. So it's 15 divided by 1,5 square. It's 6,66 periodical. So the velocity is 6,66 times 15 times 2, under the square root. So 6,66 times 30 is…eh…is 180…200 under square root…13 square is 169, 14 square is 196. So about 14 metres per second. So it's about…it's about…about…51 kph."

He groaned in frustration and shouted out: "This will definitely kill me! It can't be deep enough! And I would be of no use dead."

He looked back at the Dart flying right on him. He sighed, stood up and set off by the edge in hope of finding a forest or a cave. As if he wasn't unlucky enough, his right foot slipped on pebbles and disappeared down the edge. Rodney tried to catch roots or something else to prevent the fall but was unsuccessful. So he only held his breath and closed his eyes while awaiting the impending collision. And he prayed to whatever deity may have been above him to keep him alive to see Atlantis one more time and to rescue Allan's team.


	8. Trying To Disarm The Enemy

AN: With the cliffhanger from the last time, I had to go on with the story myself as soon as possible. But don't worry - Rodney can't die or he wouldn't have appeared in the 16th episode of the first season. ;-)

Thanks for the reviews, jdskeletion!

Back to the story now:

* * *

Atlantis. Conference room. During Rodney's sufferings and his fall, Elizabeth was sitting in the conference room, face firm and sober, revealing no emotions. She knew she didn't have time for them when Rodney's life depended on her. She was sure he was still alive; he had survived many other lethal situations. But he had never been alone. Every time there was somebody to encourage him, to support him. She sighed miserably and thought about her old self and her first-timeline Rodney's sacrifice. She hoped the story hadn't influenced Rodney too much to prevent him from getting out of all possible problems.

She was alone but she didn't allow her mind to wander, to lose her nerve. She needed a plan. A really good one to save HER Rodney.

Then the door opened and Radek's team of six scientists including himself came in with data pads and computers.

"Dr. Weir," Radek greeted her.

"Dr. Zelenka," she said way too formally.

Radek could sense that something was odd but he didn't have a clue what it could be. He was summoned due to a Dart but had no other information.

Suddenly the door opened again and a female Gate technician, Betty Hansell, came in. "Dr. Weir, we can't contact Major Sheppard's team. Shall we send another Jumper for them?"

Elizabeth closed her eyes and took a deep breath. "It would take too long… Keep trying to raise them, Betty," she told her, "sooner or later they'll answer as they are within radio range. But send someone with a Jumper. We can save up to thirty minutes but lose much more as well."

Betty nodded sadly and left without another word. Scientists exchanged surprised looks because they didn't understand why John's team would need to be present so soon. They all knew Rodney had gone off-world and others could be told later on.

Radek followed Betty's leaving back with his eyes till the door closed again, then he looked at Elizabeth. "What's going on?"

She didn't know how to inform him. Nonetheless, Rodney was the Chief Scientist and Radek was directly below him so he deserved to know the truth. "We have…an issue," she started. "A technically developed Dart has attacked one of our teams. We need to find a means of fighting it. Asap."

Radek got a sneaky suspicion that that was not everything. Elizabeth stopped when the door opened for the third time to reveal armed soldiers, Sgt. Bates, Lt. Martinez, Capt. Grimfin, his team and a couple more men whose surnames she wasn't sure of. After a while she noticed Sgt. Stackhouse and Sgt. Markham. Some soldiers were more heavily armed than others; she was sure she spotted one carrying a rocket and another holding a grenade launcher.

"Dr. Weir," Martinez said, "we're ready for orders."

"Good," she smiled sadly, "but I need to hear some tactical points before I send you through. Despite the seriousness of his possible loss, we can't afford to lose other fine men."

Her voice trembled only slightly when saying 'loss', otherwise emitted an aura of balance and calmness. Quite an opposite to her real mental state. Only Radek caught the change in her tone because he'd already seen her upset.

"Whose loss?" Radek enquired cautiously.

"Dr. McKay," Martinez answered spontaneously before Elizabeth could react.

"What?" Radek and Dr. Simpson asked incredulously before all other people started to talk at once.

"Dr. McKay was left in ruins on the planet attacked by the enhanced Dart," Elizabeth managed to say over the noise. Right after it, everybody went deathly quiet. "I need your scientists, Radek, to find a way how to disable the Dart while soldiers here go retrieve Rodney. He was instructed to stay in the underground ruins…"

Markham furrowed his brow doubtfully. "Do you seriously believe he obeyed the order?" he asked. "He never does until it's Major Sheppard's," he added silently.

"According to what I've been told by Captain Jorgenson, he promised to stay put. I can't say by myself if he did or did not obey. Nevertheless, I hope he did, because he'd be helpless alone against the Dart. And that brings us to the main problem."

As if it was a direct order, all scientists sat down by the table, opened their computers and brought up different diagrams of what they had learnt about Darts. Soldiers put their weapons down and enveloped the scientists to have a better view of what would be discussed.

"I've been told that the Dart can't be damaged by P-90s but doesn't dodge the shots. Jorgenson's team is sure they managed to hit it every time but it had no effect on its hull or engines."

Dr. Simpson chewed on her lower lip and demanded: "Was it like the defence shield Prometheus had?"

Elizabeth shook her head. "I don't know. They haven't…"

The door opened again. Carson and Allan's team stood behind it. "Sorry, we're late. But I had to finish the check-ups." Carson was clearly unhappy about something and people could easily say what the something was – Rodney McKay.

"Don't worry, Carson. We've just started." Elizabeth flashed him a strained smile.

Allan looked around the table and took into account all people sitting or standing around it. So many people had additional work because he had left Dr. McKay off-world! It made him regret his actions once again.

"You're just the people we need now," Dr. Simpson stated. "We need you to describe every detail of your encounter with the Dart no matter how insignificant it seems to you."

"Only bare facts, Captain," Elizabeth added.

Allan looked at Elizabeth, then at his team. Carlos smiled tightly. "It's up to you, sir."

Allan nodded and tried to remember the most he could from the mission as if this was a debriefing, and to include a reasonable argument why Rodney had been instructed to stay where he had been. He stood with legs astride, held his hands behind his back and spoke up: "We heard the Dart about five minutes after we had left the Stargate, just when Dr. McKay told us he had found a room with an Ancient pillar. He demanded what it was and I ordered him to stay deep in the underground because we were far from him and didn't know if there was only one Dart or more or even ground troops."

This sentence received positive murmurs from all military personnel in the room. Security was in the first place for them all. And depth meant out of reach for sensors and culling beams.

"We wanted to get to him so that we could all leave together," Allan went on partly changing the truth, "but when we got to a clearing and tried to disable the Dart, we found out we couldn't. So I informed Dr. McKay and he unwillingly agreed to stay in the chamber until I contacted him again. Then I decided to leave for Atlantis to get a back-up to get to him and fight the Dart, which kept following us to the Stargate in large circles. We tried to shoot it down from the Gate clearing. Nevertheless, we were unsuccessful. I'm positive we did shoot precisely and a normal usual Dart would have crashed but not that one. Bullets didn't seem to ricochet from its body and there was no hint of forming a shield around it. It may be too daring to claim it looked as if it was consuming them because we didn't even hear the impact or see sparks. Nonetheless, it might still be roaming around the planet so we should go there as soon as possible to find Dr. McKay in one piece."

Soldiers looked up and knew he was right. The sooner they left, the sooner they could save Rodney. Although they didn't like the egoistic, ranting and whining scientist much, he knew more about the Ancient technology than anyone else in two galaxies and could cause a disaster in Wraith hands if they were to find out.

Elizabeth nodded at Allan, then turned to Zelenka: "What do you think, Radek? What can it be?"

"I have no idea," he admitted ashamedly. "We have never heard of this possibility. The Dart may have somehow been teleporting the bullets or it could have been shifted in phase. That could cause the symptoms." He pushed his glasses up his nose. "But it would require enormous power, which I doubt a Dart can hold without changing its aerodynamics, and knowledge of Asgard or Ancient technology which the Wraith don't possess and which would never be compatible with their own technology without major adjustments."

Elizabeth sighed and covered her eyes. "Does anybody have a different option? Something more probable than stealing technology?"

She looked around hopefully but all scientists avoided her gaze. A female, Dr. Jenna Sanders, decided to look at her and said timidly: "It may not have been real."

Others looked straight at her not wanting to believe her words.

"I mean, SG-1 has already encountered hallucinogens which made them see and hear things."

"Jenna, hallucinogens wouldn't cause a collective and mainly a similar audio-visual hallucination in one place. It's not in their nature because every brain works differently," Carson pointed out. "And moreover, Rodney wouldn't hear the Dart as well unless it was really there."

"Jenna, try to be realistic. The Wraith have advanced and we need to get around their progress." Radek was very persuasive.

What a pity none of the people in the room knew how close to the truth Jenna was! She nodded because her idea sounded too far-fetched even to her.

Another scientist spoke up: "What if the Dart can avoid only bullets from P-90s? If we try something heavier, it could be taken down."

People looked at one another. This was a fair option. Bigger blasts had always caused bigger damage.

"So what will we do?" Elizabeth asked when nobody else seemed to speak aloud.

All eyes focused on her but no-one peeped up. She exhaled decisively and looked at Allan's team. "Rodney's waiting for your call, isn't he? So you need to go as well." Then she took into account everybody else: "We can't be sure with the heavier guns so we'll let our scientists find a fighting strategy as if it didn't work. Next, we have to take care of the second important thing, the life of Dr. McKay."

Soldiers looked at her. "Sergeant Bates, you're the head of security. Do you think we could outwit the Dart?"

Bates scratched his head. "We could make a trap. Two teams. One would go with Capt. Jorgenson to the ruins, the second would lure the Dart to the other side."

"Considering it is still there, right?" was heard in a faint voice. Everybody looked around to find out who said it but the one wasn't brave enough to allow them to recognise him or her.

Maria looked around a bit differently for she had voiced the thought but didn't want to degrade herself by admitting it. She landed her eyes on Elizabeth and asked: "Shouldn't we be going? Dr. McKay may need us badly right now."

Elizabeth pressed her lips together and said: "It's your call, Sgt. Bates. Until Major Sheppard returns, you're in charge of the operation."

He nodded firmly. Then the door opened and a red-faced Betty rushed in. "Dr. Weir, we managed to get hold of Sheppard's team. They're on their way here. Less than twenty minutes out."

"Oh, thank God," Elizabeth breathed out. "Tell them to hurry."

"Already done, Doc." Betty looked around at the gathered people and left for the control room again. She was red because she had contacted John's team long before she told Elizabeth and had Peter not reminded her, she wouldn't have at all.

"Right," Elizabeth went on inside the room, "prepare everything you need, Sergeant. And acquaint Major Sheppard with your plan."

"Yes, ma'am," Bates answered and hinted soldiers to follow him outside. They all did and so Elizabeth remained alone with scientists, who moved into one bunch and started debating about the Dart. After a while, she got up and left the room to control Bates a little bit. Somehow she knew it'd take too long because he didn't act on impulse like John, which wasn't always for good.


	9. Enjoying The Lake And A River

**Enjoying The Lake...And A River**

Lantea's lake. John dove, surfaced and dove again. He was slowly swimming in circles beneath the lake surface while admiring what he saw below, on the bed. From time to time he squinted above to see where Teyla and Aiden were. She looked so graceful in those borrowed trunks that John regretted being so Earth-like as he could have admired much more…

He was so glad that Teyla's hands cured his shoulder and once again he could move without pain. He remembered Carson advising him to use an ointment, which somehow appeared in their first aid kit, but it would get washed out too soon so it was useless to apply it.

This slow motion reminded him of flying, the feeling of total control in the air, and he painfully remembered his baby.

He'd spent some of the best years of his life with her, learning what she loved, what she hated and everything in between. He knew he would never forget the last night he spent with her. It was heaven for him. A heaven underpinned by the knowledge that he may never be with her again. And that had hurt him more than he would ever admit to any conscious being.

He loved her lines, her colour. He clearly understood that to others she might not have been much to look at but, to him, she was gorgeous. He'd never forget the feel of her under his hands, or the incredible heights she brought him to. And swimming under water surface only powered up those memories and showed them in different lights. Oh, he missed his helicopter Apache so much!

He realised he was holding his breath for too long and so he returned to the sun-lit surface. He broke the surface in a moment and took a lungful of air. He sprayed a big circle with water while shaking his head.

Suddenly, a white cloud covered the sun and shadows enveloped all their surroundings. Then it was gone and sunshine went on beating down.

Had John not been superstitious, he would have continued having fun. But he was and he considered that a bad sign. He swam near to the others and Teyla smiled at him politely.

"I was afraid, John, that you had drowned when it took you so long to resurface," she commented, her lips twitching in a soft grin. "If so, we wouldn't have anybody to take us back to Atlantis."

"Funny," John said, returning the smile. Then he grew more serious. "Speaking of getting back, I think we should be packing or at least checking in with Atlantis. We've been here all morning."

Neither Teyla nor Aiden were happy about the idea. "Already, John?" Aiden couldn't help but ask. "I thought we were going to spend the entire day here."

"It's been really nice, not considering the thing with your shoulder," Teyla added.

"I just got this hunch…" John tried to explain but was feeling a bit silly. "I think we should better check on things there. If everything's all right, we can be here till nightfall."

"This sounds reasonable," Teyla agreed. "And we might dry in the sunshine and catch a bit of sun as well."

John was happy she understood him. He just needed to make sure everything was okay. And then they could enjoy the rest of the day.

"As if you needed to be even browner," Aiden joked loudly.

"Oh, you!" Teyla splashed him with a wave.

John swam between them and stopped whatever it could have evolved into. "What are you, eight? You can't wait for a while?"

"Kill-joy," Aiden breathed out silently.

"I heard it, Ford," John said.

"Ops." Aiden looked at him embarrassed. "We'd better head to the bank then."

"Yeah." John turned to the bank followed by others and they all swam to the shore.

They all realised how unusually, unnaturally, calm it was without Rodney. They could clearly hear him complain about getting off the warm water just to call Atlantis when nothing bad could happen because they weren't off-world. And John was certain Rodney would have come up with dozens possible things to do at this lake and among them would be talking, nattering, babbling and such. But in a while, this serene place would calm him down, stop his incessant rambling and he would truly understand how much he had already penetrated into their hearts.

John couldn't understand why Rodney kept his distance from them all. He knew about Rodney's occasional morning teas with Teyla when they discussed Earth and the Athosians. But Rodney would never admit it in front of other people. Teyla had confided to him once how fiercely Rodney tried to revive Aiden after they had got to Atlantis after the mission with the iratus bug. John involuntarily shivered due to the memory of it sucking his blood, his life. Another fine Teyla's memory was Rodney apologising for going through her belongings when the Athosians were suspected of revealing their team to the Wraith. And still, when John tried to ask him about it, Rodney shut up like a clam.

John knew Rodney was a genius. Hell, he even believed him when he said that he couldn't activate the shield during the Storm. Kolya could have shot him, not only hit him. John remembered how long he had had a black eye. And how long it had taken to cure his cut arm which he had got infected by his childish attempt to hide the extent of the injury.

And then Aiden hurt him incredibly when he accused him of helping Dr. Gall. As if Rodney hadn't been upset enough that he saw first Abrams, then Brendan die! Rodney even blamed himself for Brendan's death because he had turned his back at him and gave him the chance. He was so shattered when they were flying home, but he managed to bandage John and fly in a straight line. As if the Jumper could sense his emotional chaos and flew for him itself. And the following trial didn't help at all. Elizabeth was forced to put Rodney under house arrest although she didn't want to. And hadn't Aiden stepped out for him, he would have surely been condemned.

John sighed. Rodney may have felt let down when he had saved Aiden but didn't get his support when he needed it the most. John promised to himself that next time they got a while for R&R, they would go somewhere together, as a team, before Rodney would manage to lend his skills to another team. John realised they wouldn't have come here in the first place if Rodney hadn't committed himself because it was quite meant to be a punishment for him. He had hoped it would serve him right and next time he would go as well, not to do things that could be easily done by someone else and to bother his own team who had already grown accustomed to his bedside manner.

John didn't realise how fast they were swimming until they reached shallow water and waded out. He turned at the others. "Aiden, stay with our things. Teyla and I will go call Atlantis."

"Won't our communicators be enough?" Teyla asked surprised.

"I don't think so. We're very far from Atlantis so the Jumper is the most certain way of contacting anybody." John looked rather persuasive.

Aiden and Teyla nodded in agreement. Aiden didn't complain. It was safer to keep someone down here should the antelopes return.

John took Teyla up the cliff and to the Jumper. As soon as they entered it, they heard a female voice from the communication system: "Major Sheppard? Lieutenant Ford? Teyla? Can you hear me? Major Sheppard? Teyla? Lieutenant Ford? Are you there?"

John frowned and hit the response button. "This is Sheppard. What's going on?"

"Oh, thank God! I've been trying to contact you for so long! We have a problem."

Teyla looked at John surprised and asked: "What problem?"

"Captain Jorgenson's team has been attacked by the Wraith. Dr. McKay…"

John's eyes grew wide. No, he thought, no, Rodney mustn't be dead! He can't be! John had to find out. He took a deep breath and asked: "What happened to Dr. McKay?"

"Dr. McKay has been left in underground ruins of the attacked planet to ensure his safety."

John exhaled happily but then he realised Rodney was still in danger. And he didn't know how long meant so long.

"We're planning a rescue mission," the technician went on, "and we need you to come here as soon as possible. I repeat, asap!"

"We're on our way," John breathed out and ended the call. He took the radio they had left in the Jumper and called Aiden. "Ford, pack all our things down there. And hurry. We're returning to Atlantis. Elizabeth's orders."

"Roger that," Aiden replied and started to push everything in their bags no matter whose the thing was. They could easily sort them out later on.

– – – – – – – – – –

Rodney slammed into the surface back first. He opened his mouth in a cry of pain but it filled with water due to his fast descend into a river. Rodney quickly closed his mouth and tried to surface to spit it out and take in some air. His back hurt terribly from the fall but he ignored it.

He was spun, flipped head over butt. He spat the water from his mouth, breathed in a bit of air mixed with water and was once again covered in water foam, coughing. He desperately tried to keep his head above water surface but every time it seemed as if he could stay there long enough to catch more than a shallow breath, the current tugged him under again and spun him around once more.

His ears, his nose, his eyes were full of river water. His hearing was muffled, his eyes were burning and he could hardly see anything. And one health problem, which he had had since his birth, made it even worse.

Despite those, he fought the current but was slammed against rocks as the river bed wasn't so deep there. He was sucked in by numerous vortexes, held under water surface for long periods of time, pushed between big stones, turned round and round.

It was an endless cycle – being pulled downwards, kicking to get up, breaking the surface, taking one quick breath, being tugged again. Like a merry-go-round. But Rodney was happy he didn't fall somewhere here but a few metres away where it was deep enough for him to survive.

From time to time he caught flashes of his surroundings on banks. A tree, a cliff, water, more trees, some animals, water, stones, trees, shore out of his reach.

Rodney was rolled every time the river got slightly deeper. He tried holding on bigger stones but only got his hands scratched. A few metres he spent on his back legs first, then on his stomach, then head first. For a few metres he was drawn deep below the surface, for a while it was easier to maintain his position.

After first few hits, he stopped counting how many bruises he had received by being flung on obstacles in the way.

He strained for a support, he battled the water to get to the air. He was whirled, toppled over uneven riverbed by swirling current but he did everything in his power to stay alive and mainly not to get hit in his head and lose consciousness. That would be his end.

He had always thought he was a good swimmer. Had his thinking been clearer, he would scold himself for having been so clumsy. He sadly remembered calm waters of his and Elizabeth's lake. He remembered their games, their time off work when she allowed herself to relax and be the woman whom he had learnt to see within her despite her usually worn façade, whom he admired, whom he respected deeply.

The river went on and on quickly in spite of his wishes to get to a calmer part. He ached all over but the cold water made him numb. He remembered Carson talking about dangers of a shock and hypothermia but he couldn't recall more than those two terms. He was given at mercy to the river.

Suddenly, he noticed the current was getting faster and he could hear a noise. His ears full of water didn't help him to distinguish from where it was coming and so he saw the waterfall only as he went over it. It was terribly high, good twenty metres of falling water. Rodney had never worshipped any god but he supposed he should have when he toppled over the edge and water took him unmercifully downward.

He was sure he'd met his end. His muscles were trembling, he was quite disoriented. As the water drove him down, he didn't fight it as he was too exhausted from the previous attempts and, moreover, he hoped that the physics he had learnt was right. He hoped like hell that if he let the current push him downward in the centre of falling water, he would escape the whirlpool and would be thrown into calmer water relatively uninjured. His lungs screamed at him to inhale but he resisted and held his breath. He waited and suddenly it happened.

His lungs felt as if they should burst when the murderous current let him loose. His vision was full of small bright stars when he started to kick in a pathetic motion to get upward, to the sun, to the air. He looked so pitiful with almost all his strength gone, drained. Nevertheless, it was enough and he surfaced with a gasp.

He wanted to draw in a deep breath but found himself incapable of doing so due to his wet cough. He did get to a calmer part of the river but the current started to tug at him again. Rodney coughed out lots of water which he had consumed during his fight but knew better and slowly headed to the shore, paddling, splashing, coughing, kicking, slipping back again. He looked so broken but determined to get out of there. His progress was very slow but finally…finally his legs touched pebbles and sand of the riverbed. He was so thankful when he felt it beneath him that his legs gave way under him and he moved forward only by crawling.

He was feeling as weak as a newborn. He crawled forward, coughing out water, gasping for air, which only made him cough much worse, shivering in cold. In the end, he lugged himself clear and plonked himself down on the bank right next to the river.

But it only made his already waterful breathing worse. So he crouched on his hands and knees and forced himself to cough out all liquid in his respiratory system. He retched, pressed his lungs as if he should cough them out of his chest. He didn't even imagine he could throw up this many buckets of river water but he did. His lungs were feeling so ripped he wondered if he would ever be able to breathe again. He begged his body, which felt like a carcase, for one breath, for one good breath.

Finally, his frantic coughs slowed and he moved from the river crawling almost flat on his stomach. His muscles were mushy, stiff and twitching, his heartbeat and pulse were as frantic as his former cough. His head was throbbing but he didn't know if it was due to a hit or lack of oxygen.

When he got about five metres away from the edge of the bank, he levelled his head and the world spun around him in a blur. He lowered it quickly and squeezed his eyes shut to stop feeling queasy, nauseous.

After a while, he slowly opened his eyes and finally took into consideration that he had survived everything. The fall, the rush in the current, even the waterfall! He faintly remembered one saying: What doesn't kill you, makes you stronger. He smiled with his numb lips and was glad he escaped the Wraith.

He rolled on his back and looked skyward if there was any sign of the Dart. He was afraid his 'bad-luck magnet' would call it and he would be scooped up half-drowned after surviving such a crazy trip down the river. But there was no hint it was near him at all. However, he couldn't be sure as his ear canals filled with water left him almost deaf. At least he wasn't still partly blind. But the Wraith could be atop of him without him noticing and reacting.

He rolled back shivering, either in cold, in exhaustion, due to something else or because of all three factors together; he wasn't sure. Then he forced himself to kneel and stayed like that for a while swallowing bile rising through his throat. There definitely was something terribly wrong with his body.

He hadn't been this bad in years. The last time was at university when he had gone non-stop for four days on strong coffee without much eating. He ended up in a hospital after he had fainted on a lecture and his professor hadn't been able to wake him up. He was advised to keep a healthy diet and eat regularly not to repeat that fiasco.

Now he couldn't remember what he had been diagnosed with but he had followed the advice ever since. And he had burnt the doctor's report before applying for his first job so he had no proof. Still, he knew he suffered from a specific health problem due to his mother's inappropriate behaviour during her pregnancy and kept annoying others with it although he had never given it the right name. No-one knew. It was his secret. A secret that could cost him his life if he didn't get back soon.

Rodney gritted his teeth, closed his eyes and shoved himself up to a standing position but he wobbled significantly. He took one reluctant unsteady step forward, stumbled because of his bad foot and fell to his knees. He bit his lower lip in pain and forced himself to stand up again because, firstly, he was well aware that he was way too exposed in this open area and, secondly, he needed to find a shelter to cover, to get out of sight, and to think up a possibility of returning to the Gate.

He tottered away from the open bank, barely able to stand. His right foot was stabbed with tiny needles and hurt every time he put weight on it. He realised it must have been injured during his adventure but he knew it had to wait at least until he passed the meadow and reached the forest nearby.

His movement was hardly coordinated enough to prevent him from another fall, his tremors were more pronounced than ever before. He wrapped his arms around his torso in a faint attempt to still his shiver and mainly to keep himself together, somehow. He said to himself that it could have been much worse, that he could have been fed upon.

And so he slowly moved, partly dragging his right foot behind.

That was when it happened. His hurt foot got caught in something and he tripped. Because he lacked all the necessary coordination, his arms didn't throw out in front of him to moderate the fall and he slammed into grass nose first. He cried out in pain. Oh, it hurt so much!

He rolled on his back gasping in suppressed pain. "This can't be true," he complained tearfully but silently not to get an involuntary attention. "Why is this happening to me? Is it a punishment of sorts for not being loyal?"

He swallowed a sigh and probed his face. His nose wasn't broken and nothing seemed to bleed. Fortunately, the area was relatively over-greened so he didn't get muddy. He finally noticed how his hands looked like after his river purge and covered his eyes with them.

He shook his head and pulled himself up to sit. He put his injured foot closer and touched it. A wave of immense agony multiplied by million rushed through him.

Rodney didn't fight back tears. He did not need to appear strong when there was no-one around but he knew his whimper was useless because Carson wouldn't come to him with his voodoo medicine to do magic. Carson was a God for Rodney because he could cure anything he received to the Infirmary. The only drawback was that he couldn't miraculously appear out of nowhere. He was a human being like other people at the base.

Rodney touched his foot again through his boot but it was extremely painful everywhere. He tried to ease the feeling and wished like hell he was at Atlantis, where doctors would take care of all his wounds, even the minor ones, and he would be dry, clean, warm and mainly safe. He wished he hadn't committed himself to Jorgenson's team because then they would all escape the Dart, they would all be safe. He wished he had gone to the lake on Lantea.

Cradling his foot, he laughed bitterly. "I went swimming as well. And I will have more unforgettable memories than you three together."

He meant his team. He liked them but, on the God's green Earth, he couldn't remember why he had rather gone off-world when they could have watched a film or chat. He had never been good at that particular point of life but Elizabeth had made him realise that he could be terribly awful at it and people would still talk to him because here and now it didn't matter what diplomas he had or what he had done on the Earth. The only thing that mattered was whether they would all survive as one functioning colony in a completely new galaxy full of life-sucking beasts. But were they all beasts? Couldn't they be like people? What if some of them hunt for pleasure, some of them for revenge, and some of a pure need to live?

Rodney shook his head. "I mustn't go that way. There are more important issues to solve."

He wiped his blurred eyes determinedly. "I can't feel sorry for myself now. I have to return to Atlantis."

Even though he felt miserable, he knew that lives of Capt. Jorgenson, Lt. Vegaz, Sgt. Vysockaja and Dr. Ginger were in his hands. They were trapped onboard a Wraith ship and he was the only one who could save them.

Suddenly, he realised he may have got kilometres away from the Stargate and he would have to walk the entire track back to inform Atlantis. He realised he couldn't let such a small thing like aching foot stop him. He scowled when he realised the team was counting on him. Once again he was asked to pull a miracle out of his pocket.

"All right, it's high time," he said nodding resolutely. He straightened his right foot, mindful of his injury, and looked up again. The Dart was still nowhere to be seen but the sky was full of dark grey clouds, a sure foretaste of a storm.

Rodney sighed and took off his soaked jacket to postpone getting up. That wet it felt hundred times heavier for him than it should be. He wrung it on his left, removing hectolitres of water. As he was cold, he put it back on although he regretted it straight away. He was cold and the cold wet jacket didn't help at all. He thought it might dry easier like that and would make him warm later.

Rodney tilted his head to the left to get rid of the annoying buzz of water in his ears, and shook his head. It didn't help much but the pressure on his eardrum was gone. He knew it was only a small irritant that could wait. It may get back to normal itself.

He knew he should be going but he just couldn't force his body to obey. He wanted to get up and go away from the river but his body just sat where it was, unwilling to move.

"Just a minute, okay? Then I need to go," he told himself.

He scanned his surroundings and soon he spotted what he had tripped over. He frowned and reached for it. It was some sort of a blue crystal with multiple facets embedded in a metal something with a hatch in the back where a few wires were dangling out. It looked like a camera or a spotlight.

Rodney looked back up at the sky but he couldn't see any shadow of the Dart. He knew he needed to rush away. But his curiosity got the better of him and he went to examine the gadget.

"What can it be?" he wondered aloud. He looked around and noticed a platform in the grass. His foot must have kicked the crystal out of it. He moved near it and looked thoroughly inside.

"This might take a while but the Wraith couldn't have followed me when they haven't appeared so far," he muttered and started to reconnect the wires.


	10. You're Kidding Me!

AN: Somebody has pointed out to me that this story is like another older one. I swear I haven't read that one before and I have no intention to do it so that _my_ story isn't influenced. But I have my doubts about whether or not to continue since the plot may have already been taken. I have discussed some particulars of the story with a friend of mine who studies electrotechnology for the consistency of Rodney's finding, and the probable outcome, but...

Anyway, here is another chapter, probably the last one in a while unless you persuade me otherwise.

And thanks for the rest of the reviews.

* * *

Atlantis. John's team landed quickly in the Jumper Bay and came running down to the control room. They had already changed into their standard uniforms.

"What the hell is going on? Why is everyone still here?!" John shouted as he stormed into the room closely followed by Aiden and Teyla. He had noticed a good dozen of soldiers milling around in the Gateroom, going nowhere. Among them, there were a few scientists showing something on their pads to the military. John didn't know their names, didn't recognise their faces. Those guys tended to spend all their days in labs without knowing what being in the field meant. They didn't count with lives. Only with the probability of unknown xs and ys.

Aiden tapped his shoulder and pointed at a grenade launcher one soldier was holding. It looked like a Mk 19 grenade launcher throwing 40 mm grenades. John whistled. That was a huge gun-power. They seemed ready to take the mysterious super-tough Dart down at any case. John wouldn't be surprised to see a cannon nearby even though he knew it was highly unlikely.

But there was one bad thing about all this. Those heavily armed men were going nowhere. They were just figuratively waiting for a lightning to strike.

"Why are they still here? What's wrong?" John demanded again, more heatedly.

Carson appeared from behind the highest console and complained: "It's been an hour!" He clearly voiced his frustration. "An hour since Captain Jorgenson's team returned!"

Suddenly Peter Grodin appeared and added his own unhappiness about the situation: "They haven't moved out, yet, and there has been no word from Rodney."

"You mean…" Teyla started.

"I don't imply anything, however, Rodney would have checked in by now if it was possible for him. He's very punctual and dutiful."

John swallowed uneasily. "He may not be able to use his radio. Have you tried dialling the planet to catch him?"

He looked specifically at the female Gate technician, who had sent them to the lake. Betty turned her head no. "They want to shoot the Dart down," she sobbed. "And if Dr. McKay is onboard…"

She couldn't finish the sentence. They all knew how indispensable Rodney was for the expedition and having him die only because of a nervous soldier was… Well, it was disturbing.

"They won't be taking it down until we know for sure," John promised to her before looking down at people in front of the Gate, leaning over the railing and calling down. "Nobody fires on that Dart until I give you the permission."

Some soldiers looked up bewildered. "That's an order," John declared, "as we might have our man aboard."

Even the rest of them looked up as they weren't pleased by the idea of having to wait while the Dart would whiz past them. They shifted uncomfortably and some of them looked up in the direction of the conference room. Some of them, Stackhouse for instance, were astonished that John's team had already returned.

"Let me make myself clear," John called down again. "Nobody pulls the trigger until they get my say-so! And when you haven't moved so far, I'll lead the mission myself instead of Bates. I want only a small strike force to ascertain McKay's position. Others aren't going anywhere until we find out what's going on."

John looked around the room and added: "Where the heck is Jorgenson?"

One soldier with a bent head, who seemed to avoid his eyes, started to climb the stairs.

John turned to Carson and noticed he was fully prepared to go on a mission. Carson noticed his scrutiny and opened his mouth to ask but John was first. "Carson, I'm not letting you go with us. I know what to do if he is injured but I can't endanger you as well. You're the best medical doctor we have."

"But…" Carson began.

Elizabeth chose that moment to open the door of the briefing room. Drs. Zelenka and Sanders, Sarah and Sgt. Bates flanked her.

"Major Sheppard," she greeted him delighted that things would finally move forward. She knew she couldn't let him win immediately although she was so scared for Rodney that she would easily go off-world for him herself if it had ensured his well-being. She needed to appear strong and cool-headed and make John the one who would want to rush everything.

Meanwhile, Jorgenson had reached the top of the stairs and searched for John. He hadn't had the courage to look into his eyes, yet.

Elizabeth looked back at the scientists. "We've just found a…"

"Why haven't you sent them out?" John asked incredulously. "We're leaving. Now," he added as an announcement.

"No, you're not," Elizabeth stopped him. He eyed her astonished. Even Teyla and Aiden were so shocked they forgot to breathe.

"Excuse me, ma'am," Aiden spoke up politely, "but we really need to move out. Dr. McKay has been waiting for so long to get a backup that we can't lose any more time."

"I know," Elizabeth breathed out, "believe me, I do. But Dr. Zelenka here suggested using a computer virus on the Dart to disable its defence. Therefore Sgt. Bates wanted to wait for Radek to finish it before heading out. I found it rather sensible so I didn't fight against it."

Radek looked at John's team, mainly John, apologetically. "I'm really sorry it took me so long. Without Rodney and his fingers dancing on the keyboard while thinking ten commands ahead, it took me ages to finish anything."

John sighed. "Don't worry, Radek, I don't blame you. It's just, ah… Leave it. Is the program ready?"

"As ready as it can be," Radek confirmed.

John looked at Elizabeth and finally, he noticed her dilated pupils, her sweating palms. She was more than worried. None of them could imagine what they would do without Rodney.

"Now, you have a go," Elizabeth stated wiping her hands on her pants.

John nodded and measured Bates with his sight full of disdain. Bates levelled his chin and returned his look defiantly. John took into account how huge power that man had and he didn't like it at all.

"Alright, buddies. Radek, are you going with us?" John asked partly expecting a negative answer. Radek didn't want to go out unless it was unavoidable and this wasn't the case.

Radek put his datapad in Sarah's hands which were trembling ever so slightly.

"I have explained everything to Dr. Ginger. I would be of no good for you there. I'm not the right person. But she knows what to do and is familiar with the terrain. She'll be fine."

"I won't disappoint you," Sarah stated firmly.

John smiled at her. "I know you won't." Then he turned at all other people and called so that even those down in the Gateroom understood him. "I'm taking the leadership. Bates, you'd better stick to Dr. Weir and find means of defending Atlantis face to these Darts. Dr. Ginger, you'll be fine with us. Ford, Teyla, Jorgenson, Vysockaja, Vegaz, Markham, Stackhouse. You're going with me."

Elizabeth nodded in affirmation. John would have loved to calm her but he couldn't embrace her in front of the audience. So he sent her a tight smile, took his team, Jorgenson and Sarah and quickly descended the staircase to the others while Radek rushed to Peter to the dialling console.

John stripped the nearest marine of his grenade launcher and his vest with a clipped P-90. Teyla and Aiden did the same with other men. The three soldiers didn't battle and, except for John's, willingly let others take the equipment.

Elizabeth called from the balcony: "Major Sheppard, I don't know if you have been told all the particulars of this situation!"

"I have, Dr. Weir," John called back while putting on the Kevlar vest. "A Dart which can't be shot down with P-90s, Dr. McKay trapped in underground ruins. Dr. Hansell gave us a thorough briefing. We'll make it."

Elizabeth smiled ruefully. "I hope you're right," she whispered before saying to Peter: "Dial it up."

John called the same in the exactly same timing so Peter didn't understand what they wanted from him verbally. Nevertheless, he knew himself that he should dial M1X-808.

While the Gate was engaging and John's rescue team was preparing to step through, Elizabeth called: "Wait!"

John looked at her angrily. He didn't have a clue what she could want. "It seems like what everyone has been doing for the last hour! I'm missing one of my men and I'm going to get him back at all costs. I bet he avoided the capture. He's a clever and witty scientist who has survived much more than I would have expected from him when I first met him in Antarctica!"

Elizabeth gasped for air. Her voice froze in her throat. "I-I," she stammered before regaining her posture, "I just wanted to wish you good luck."

"Oh," John was conscious enough to look ashamed and go red a little. "I'm sorry," he added.

"Just bring him back," she pleaded with a neutral tone.

John nodded and readied himself. But he feared what he would find there on that planet. He feared they would find nothing, or 206 bones…

His inner talk was… Well, who am I to judge? He told himself: 'God, let that arrogant pig-headed pain-in-the-ass be hiding deep underground. Let him be pissing and moaning about leaving him behind and for waiting for so long. Let him shout at me for being an idiot and not telling him sooner about the team trip. Let him be mad at me, at Elizabeth, at Jorgenson for not getting to him sooner.'

Then it was time and John turned to his men again. "Fire only under my command, are we clear?" he questioned them again, clutching the grenade launcher close to his chest.

All of them nodded so he turned back to the rippling blue event horizon. "Let's get him back," he said to no-one in particular and stepped through to the damp forest of M1X-808.

– – – – – – – – – –

M1X-808, the meadow near the river. Rodney was fiddling with the crystal and tying it to the holster. He had found out it was designated to point at the sky and pivot according to the base.

He wondered why it was pointing in that direction when the sky was full of clouds almost all planetary year. So he excluded it as a star telescope.

It might have been an SOS device for when the Wraith had attacked the planet. It may have been designated to light up Wraith Darts during a night attack. It might have been created to film the Darts. There were too many maybes. Rodney was certain it wasn't a weapon because it contained a lens but not a power source big enough to make it a laser.

The thing's holster was partly mangled from Rodney's kick and he knew it would take too long to repair it completely when most wires were ripped out. Despite all these, he had managed to re-attach some of those connectors, mainly the thick red wire, exposed blue and green ones and the thinnest white one.

Rodney looked up once again because he was sure the Wraith were still on the planet and he really needed to get going. He was pissed he couldn't help himself and messed with this new piece of technology. And still, he realised this riddle helped him centre, calm down and, most importantly, bring his mind back in order. Even his shiver was almost gone. He felt as if he was in his lab bowing over another Ancient gadget.

Suddenly, the device began to glow light blue and hum. It was an odd sound for Rodney's water-filled ears, nonetheless, at least he knew it worked, that his work was useful. He was so proud of himself!

"Let's see what you can do," he whispered and pushed the crystal to the centre of the base.

Suddenly the Wraith Dart appeared out of nowhere. It hovered for a while and flew just above the waterfall up the river.

Rodney was so terrified that he stopped pressing the lens crystal and backed as much as he could in his sitting position. He was angry at himself for having been caught off guard.

And then it was gone as quickly as it had appeared. Rodney blinked in surprise. He was staring at the empty space, where the Dart had been only moments before, while putting his legs under him and crawling backwards away from the waterfall. He threw glances all around himself trying to find the Dart or where it had gone but there was nothing there, not even a sound. As if the Dart didn't even exist at all.

Rodney's terrified mind didn't pay attention to his injured foot so he hit it slightly and jerked back in pain. That was when his sight fell upon the electronic device again. It was in two pieces but realisation dawned on him."You're kidding me," he breathed out silently and pushed up to his feet.

Waggling, he partly walked, partly jumped toward the base. There he kneeled carefully and eyed both parts of the device. He exhaled decisively and took the lens part in his left hand. He pointed it to the far bank and reconnected it loosely with the base.

The Dart appeared just above the bank, but it was a watery unstable imaginary production of an alien technology. Then a few sparks went off from the wires and the image faded away.

Rodney spat at the ground in disgust when he realised the truth. He lowered his hands with a sigh of disbelief.

"Hologram," he sieved through his gritted teeth. "It was a hologram. And I've almost killed myself for it."

He laughed bitterly, ruefully when his mind took into consideration that nothing, not a single thing, had been real. He was infused with such a tremendous fury that he had almost killed himself for nothing.

Rodney began to mutter to himself just for the sake of getting the venom out of himself. "I'm safe. And so is Jorgenson's team. So is Sarah. And I'm wet and cold while they're all dry and warm sitting by the big table at Atlantis presumably briefing Elizabeth or even writing my obituary. Huh, they left me here. They left me while they ran away as soon as they thought they were being attacked. I wasn't one of their men anyway. I never belonged. Anywhere."

Those final sentences were said in a more mollified manner, unhappily.

Rodney was freezing to the bone and rubbed his arms to get some heat in them. Suddenly, it stopped helping and his eyes went wide with terror.

"Now that the Dart isn't circling in the sky, they will think it has already left and when I won't answer with my radio gone, they'll think it took me. And if Sarah remembers the ruins, they won't summon it like I did because I broke the device. Amazing! Just amazing!"

Rodney groaned in frustration. "Well, at least I needn't hurry so much. It's not a matter of life and death of anyone else but me."

Rodney stared at the projector for a minute thinking about whether he should take it with him or not. Finally, he decided to do so because he would have a proof and it may be useful later. He might be able to project himself behind the shield and tell Atlantis to come to him. At this time he didn't know how he would use it in the end when this first plan was impossible to fulfil…

"Right, set priorities. You don't need to worry about the Wraith but you need to find some place to dry yourself and clean your cuts. Sure, you'll make it. This can't get any worse."

It's always advised not to praise the day before evening. As if on cue, his day did get worse. It started to rain. Not that nice and warm May rain. It was a heavy, thick, rainforest one.

"It's just great," Rodney muttered. "This is a real punishment."

He ripped the wires from the base and began to limp to the treeline with the projector clutched to his chest, damning whatever devil, wicked spirit had brought him here in the first place. He was soaked wet in a second.


	11. Rage During A Storm

AN: Okie, dokie. You people keep reading my story and some of you have even left a comment in the reviews. I'm going to be a good girl and I won't keep you in suspense as to how the story goes. I hope you'll like this chapter.

* * *

 **Rage During A Storm**

John and his team set in positions by the treeline of the Stargate clearing. It had just begun raining and they weren't dressed properly. John's team really regretted not taking their uniform jackets.

"They could have mentioned the rain," John muttered to himself while moving behind one of the trees. He looked thoroughly at the ground but didn't seem to find Rodney's footprints.

Jorgenson heard him and supplied: "It's a rainforest, sir."

Aiden looked at them and wondered aloud as if he hadn't caught their talk: "Aren't rainforests supposed to be steamy and hot?"

They all scanned the sky for the Extra-Invincible Dart, seeing nothing. Hearing nothing, not even a static from their radios if Rodney tried calling.

"There are more types of a rainforest," John explained. "There is the tropical and the temperate one."

He stopped abruptly because he felt like Rodney when explaining something to them. And that meant he was saying too much when not needed. But then, he desperately missed those words flowing from Rodney's mouth. He would provide them with tons of useless but highly interesting information.

He wanted to know where Rodney was, if he had stayed in the ruins, if he was alright. Why? Because he knew Rodney had never ever listened to any orders when he thought they weren't right, he was stubborn like a mule and he would rush to the Gate as soon as he thought it was possible to return to Atlantis. And if he had been wrong…

John shook his head and took a life-sign detector out of his breast pocket. It showed his current team, nine dots, in the centre, and a few more lonely here and there. "It's useless," John sighed. How could a life-sign detector detect all forms of life? Well, obviously, it was in its name. John decided to make Rodney change at least one of them to detect only people and the Wraith when they got him back. That way it would be easier to find missing people. However, the 'when' seemed menacingly close to an 'if'.

John was upset that the detector wasn't able to read his mind like Jumpers did. He shoved it back into his pocket and turned at Stackhouse.

"Stackhouse, can you see anything that would tell us if he got here?" he asked, partly expecting a negative answer.

"None that I can tell, sir," he replied shielding his eyes. "But I can't see or hear the Dart, either."

John grimaced and hoped dearly that for once Rodney had been a good boy and obeyed. Despite that, he looked around once again and tried calling out. "McKay?"

Then he activated his radio and called using it and even his own voice: "McKay, what's your position?"

The entire team was hiding under trees to be shielded from the rain and possibly the Wraith.

"McKay, respond!" John shouted into his comm. Mentally he pleaded, 'Come on, Rodney, don't do this to me. If you're pissed, fine, let me suffer during finding you but at least peep up so we have a starting point. So that we know you're alive.'

He didn't have the courage to say that aloud. Unfortunately, the only answers were wind blowing through branches and constant drumming of the rain.

John put his hands around his mouth and called: "McKay! Rodney!"

His call was deadened by the weather conditions and earned him a couple or pitiful glances.

Carlos moved to Allan and whispered urgently in his ear: "Sir, shouldn't we keep quiet when there can be ground drones around?"

Allan shook his head, turned his back at John's team and said: "Let him be. Dr. McKay must be gone when he doesn't respond."

"Do you two have something to share?" John demanded just from behind Allan. He came to them as soon as he noticed Carlos going to Allan.

Carlos prepared to answer but Allan spoke up instead. "We're just unsure if shouting is smart at this particular moment, sir. It might lure the Wraith to our location and you've given specific orders not to shoot the Dart down."

John suppressed the urge to roll his eyes upward before replying: "I see. But if they're near enough to hear my shouts, they already know that somebody came through the Stargate, that we're here."

This ended the discussion for John and he turned and walked away. He called again, unsuccessfully trying to hear a reply or a snide comment on his account.

He couldn't imagine losing Rodney. He was very valuable, very important. They wouldn't have survived without him in the first place. His ideas, his brain had saved them so many times. And now John longed for his sarcasm, their friendly banter, which had become a bit strained after the incident with Chaya but, fortunately, was resolved quite soon, their bickering, him raving on Ancient technology they had found in one of the labs.

John bit his lower lip because he was afraid that if Rodney wasn't waiting for them here or replying from the ruins, then there was the only other obvious explanation…

"Where's the Dart?" John asked quietly. Aiden and Teyla read his question from his lip movements as their team had got used to one another's speech and face features.

Teyla walked over to him, put her hand on his arm and responded loudly enough so that others could hear her as well. "It hasn't shown up since our arrival. And I can't sense the Wraith, either."

"Might it be out of your reach?" Maria demanded worriedly. She was afraid that Rodney had been culled because she obeyed her CO and not her own instincts.

"I'm not sure. I don't know…" Teyla shifted her gaze from Maria to Sarah, who kept shivering, to John.

Allan interrupted her. "It may be lying in wait right now somewhere. You needn't be able to register them. But it probably has Doctor McKay by now."

Those cold words caused some sort of primal response in John and he reacted without much thinking, ready to send a roundhouse punch at his face. Only Teyla's quick hand saved Allan from a broken nose when she turned John back at herself.

"John…" she pleaded with him. This one word made John stop and behave according to the protocol. It meant so much more than just a name. It was so much more than a bare plea not to hurt anyone without a proof.

He nodded and turned at Allan. "We haven't even begun searching properly, yet!" he snapped at him with all his suppressed emotions; anguish and fury making up the most of his tone.

Everyone jumped up due to it, not even the targeted person. Allan shuddered uncomfortably and others gave it to the rain instead of real fear.

John knew he had gained others' maximal attention so he asked the question which had been chewing his inside since he had found out about Rodney. "Why did you leave him here in the first place?!"

Allan blinked in astonishment before the significance reached him. He stiffened, scared that the truth may come on the light, but he knew that he needed to stick to what he had already said in front of Dr. Weir. So he looked at John calmly and answered: "We had no choice. We couldn't shoot the Dart down, we returned to the Gate but he was good twenty minutes away. Well, considering his physical fitness, it would have taken him good thirty minutes or even more to reach the Stargate." Allan shrugged and went on: "My team was in danger. I needed to act."

John dragged a hand along his face to wipe rainwater and to calm himself down not to break into a storm, which was likely to occur after these two sentences. Teyla noticed his tensed jaw and knew well what it meant. She only hoped John had enough self-denial to solve this in tranquillity.

"He was a part of your team," John reminded him with closed eyes, putting stress on every word.

Allan's team knew he had put a foot in it again. He said completely the same face to Dr. Weir and she was equally upset about them not counting with Rodney.

John opened his eyes again and stared into Allan's. "Elizabeth approved your mission. He came with you. He shouldn't have been left alone in the ruins at the very start."

Stackhouse and Markham together guarded the sky when they noticed how concentrated on the issue others were and hoped that everything would end up all right.

Allan returned John's gaze while his team stood behind him. "There wasn't any reason to expect an assault or a Wraith attack. Nobody lives in the radius of several miles. When we checked the planet yesterday, we couldn't find any colonies or villages to start with."

John shook his head. "There is a protocol to follow. It's a standard procedure not to leave anyone alone on an entirely new planet and especially when the said person is a civilian."

John's voice was even, without the smallest hitch of emotions, but his eyes were burning holes in Allan's head. Carlos and Maria wondered if John was seeing red at that moment. Sarah was unhappy, sorry that they were like dogs and cats.

However, John hadn't finished by saying that. "Scientists don't have the combat training we, military types, have got on the Earth. And you know yourself how engrossed in studying new things they can get! Hell, McKay can get so involved in playing with those toys that he'd never notice a bomb going off right next to him."

Jorgenson shifted his jaw, clearly understanding what John had meant. Sarah was his second scientist. The first one had been killed by hostile natives when he persistently tried to work on sacred ruins, because he was so sure they were hiding access to an Ancient weapon, and the natives didn't like it. The arrow was precise and he didn't suffer much. Nevertheless, it hurt immensely the entire team every time somebody reminded it. They had failed to protect him and Allan blamed himself for not getting him away sooner. Sarah didn't know the complete story but had heard enough to make a picture.

John's eyes had glinted for a few seconds before he got a hold of himself and sighed slowly. Teyla touched his healthy shoulder and he sent her a thankful smile. She knew how he had to be feeling and this was the only comfort she could provide him with.

Aiden approached him as well from the other side. "We can't waste more time," he added, nudging John verbally.

John nodded and looked at Allan's team, Markham and Stackhouse evaluating their possibilities. "All right. Stackhouse, Markham, you stay by the Stargate. If anything moves around, call. Don't let anything pass through but watch out for incoming wormholes. We won't be able to reach you fast enough if needed."

"Don't worry, sir," Sgt. Stackhouse said encouragingly. "We know what to do. And if the Dart appears, we'll try to disable it but not to hurt those aboard."

John nodded apprehensively and turned at Allan. "You take Vegaz and Dr. Ginger, and go search through the forest. If McKay left the ruins, and I'm pretty sure he did, he can be somewhere there. My team and Sgt. Vysockaja will go to the ruins and search there. Understood?"

Everybody nodded. John didn't wait and turned to the direction of the ruins. Others followed immediately. Allan caught up with John and said: "Major Sheppard, I'm sorry for my coldness."

John nodded and demanded slightly mollified: "How did it happen? How did Rodney remain in the site alone?"

Allan expected him to ask that and he didn't have to lie himself because Sarah hadn't told him the truth. "Dr. Ginger needed to return to the Stargate with photos for Dr. Weir and Dr. McKay wished to remain in the corridor and work on the translation. She told us that he had seemed very concentrated on it and she hadn't wanted to bother him."

John's features softened. "That's him. He wouldn't leave a place until he knew everything about it."

Suddenly, he frowned and turned at Allan. "Wait, you left two scientists alone and took two soldiers to the Stargate?!"

Allan didn't know what he was implying. "And I shouldn't have? I didn't see it as a problem because Dr. McKay has been on your team for about nine months and therefore should be able to protect them both from basic threats like animals or traps in the corridor."

"But he's a civilian, not a soldier!" John repeated, again angrily.

"Sir, I supposed they could manage for an hour tops when they had sent us away not to be in their way and were alone for much longer only with my occasional checks on their progress."

Teyla stole a few glances in Maria's direction and noticed that she looked troubled.

Maria sighed silently, wishing she hadn't stopped and reached the ruins. It wasn't like she could be court-martialled for disobeying direct orders. Dr. Weir would not let it go this far, although she had to put Rodney under house arrest when the entire base had thought that he had helped Brendan Gall on the old Wraith's planet as he considered him a threat to his position. Damned herd behaviour! One foolish sentence and such a craziness had begun. Brendan had been Maria's close friend but she knew Rodney wouldn't kill him at any costs.

John was more than aggravated. "And you didn't think of sending someone back when she reached you?"

"No, because she had got to us just before we closed the wormhole!"

"But if you had sent someone ahead to hurry to protect his…"

"Then we would be missing two people instead of only one!"

Maria shook her head and looked at John and Allan. They were still walking side by side but the tension between them grew every passing second and their shouts made it even worse. Maria wasn't the only one to notice that but she didn't need to say anything because Aiden took it into his hands.

"Major, we should separate now. The sooner Captain Jorgenson starts looking in the forest, the sooner we'll know if Dr. McKay had got there."

They stopped. Allan's teammates had never dared to say such things to their team-leader in front of others. They expected John to say something about authority but he only tilted his head a bit to the left and pressed his lips into a thin white line. "Right," he said in a thankful tone that somebody finally found their common sense and suggested it.

"So, as we agreed, I take Vysockaja with my team and you go search in the forest. I know it'll be hard as the rain washes away footprints but try."

Allan nodded but was sceptical about finding Rodney. They hadn't heard the Dart, McKay hadn't raised them, it was raining, they were cold and the forest was pretty dark itself. He could clearly imagine a nice Halloween picnic in there.

The trio set off and John called after them: "Maintain radio contact. If you find something, anything, let us know."

"We will," Sarah promised looking at him tightly.

"So, Sergeant," Teyla looked at Maria, "lead the way."

Maria scanned them all, their facial expressions, their body language. Everything screamed at her just how worried about their friend they were. She muttered silently to herself: "He's not at all the man that arrived from Antarctica. He does have changed. A lot."

"I beg you pardon?" John asked because he caught a word here and there.

"Nothing," she answered with a fake smile.

John shrugged and she led them to the ruins taking exactly the same path her team had had the first time.


	12. Falling Down, Caving In

Meanwhile, Rodney was trudging through the forest trying to ignore the rain. He knew he couldn't get any wetter but the chilling cold was slowly crawling into his bones, making him more numb and freezing. He realised he couldn't continue like that much longer.

He looked into his left hand again to check if he hadn't lost the projector because he had no feeling in his fingers. He was hurt, exhausted and emotionally shattered. He thought that had Jorgenson been like his John, he wouldn't have been left alone, he would have been rescued straight away when the rest would have brought a backup. He could expect nothing like that. His team was almost out of the reach of communication systems and they had no need to worry about what was happening at Atlantis. He didn't know that they had already arrived at the planet with a rescue team and looked through the area around the Stargate. He didn't know they had just left a sentry at the Gate and set off through the forest.

Rodney desperately searched for a dry place to sit down and just rest.

"Of all the planets I could have gone stranded on," he complained, "I had to choose this drippy damp hell. It's only my luck. Yuck!"

He dragged his asleep legs through water puddles and slimy mud pools, and over moss and lichen, which were brightly green with the newly-come water.

His teeth chattered with cold and his shiver returned with vehemence. His head was pounding, his hearing was filled with pops of water in his ear canals.

To his bad luck, trees in that area were high and very old, with trunks so wide that one man wouldn't encircle them. They looked like a trunk with nothing for long and long and somewhere high in the clouds a branch here and there appeared. This lack of cover meant that it was pelting down right on him.

Rodney didn't stop searching. He hoped for a nice dry cave or a little ruin with a roof. Unfortunately, none of it was on his way and he had lost perspective of time long ago.

The old trees gradually yielded to newer generations and Rodney sighed happily when he spotted one short conifer in a small hole with branches full of long needles. He got near the tree and eyed it hopefully.

It seemed relatively dry under it so he crouched down to take a more thorough look, but it was much more demanding than he had expected because his entire body protested due to all his contusions and strains from the river surge.

He did manage to get down enough to get inside and more of fell than crawled there. The hideout wasn't particularly big but the tree shielded it from the rain almost completely.

Rodney leant his back on the trunk and breathed out tiredly, delighted that, finally, he had found at least something adequate to pass the worst of the storm. His foot reminded itself when he tried to make himself comfortable but he had already got used to the constant strong pain so it wasn't so bad.

He couldn't stretch his legs completely because of the width of the hole, but he made it with the hurt one bent in his knee and the left unharmed one under it. He sighed and held his hands in front of his eyes. They were trembling a lot although he tried to keep them still.

Rodney closed his eyes and shook in cold. He re-opened them and thought about the state he was in. He mused aloud: "Alright. I need to have a look at what I have saved."

He opened the zip on his wringing-wet jacket and took it off. He needed a lot of effort to accomplish so because his back had been badly bruised, but it was worth it.

Once he held it in his hands, he opened its pockets and pulled out everything he found. Then he remembered his trousers and rummaged through those pockets as well. When he finished, he looked at his stack of supplies and sighed. It wasn't as much as he would have loved to have but it had to be enough. He had a Swiss knife, his full Epi-pen with two doses, a thin cord, a short pencil, a pen, a small torch, which may have been short-circuited due to water, and four Power bars which had miraculously escaped the water and hadn't become pulpy. Thank his excessive need to have something for his blood sugar.

"Well, it won't replace the GDO but I would be able to reach the Stargate," he told himself. "It'll be fun," he chuckled ruefully. "When I get there and dial Atlantis, I would shatter into molecules due to the iris. That's just me."

He ignored the low rumble of his stomach, looked around and noticed he didn't have the projector on him anymore. He could have sworn that he had it before he had crouched to the fir.

He sighed and tried to see through the long dark green needles. He spotted the casing lying just behind them, outside his little dry sanctuary, in rain.

"I can leave it there. No-one would steal it, anyway." He sighed tiredly, his eyes closing slowly in exhaustion, his head falling down to his chest. He snapped back to consciousness when his chin touched his wet blue T-shirt and he realised he was about to fall asleep.

"You must not," he whispered, knowing that he couldn't allow his body to switch off just like that.

He took his drenched jacket and stretched as far as he could to wring it out. He removed more water so the jacket became only annoyingly wet, and, suddenly, he realised that that water should be drinkable. He looked at the casing; it was lying on the hatch with wires so it should collect some water around the lens. "Thank you, Teyla, for teaching me that," he murmured to the rain.

He knew Teyla was fabulous. He had taught her how to shoot, being more patient and understanding than war-trained John and, consequently, later on, she had enough patience to explain to him how to spend a long time in a strange environment without supplies. She had taught him to collect rainwater when there was no stream. She had shown him which berries were to be picked and which to be avoided. The only thing he needed to watch for with new ones, was animals' behaviour around the bushes. He was finally able to survive stranded somewhere without help. He so missed her surprised questions about things he considered normal, usual.

Rodney rubbed his eyelids and spread the jacket on the needles on the other side of his pit. He was sure it would dry sooner like that.

Just then his stomach reminded itself so loudly that it would make Rodney jump jerkily if he had been somewhere else and not so dog-tired. "Fine, when was the last time I ate?" he wondered aloud, putting his left hand under his ribs to stop the growling.

He realised how hungry he was and that his last meal had been a Power bar three hours after arriving in the ruins, but that was God knew how many hours ago. He sighed and took one wrapper from his pile.

He didn't care about the flavour; he needed to help his starving body to have at least the slightest chance to make it through the night. He knew he had to be careful with them because he had no more than four and he may need them later. And so rationing was a good idea to apply. "One now," he told himself, "and then another one in the morning. It might take me some time to find an edible substitute."

He tugged at the wrapper but his fingers numb with cold couldn't open it because he didn't have a decent grip to pull it apart. Rodney groaned in frustration and bit into the foil. Finally, he did get it open and was rewarded by the smell he had got to know in Stargate Command in Cheyenne mountains. A quick energetic foodstuff for when you didn't want to spend time in the mess hall.

He peeled off the wrapper and dug into his thin dinner. He tried to make it last, taking small bites and chewing as if it was some sort of viscous meat that you couldn't swallow in the entire piece not to suffocate. However, no matter how hard he tried, it disappeared way too quickly. He was still hungry but he told himself mentally that the power bar had been a four-course meal full of calories, that it had been warm, that he was too full to eat anything else.

It helped him only a little because he'd always been very realistic and too well aware of what was going on. To stamp on all the unpleasant feelings, he lay down and curled into fetal position on his left side.

It wasn't like his bed on Atlantis in any way. Although it was harder than beds he had been used to from the Earth, he would have given anything for it because it was perfect even though he had groused about its comfort on many occasions.

He pulled his knees closer to his chin, giving special attention to his injured ankle. He had decided that his foot was alright but his ankle had been twisted and it was possibly sprained. He moved his view behind the green curtain and watched the steady fall of water, not really seeing it. And its soft hiss filled his ears.

Suddenly, Rodney felt a weird sensation just at the door of his left ear canal, then it was gone and he blinked in surprise when he finally heard all sounds around him not muffled.

Then he tried turning to his other side carefully and even his other ear emptied out. He sighed content that the water finally found an escape.

"That's better," he said softly, smiling happily that he wasn't deaf anymore.

He shivered in cold and turned back on his left side with the trunk behind his back. He leant over it and let his mind wander. One of his thoughts concerned Jorgenson's team who must have already debriefed Elizabeth about what had happened. He hoped a rescue team would be sent for him. But the holo-Dart was gone and the rain had already washed away most of his footprints. It would give them hard time to find anything and, just to add, with the vessel and him missing, they would soon assume that he had been captured. The search and rescue mission would meet an early end and they all would return back to Atlantis, to the warmth of the subtropical planet, where it was dry although they lived on the ocean.

Then his thoughts returned to the projector and he occupied himself with the idea of making himself a hologram and projecting himself through the wormhole. But it had to wait. He decided to give it more time when he would be rested and able to repair any possible damage on wiring. He was more than exhausted, more than freezing and too hurt to do it straight away. He would try to fix everything later.

He closed his eyes tiredly, listening to the music of falling rain. He didn't fight it, he succumbed to the darkness which enveloped him so eagerly, letting it take him to a place where nothing hurt, where nothing ached, where all his wishes, as well as nightmares, could come true.

– – – – – – – – – –

John, Teyla, Aiden and Maria reached the ruins. John stopped them at the edge of the forest with a raised fist. The ruins looked like…ruins. They were what he always expected to see when hearing the word. Remnants of the past, some stone, some wood, partly-missing roofs, everything in different states of decay.

John scanned the entrances for a sign of a shadow or a figure. Nothing. But that didn't mean that Rodney wasn't hiding in one of them and, being under stress, he could shoot them without verifying who was really approaching him. "Rodney? Rodney, can you hear me?" he called out not to be hit by a nervously launched bullet.

Nobody responded to John's call but admitting that Rodney wasn't covered somewhere in there was unthinkable for the team.

Maria looked thoroughly in every shadowed part but the ruins appeared to be empty.

"Damn it," John swore silently. Then he looked at others and went to the buildings. Teyla followed him closely behind, Aiden a little while later. Maria pressed her left ring finger to the inner corner of her left eye and wiped the wetness on her soaked uniform. "I'm so sorry, Dr. McKay," she whispered before following John's team.

Meanwhile, John had found the specific entrance which Rodney and Sarah must have studied. It was fully ornamented or rather full of letters. They seemed Ancient but there were some symbols at the very bottom that didn't belong to this race.

"Dammit, McKay, where are you?" John muttered silently, wishing Rodney to appear out of nowhere if nothing else.

Maria motioned to others to go inside not to be exposed to the heavy rain. They all squeezed to the entrance and shone their lights along the corridor.

John noticed that the walls were covered in carved Ancient but he saw a drawing here and there, which looked rather fearsome.

He didn't see any pattern in the symbols but Teyla was more sensitive, frowned at the writing and hummed to herself before announcing: "Have you noticed that a same set of symbols seems to mark a specific part of the wall? Look at that."

She put her torch in her mouth and used her arms to draw imaginary lines across the wall only a few centimetres from the entrance. It was an area of one times two metres and every line was 'moved' by two symbols to the left.

Others watched her astonished and Maria wondered why neither Sarah nor Rodney mentioned that. "By sheer curiosity, can anyone read that?"

John lifted a brow in her direction and she put her hands up, palms facing him in the most unthreatening way. "Just asking."

"Dr. Weir has given me a few lessons in Ancient but I can still distinguish only letters," Teyla admitted, studying the wall. "But this set of symbols," she showed a group of five letters, "is meant to be a warning of sorts. Beware, be afraid of, something like that."

"So the usual 'stay away from our sacred ground' stuff?" Aiden asked her.

John rolled his eyes. This area seemed to be dedicated to the Ancients. And every person who wanted to follow them was welcome in such places. So it may have been a warning for those who wanted to steal something from here or play with technology light years ahead of their evolution. Just like them, in fact.

John called into the corridor to move his attention some place useful. "Doctor McKay, are you down there?" An echo bounced off the walls sending a silent 'there' in all directions.

"Wow," Aiden breathed out. "How deep do you think it is?"

"No idea," John answered looking for any hint of Rodney's presence. Nobody replied to his question so the logical reason was that Rodney wasn't there anymore.

"One would have thought that Dr. McKay would stay here. This corridor is quite a good hiding-place," Maria commented glumly.

"He should have listened to Captain Jorgenson," Aiden supplied.

"Rodney and listen?" John asked incredulously. "That would have been his first." He sighed and looked at the ground. In the dust, there were so many footprints leading in and out that he couldn't say which were Sarah's, which Rodney's and which belonged to Jorgenson's team.

Teyla looked at him, his fixed eyes and stated: "Captain wants to shoot the Dart down at all costs because he couldn't get it the first time. He won't let Sarah disable it with the virus. He doesn't care that Rodney may be onboard."

Teyla completely forgot about Maria but she didn't say anything. She couldn't defend her commander when everything Teyla had said was true. Well, except for the reason. Maria thought that Allan would shoot the Dart down to mask his fault, to mask that he had left Rodney behind to his fate.

She must have looked rather thoughtful because Teyla touched her saying: "Don't get me wrong, Sergeant, but I doubt…"

"Teyla, it's all right, I get it, really." Maria smiled in a more strained way than ever before. "It's partly my fault, I should have said something to Allan…"

John came near her. "Sergeant, it's not always good to oppose commanding officers when they think they're right. It could destroy the relationship people have created among the team. I partly understand that Jorgenson wanted to have you three, whom he's got used to, within his sight but Rodney would have caught up with you easily. He isn't some sort of a gross unfit computer geek who doesn't know what a gym and being in the field are."

The statement caused three giggles to escape and fill the corridor. John's voice softened only to show how fond of Rodney he had become. "We have been attacked by Darts and ground troops so many times that he does know what to do when they arrive. He would stop his work, run, dodge the culling beam and outwit the drones to get to his team. And he knows very well that he has to take the shortest way to the Stargate so if you only let him get to your position and waited for a little while, he would have reached you and nothing of this," he waved his arms around, his shaky voice showing how upset he was, "would be happening."

"We failed, again," Maria hiccuped sadly. Then she inhaled and braced herself. "Dr. McKay informed us that he had found a room at the bottom of the corridor. He might have sought shelter there."

The new hope moved John's team into action. "He may have closed the door or he might be too deep to hear us," John mused. "So, let's go have a look."

Then he remembered others out in the rain, activated his radio and called: "Stackhouse, Jorgenson, do you have something new?"

The first one to answer was Stackhouse: "Everything's clear and calm, sir. Haven't heard a buzz."

Then Allan updated their position: "We haven't found anything, either. Not even a footprint. We're gradually moving to the ruins, checking the maximum of the forest. If anything, we'll let you know."

"Fine," John sobered. "We're at the site, going down the corridor Drs. McKay and Ginger were checking. We'll let Sgt. Vysockaja on guard. Sheppard out."

Then he looked at Maria and asked: "Are you okay with that?"

She nodded. John nodded and set off, Teyla and Aiden following him closely behind.

When they left her imminent hearing range, Maria whispered: "This has to be it. He has to be down there. Please, Dr. McKay, be down there."

John's team carefully descended quite a steep slant of the corridor walking in one line. All around them Ancient letters marked the walls and even the ceiling. Some of them were more eye-catching than others as if they were of more importance. But bare letters couldn't tell them the story. John scratched his head and looked at others; they were watching the walls but more than that they were trying to hear the tiniest noise because they didn't have a clue how long and deep the corridor could be.

Teyla felt as if they were on the way to the centre of the planet. Aiden was in the same mood because he tried joking by: "Do you think Jules Verne got his inspiration in a story about this planet?"

She didn't know the name, didn't need to right now. She decided to ask Rodney on their morning tea…and squeezed her eyes shut when she realised that there wouldn't be any more teas in the near future and maybe anytime in her life. John stopped and sighed. Aiden and Teyla stopped as well because they were walking behind him. John moved to the left so that they all could come close and asked: "How deep do you think we've got?"

"I have no idea," Teyla admitted.

While she was saying that, Aiden began to lean to the wall, paying no attention to anything behind him. Just when John looked up at Teyla, Aiden's back pressed a certain symbol like the one Rodney had missed by few millimetres earlier.

Something clicked, then clattered. And John knew something bad was about to happen. Aiden looked up, terrified at what he had done. The corridor started to creak, crack and groan. John urged Teyla and Aiden away with hands on their back, recognising the sounds. They didn't get too far when the ceiling came down on them…

You know, that happened about the same time Rodney fell under the fir. Just a coincidence…?


	13. Treating The Wounded

As soon as the rescue team left Atlantis, Elizabeth quitted the control room fast despite Bates' protests and went to hide to the Infirmary to Carson as she couldn't bear the Sergeant anymore. If anything happened to Rodney, it would only be his fault. And still, she blamed herself for not trusting her emotions, her feelings, for not noticing sooner that Rodney had not arrived with Captain Jorgenson.

She set herself on an auto-pilot mode, nodding and smiling politely every time someone greeted her on the way but not recognising faces or voices.

She rubbed her forehead, which kept throbbing from inside. She felt awful and shivered involuntarily. She knew something very bad had happened or was about to happen to Rodney but she couldn't voice the feeling. Like with the ten-thousand-year-old Wraith, she couldn't say it aloud not to be laughed at, not to reveal her feelings for him because it was said that you could feel such connection only with your beloved or someone very close, like your twin.

She didn't notice when she reached the Infirmary, but she leant her head against the door leading there and closed her eyes, trying to ease her headache.

Suddenly, a caring pair of hands touched her shoulders and a soft voice with a Scottish accent asked: "Elizabeth, are ye all right?"

Elizabeth remained in her position and desperately wanted to shake her head no. She hadn't been 'all right' for quite a while with Rodney stuck off-world, people arguing about the rescue and the thought that they may arrive too late. Her head was pounding, her empty stomach was doing somersaults and all she wanted to do was to switch off completely right there and then and not to worry about anything or anyone. But saying so in front of their chief medical doctor had never been a wise idea because he could easily confine you to bed and give you his magical pills, and she needed to be alert and ready to support the rescue team.

"I didn't sleep well last night and now with Rodney…" She looked at Carson with an uncertain expression on her face but he understood.

"I know what ye mean. I haven't had a decent sleep since John was shot a few weeks ago. As if everyone on the night shift decided to hurt themselves one after another. And your counterpart only made my job more demanding." He sighed and added: "I'm really worried about Rodney, too. It took too long."

He sighed again but remembered his posture and sent her an encouraging smile. "He's a brave and smart lad even though he doesn't show the first one very often. I'm sure he made it fine," he offered as a small consolation.

Elizabeth's drooped lips curled up into a faint genuine smile thanks to memories of Rodney proving his courage and, sometimes, his bravado because neither of these was expected from someone like him. She realised just how many times Rodney had actually played with fire to save the expedition, his team or just her. He would never admit aloud that he had always been brave and caring; he even considered himself a coward when every time the situation had to coax his better and brighter and braver self out of him.

Nobody had any idea what had made him construct his thick shell, behave so obnoxiously in certain cases or why he couldn't sleep at night and roamed the city and repaired whatever problem occurred. An exception always breaks the rule. This exception was Elizabeth who had got to know him better than she had ever imagined because of, or rather thanks to, a virtual reality they had been trapped in shortly before the Storm.

Suddenly, Elizabeth felt a weak slap on her right cheek and blinked a few times to regain her bearings. She noticed that she was leaning her back on the wall completely but she didn't remember doing that. Then she heard Carson's voice: "I had to do it, lass, I'm sorry. Ye looked as if ye have passed out."

Elizabeth lowered her head embarrassedly. "I was just thinking and remembering…"

His reply on that surprised her gladly. "Do ye want a tea or a coffee? We could talk for a wee bit in ma office. May serve us good." Carson's offer was so tempting. Elizabeth didn't want to return to Bates for at least another half an hour, which was time needed to reach the ruins, so she nodded eagerly and let him lead her there.

She sat on the visitors' chair while Carson pulled out his own and put it in front of her. Then he moved to one of his cupboards, took two mugs and placed them on the table.

Elizabeth marvelled how tidy his office was in spite of him being in charge of a whole department. His files were neatly piled on sides and left the middle of the table free. Her desk was a mess most of the time with people handing in reports on everything, her schedule, etc. She had seen Rodney's once and it was a chaos to the power of infinity. However, he was able to miraculously find anything there in a matter of seconds. He had his own order in the everlasting chaos.

Elizabeth sighed slowly. Carson frowned because his skilful doctor's eyes had noticed that she was feeling under the weather and so he stretched out for his Thermos flask and poured them both a full mug.

"Here we go." He handed her one and she accepted it gratefully. It was pleasantly warm and smelled after herbs.

"What is it?" she asked sniffing the liquid secretly not to offend him.

"It's a herbal tea. Teyla has brought me the herbs from the mainland because they can calm and energise you. A great combination, don't ye think?" Carson confessed and sat on the chair.

Elizabeth swallowed a mouthful of it and had to admit that it may be right. She felt a nice warmth crawl through her body. Her racing and disordered mind relaxed for a while and let her savour the company, the tea and the calmness of the soundproof office before she asked tentatively: "Do you think Rodney will make it okay?"

Carson heated his palms on the mug and contemplated his answer because there were so many factors to take into account. "I hope so," he finally replied. "He can shoot, he carries all the necessities in his jacket if anything. Even if he was forced to leave his pack in the ruins, he would manage for another day."

She sipped her tea. "What if he didn't obey Jorgenson? We both know he has his own head and…"

Carson knew what she was hinting. "His way would lead straight to the Stargate. John has trained him in the field so…"

"So he might have left everything in the corridor and rushed to the Gate. But that can only mean…" Elizabeth bit her lower lip in fear. Her chin began trembling.

Carson put his mug back on the table and caught her hands in his. "We don't know anything. Don't speculate. Not now. Rodney's much tougher than he lets others believe. And mainly see."

She nodded sadly. "When you get to know him better, you realise that his behaviour doesn't reflect his true self at all," she breathed out so silently that Carson had to try hard to catch her words.

"Do ye remember how ye two first met in Antarctica?" he asked smiling to bring her mind to a more pleasant topic.

She looked up at him. "Yeah. He thought I was an addition to your team and he literally ignored me." She chuckled. "Then he realised I was his boss and he still seemed so indifferent until we had to report to the SGC about our progress, where he defended my opinions, beliefs and ideas so vigorously. I wonder what was going through his head then. Why didn't he say anything earlier?"

"And I remember how he kept pushing me to sit in the Chair because I have the bloody gene," Carson added. "Looking at it after some time, I have to admit that he only tried to help me with ma fear and show me that Ancient technology doesn't bite. Well, in his twisted sort of help."

She nodded absent-mindedly because her subconsciousness was showing her flashes of memories with Rodney. They argued, they laughed, they talked, they fought against a common enemy. He explained to her how different devices worked with such a funny vehemence to impress her. She calmed him in his fear, encouraged him to move on when he thought he had hit the bottom. He held her when she cried. He whispered to her that she was the best person he had ever met, that if not for her, he wouldn't manage anything, he wouldn't have changed. That she was close to him. She had never read between lines. Maybe she had lied to herself on purpose that it didn't mean anything, that it was only a proof of exceptional friendship. But was it?

"He's endured so much," she said with eyes far in the past and yet not so far at all. "He'll be fine. He must be. Because if he isn't, then we're doomed."

Carson pressed his lips into a thin line, watching her slouched figure, and let go of her hands.

"Despite all hints, I haven't realised how close you have become," he murmured and she let a single tear drop down her cheek. She was angry at herself that she allowed Carson to see her so weak. She should have gone to her room and stay there with her thoughts. She shouldn't have ventilated her fears out at Carson. He didn't deserve to see that, he should have never seen her deepest inside.

She barely registered when he stood up, took her mug, put it on the table and pulled her up. Then he embraced her and whispered into her ear: "Elizabeth, don't ye worry. John will find him, I'm sure. And Rodney will grouse about being left behind like a textbook and he will drive everyone crazy and everything will be just normal."

Elizabeth laughed sadly and Carson went on: "And ye'll feel bad for being so afraid for him. But nothing that has happened here, that ye have allowed me to see, will ever leave these walls. I promise ye."

Elizabeth squeezed him tightly in a thank you and patted his back. She didn't need to say anything. Carson could read her as easily as his medical books. He gently rubbed her back and only made her squeeze tighten. Then they pulled apart and she sat back down on the chair with a relieved expression on her face. His pep-talk was what she desperately needed. It was a reassurance that everything would end in a good way.

"So, do you have any new findings in the field of medical appliances?" she asked to change the topic completely and to take care of Atlantis, which was her foremost duty.

Carson was glad that she finally released her tension and that she had chosen him to help her. It flattered him that she had so much confidence in him. He sat down and they started talking, with him paying extra attention not to get to a topic concerning Rodney so that she wasn't so scared for him.

– – – – – – – – – –

John woke up flat on his stomach coughing out dust. Strong hands turned him on his side and a male voice asked: "Sir, John, are you okay?"

John wheezed a 'yes' before coughing more and curling up. When his coughs subsided, Aiden helped him sit and turn his back at the wall.

"Teyla?" John asked coughing again. He could see the corridor, although with minor difficulties, thanks to a torch shining backwards.

Aiden inclined his head in the direction of the exit. John squinted there and noticed her lying on her side with one hand below her head and the other above on the ground. "How is she?" he asked.

"Her right shoulder was out of joint so I had to put it back. Her breathing and pulse are steady and she seems to only have bruises and maybe a concussion. She was hit in her head and has quite a lump."

Aiden looked at John and demanded: "And you? Are you injured?"

When John inhaled deeply to answer and had to put his hand on his lower ribs, Aiden added with menacing index finger: "And don't start with 'I'm not' because I had to dig you out of fallen stones."

John closed his eyes and tried to examine his body internally. His head ached but not too much. His ribs hurt but less than after the old Wraith's assault. So they must have been bruised and not broken. He felt as if he'd been kicked into a ball by a group of wild gorillas.

He sighed and opened his eyes. Aiden immediately kneeled to his side with a torch to check on him. John noticed that his right hand was bleeding and his pants were torn in many places and made his numerous scratches pretty visible. Aiden nodded happily that John didn't seem hurt internally.

"Are you OK?" John demanded when his mind finally kicked into the commander-guard mode.

Aiden shook his head. "I am and only thanks to you because you pushed me out of the main way of falling stones to get it yourself. I have some bruises and I hit my head pretty hard, but it's fine, really."

"That's good," John sighed. "Have you contacted Sgt. Vysockaja?"

"No," Aiden confessed. John frowned at him and he quickly defended his choice. "I rather pulled you two out of the debris to assess your survival chances instead of calling out for help. And Maria hasn't called, either."

John blinked slowly a few times and realised that the Lieutenant had chosen well. If they had been badly injured, they could have bled to death or have been crushed under stones while he was trying to get any sort of help.

"So how are we doing, Ford?" John said before closing his eyes. It was hard for him to keep them open in the dim area.

"Well," Aiden started. "Most of the ceiling fell down the corridor and blocked the way there. We were relatively lucky to have been in the centre as the way out had been obstructed by stones as well."

John put a hand in front of his eyes. "Great," he muttered. "We should try to call others," he added more loudly.

Aiden agreed. He didn't know how long they had been out. It could have been minutes or even hours. But if it was so long, why weren't they looking for them? Had anything happened up there?

Suddenly, the men heard moaning and turned their heads to Teyla. She was slowly waking up, still not completely coherent but she was getting there.

John stood up with the help of the wall and support from Aiden, and went to her. His walking was unsteady and so Aiden put his good hand around his neck to get him to her without further injuries.

John kneeled next to Teyla's head and caressed her cheek, talking silently: "Good morning, Sleeping Beauty. It's high time for you to wake up. We need to move out of here."

Aiden smiled. John had shown affection towards many women but with Teyla it was different. As if they were fated to be together. Aiden knew that Teyla had chosen him but sometimes they didn't see eye to eye. Furthermore, they couldn't form a couple because they were on the same team. It was the same with her and John, as he knew that, from night to night, she slept with him. Not next to him for the need of body heat but really with all the consequences. Aiden wondered how come she had such a very active nightlife.

"John?" they heard her faint but thick and slurred voice. Aiden guessed it was that bad due to the hit.

"Yep, it's me," John answered.

Teyla's eyelids fluttered and she opened her eyes. Her pupils were dilated a little but they returned almost back to normal once she adjusted to the light.

"What happened?" she asked moving her sight from John to Aiden.

"We're buried in the corridor but you needn't worry, we'll get out in no time," John answered stroking her hair.

Suddenly they heard thumping from the side of the exit. John smiled at her. "What have I said?"

He wanted to stand and help from their side but Aiden prevented him. "You can barely stand, I'll do it," he announced before moving to the stones and rocks. He started to put the debris aside but he looked exhausted. Neither John nor Teyla knew how many pieces he had already moved to free first himself, then the pair.

When he dropped the first stones away, they could hear a distant call. John clicked his radio but it was mute. He turned his head at Aiden who tried his, in vain. So he called as loud as he could: "We're down here!"

Then works at the top of the barricade quickened with Aiden helping as much as he could from their side. While the rescue was being accomplished, John helped Teyla sit and probed her limbs and belly if she wasn't hurt. When he touched her shoulder, she hissed in pain and he apologised immediately: "I'm sorry, sorry!"

Teyla noticed his scared eyes and calmed him: "It's only tender. You didn't do anything."

"I did." John sighed apologetically. "Aiden told me that he had had to relocate your shoulder and I forgot."

"Oh." Teyla didn't know what he meant. She didn't want to let him see how much it had hurt because his 'maternal instincts' were at the maximum.

"But you look like you're in need of medical attention," she said after having checked his body for wounds.

"It's nothing. Just a scratch here and there." He tried to hide his bloody hand and she pretended not to notice. She knew he was applying his 'lessons in leadership' but she couldn't decide between the second and the third. One was about not letting others see your weakness, the other about putting your team members' needs atop your own.

Suddenly they heard falling rocks and Jorgenson's shout: "Major Sheppard? Are you all alright, sir?"

John didn't feel like shouting because his throat was sore but he still called back: "Rather yes, but we could use a bit of Dr. Beckett's care in the Infirmary."

They heard at least two sharp intakes of breath and John estimated that the entire Jorgenson's team were up there doing their best to dig them out.

"We'll get to you in no time, sir. I promise." As soon as Allan stopped talking, more bumps and bangs filled the area.

Aiden tried to help them but John looked at him and said: "Aiden, leave it. You're tired. You'll only hurt yourself."

Aiden nodded reluctantly and moved over to the pair to sit down and wait for the rescue to be done.


	14. First Shift Over

AN: Hi everybody. Looks like you're still with me here. I'm glad for that but I'd like to hear what you think about the story, too. Am I asking for too much? I just need something or someone to raise my self-esteem a bit, you know... :-) With the exam time it's good to put my mind of school for some time.

And a big chocolate bunny to the person who finds the part which is a paraphrase from an episode in season 2!

* * *

 **First Shift Over**

M1X-808, clearing around the Stargate. Markham and Stackhouse guarded the Gate and scanned the forest for others who had warned them that they were returning without Rodney due to injuries. Fortunately, the rain had almost vanished and it was only drizzling.

Stackhouse was standing close to the DHD to dial it as soon as they appeared while Markham was circling in the clearing like a dog searching for its master.

"What could have happened?" Markham asked Stackhouse with another pass.

"Don't ask me, I know as much as you do. But I hope it isn't too severe."

Stackhouse looked at the path, which the others had taken when they had left the Gate area. He didn't see anything but his trained ears caught rustling of undergrowth from that direction. He motioned Markham to have a look and he nodded wordlessly.

He went to the path and heard soft curses and oaths of tired voices. He nodded back at Stackhouse who dialled Atlantis' address immediately but waited with his IDC till the team came to them.

"Oh my God!" the pair breathed out when John's team came into their view and they noticed how battered they were.

John could barely walk but he kept refusing any kind of support because he couldn't admit his weakness in front of people he led. He was the military head of Atlantis and he had had to do many, either pleasant or nasty, things with cool head and his own unhappiness, problems and hurts broke free only when he was in the gym punching the bag or when he locked himself in his quarters and screamed at the injustice in the world with songs from their database playing so loud that no-one could hear him. He was an ordinary person and in many ways just as complex as Rodney. Maybe it was the life on the top and the immense responsibility it had brought.

Aiden closed his eyes in pain every time he put more weight on his left foot. It wasn't broken, he just trod badly in the mess after the fall. And still, he managed to support Teyla who was swaying like a birch in wind. Her dark complexion didn't show how nauseous she felt and that she had vomited along the way. John knew it was a sign of a heavy concussion but they couldn't help her in the middle of the forest.

Maria supported Teyla from the other side while Allan and Carlos closed the group with unsure glances towards John's team and then even the pair at the Stargate.

"Sir," Stackhouse saluted at John who only nodded.

"Atlantis?" John asked tiredly.

"Getting to it." Markham pulled out his GDO and punched in his code while Stackhouse activated his radio.

– – – – – – – – – –

Atlantis, control room. Elizabeth came running there from her office as soon as the Stargate started engaging.

"Who's that?" she demanded hurriedly, hoping it was the rescue team with Rodney.

Peter looked at the computer set on the identification of Iris Deactivation Codes and shook his head. "We don't have any identification, Doc."

Elizabeth's eyes widened in fear. "Who's off-world apart from the rescue mission?"

Peter checked his computer and frowned. "I have two teams, both of them with the Stargate planted on the planet." He looked up at her. "We have to wait."

Elizabeth watched the Gate anxiously wondering what was going on. "Could it be a trap?" she wondered aloud.

"I don't…" Peter started when the computer blinked green as in 'IDC validated'.

"It's Sgt. Markham," he informed Elizabeth.

She breathed out, wishing everything would go back to normal. Unfortunately, her worries beat her when Stackhouse called: "Atlantis, this is Sgt. Stackhouse. We need a medical team at standby with three gurneys."

Elizabeth nodded at Betty and she called the Infirmary straight away. "They'll arrive in a second, Sergeant. The shield is down."

Peter deactivated the iris and a while later first Allan and Carlos, then John, Aiden, Teyla and Maria, and finally Markham and Stackhouse stepped through.

Elizabeth rushed down to the Gateroom, terrified for the team. The enquiry for a medical assistance scared the hell out of her. When she reached the bottom and looked at the arrivals, she opened her mouth and couldn't say a word. She was gaping flabbergasted at the state her foremost team returned. They looked as if they should drop dead any time soon and they were so scratched and scraped that the only thought that came into her mind was that they fell down a rocky slope.

"What happened?" she finally got from herself looking at them.

John took the word. "We activated a defence mechanism in the corridor while we were looking for Rodney. It fell on us. Others dug us out."

Elizabeth closed her eyes. "Have you…?"

She didn't have to finish her question so that John knew what she wanted to know. He lowered his head and shook it.

Elizabeth inhaled sharply but couldn't ask more because Carson's team came rushing to them. "What have ye done this time that ye need stretchers?" he demanded the team while his assistants prepared for about-to-die cases.

John smiled crookedly. "I did nothing, I swear! We can make it to the Infirmary ourselves, as usual."

Carson scanned the trio and turned his head in disbelief with a small oh-not-again smile. "Have ye fell down a hill and ended up in thorny bushes?"

Teyla swayed some more and almost fell off Aiden's shoulder. He had to catch her by her injured shoulder and she silently cried out in pain.

Elizabeth looked at Carson helplessly, who snapped his fingers and got the stretchers at hand. "Lieutenant, put her here," he said patting the nearest one, "and then sit yerself on that one. Major, I'm 'fraid this one is yers." He then indicated the final one.

Maria helped Aiden get Teyla on the stretcher and Carson asked: "What happened to her shoulder?"

"Dislocated," John announced, reluctantly sitting on the stretcher but being happy to finally have something solid to sit on. He kept a mask of annoyance although he was feeling so weak in his knees he thought he wouldn't make it to the Infirmary at all by himself.

Carson pushed him into lying position and the trio was quickly whisked away. Elizabeth followed them with her eyes until they disappeared behind the corner and then she looked at others. "Have you found anything?"

Jorgenson shook his head. "I'm sorry, ma'am. We searched thoroughly but it was raining heavily. And the Dart hasn't shown up since we stepped through the Stargate. Then Sgt. Vysockaja called that she'd felt a tremor and she couldn't contact the Major's team and she went down and told us about the fallen rock. So we stopped searching, went to her and dug the team out. They were stuck in between two collapsed parts of the corridor. Then we returned as fast as we could."

Elizabeth sighed. "Thank you, Captain. Go dry and change and report to my office in ten minutes."

"Yes, Dr. Weir," Allan said.

She turned her back at them and went upstairs. The six wet unsuccessful rescuers left the Gateroom quickly because they found the damp uniforms annoying.

Elizabeth reached the control room, clicked her comm resolutely and called: "Capt. Grimfin, can you hear me?"

Grimfin was currently working out in the gym. He set the weights aside and reached for his communicator. "What can I do for you, Doc?"

"Prepare your team and teams 3 and 6. You're going on the planet you were supposed to leave for earlier. The Dart hasn't shown up for a couple of hours and I need you to clear a passageway through a collapsed corridor because Dr. McKay is believed to be at the bottom. Then you could check the area behind the Stargate and the forest towards the ruins. Can you make it?"

Grimfin nodded even though she couldn't see him. "I can, madam. I'll have everything ready in fifteen to twenty minutes."

"Very well. Dr. Grodin will dial the planet for you once you come to the Gateroom. Weir out."

Elizabeth sighed and looked at Peter questioningly. "Will you…?"

Peter nodded. "Of course."

"Thank you," she breathed out. Then she went to sit in her office to calm herself down before she would learn more about the mission. They had been off-world for five hours and they hadn't heard a word from Rodney!

She quickly looked up the planet's details and found its rotation speed. "Oh, no," she whispered when she counted that sun shone 14 hours a day on average in the climatic belt of the Gate at that season. "They have only about two hours of daylight left. Rodney must be terrified to death that it takes us so long to save him."

She couldn't imagine him being scooped up by the Dart despite her feelings. It was too horrible a thought.

– – – – – – – – – –

Nevertheless, she was so right about Rodney being really scared. And even more so when he woke up and all he could see was darkness. His heart began racing, his claustrophobia pictured him different scenarios of where he had been closed by his worst enemies, Kolya being one of them, his pulse raised from 70 to 170 in four seconds. Sorry about this small exaggeration to give you the idea of how shocked, horrified and lost he felt.

It took him a while to remember where he was and what had happened. He realised he must have fallen asleep at some point, curled against the fir, and it was late at night on the planet and nobody came to save him. He added a silent 'yet' to the end of this thought because he wanted to believe that a rescue would come as soon as possible.

He tried to move but he was too numb with cold. Although the planet's temperature hardly changed in this climatic belt no matter the season, the blowing wind made water in his clothes evaporate and take his much-needed body heat away.

Parts of his body, which weren't numb, ached unmercifully. He shivered a bit and pressed his chin to his knees. He wondered how he managed to stay in one position all the time but he didn't have a clue how many hours had passed in reality.

He braced himself and pressed his uncooperative body to a sitting position against the fir. During the process, he managed to bump his head against the lowest branches and was showered with needles.

"Nice," he sighed and tried to sweep the needles that got stuck in his hair. He frowned when his left hand touched something sticky and the movement smeared it all over the crown of his head. He took his hand down, fumbled around with the right one and found his torch.

"Please, work," he whispered before pressing the button and, to his immense surprise, lighting up his surroundings. When he shone it at his left hand, he scowled in distaste. It was covered in yellowish sap, presumably from a fresh cut in the higher parts of the tree.

"Wonderful." Rodney flexed his jaw and wiped the hand vigorously on his pants, temporarily glueing it to his left thigh.

"I'm so lucky," he muttered sarcastically to the night before shivering. Then he turned off his torch and rubbed his forehead with his clean hand.

He knew it would be of no use to walk anywhere in the middle of the night with his torch on as it had only a limited amount of battery, which he may need more later. So he lay down on the soft carpet of fir-like needles and curled up again into the smallest ball possible to conserve as much heat as he could and not to hurt his right foot more.

He breathed out frustrated that his supplies were so scarce, that he was so dirty, that he was feeling so… He didn't know how to describe his feelings but they weren't pleasant at all. He blinked several times in an attempt to see something but no stars or moons penetrated the cloudy barricade in the sky.

"Fine, how long can it be?" he asked aloud and then replied to himself: "Sun shines for plus minus fourteen hours. We arrived one hour after sunrise, spent good five hours in the ruins; that leaves about eight hours. Seven for the rescue mission itself as Elizabeth would want more facts."

He closed his eyes and went on silently: "And it's night-time. So it's been well eight or nine hours since the rescue team should have been sent. And I'm still here under this tree."

He remembered having a watch but he didn't have it on his left hand anymore. He sighed brokenly and listened for any sounds. He realised the torrential rain had diminished to just a drop here and there from the tree canopy because he couldn't hear its steady hiss anymore. The fir was, fortunately, dense enough and the long needles led water away so no more moisture reached him.

Rodney didn't know why that slow and gloomy drip-drop reminded him of crying. As if somebody didn't want to show their sadness but still let out a tear from one and then the other eye, letting it drop from their lashes. Was it for the past that couldn't be changed? Was it for the difficult present? Was it for the uncertain future? Who knew.

"I should hurry to the Stargate," he muttered to himself and then wondered why. Jorgenson's team was safe and mainly dry and happy at Atlantis so he didn't have to hurry to inform Elizabeth about a rescue mission. He needed to be rescued himself.

"I should be the one at Atlantis saving the poor idiot stuck on this planet and not actually be the poor idiot stuck on this planet!" he exclaimed silently, rubbing his arms for some heat.

He didn't have the energy to speak aloud so he went on mentally, 'Oh, how nice it would be at Atlantis now. Out of this damp world. Warm and Dry. Well-fed. With my team. In a lab with Zelemka or what's the guy's name. Czech is such a difficult language.'

His mind pictured Atlantis like a Lost Paradise. He frowned when he realised that eight hours, the time he knew for sure that he was missing, represented a normal shift, a normal work-day of most of the crew, so maybe the first wave of researchers had gone home already.

"Eight hours," Rodney snickered sadly. In his mental voice, he chided himself: 'It's enough for a day for a normal person. But you aren't normal. When was the last time you worked an eight-hour shift? Can you remember? Oh yeah, it was at school. You started at 8 am and finished at 5 pm. Eight hours, if you take away the lunch break of one hour which you have always filled with work, first theoretical works for future use, then to earn money for you and Jeannie.'

Rodney sighed and shivered. This inner talk wasn't helping at all but he needed to blame something for his condition. To blame everything but himself.

"No wonder you're tired," he continued aloud, "when you've overworked your body this much since college. Even Major Sheppard was angry with you for working on a day off. It only shows that good intentions do not pay off. Now, sloth isn't a deadly sin. It's admirable. Chasing unreachable goals, like trying to find a charged ZPM, who would want that when everything you ever wanted: approval, recognition, a fulfilling job in the field of science, meeting new cultures, travelling in a clack of your fingers, people who are close to you gradually getting past your façade to see you wholly, a woman you would sacrifice your life for… Who would want to lose all that when the contact with the Earth is re-established?"

Rodney sighed as he didn't want to lose any of these. He knew the woman had someone back home. He had realised they didn't match, however, she needed an impulse to see that. He knew she had left him, knew about the video message for Simon. She had even confessed to Rodney that she hadn't felt strong enough to face Simon when announcing her expedition to the Pegasus. And he understood. She had gone away with her tail between her legs and retreated from the problem with what little grace she was able to muster. How could she possibly tell somebody she'd spent years with that she needed a change and may never return. And in person?

"Stop it, stop!" Rodney cried out. "I get it, you freaking substitute of a voice from my subconsciousness. That's enough. I know I have feelings for her but who wouldn't? She's responsible, adorable. She gets on well with everyone. Even John!"

Rodney didn't want to admit to himself that he felt jealous towards Elizabeth and John. Sheppard wanted her and so he got her. Rodney himself was only a friend for the worst of times when John was injured, when he hurt Elizabeth by some of his actions. Damned Casanova. She didn't deserve a fly-boy who eyed all women they met off-world. And he didn't notice eyes or hands. He preferred every pair bigger than an orange, and that he could choose up to the size of a yellow melon, speciality of the planet of Mariena.

Rodney turned his head in disbelief and wondered how the team trip went and whether they had a nice time at the lake. If he hadn't committed himself to Jorgenson's team, he could have spent the sunny day on the mainland and maybe swimming in the lake. He shook himself violently but this time it wasn't in cold. His throat closed tightly when he relived his encounter with the river. He couldn't breathe for a minute before his muscles relaxed and he could draw in a deep breath.

"Right, no swimming for me…for quite a while," he decided on the place. "But I'd love to know if Teyla took a swimsuit or not."

His lips parted in a small smile. In some areas, she was more mature than the entire expedition, whereas those typical for the Earth left her bouche bée like a small child. Rodney thought for a while for the right equivalent of translation from his mother tongue to English and found only 'gaping mouth wide open'. He remembered the time when he had been reading a book in French and she entered his lab to ask if he would join them for dinner. He replied to her in French with his real accent, which he hid successfully every time he used English, and shocked her so much she thought there was somebody else in his body. He didn't realise it because when speaking with Elizabeth he could use French and even Russian and she understood what he meant.

Until then Rodney hadn't realised that he was sending small tears down his cheeks. Those memories of his were so valuable and he hadn't cherished them, hadn't told others how much he liked being a part of a team, belonging somewhere. He wiped his eyes.

"You can only fit in when there's a space to fill…" he whispered so quietly. Then he shuddered in cold and wormed into the needles so that he could partly use them as a blanket. Something was always better than nothing.

He sneezed, closed his eyes and hugged his knees. He hoped to fall asleep again but with the cold and dampness and his aching body he seriously doubted that he would find any rest that night.

Nonetheless, whoever watched over him then was so gracious that they soon allowed Rodney to fall asleep again and regain as much energy as he could for the following day.


	15. You're Giving Up On Him

AN: Has it been established if Rodney does have diabetes or not? Given how he keeps complaining about low blood sugar and all... Well, for the sake of the story, let's say that he does, and if not, well, it will work as well. Hope you're still following my story and that you like it.

* * *

 **You're Giving Up On Him**

In the morning at Atlantis, about 8 am. As Atlantis' rotation speed was an hour longer than that of M1X-808, two teams of rescuers had already left Atlantis to continue working on making a way through the corridor. Nobody who knew about Rodney slept well that night. Elizabeth and Carson were doing even worse because they knew about Rodney's hypoglycaemia, which was more dangerous in addition to his diabetes.

Now Carson finally released John's team from the Infirmary as he couldn't stand first their pleas and then their threats anymore. The three of them together could compete with Rodney on that matter. Carson understood how they were feeling, he was sorry for them, but quite a weight of rocks had ended up atop of them so he needed to make sure they were alright themselves before allowing them to go off-world again.

John's hand was bandaged so skilfully that even if he wanted to take it down, he wouldn't be able to without using scissors. Teyla received a sling for her right shoulder to help the healing process and an ice pack for her lump. Aiden was given a pair of crutches due to his left ankle. It was slightly twisted and swollen but Carson promised to take the cast off soon. Just to add, their cuts were cleaned and covered in an antibacterial ointment. It stung but they got over it soon.

What they didn't know was that Carson had slipped slow-effect sedatives into their drinks when they were leaving. He had voiced his concerns about them returning to M1X-808 when speaking to Elizabeth who approved of it because she knew they would need at least a hammer to knock them out to make them stay in the City.

So when they appeared in front of her office that morning, she could hardly believe her eyes. She thought Carson had given them enough sedatives to make an elephant black out but, apparently, it wasn't sufficient. They were too anxious to rest.

John knocked at the door and opened it. "Do you have a moment, Dr. Weir?" he asked carefully.

Elizabeth looked up surprised but motioned for them to come in. Teyla was first with an ice pack pressed to the back of her head. John then held the door open for Aiden who hobbled in as he hadn't got used to the crutches, yet. Meanwhile, Elizabeth finished the report she was reading and put the pad aside.

"What can I do for you, Major?" she asked with a schooled expression on her face.

"We need to return to that planet," he announced calmly although he looked awfully exhausted, not only physically but also mentally.

Elizabeth breathed out slowly and looked at the trio. "Excuse me?" she asked.

"We're going back," John repeated and leaned his hands on Elizabeth's desk. She noticed that he kept most of his weight off the bandaged one, surely not to feel the pain that much, but he looked so persuasive when saying this…

She was so sorry that she had to tell him no. "Major," she began, "I'm not letting you go back injured. I've already sent capable personnel to continue the search and free the corridor…"

"I should be there!" John replied loudly, slamming his healthy hand against her desk. Then he waved his injured hand toward his teammates. "We ALL should be out there."

"To do what?" she demanded. "Lieutenant Ford can barely walk. The terrain is mountainous; he won't be able to hop up and down the hill on crutches."

Aiden looked ashamed when he had to nod in agreement. He had claimed he was alright and didn't need help. Then Carson told him that he had hurt the foot more than he had it initially.

Elizabeth moved her eyes to Teyla and noticed she was holding the ice pack in her hand instead of having it on her head. "And I'm not talking about Teyla."

Teyla looked up and tugged at her sling. "I'm fine, Elizabeth, believe me. I am able to continue the search even with my shoulder having been dislocated. All I need are my legs and eyes."

Elizabeth noticed how she closed her eyes in an attempt to ease her headache. She was supposed to rest the ice on her head but maybe it was too cold to bear for more than a few minutes straight. Elizabeth shook her head and sent her a tight understanding smile. "Teyla, you have been diagnosed with a concussion, which means you mustn't do anything more than a light duty. And I seriously doubt hiking belongs to that category."

Then she returned her gaze to John's bandaged hand and asked him: "And just how well can you handle a weapon, should something attack you? You pull the trigger with your right hand. Do you think you can do that reasonably with these layers of gauze?"

John winced at her critique but realised she was right. He tried to move his bandaged fingers and suppressed a hiss. The entire back of his hand was scalped to raw flesh due to a sharper piece of debris from the collapsed corridor. Hurt like hell but it was hardly something to keep him in bed. And the few bruises were nothing more than an annoying inconvenience. He'd been through worse.

Suddenly he realised that every time something life-threatening happened to him in the Pegasus, Rodney was there to doctor him and help him overcome it. John sighed sadly when he remembered the iratus bug, Rodney surprising the Genii when he knew about the A-bomb or the defiant old Wraith. Rodney kept saving his ass so he deserved John's help now.

"John," Elizabeth said and interrupted his mental walk in the past. "You three would be useless there. Rodney wouldn't want…"

"Don't start with what Rodney would want!" John cried out, startling everyone in the room, including himself. Elizabeth blinked at him with mouth slightly open. Too late did he realise his mistake and so he apologised. "Sorry, Doc."

"We know where we need to be," Teyla offered. "If it were one of us, Rodney would surely behave in the same way."

Elizabeth sighed sadly. "That's why I understand your request so well but I can't let you go." She closed her eyes and lowered her head for a moment. Then she went on: "Two teams tried to free the collapsed hallway till nightfall. They have created an adequate passage up to the area where you had been found. Another team searched through the forest but they haven't found anything, yet."

"And how is that supposed to help us?" Aiden asked cautiously.

Elizabeth looked up at him. "I'm just trying to say that the search and rescue is demanding and I don't want to lose you three as well…"

She couldn't finish her sentence due to another knock on her door. The four of them turned in that direction and saw Radek walk in the room apologetically. "I'm sorry, Dr. Weir, but you've told me to inform you if I find anything."

John looked surprised. Elizabeth flashed Radek a worried glance before firming her features. "What is it?"

Radek approached her desk and handed over his pad. "I examined the radios you had sent to me. I know why they hadn't worked and Capt. Jorgenson's team was unable to contact Major Sheppard's."

Elizabeth pulled the pad in front of her and scanned the details on the screen while John's team looked at the pair perplexed. John inhaled to ask just when Radek went on himself. "They were disabled by an EM pulse. Just like we had got rid of the nanites a few weeks ago. The same defence system which caused the ceiling to collapse must have sent a wave through the entire corridor, effectively trapping the team inside without a contact with the outside world and damaging Sgt. Vysochkaja's earpiece as well. That's why it kept buzzing no matter how she tried to find a better frequency."

"Where do you think was the epicentre?" Elizabeth asked practically.

Radek understood her unvoiced question if something similar could have happened to Rodney and that was why he wasn't responding. He couldn't lie to those pleading eyes of hers. "The emitter might be situated in the heart of the complex. I'm incredibly sorry I can't give you a straight yes or no. We have to wait."

Elizabeth nodded absent-mindedly and drew a little SOS on the screen of the pad before snapping back and giving it to Radek. "Thank you for the report, Radek," she said. Then she remembered that Rodney hadn't been in the city at night and maybe Atlantis needed a bit of diagnostics and a touch of a caring hand. She couldn't resist asking: "By the way, how is Atlantis doing? Is everything functioning okay?"

Both Radek and John frowned at her. Radek demanded: "Why are you asking? Do you know about any problems?"

Elizabeth's cheeks went a little red. "No. Well, not now. A few days ago Rodney told me that he had patched up some system to keep it working. To repair it completely he needed time which he didn't have and he hasn't found the time since then to fix it. So maybe you'll have some blinking red dot on the computer soon."

Radek was astonished that she knew how problems were displayed because she had never got to see that. Suddenly, he realised Rodney may have shown her and, in fact, he didn't wonder. John, on the other hand, didn't get it at all. "Elizabeth…" he began.

She inhaled and exhaled quickly before saying: "Alright, Radek. We'll meet in six hours as we agreed."

Radek understood her need for him to leave, nodded and quitted the room fast. John's team watched him leave for the control room, bend to Betty and whisper something to her before she nodded once so quickly you wouldn't notice unless you were focused on her features. When Radek wanted to walk away, she caught his arm and told him something urgently. Radek's lips became a thin white line when he looked towards Elizabeth's glass office walls. He clearly noticed the team staring at him so he whispered something into her ear, careful not be read from his mouth movements. Then he left with a salute towards the trio although his hand was shaking ever so slightly.

The team didn't need to find out that an earpiece had been found in the forest. And neither did Elizabeth. Radek was sure that they'd learn about it soon from the next report from the planet. That was why he had asked Betty to keep him informed about what was happening in the control room and Elizabeth's office. This was one piece of news he hadn't wanted to hear.

Meanwhile, Elizabeth stood up and went over to the team. She stopped behind their backs and they hadn't noticed her until she spoke up: "John, I can imagine how hard it is for you to do nothing. But you need to let others help him when you yourself cannot."

The three of them turned at her quickly and Aiden leaned forward noticeably, his head spinning. He closed his eyes when all his surroundings moved like waves on the ocean. John saved him before he could fall and shoved his good hand against his chest pressing him to the glass wall. Aiden leaned on it heavily, looking thankfully at John, who felt a bit woozy himself because of the action, and who even contemplated copying his position to maintain his determined stance.

Elizabeth watched them with regard. She knew the trio should be lying in their respective beds instead of standing here. She saw Teyla close her eyes and frown slightly. Aiden remained on the wall while John pressed his good hand against the wall behind his back for stability when colour drew from his face. He looked more than ready to drop to the floor but he didn't want to show his weakness in front of his teammates and his boss. It was so similar to the planet…

"So you aren't going to give us a go, right?" John asked.

Elizabeth looked into his eyes and saw he wouldn't be on his feet much longer. She asked herself if she should summon Carson so that they didn't hurt themselves even more. She spoke again, keeping her voice low and even to give them what little comfort she could: "Look, I promise I'll let you know as soon as I learn something new. I ordered the teams to check in every three hours so if you'll wait for about another hour…" John looked at her hopefully but she stopped him with: "…and not in my office because I have work to do…"

John saddened and sighed. Elizabeth noticed that during this few seconds Teyla leaned on the wall next to Aiden and her head dropped to his shoulder. He couldn't support her with the crutches so he at least adjusted her head to rest comfortably. John used this small interruption in Elizabeth's speech to say a silent blunt: "You're giving up on him."

Elizabeth was taken aback by his comment. "What…?" she asked shocked.

Then she spotted John's closed eyes and realised one important thing. They were drugged and ready to drop dead where they were leaning but despite that they were congregated in her office only through their determination, fighting whatever Carson had given them. She couldn't fault them. In fact, she was very much proud of them. They must have penetrated through Rodney's shell and recognised he wasn't only a whiny wimp. They were determined to fight and go save Rodney despite medication and their own injuries. It hurt her that she couldn't let them go just like that. Maybe in the afternoon, she decided, when they'd be rested.

"John, I'm not giving up on him. I know that the more eyes and hands I send on this mission, the sooner we'll learn what happened. However, I can't send the entire base, and I'm quite sure you understand such need from your own experience."

John opened his eyes and creased his brow because it was hard for him to even think and he couldn't catch what she was implying. He couldn't argue with her when the room started to swing in various directions.

"Fine," he replied slightly mollified. "We'll be back in two hours to learn about the progress."

"You do that," Elizabeth advised although she was completely sure they wouldn't wake up until late afternoon.

John pushed himself to a standing position but swayed and had to catch himself on the handle of the door. Everybody in the control room looked up worried and waited if he was about to collapse or not. Betty prepared a comm link to the Infirmary should she call Dr. Beckett.

"John, are you okay?" Elizabeth asked concerned. What was too much, was becoming very too too much.

John shook his head in a wordless yes and touched Aiden's shoulder. He opened his eyes and shook Teyla gently to wake her up. She did so reluctantly and settled the ice pack back on her lump. They all left Elizabeth's office slowly and walked through the control room without a single word. Elizabeth followed them with her gaze and wished she would have something positive to tell them when they returned.

When the team got out of the control room, Aiden asked: "So what is the plan now?"

John rubbed his forehead and said: "We'll get some rest and meet here in three hours or sooner."

Aiden staggered at the comment. Teyla quickly supported him with her uninjured arm while John helped from the other side. "Alright, Lieutenant," John informed him, "first we need to get you to bed."

It was about that time that John finally realised why they were looking and feeling so bad. He recognised the queasiness of having been sedated with pills which took so long to become active.

"And we'd better hurry thanks to our good doctor," he added unamused.


	16. Continuous Research

AN: To the 'Guest' who wanted to know how Rodney's night went. It's written two chapters prior, in 'First Shift Over'. I just put a bit of John's team before that. Search and you shall find. ;-) Enjoy.

* * *

 **Continuous Research**

M1X-808, the forest between the ruins and the Stargate. A team of four soldiers had been searching for any traces of Rodney for two hours straight. They walked in pairs and looked for anything on the mossy ground of the forested land. One pair was looking through the area closer to the ruins, the other closer to the Gate.

Suddenly, a woman in the pair closer to the ruins called out in surprise to her partner when she tripped over a gun: "Connor, I've found something!"

Connor immediately appeared at her side. "What is it, Ziva?"

The woman named Ziva bent down and picked up the gun. It was a standard 9 mm one. They eyed it uncertainly before Ziva said: "Nobody has reported losing a sidearm and we're far from the path. Do you think…?"

Connor shrugged. "Sgt. Vysockaja found an earpiece yesterday. So Dr. McKay may have left the corridor and rushed to the Stargate."

Suddenly, their radios crackled to life and a male voice was heard: "Why aren't you moving, guys? We have a huge area to look through and you're having a date there?"

Connor and Ziva couldn't say if their CO was making fun of them or not. Connor decided to tell him: "Sir, we think we've found Dr. McKay's hand gun. That's why we stopped."

"Oh, ehm, alright, Sergeant. Pick it up and continue search…" He stopped abruptly as if he heard something and was currently listening to it.

Connor frowned at Ziva, who shrugged and said: "It's not something on the radio when we don't receive it as well."

She took away the gun's magazine and pressed the uppermost round to find out it was full. She opened the barrel to check the ejection port and clicked it close. Then she put the gun behind her waistband and the magazine into one of her pockets. When she was done, and it lasted mere seconds, the team leader's, Grimfin's, voice was heard again. "Well, we've just found a backpack stuck in branches. According to its contents, we can assume it belongs to Dr. McKay."

Connor and Ziva covered their mouths. That was a shock. As if the birds singing around them understood what was going on, they went silent. "We can't see any footprints," Grimfin went on, "but given the location of all three things found, he was on his way to the Stargate and…"

"He must have been taken," Ziva breathed out silently. She looked at her feet, feeling like hell. Their efforts were useless, they had done everything in vain.

Grimfin didn't finish his sentence and suggested: "We still might try searching through the forest, but I have to call it a defeat. He can't be here anymore or he would have already contacted any of us somehow."

Connor chewed on his lower lip. He wasn't happy about it no more but he demanded: "Sir, should we return to the Stargate straight away, then?"

"Negative, Sergeant," Grimfin ordered. "There is about half an hour before we were supposed to meet so we'll do that and return to report to Dr. Weir on time. Maybe we'll find more clues as to what happened."

Ziva shook off her bad feelings and spoke up: "You are closer to the Stargate than we are. And I doubt Dr. McKay had had more things to lose by the time he reached your position."

"You're right about that, Sergeant, but he could have left a mark or something behind. Remember that it was Major Sheppard who had trained him," Grimfin reminded them all.

Ziva sighed because she knew how indispensable Dr. McKay was for the operation of Atlantis. However, she was sure he hadn't thought of leaving marks when he ran to the Gate. These three things were no movement indicators. Hell, he was a scientist, not a soldier! He had dropped them due to the terrain!

"See you in thirty, sir," Ziva announced calmly and cut off the conversation. That wasn't usual for her.

Connor put a comforting hand on her shoulder. "You okay? You seem very unhappy."

"I'm fine," she lied. "It just needs time to sink in." She shook her head. "You know, it hasn't been long since Dr. McKay saved my life when I accidentally triggered that Ancient device. If he hadn't been there, I would have been painfully disintegrated into molecules due to the substance it had injected me with."

"Yeah, I think I've heard of that," he admitted. "You stuck your little fingers where they didn't belong, right?" he teased her.

"Connor!" she exclaimed. "I'm not in the mood for joking. And, moreover, it was not my fault that Dr. Kavanagh misread the short manual and made me touch it like an enemy and not the admin."

Connor furrowed his brow. "Wow, well, I didn't believe that when I first heard it," he confessed. "He's such an ass," he offered to ease Ziva's mental state.

She burst out laughing. It was a huge help although she didn't see it right then. "At least I'm not the only one to notice that. He would have already killed so many good people if others had let him."

He remembered one past event and told her: "You know, I've heard Weir threatened to send him to an uninhabited world for that matter." He smirked. "No damage would be done, by the way."

She smiled at him and motioned for them to move on. They walked in silence with an occasional song from birds or patting of wild animals.

– – – – – – – – – –

M1X-808, the ruins. Two teams were working hard there when Grimfin's team found the gun and the backpack. They had formed a chain and managed to take out many stones and debris from the collapse. Unfortunately, their progress was slowed down due to the construction of pillars holding the ceiling so that security of people working on it was ensured.

Some of the people there were Stackhouse, Markham or Hillary Daniels. Well, Hillary wasn't right in the centre of the action as she guarded outside and looked after communication when she was the only woman there. She didn't mind, though. She knew she was helping somehow. And Teyla would have first-hand information thanks to her.

She sat down on a pile of debris and sighed. She hated waiting like many other soldiers but she wasn't the type to walk around and be in the way when she wasn't particularly wanted.

Earlier that day she had stopped by in the Infirmary to tell Teyla how sorry she was and that she was going here. Teyla's relieved expression was priceless. As if she was afraid that Rodney wouldn't be found unless there was anybody she could trust.

Now Hillary smiled softly. Although Dr. McKay wasn't an especially nice guy, he had charm only great intellectuals have. But she knew about a situation in the SGC when he had 'helped' to save Teal'c. Exclusively from Major Carter she had learnt he had written him off after only a few hours in spite of her belief that he could be rematerialised. Rodney had been rude because she had put more importance on a single life of a member of her team than to the entire base. Hillary was sure that that Rodney hadn't had any experience with going off-world and trust among team members. It must have been a completely different McKay, the one who had put his own needs and wishes to the front and hadn't wanted to make any bonds. That McKay had wanted to have his job done and leave as quickly as possible and she was quite positive he must have died when saving the entire base from the entity freed by Jinto soon after their arrival to the Pegasus.

Nonetheless, Hillary deeply believed Rodney had changed because, believe it or not, he had actually got into a similar situation only a few weeks ago, but his role was the one of Carter. She clearly remembered hearing the conversation between McKay and Kavanagh in the Infirmary right after the mission.

Rodney's team had accompanied Dr. Kavanagh to a planet with a research base. They weren't pleased with the idea of having this particular person, who almost let them die when they had got stuck in a Gate with an iratus bug, with them at all. During the mission, Teyla, Sheppard and Ford had investigated a building and had been trapped inside a room while the doctors had remained outside by the consoles. Rodney ran back to the Stargate to get a team from Atlantis despite Kavanagh's protests that he would endanger the entire expedition due to only three lives as the lock-out had had a reason. Rodney even punched him in his face and broke his nose when Kavanagh implied that he should apply the same reasoning he had used with Teal'c. Rodney fought for his teammates and finally found out that it only responded to John's ATA gene and desire to be out of Kavanagh's reach. And, finally, everybody had got home safe and sound. Later in the Infirmary Rodney wanted to apologise for hitting Kavanagh but he kept repeating how thoughtless his actions had been so Rodney only politely sent him to hell for his distrustfulness in his own actions and accepted the compliment that he used his heart more than his head.

Hillary had been so taken aback by Rodney's kind and polite tone of voice that she hadn't realised the meaning immediately. When she did, she only whistled in 'wow, that was good'. She thought that it would serve Kavanagh as a good example but that guy was incorrigible. Leave it to him to envy Rodney that he had become a better man without noticing it and doing it consciously.

Hillary looked at her watch; she had half an hour before she should contact Grimfin's team and tell them about their progress. Well, there was hardly any progress going on but what could she say when she was only a woman and didn't have any skills in that area…

She decided to find out how they were doing so she activated her radio: "Sgt. Markham, can you hear me?"

"Yes, Captain," he responded with a heavy sigh, "clear and nice." She could see him wiping sweat from his forehead.

"How's your progress?" she asked.

"We have cleared another five metres," Markham announced. "Given the length of the first cave-in, we assume we have another twenty or so metres to do. We should be done in four to five hours."

"Alright, I'll pass it on to Atlantis," Hillary replied calmly.

Markham remember something and wondered: "Hillary, how are you doing up there? Is it raining again?"

She smiled. "Nah, so far not a drop. But I'd rather help you down there than walk around these ruins. It's getting creepy." She could hear Markham's real laugh along with snickering from others.

"Laughter is a very good remedy for exhaustion, Hillary," Martinez admitted. "Didn't you think of becoming a doctor or a therapist when you were small?"

Now it was Hillary's turn to bubble out a laugh. "Yeah, I have always dreamt of curing people who come to the Infirmary with minor cuts and bruises because of their talent to get hurt on a flat and even surface," she joked.

"Hey," Martinez laughed out, "that has happened only once. And if you knew who I was looking at, you wouldn't…"

Suddenly Capt. Grimfin interrupted their good mood. "I'm sorry to interrupt your work, guys, but I'm afraid you won't find Dr. McKay down the corridor."

"What?" Hillary spat out shocked.

"We have found his sidearm and his backpack in the woods," he revealed. "I know you should clean the passage but you don't have to call at him. We'll do our best to find more clues in the forest."

"Oh, God," Stackhouse breathed out silently. "Major Sheppard and Dr. Weir will be so upset…"

Everybody heard it but nobody dared comment on it. After a moment of silence, Hillary said: "Captain, we should finish in about six hours. Could you tell that to Dr. Weir when you report in?"

"Sure," Grimfin agreed, "I will. And do you want a scientist to check the room where Dr. McKay was?"

Even though nobody answered, Hillary wanted to know it as well. "Stackhouse, what do you think?" she asked.

He hmmed, then said: "Not now. We don't need anyone clumsy in here when we have to be precise to a millimetre. Ask for him on the next check-in."

"As you wish," Grimfin complied. "Grimfin out."

Markham sighed sadly soon followed by Martinez. Soldiers working on the collapse didn't want to think that their efforts were futile before reaching the bottom of the corridor and finding out themselves. They quietly returned to work to get it done soon and have an evidence to Major Sheppard although it wouldn't be a good one.

Hillary remained silent and took off her earpiece. She wanted dearly to punch something. And hard. But hitting a stone and consequently breaking her wrist wasn't a wise idea. She didn't long for a cast and being off duty when so many people depended on her. McKay may still be roaming around the woods.

"How can I tell Teyla and her team?" she questioned herself aloud. She at least kicked a stone and watched it fly to another building, hit its wall and crack it.

"Damn it," she swore. "Why had McKay come here? Couldn't he have stuck to his own team? Couldn't he have enjoyed a trip to the mainland? He has surely been culled. The Dart wouldn't have left without its prize."

She kicked another rock, bigger this time. It didn't hurt through the military boot but she felt the impact. She knew the others had restarted their work on the hallway so she didn't bother about the melodrama she was performing out here.

She chuckled when she remembered John calling Rodney a drama queen with his constant fear of dying of a citrus allergy or a hypoglycaemic shock. She didn't believe a word Rodney said on the topic about his health condition because she had always believed that when someone talked about a situation, an event or a problem so much, he had never experienced it or he longed to prove that he knew more about it than the others did. She assumed Rodney was a bit of both. Maybe he wanted others to take pity on him and treat him like a sugar doll. But he had shown countless times that he wasn't one. Teyla had told her many stories from their missions where he had proved his courage and strength. He had become a warrior of sorts. A warrior whose most powerful weapons were his brain, his knowledge, his experiences and experience and mainly his, sometimes well-hidden, determination to bring all projects to an auspicious end.

For all his faults, he was the best capacity they had in the Pegasus. Nobody here could replace him. Nobody in the City had been with the Stargate project studying the technology of Stargates for as long as he was.

Hillary hoped his expertness hadn't been the only cause of his team's unhappiness in the Infirmary. They asked Carson so piteously to let them return to the planet but the good doctor was relentless for their own health. They had had quite a heated discussion over it, to no avail.

She was sure of Teyla's sincerity as she had created a nice bond with Rodney. They shared a cup of Athosian morning tea every now and then on a balcony near the civilian part of living quarters. And Teyla's stories, which she had sometimes shared with Hillary, talked for themselves.

But for Sheppard and Ford, she doubted a lot. Ford was a young carefree green military kid who didn't like Rodney much. He was still upset due to the nanite issue and considered him quite an idiot for being so callous in many cases, for saying the truth as it was, for not trying to be more sensitive. Hillary wasn't sure about how he got on with Rodney. And Sheppard? He had always been Rodney's guinea pig in terms of newly-found Ancient devices and appliances and he didn't fancy it. He preferred spending time with Ford and ran to him to avoid Rodney. However, he was the one who battled for their release the most.

Hillary rubbed her aching temples. She didn't know what to think of that. It was true that Maj. Sheppard and Dr. McKay were saving Atlantis almost on the daily basis. They could have created a friendship when they regularly saved one another. Maybe that was why John had claimed that he owed it to Rodney, that it was his turn that time.

Thinking about the scene more deeply, John had seemed as if he was blaming himself for what had happened. When Hillary left the Infirmary, she waited outside for a while and listened. John confessed to others that it was his fault and he should have gone with Rodney to the goddamned ruins because then nothing bad would have happened to him. Teyla calmed him with a hand on his shoulder while Ford offered that he hadn't known about the mission. John's upset sigh had disclosed to Hillary that he had known about it but she couldn't see their faces to know for sure if his team had realised that as well.

Hillary knew nothing could be changed now, but it was so unnerving! She clicked her tongue and resumed pacing around the ruins trying to block all her thoughts and memories. Like a body without soul still aware of its surroundings.


	17. Trying To Move On

Some time after sunrise Rodney woke up again to soft whispers of the forest. He didn't open his eyes immediately, he only lay and listened to sounds around him. He frowned, his eyes still closed, as his mind reassembled the memories of the yesterday's disastrous events. He groaned as the events played out in his mind like a slide show and he became aware of the still damp clothes and rough ground against his body.

He unwillingly cracked his eyes open and saw that daylight had reclaimed the planet because sunshine penetrated through the green barrier of needles. He rubbed his eyes and groaned in pain at the movement.

His muscles were unbelievably stiff after the night spent without a proper cover that he didn't want to move at all. He so wanted to lie down, do nothing and await his faith. Nonetheless, he knew he couldn't stay under the tree so he exhaled deeply, gritted his teeth and rolled on his stomach. Once on his belly, he moved on his knees and crouched with his arms stretched out for support. He breathed deeply for a while before crawling out of his hide.

His muscles, his ligaments, his cartilages, his bones, just everything in his body protested against this, to no avail. He was determined enough and, in the end, he got out of the pit and into the forest, panting as if he'd run a marathon. The short trek exhausted him so much that he fell on his back to the grass and lay down to gather strength for his next move. He realised he couldn't stay here when he needed help.

"I don't..." he began but perceived that he couldn't get out of this and go on on his own, he would lie to himself. God, he so needed Carson, he needed Teyla, he needed John. Any living and talking soul would be gorgeous right then. But even more than that he longed for Elizabeth telling him that everything would be okay, that she was not angry at him for not having caught up with Jorgenson's team.

He sighed sadly, rolled back and stooped to reach for his small stack of supplies and his jacket. First, he pulled out the piece of his uniform which, surprisingly, got drier during the night as well. Its presence in his hands reminded him how cold he was. He clattered his teeth and shivered before putting his jacket on and zipping it up, mindful that something was better than nothing even though it was still damp. It might dry completely on him sooner.

"You could have ended up on a hot desert planet without water supplies, you know? There you would complain about the dry heat and sweat. It would be even more hostile than this jungle. Taking it round and round, you have won it. You can't die of dehydration or sunstroke and it isn't the Jurassic Park you have got to some time ago."

He chuckled bitterly. A pessimist inside of him reminded him that he could have been bloating with water if he had been hit in his head in the river or below the waterfall. He shuddered at the thought, his over-imaginative mind creating quite a conceivable image of his corpse travelling along the current and being devoured by native predators.

"Oh, this sucks," he breathed out and slapped his cheek to get some sense into himself. "You didn't die then, you won't die now. You won't let that stupid weather stop you. You've managed to get through much worse situations. Even though you can't remember now, you have. This is just another challenge you have to endure."

He rubbed his eyelids and sighed. He crouched again and pulled out all other things he had on him. He threw all his things back into his pockets, leaving only one Power bar out. Then he wanted to stand up but a woozy sensation overwhelmed him and he sat back down, swallowing saliva from the sick and nauseous feeling. "Fine, I'll eat it sitting."

Rodney suddenly realised why he was colder than he wanted to. A cool mist was lying all over the ground, swivelling as he moved. It reminded him of how John had described corridors in active Wraith Hives. He'd never been to one himself and didn't want to…

"But maybe it wouldn't be so bad," he thought aloud. "There may not be this damp mist, it might be more like the one you can produce when you throw dry ice into water. A dry mist that soon evaporates."

He sighed to collect himself. He would never want to get aboard a Hive ship despite his dark thoughts. He shook his head and took the Power bar shakily. He tugged at the wrapper and was surprised that he managed to open it without excessive pulling. He realised his fingers were more malleable after the night spent in armpits and it rose his spirits.

He slowly bit into his breakfast and thought that it'd take quite a while to return to the Stargate, considering that he was on the right river bank and that he did set off in the right direction. He stopped chewing and swallowed uneasily when he took that into account. A lump formed in his throat because he had never been good at orientation in the wilderness or anywhere. He sadly remembered losing his way in a shopping centre when he was young, about nine years old. His parents had been so mad at him that he had spent an entire week without dinners and afternoons without 'friends' from the neighbourhood. His parents had never imagined that he had had almost no friends because very few children from his hometown had liked being corrected by a geek and being a part of geeky talks. They had thought it would be a punishment; in fact, it was a relief, a heaven to his bruised ego.

And although Jeannie had been barely three years old then, she brought it back up every time they were supposed to find something in the city. Rodney could thank first his parents, then his grandparents for that because they forbade him to go anywhere alone due to this event. As if they really cared about him. But when he left, they didn't care at all. When he and Jeannie grew up a little, she became his navigator. He created a small camera attached to his watch and a mini headset so that they could communicate. Gradually, he was getting better but her help was still significant.

"Oh, Jeannie…" Rodney trailed off. He missed her but he couldn't contact her now. He had realised how much he was missing her when he expected the nanovirus to kill him and, by chance, it hadn't. Praise Carson's need for a human lab mouse to test his gene therapy. Enviously he added that John's audacity should also be praised but he was the save-the-day fly-boy. If not for him, Ford and Radek would be dead by now. Like many people the damned scientist, Peterson, was he?, infected in the mess hall.

Rodney took another bite and chewed. When he swallowed, he said to himself: "Okay, let's think. I've been taken by the river current down to the valley. The Stargate is on a lower hill. I'm presumably somewhere around the river bank but I can't be sure because I walked quite far yesterday."

He took another bite and rubbed his forehead. "So if I follow the river to its source, I should get up to the hilltop. And I should hope that I chose the right side because then I'd have no clue how to cross it. That sounds like a plan. Major Sheppard would be proud."

He chuckled and finished the power bar. The heat of his left palm liquidised the sap again so the wrapper glued to it. Without much thinking, he scrubbed the sap away with the packet. Then he opened and closed his fist a few times to check that it was less sticky than before. "Another problem solved."

Then he frowned not quite believing he was thirsty given the amount of water he had consumed during his frantic trip downstream. It must have been enough for a few days when drunk in the usual way. He remembered the casing and searched for it. He found it to the edge full of rainwater and smiled to himself. He lifted it careful not to spill that little drinkable liquid because he didn't want to return to the river so soon.

He drank all its cool contents, not minding the woody taste. It sated his immediate needs and so it had to be enough. When he finished, he shook the casing carefully to get all the remaining water droplets away so that he kept all parts in one piece and it wouldn't short-circuit when he used it later. He checked that everything was in place and then he pocketed the projector.

Rodney decided he didn't want to stay in here because sitting in the forest meant a slow death. He knew he should be going to the Stargate, he knew he should at least try. But he also knew that the rescue may have already left and Elizabeth, his Elizabeth, may have already added him to the black file she kept in her desk. The file where she had profiles of people who had either died or gone MIA on missions as it was practically the same because of the Wraith. And what about this planet? Would it be marked as a 'don't return'?

Rodney snapped his fingers when an important something hit him. "Despite my loss, the life of the city goes on. Another scientific team will be sent to find out if there is a ZPM there. So I may run into them and they'll take me home. Maybe, just maybe, I won't take too long…"

He nodded to himself and wanted to get up. Nonetheless, his body didn't obey and he stayed sitting. He sighed and allowed himself to rest for a moment before he'd have to keep going.

He looked around himself and thought he noticed a movement in the mist to his right. He scanned the part of the forest but he couldn't make anything out. He rubbed his eyes, thinking about seeing something that wasn't really there, and sighed slowly once more. But that peripheral whatever moved him into action as it could be a predator wondering if he'd make up for its morning snack.

Rodney tested his sore right foot to find it aching dully. He couldn't do much about it so he crawled to a tree to use it as a support and stood up on his left leg. Then he gingerly put some weight onto the second one and suppressed a groan of pain when he did so. He sighed again, a bad habit he had developed on missions going wrong, and looked around for a branch to use as a walking stick. Unfortunately, he found none. Therefore he braced himself, checked that he had everything secured in his pockets and set off limping to his north, well, the planet's west.

– – – – – – – – – –

Atlantis, the shooting range. It was soon after lunch and Jorgenson's team had a regular training session. They had taken earplugs and prepared two slots, one for a handgun on 15 metres and one for a rifle on 25 metres. Allan had just placed a paper target in a form of a human torso for the rifle shooting.

"Fine, Sarah," he beckoned her to come to him, "it's your turn."

She was the last to go. She sighed and moved over to the stand slowly. She still couldn't believe that their lives were going on as if nothing had happened. She looked at Carlos and Maria who nodded encouragingly. They knew she needed to practise but didn't support Allan's choice to do it right now due to her soft side injured by Rodney's loss.

Sarah breathed in deeply and took the P-90 from the table in front of the figure. Allan stood next to her and controlled her movements. She took the magazine, pressed the uppermost bullet and said: "Okay, so, ehm, I've checked that it's full so I have twenty bullets. Now I can insert the magazine into the rifle."

Allan nodded. "Good, Sarah. Do it."

She tilted the gun, pushed the magazine into the opening until it clicked and cocked the gun. She exhaled decisively and pressed the butt into her shoulder. She waited for a while to see if Allan would say or do something but she wasn't allowed to turn her head to know his expression.

Allan studied her moves, knew she did everything well, so he didn't feel the need to say anything. When he noticed her still stance, he worried she froze in fear like a few times earlier at the very beginning. "You're fine," he encouraged her. "Shoot."

Sarah swallowed hard and looked through the rifle's sight. She aimed at the target's heart, the black circles on its chest, and pressed the trigger. She had the gun set on individual bullets, not batches, so only one was released. She hit the outer circle and tsked.

"Calm down," Allan told her. He clearly noticed her tight grip on the weapon but it was in limits. "Don't stress out," he added calmly to ease her worry.

"Stress out?!" she spat out and disobeyed the orders by looking at him. She still had her gun pointed at the target but her eyes darted all around the room and settled on Allan. "Don't tell me not to stress out! I've already had enough. I just want this to be over!"

Maria bit her lips and looked at Carlos uncertainly. He closed his eyes for a while before looking at Sarah. "Hey, Spice Girl, I know you're upset. We all are. But you need to learn how to react in such dire situations. The three of us have already lost people in war zones and we couldn't dwell on it. We had to fight to save others."

She looked at him perplexed. "What do you mean? I know soldiers are trained for this kind of…"

Allan interrupted her mildly: "Nobody's trained for something like that. You have to accept it immediately or put it in the back of your mind for later to act reasonably. That's why I wanted to have our shooting lesson today. To show you that when you're in the field, you have to continue the fight no matter what has happened to your acquaintances or friends. Your goal is more important than you as an individual."

Sarah blinked slowly, processing what she had just found out. So she had to keep going and not to think about Rodney? It was true, they didn't have a super-great relationship; in fact, he'd got to know her only a couple months ago and proved he hadn't known how to be warm and friendly. But a few slips here and there hinted otherwise. A really big concern for people he knew more, a silent occasional thank you or please… Not that many people actually noticed or if they had, they thought they had misheard him.

"All right," she said slowly. "Fine." She breathed out resolutely and pressed the rifle back into her shoulder. "I don't like your reasons but they surely are understandable."

Maria looked at her and said: "Sarah, you don't have to do it unless you feel up to it. Nobody would blame you if you left now."

Meanwhile, Sarah re-aimed at the target and answered: "I know. But I also know that I wouldn't be able to look at myself if I walked away. It's important for you to know that you can rely on me not to back away."

Maria smiled at her bravery and noticed both Allan and Carlos nodded slightly at her approach. Sarah aimed the sight at the centre of the circles, exhaled slowly pressing the trigger slowly until it was hard to do so, then she pressed quickly the rest of the way. The bullet exited the barrel and swished to the paper. To Sarah's surprise, it hit the second circle from the centre.

"Wow!" she exclaimed and others laughed. This was the first time she managed to hit this good on the longer distance.

"You see, just a bit more practice and you'll hit number 5," Allan encouraged her.

She smiled to herself and prepared to shoot again. It astonished her that she was able to do it despite her thoughts running in a different direction. Then she realised she had to focus on only the rifle to be so precise so she tried to repeat it every other time.

To evaluate it, they had a good time at the range because Sarah had to concentrate a lot so she didn't think about Rodney at all. Others hid their ever-present worry well not to disturb her now that she finally seemed to enjoy herself. They let her practise with P-90 on two magazines before they moved to short-distance 9 mm. Allan went first, then Maria, then Carlos and Sarah was the last again so that her hands didn't shake in tiredness. They kept discussing how they stood with the gun, how precise they were, what could be done better and what was good, or how many bullets they had left. No topic exceeded their immediate surroundings, no topic talked about Atlantis in general, their past or future missions or even their friends. No. They simply focused on easy things to answer that would associate with nothing else.

When it was Sarah's turn to begin, she took the pistol straight from Maria's hands. Although she took its barrel in her hand and Maria had just finished three rounds of seven bullets each, she didn't burn the soft skin on her palm thanks to the barrel's cover. She did that movement instinctively so she didn't know why Allan tapped on her shoulder with a menacing index finger.

"You must not take any gun by the part above the barrel. You'd get burnt badly if the barrel weren't covered," Allan chided Sarah. "It's for your own safety, okay?"

She nodded, then pursed her lips in thought. "What would happen if I touched a hot barrel?"

Others looked at her shocked. They had never thought about trying anything like this. They would never encourage a person to do so. First, it was dangerous, second, nobody knew what, maybe even life-long, consequences it may have. But Sarah seemed so interested in knowing and she looked at them so longingly that Allan shrugged and exchanged a look with Maria and Carlos.

"No, you don't…" Maria whispered.

"Don't what?" Sarah asked intrigued.

Maria sighed because now Sarah would surely make them tell her and show her. "If you touched a bare barrel, you would get burn badly," she claimed.

"And? What didn't you want Allan to tell me?" Sarah demanded.

Allan looked embarrassed when he began: "There is a way how to show you how hot a barrel of a pistol can get and not to hurt you."

"Oh really?" Sarah almost squeaked in surprise. "What is that? Please, I would like to try it. I have never got this close to guns. Before I got on this team, I had known them only from pictures."

Maria sighed. This was bad. She was too eager to get burnt! Allan heard the sigh and told her: "I'll do it easily." Then he looked at Sarah and added: "OK, when we train hand to gun combat, we have a false situation that a man aims a gun at you and you have to grab it by the barrel and point it elsewhere. From time to time the shooter gets nervous and pulls the trigger. Consequently, the holder's hand gets burnt by the heat from the bullet flying and the released gases. But to illustrate its power, I think that if you tried to catch the cartridge, you would get quite a good idea."

Sarah's eyes widened in awe and she nodded quickly. "Show me what to do," she pleaded. "I want to give it a try."

Allan covered his eyes and remembered walking around Dr. McKay's lab when he heard a shot, then a hum of something, Major Sheppard's surprised voice: "Aaay, it's hot." and Dr. McKay answering: "Sorry, it's the shield.". Then both men laughed loudly, cheerfully and he rather left them alone.

He returned back to Sarah and warned her: "You have to stand to my right, about a metre, maybe two, away. When the cartridge is thrown away, it's fast and hot so unless you're 100 % sure that you'll catch it, duck out of its way. Understand?"

Sarah nodded quickly and prepared on a position. Allan glanced at Maria, who looked downright terrified, and Carlos, whose expression was neutral. He took the pistol, loaded it with one single bullet and breathed deeply to calm down. He was scared as well because it was dangerous. Sarah looked at him in anticipation of the oncoming challenge. She marvelled that she found such a huge courage. It was not typical of her.

"Get ready, Sarah," Allan told her. "On three."

Sarah smiled. "I'm as ready as I can be."

Allan cast her an unsure glance for he knew she couldn't be prepared for what was about to happen. Then he aimed at the paper target and did a quick counting to estimate where the cartridge would be thrown. He adjusted a bit and started to count: "One…" He corrected the sigh. "Two…" He began to press the trigger, aiming for the circle 5. "Two and a half…" He got to the final stage and said: "Three!"

He shot, hit the spot he had chosen and heard Sarah yelp in surprise. He turned at her fast and saw her playing with the cartridge, throwing it up in the air and hiss slightly every time it fell into her palms.

"Wow, that's burning!" she exclaimed, still trying to touch it as little as possible. Allan smiled and looked at Maria who was white and had just wiped sweat from her forehead in relief. She had expected the worst, like Sarah being hit in the eye or breaking a bone due to the impact. She hadn't expected Sarah to be so skilful and to have such good reflexes. In fact, she thought she would be quite ham-fisted in this matter.

"Was it enough?" Maria asked happy that it was all over.

Sarah nodded. "Yeah. I think I'll put this small cartridge in my room as a reminder of all this."

"So you want to call it a day?" Carlos asked surprised that she didn't want to have her pistol shooting.

"If you're not angry with me…" Sarah let her sentence unfinished and eyed others carefully.

"Of course, we aren't," Maria calmed her and stretched her arms up. "I'm a bit stiff myself. Who wants to have a fight with sticks with me?"

Carlos coughed to hide his laugh and Allan only turned his head. Sarah took her for her word but refused: "I'm sorry but I have enough. This lesson was quite demanding."

"Sure, just asking." Maria smiled and began to collect the used cartridges from the ground. Others knelt down, too, and together they gathered all of them, cleaned the range and left. Sarah kept her caught one in her pocket and planned on boasting in front of her scientific colleagues.


	18. Support In The Infirmary

AN: I also don't have a clue why Siberia isn't discussed in any of the episodes but I can see the scriptwriters not really mentioning Rodney's past (which may be nothing outstanding but can be full of problems as well - in a way I've chosen the other possibility) and also continuous personality shift as he could always behave the way he was introduced to us in SG-1.

Anyway, here you have another chapter of what is happening at Atlantis. Enjoy (if not for the seriousness of the topics). :-)

* * *

Atlantis, several hours later. Elizabeth walked down a corridor stumbling over her own feet. She was happy she had chosen this unused shortcut between the control room and the Infirmary not to be seen in the state of mind she was now.

Rodney had shown it to her during their virtual month at Atlantis to ensure her well-being and to have a quick way of getting to her if Carson had had to hospitalise her. She had used it several times already but only now it occurred to her that it was always when Rodney got to the Infirmary. When it was John, Stackhouse or, for instance, Dr. Simpson, she took the usual route. Strange? Not for her.

She stopped and leaned her head on Atlantis' cold metal wall. She had kept a neutral visage for too long. First, when Capt. Grimfin's team had returned with Rodney's belongings, she still hoped that he had managed to return to the building. But now, after the briefing with the 'corridor-rescue' team, that hope vanished like steam over a pot. She was so depressed; she blamed herself for losing Rodney because she hadn't acted immediately, on impulse.

She reached the door and took some time to collect herself. She still pictured what had happened in the first timeline, what actually enabled them to be here in the marvellous city of Ancients. It was Rodney's death, Peter's death, John's haphazard try to activate Janus' time-travelling Jumper, her lifelong stay in a stasis chamber realising she had lost the only man who actually cared about her more than for his life, who would bring her the blues of sky and the reds of fire if she asked although he knew her for only a short time. And then, her, second-timeline, Rodney would sacrifice his life for most of the expedition without much thinking, just like the previous one. So why the hell had he abandoned her like that?!

She kicked the wall angrily. Then she inhaled deeply and let her breath out slowly. She repeated that a few times and when she calmed down enough, she opened the door and slipped into the Infirmary storeroom. That was the one and only inconvenience of this shortcut – it ended in the most inappropriate area where normal people weren't allowed. But she was the expedition's leader, she had the right to look everywhere for people she needed. It was her mental justification and excuse for her action.

And it was quite a good thing that she had prepared what to say because just when she was about to open the door to the main hall, a nurse came in. She yelped in surprise and Elizabeth calmed her immediately: "It's okay, calm down. I'm looking for Dr. Beckett."

The nurse frowned at her. "Who told you to come here? He's in his office almost all the time even when he doesn't have his shift."

"Well…" Elizabeth started not knowing what to answer. It would sound lame if she stated that she didn't remember her or his name.

Fortunately, she was saved by a person opening the door. The nurse looked to the back to see the newcomer and noticed Carson's head there. He scanned the room and asked: "What's going on? I heard ye cry out." Then he noticed Elizabeth and he put two and two together. "Dr. Weir, I thought he told ye to wait until I come. Ye shouldn't have searched for me yerself." With a slight twitch of his lips, he added: "Ye know I don't like it when ye scare ma personnel."

Elizabeth nodded ashamed and lowered her gaze. Carson went over to her and took her arm. "Come on, let's get to ma office now."

He led her out and the nurse only shook her head. Still, Dr. Weir was their leader, she had the unwritten right to go and look everywhere. Then she remembered why she came to the store, found the IV, took it and left.

Meanwhile, Carson and Elizabeth entered his office and she fell into a chair. "Why were ye in the storeroom? Did ye need something?" he demanded immediately while sitting on his desk to be close to her.

Elizabeth bit her lower lip and looked at her feet embarrassed. "I went to the Infirmary to find you."

"And how did ye ended up in the store then?"

She could swear she heard curiosity in his voice. And maybe a faint hint of concern. She dared to look into his eyes and said: "I used a shortcut which ends in there. I didn't mean to steal anything, really."

Carson smiled. "I know, Elizabeth. I'd never think that of ye."

He stood up, went to the other side of his table and pulled his chair closer. It so reminded him of their meeting yesterday. "So here we are again, eh?" he asked.

Elizabeth didn't understand him. She frowned and replied: "I don't know what you mean, Carson. Last time I was…" she searched for a word which wouldn't sound so bad, "…well, unhappy because they had left Rodney behind. Now, it's-it's something else."

Carson noticed she was feeling uneasy so he leaned to her. "Lass, tell me what's wrong this time. Sometimes an ordinary physician is a better listener then Dr. Heightmeyer."

Elizabeth agreed. She had never spoken to Kate about anything that bothered her; she kept choosing her close friends because with them she didn't feel as if they saw right to her stomach. And now she so badly wanted to pour her heart as she had started it due to the initial shock, her concern for Rodney and memories, but her life had taught her to keep a false image of distance from every, even partly, relationship problem she was dealing with.

As a result, she chewed on her lower lip and began to speak, unsuccessfully trying to even out her trembling voice. "I've just finished the briefing with the rescue party. Rodney isn't down the corridor."

Carson inhaled sharply. She more or less expected such a reaction so it didn't startle her. Instead of agreeing with his silent 'Holy crap.', she focused on a spot behind his head and practically recited what the teams had told her, distancing herself from the fact that she was talking about the man she had learned to love, to admire and to run to when she needed a professional advice, not something crazy John could provide her with on a daily basis.

Carefully choosing her words, she began: "Sergeant Vysockaja found an earpiece yesterday but she didn't inform me immediately because she wasn't sure if it was really Rodney's. And I don't blame her because she swore she had told no-one. Earlier today Grimfin's team found his hand gun and his backpack in the forest along the slope. The traces indicated that he had tried to reach the Stargate but there were no footprints showing his further progress. However, later they did find some in the muddy ground around the Gate clearing because the trees shielded them from the washing-away effect of the rain."

Carson's face grew more and more concerned every passing word but Elizabeth was nowhere to the end of what she wanted to confess to him. "His last known position is behind the Stargate. Grimfin tried to search in that direction, finding only a slope ending in a cliff. Even if Rodney got there, he had nowhere to move on. So they logically deduced that he was taken by the culling beam. Meanwhile, Stackhouse and his people cleared a way through the cave-in. They found one pair of footsteps going down and another pair rushing out. The size corresponded to boots of 43, the size Rodney has. They descended to the bottom and found two openings. One led to the room with the pillar Rodney had reported, the second one was lined with shelves and ceramics. They didn't have a scientist to further investigate the rooms, they were quite worn out and, moreover, it began to rain once again so they returned back to report."

Elizabeth blinked slowly several times and re-adjusted her sight on Carson. He was watching her intently, his lips pursed, his eyes showing his worry about the verdict. They both knew what that meant – Rodney couldn't escape the Dart when he had reached the dead end. He was vulnerable there.

Elizabeth thought that he was either taken on the edge or he fell down to the depth. She shooed the latter thought away and tugged at her necklace. Carson sighed and she brought her eyes back to his face. "Elizabeth…" he started.

"No, please, don't say anything. I-I don't need your compassion, Carson. I…I only need some time. There is still a minor hope that he escaped and is hiding somewhere around the cliff."

Her voice begged for an agreement Carson couldn't give her. He was shocked himself that Rodney hadn't been found. He so hoped for him to be in the corridor even after Maria had told him about the earpiece. In fact, the entire base had known about the comm before Elizabeth founded out. "I would love that to be true but we both know how unlikely it is," he said carefully.

Elizabeth sighed because she knew he was right but she wasn't about to give up on Rodney just like this. She had promised to John she wouldn't give up on Rodney when he had accused her of doing so. But he was under Carson's magic sleeping pills so she couldn't blame him for saying what he had said. Instead of talking about Rodney directly, she asked: "Do you think it's worth sending a scientific team out there now or can it..." her voice betrayed her and she had to take a deep breath to continue, "...or can it wait until tomorrow morning so that John's team can participate as well?"

Carson understood her unspoken query whether or not Rodney would be able to survive without his pack in nature. How could he know? Sadly accepting the worse of the possibilities, he may have already become a meal. The Wraith were vast in number and they were all hungry. He could only wish he hadn't suffered too much, that he hadn't had to relive what happened on that satellite planet with Dr. Gall.

"I'd wait," he finally replied. He knew he fell in her eyes so he quickly defended his choice. "Elizabeth, the military teams are exhausted. They need a wee bit o' time for recovery so that they can protect the scientists well enough on that bloody planet. And just how much do ye think they'll be able to find in the ruins with the rain and night hanging over them?"

Elizabeth knew this was reasonable and anybody with enough common sense would tell her so as well. So why was she feeling so awful when she nodded thoughtfully? She hadn't done anything wrong, had she? "OK, you're right," was all she could say on the spot. Then she slumped in the chair and sighed. "But I can't tell John. He has faith in me that I'll get Rodney back. I can't tell the entire expedition that the person we're so dependent on getting us home one day and fixing the majority of problems has been taken by Wraith. That we have lost our only possibility of getting home. Again. And I'll have to put someone in charge and Dr. Kavanagh so wants Rodney's leading position but, heck, that poor excuse of a scientist has tried to murder him several times!"

She was clearly upset by the time she said this. "Shh, Elizabeth," Carson calmed her, "don't use such strong words. He may have unintentionally endangered Rodney a few times but it has never been a planned assault. Rodney just happens to be in the wrong place, at the wrong time..."

Elizabeth shot up taken aback that he defended Kavanagh. "Unintentionally?" she raised her voice in bewilderment. "Even though it hadn't been planned till right on the place, he did put effort in it. I can't imagine him as the head of the entire science department when he's able to consciously and cunningly abuse someone else's weakness. I still marvel how he was able to sneak it to Rodney's vicinity without him noticing! And I seriously don't understand how I was able to accept his application back at the SGC."

She implied a certain allergic reaction and possible suffocation of the victim. But her strong feelings vanished as quickly as they appeared. Everything that remained was an emotionally naked woman. Carson touched her leg and felt faint twitches of her muscles. She was sad but she was used so much to bottling up emotions that they appeared only as an outburst when they reached a limit she was unable to hold back. She hadn't wanted to reach this limit in anyone else's presence but somehow it was different with Carson. She hadn't held back that much and let her emotional limit threshold be much lower.

Carson tapped her knee and noticed her eyes had lost their usual spark. "I think I know why. He's our main expert on nanotechnology or something like that."

She gave him a wry smile. "Maybe. But we could do without him. What good is he for when he questions all my orders and keeps working in his microworld?"

Carson shrugged because he didn't know what to answer to her. He knew Kavanagh had always considered himself and his 'fan-chess club' superior to anybody else and they took defeat as a mortal Elizabeth didn't need to hear that. She needed somebody to tell her that everything would get back to normal, that their lives would remain the same, in the good tracks.

Therefore, he chose a midway reply of all he could think of. "I know what you mean but we can't change your decision back then now. And considering Rodney, we have to hope. He's been to a Wraith ship before. He knows how their doors work. Maybe he'll find a way out and then back to one of our allied planets."

Elizabeth looked at him with wide eyes because she hadn't thought of this possibility. "You're right. Where there is hope, there is always the possibility of finding him alive."

She straightened herself determinedly and looked at him firmly. "I'll send a team tomorrow to investigate the ruins. Maybe the pillar can tell us more about what had happened. And I'll tell John and his team as soon as they wake up. They need to know what is going on. I must not give in to my fears."

Carson smiled as brightly as the situation let him. "Now, this is the Dr. Elizabeth Weir I know. I've missed her quite a bit lately."

She sent him a dirty look but she knew she was being different from her usual self. She noticed his curled-up lips and frowned.

"Oh, don't ye look at me like that," he told her and she relaxed. He didn't mean any harm to her. "I'm here for ye," he said. "If ye want me to be there when ye inform John's team..."

He shrugged, letting the offer open. She looked into his honest eyes and smiled. "I'd be happy if you could support me and my orders when John's team comes knocking at my door this evening."

Carson prepared to reply when a male voice interrupted over the intercom: "Dr. Weir, we have unscheduled off-world activation. Come to the control room, please."

Elizabeth closed her eyes and turned her face at Carson. "Thank you, Carson, for giving me hope." Then she tapped her earpiece and replied: "I'm coming, Peter."

She stood up and set off to the door. Carson quickly called after her: "Ye're welcome and…well...use yer shortcut." He shook his head and added: "I really need to find out how ye have learnt about it when even I didn't know it existed."

She smiled again and answered without thinking: "Ask Rodney."

She didn't realise immediately what she had said and ran to the control room. Carson covered his eyes and nodded to himself. "Poor lassie she is," he breathed out silently before putting his chair back and returning to his paperwork.


	19. Meeting A Stowaway

Forest of M1X-808, late evening. Rodney was walking through, with rain pouring down on him. He was so incredibly wet! His jacket was damp, too wet for his liking, his head dripping, his pants and even socks in his military-issued boots waterlogged. As if the downpour wasn't enough, the air itself was saturated with moisture. Together these factors collected water on plants, transferring it to his clothes and body as he worked his way through the vicious vegetation.

His hair clung to his forehead while sweat from the labour of dragging his body forward congealed and mixed with pure rainwater on his skin. It was as uncomfortable as he'd been in a long while. When he'd taken a swim in that river, that had been a clean wet, okay, dangerous, but not dirty. This was something different. He could feel dirt caking in cracks he'd rather not think of. And his hurt foot made his progress ten times more demanding.

The tangy taste of sweat dripping onto his lip reminded him of the need to get some drinkable water. But he didn't want to use the casing for collecting it because it was his only ticket home.

"Come on, Rodney, you have to find a shelter for the night and something to drink," he persuaded himself to move on, more precisely, to limp on. If he had thought that the first day had been awful, this one was a living hell.

When he had set off in the morning, he chose the wrong direction. He hadn't realised it immediately because he was too far from the river bank to navigate himself. He went to the river's estuary instead of its source. His only salvation was that on his way he reached its bank turning left, the river flowing calmly in a wide bed to the direction he planned on going in.

He couldn't believe his bad luck; he estimated he'd been walking for about half of the day. But he was elated for its pleasant shallow waters because he was thirsty like the Sahara. So he eagerly sank his hands in the current in a form of a cup to bring some water to his dry, parched lips. His sense of survival was stronger than the inner pessimist unsuccessfully trying to remind him that there may be hundreds of viruses and bacteria drifting in the water waiting for an organism to infect.

He didn't have those standard military water-cleaning pills on him so it was more or less a hit-or-miss. Either way, he was afraid that he wouldn't make it much longer because he was unable to find any means of nutrition here and he had only two Bars left. He was starving as the journey was difficult but he had enough self-denial not to eat one and wait till the nightfall so that he lasted a bit longer. And he was sure that unless the water was poisonous, he'd live to see the next dawn.

To make things worse, he didn't want to hunt with a spear like a primitive caveman even though he was capable of cutting it out from a branch and maybe using it. He had no idea what animals he could encounter on this planet and he didn't desire to annoy a predator and become its main course. Not denying he was big enough to feed one...

He sighed when he drank enough and regretted not having a bottle or something to store a little of it. Never mind. Tant pis, non? His motto when he was younger and all people close to him let him down. "Le mal, le bien, j'en dis tant pis," he whispered and wondered why he remembered now that he used to say never mind to all evil and good done to himself.

He shook his head and decided to go along the river bank not to get lost again. He realised that if anything he would return here and cross it. This lazy, kind and nice teddy bear was nothing comparable to the fast dangerous beast he had got to know. Provided that he found some food to survive the entire track up, down and up again.

"You were right, Carson," he said to no-one present, "a man can survive without water for three, four days and without food for about a month, but I'd be done sooner. Damned genetics."

He sighed, rubbed his forehead and started walking. He followed the bank as much as he could, sometimes moving to the right due to a fallen tree or another obstacle in the way.

Regretfully, he noticed that he could have realised that he had been going in the wrong direction because little by little he was stumbling upwards. He ignored his protesting foot, he ignored a strange sensation on his left calf. He walked on and on as he hoped to get back near the waterfall. His biggest disadvantage was that he didn't know how zigzag the river actually was. And then in the late afternoon, it started to rain.

By that time he wasn't water-wet anymore. He was only sweaty. But the rain crowned his misery. He could not fight weather conditions, however, the forest seemed to attract all the wetness from the entire planet. It started as a drop here and there but he didn't pay attention to the signal of the oncoming storm. He only cursed at the slippery ground around the river. Then the drops enlarged, a while later they multiplied, then there was nothing. Rodney hoped it meant it was all over. He was wrong. Again, may I say? It was a matter of minutes before a heavy cloudburst began, soaking him wet as properly as the river had.

Jumping elsewhere, when those first drops appeared, the corridor team had already finished the tunnel through the debris and was discussing their next step. Hillary foretold a huge storm out of them so they packed everything and rushed to the Gate. About ten minutes away from it, the storm hit the forest and they came to the Gate completely soggy. Grimfin's team had already waited there because they'd been told to. As soon as they saw others, Ziva dialled Atlantis and Grimfin sent his IDC.

Once they arrived at Atlantis, they received towels and dry warm clothes. When they changed in the conference room, Hillary and Ziva first while the masculine part waited outside and stripped down everything acceptable, Elizabeth began the briefing with cups of hot coffee and tea. Poor Rodney had neither a dry spot, nor a hot beverage to warm himself up. He clattered his teeth and continued his struggle through the woods.

He didn't complain. He didn't sigh. He didn't speak. He didn't wipe away the moisture on his face. Everything that he did was that he stubbornly continued his way through the rain in search of a cave or a hollow tree or some other shelter. He lacked the energy, he almost ran on an autopilot mode... Left, right, left, right, stone, right, left, right, left, muddy puddle, left, right... Like a robot.

A lightning stroke and forced Rodney out of his trance. It lightened all his surroundings and the thunder shook the ground violently. Rodney jumped up, shocked, and blinked several times to realise what had happened. Then he rubbed his eyes and, in the light of another electrical jolt, he noticed a hole next to roots of a colossal tree. He went there fast and wished it hadn't been a mirage. He didn't open his pocket to rummage through it and find a torch. He knew that in his condition he may lose other things while doing so.

As soon as he reached the tree, he scrabbled around its trunk and did find quite a big dry opening. He went on his knees and crawled into it. He didn't know where he was, he only knew he was going up along the river's bed. But he didn't mind, though. Finally, he wasn't bombarded by water and that was sufficient for the moment.

He examined the hole only with his sense of touch and to his astonishment, he found out two adult men would fit in and still have enough private space. It was nicely dry and smelled of wood. It wasn't the heavy smell of a perfume; it was the one of a natural wood combined with bast. Rodney inhaled deeply and gained strength from the pleasant smell.

He sat down just breathing in and out. After that, he opened his pocket to find the torch. He held it in his hand when he rubbed his left calf and found a hard lump on it. Shocked, he quickly tried to pull up the leg part of his trousers.

"What the hell is it?" he asked himself worriedly. He didn't have a clue what it could be and it scared the hell out of him.

He hissed when the edge of his trousers pulled the something up a bit, gently freed it from the fabric and shone his torch at it.

"Oh!" was all he said at what he saw. He tenderly touched the black back shield of the something attached to his leg. It was hard, seemingly evolved to protect the soft body of the animal inside. He used his nails gingerly and tried to lift its side to pry it off. He only succeeded in seeing its soft belly because the bug seemed to bite in more to keep holding itself and sent waves of pain through Rodney's calf.

"Oh, oh," Rodney let out a ragged breath and let go off the bug. "What the hell are you?" he asked it although he knew it couldn't answer.

"Are you something like a leech?" he wondered when he realised that it had used something to cut through his skin. Moreover, he realised that he was feeling a faster pulsation in the calf all around the bug. His skin was red and hot, too.

"Marvellous!" he whispered, "What next? An infection?" Then he nudged it and said: "Hey, buddy, I know you're hungry, I'm famished as well, but could you stop feeding on me and go find yourself another, more willing, organism, hm? I need to be fit to return to the Stargate. Not that you know what it is."

Rodney chuckled in disbelief. "Oh god, I'm talking to a leech! What's going on with me?"

He started to feel strangely light-headed. "Oh, ou." His head spun and he had to catch himself on the wall of the hole to get steady again. "Hey, don't do that, okay? Don't spit anything in my bloodstream. I'm not interested in you playing havoc with my body." Then he sent it a very thoughtful look. "You know what? We'll make a deal. I won't probe you anymore and let you feed. You will let me be and finish by next morning. How does it sound? I kinda like it."

He shook his head in disbelief. That was way too much for his rational scientific mind. He sighed, pulled the trousers back down and rubbed his forehead.

"Stop this, Rodney. Think rationally. One thing at the time. Now, drink."

He looked around and frowned when he couldn't find anything else but the casing to collect water. "Who cares..." He fished the projector from his pocket and pushed it out to the rain.

"Now something to eat." He found a power bar, opened it and stopped about to bite in it. He lowered his hand and mused: "Should I take the entire or just a half? If I take the entire one, I will have to find something else to eat tomorrow. If I take a half of it, I'll last a bit longer. But I don't know what this acquaintance is using to keep my blood flowing. So I need to be strong to face it. Okay, that's fine, really." He sighed. "So I'll take the entire power bar."

With that, he resolutely began to chew on the power bar, making it last as long as possible, as usual. But this time it was longer than before because his mind was occupied with the danger the leech attached to leg had brought.

After dinner, he stretched out for the projector and found it full of water. He drank thirstily, then put the casing back outside. He shone his torch to the ground and found a spot without sharp edges close to the casing to be able to drink during the night as he believed it would continue to rain all night.

He lied down, curled for warmth and yawned. It took him this long to accept that he was exhausted and, well, sleepy. It wasn't surprising after such a day but still, he fought it weakly. He needed to think, to come up with a plausible plan. His supplies were scarce and so far he hadn't come across any herbivore but birds which weren't feeding. He knew he wouldn't make it without eating. He wasn't John, or Teyla. They were used to difficult conditions and they could overcome everything. The Pegasus and Afghanistan war zone were somewhat similar, weren't they?

And what about he himself? Not considering his troublesome condition caused by a malfunction of one of his organs, he'd only been to Russia, to Siberia. He had had a warm room at the base, worked in nice conditions with three warm meals a day, knew his science and didn't have to worry about anything but if other scientists would manage the naquadah generator's blueprints or not. And the only person who seemed not to just put up with him there died because he wasn't able to stop her internal bleeding.

He rubbed his forehead and shooed the memory of her bleeding to death away. He shouldn't dwell on past events he couldn't change but he allowed himself to remember that nobody judged him badly, that nobody blamed him for her death because there had been nothing he could do without proper medical knowledge. But he blamed himself that she stayed with him in the middle of nowhere when she should have been in Moscow. It was his fault that she hadn't got to the hospital in time. Well, that had been the trigger for him starting to call medicine a voodoo because an ordinary, not-in-the-know, person didn't get a chance to save his colleague and friend when it mattered the most.

He coughed and shivered, but he felt hot. He rested his hand on his forehead and frowned slightly. He found out he was running a fever as his hand felt so chilly on the burning skin. He touched his cheeks and they felt warm as well.

"This is bad," he whispered. "This is such a bad timing for getting feverish."

He let out a long breath and curled even more. He didn't have anything to bring the temperature down so his mind pushed it away as a long-term problem that could wait after the night. Like food supplies or a cover.

Instead of these unpleasant thoughts, his mind wandered back to Atlantis. He thought of people there. Surprisingly, the first ones to spring to his mind were his colleagues. "Well, Peter, you're at the Stargate, right? You always spend almost all your workday there."

Then he went on in his head. 'He should really find himself something else to do in his free time. Whenever I come to the control room, sometimes early to see Elizabeth, he's there, sitting by a console, stealing glances towards her office. I would love to know if he sleeps there as well or if he likes the view through the glass walls. Every morning small white piles of paper along with many more datapads hide a mop of black hair, then through the day the black sun rises over them to let those masses disappear by the evening only to be renewed a few hours later. Ah, everybody must love her. She's an angel.'

Rodney sighed. "Stop. Focus. You were thinking about Peter." He clicked his tongue and added to himself: "I can't imagine the control room without him. He's like a stable lighthouse announcing the lowered shield before we return from a mission. And she's always there standing by the railing..."

He stopped again and shut his eyes tight. "No, not now. Now, now, Dr. Zelenka. Radek. Radek Zelenka. He has to be finishing some projects of his, maybe finding new ones." He thought about it for a moment. "Maybe I should stop teasing him with mispronouncing his name. He knows I'm faking but... Oh no. He must be nose deep in cleaning the desalination tanks."

He bit his lip and mentally added to himself: 'Who's helping him? I was supposed to do it today with him. We have agreed to have half cleaning and half maintaining each. Three tanks each. God, I hope he didn't get Kavanagh to help him. Eww, that would be awful. He would force Radek to do the dirty job and wouldn't help at all not to get his sly slimy fingers on real work.'

Rodney's hairs stood up at the thought. Every time he even heard Kavanagh's name he got goosebumps. Terrible feeling.

"And what about you, Atlantis? How are you doing without my constant check-ups?" he asked aloud as if the City could hear him from this planet. "Please, be all right and don't let anything break down or have a malfunction. No red dots on computers, are we clear? No more problems for my team and friends..."

He sobbed once slightly and thought about those lonely nights which hadn't been so lonely lately. He had been feeling as if someone was stalking him but he had never seen a shadow nor heard a breath. And he seriously doubted Atlantis itself was spying on him. A night less lonely? Well, he knew about one…

"Enough. Back to…to someone else." He forced himself away from such thoughts. He hadn't been at the very bottom to remember them, yet. He stored them for the following night, the night which would decide about his next existence.

"What are you doing, Carson? Are you in the Infirmary?" he wondered to the night air about another person close to him. "Are you having a patient who needs your immediate care to be cured? Maybe you're operating on somebody. A broken leg, fight-strained muscles and ligaments, a dislocated limb? I'm sure you have plenty of things to amuse yourself. You and your magical medicine. There is always somebody who needs your life-saving attention. What would I give to have you at my side now…"

Another sob escaped his mouth and he chided himself for being so sentimental, so childish. Hell, he was a grown-up man! With a resolute sigh, he closed his eyes, turned off his mind not to constantly think and assess his current situation, and decided to sleep. It took long before Hypnos finally claimed him and allowed him to rest and relax. Sleep had always been one of the best doctors and it helped him a lot to stay strong face the challenges of tomorrow.


	20. Hiding The Truth

AN: I was wondering whether to put the bug on Rodney's leg or not but I realised that 'misery loves company' so why not to add some more. And I'm even creating a part of Rodney is getting rid of it, throwing it into the river... Well, I'd better stop, don't want to spoil the next chapter. ;-)

And a huge thank you to all people who have reviewed this piece of writing. Every time I come here to upload a new chapter I check the reviews in hope of finding a new one. And most of the time I do find a new one.

Anyway, on with the story:

* * *

 **Hiding The Truth**

Evening at Atlantis, around 10 pm. Mess hall. Jorgenson's team was sitting by a table in the far corner and was having dinner. It was some meat with what could easily be considered mashed potatoes but it was made from Pegasan beans. It didn't taste bad; it was just unusual. Beggars couldn't be choosers when they couldn't contact the Earth, and many things they had dealt for with the natives were uncommon for them, although genetically akin to basic Earth foodstuffs.

The four mates didn't begin to speak until they almost finished their meal because nobody knew how to start or what topic to talk about. They were the only ones who knew the truth about the mission but they were feeling as if others had known as well and had been blaming them for Rodney having got lost.

Sarah and Maria took it the worst and didn't even try to hide their feelings. The women expected Major Sheppard to come at their throats any minute because they had been so reckless. On the other hand, Allan and Carlos pretended to be fine and without bothers. But Allan's consciousness was gnawing him from the inside as he knew it had been his call to leave Dr. McKay behind more than a day ago.

And McKay's last steps led behind the Stargate, abruptly ending on the edge of a cliff. He was angry with himself that he committed the doctor to such an excruciating death. The story of Col. Sumner was well known to the military personnel although nobody knew who had persuaded John to speak about the memory, recorded it and sent it to many men without him knowing. Well, only to those who would understand the gesture and not humiliate him. It was as moving as Rodney's confession in front of the trial after Dr. Gall had left the world of the living.

He thought about how similar these two men were, paying no attention to his team. He knew it wasn't only the fact that they were leaders of the main departments, they shared more than was visible on the first sight. And they were on the foremost team and hadn't killed one another so far. But this also meant that they had almost all their eggs in one basket so if anything happened… Well, at least Major Sheppard hadn't been on the mission as well. Allan was sure they'd have lost both of them because Sheppard would have refused to leave McKay behind alone.

Allan dropped these thoughts and asked himself how it was possible that Rodney had been spending so much time in the field but he had also known the most about Atlantis' systems and devices and appliances.

"Maybe he doesn't sleep anywhere but in the Infirmary after a mission gone wrong," Carlos said suddenly wryly. "Which is pretty much every mission with the Major."

Allan frowned. Had he asked the last question aloud? He hadn't meant to! He looked at Carlos, then at Maria and Sarah. "Have I…?" he asked.

The three of them nodded. Allan pursed his lips and turned his head in disbelief. Why me? he asked himself.

"Don't worry, sir," Carlos told him. "It has happened to me once as well. It's worse when you ask about one's appearance than one's commitment to their work."

Allan looked at him perplexed and Maria asked: "Are you talking about you and Alec and Captain Daniels?"

Carlos tapped the right side of his nose and smiled innocently like an angel. "Maybe."

Allan shook his head. "Right." He looked at them all. "Er, now that we're finally talking together, it would be good to agree on a few things." This earned him three slightly confused glances so he continued: "Dr. Weir has asked me to join Major Sheppard and Teyla on the mission tomorrow. We're returning to investigate Dr. McKay's footprints behind the Gate and the pillar down the corridor."

Sarah's eyes widened with fear when she realised what it meant, not only for her but for her team as well. Maria closed hers in mute acceptance and Carlos nodded once shortly. Then Maria frowned and cast Allan an accusing look. "And you couldn't have told us earlier, could you, Allan?"

He returned her gaze sheepishly before lowering it. "I know I should have, but I didn't want to stress you until it was absolutely necessary. I'm quite sure Major Sheppard will scrutinise all our movements and all the proofs just to catch us on something."

Sarah realised what he was trying to hint and spoke up: "So we have to look professional and undisturbed? No slips or anything out of ordinary?"

Allan nodded. He knew it would be hard with Sarah, who wasn't trained for anything like this, but he didn't expect her to be first to get his indirect order. So he asked: "Do you feel up to it, Sarah, or would you rather stay at Atlantis this time?"

"You can't be serious," Carlos spurt in surprise. Then he added a silent: "Sir."

Maria agreed with him: "We can't let her stay here or else Major Sheppard would think that we're hiding something. He might consider her the weakest part…"

"Excuse me, Maria, I am still here," Sarah interrupted politely.

Everybody looked at her and she took a deep breath to calm her racing heart. She was scared, because she had never had a poker face, but she understood all too well what her role was. Trying to be calm, she announced: "I will go with you even though I only know that there is a pillar there somewhere. And although Major may notice that I'm not my usual self, I can claim it to losing my boss and anxiety as to who will replace him. Don't worry, I'll be fine." She sighed tiredly and unhappily. "But to be honest, I am not fine now when I know I caused this chaos."

She covered her eyes and pinched the base of her nose. Others were absolutely astonished. They couldn't believe their eyes and ears as they would have never imagined Sarah to change so much after one event. Or maybe she hadn't changed. Maybe this courage, or was it bravado?, had always been inside of her and now she let it out because she remembered what they had told her at the shooting range.

"Well, alright, okay," Allan stammered before coughing to clear his throat. Others eyed him expectantly and he rather took a sip of his drink to sort out what he would say. Then he began: "You know that I told Dr. Weir that I had wanted McKay to stay in the ruins. Sheppard may ask how and why. Last time he was shocked and scared for McKay, now he wants answers. We have to put together a believable story to back everything up. And we all have to work with the same details. Not similar but identical." He looked at his team strictly. "Each of us has to be able to describe exactly the same event."

"Sure but we don't have to lie…invent…much," Maria replied thoughtfully. "We can keep the beginning…"

Sarah cringed due to this statement because what her team knew was a lie, too. But they believed it as they trusted her. A lie repeated for the hundredth time becomes a truth. She wondered who had said that. It must have been a famous philosopher. More importantly, he was right, in certain cases. She only had to believe in what she would say and working on the pillar would distract her well enough. It would be like a song. Allan had asked Dr. McKay to stay because they had been too far to get to him and return to the Gate safely. Allan had asked Dr. McKay to stay because they had been too far to get to him and return to the Gate safely. And again and again.

Meanwhile, others were discussing all possible problems with the story. Of course, in hushed voices. They assumed she was listening to them but didn't say anything as she didn't have so much experience.

In the end, Allan asked: "Is everything clear? Do you agree with everything?"

Sarah blinked quickly and said: "Sure." However, she didn't have a clue what the everything was. Carlos and Maria simply nodded.

"Fine," Allan said smiling and stood up. "See you next morning. Good night."

And then he was gone. Carlos excused himself and left shortly after. When Maria prepared to follow suit, Sarah stopped her with: "Can you briefly tell me what you have agreed on? I didn't pay much attention when Allan explained what we should be saying."

She looked at Maria innocently and she only turned her head. "Girl, you shouldn't lose yourself in your imaginative scientific mind. But it wasn't complicated."

And so she summarised all important points and highlighted all speculative areas. Sarah tried to learn it by heart like a poem and didn't question anything. Questions would only lead to saying nonsenses at the mission.

– – – – – – – – – –

Morning at Atlantis. Gateroom. John's and Jorgenson's team along with Dr. Simpson were standing in front of the dialled Stargate. John's team were grim and snappy. It had been less than three hours ago that they found out about the planet and Rodney. Aiden was quite unhappy that he couldn't come along as well but John persuaded him to stay and wait if Rodney wouldn't call from another planet. They all knew he would only hurt his ankle more.

Elizabeth's voice still rang in their ears as she had spoken to them early in the morning with Carson at her side like a bodyguard. They had met in the Infirmary and she seemed as though she hadn't slept much that night. "John, Aiden, Teyla," she said after the basic information, "I'm incredibly sorry to even think about it but chances are that he's long gone by now."

Only Teyla noticed Carson squeezing her hand as a silent support. John was very sceptical because he knew Rodney, and didn't want to write him off unless he saw it himself. "I won't believe that."

"Me neither," Aiden added hurriedly a few seconds before Teyla replied: "I agree with John."

Teyla and Aiden shared a look and then turned at Elizabeth. She was very sad and looked as if she should crumble into pieces any time soon. Carson put a hand on her shoulder and told them: "I know how hard it is for you accept the fact. The two of us have already had some time to let it sink in and we've agreed to send another team to the planet tomorrow morning. Maybe you could go as well."

"Of course we're going," John said forcefully, his eyes sending daggers, but he knew it was useless to be angry at her. She hadn't caused this and was herself in an onerous position.

Elizabeth smiled faintly but knowingly because she had already told Jorgenson about the mission with John, Teyla and Dr. Simpson. She hadn't hesitated about their part on the mission. Not when their obnoxious but very dear friend was missing. John didn't understand her smile but let it be.

And now here he was, standing in front of the rippling blue event horizon, ready to step through to find out if others hadn't missed any Rodney's traces or possible hints he had left for them.

"Alright," he ordered, "let's go."

And he led the team through the puddle. This time he didn't turn to acknowledge Elizabeth's presence behind the railing but she was still there, sending a silent wish for Rodney to be okay. Aiden stayed downstairs until the wormhole disengaged, and then used his four legs to get up to the control room, where he joined Elizabeth. "Ma'am?" he asked silently.

She turned at him and blinked slowly. Then she unconsciously bent her right leg and rubbed her calf. "Yes?"

"Can I talk to you for a moment?" he asked hesitantly tilting his head to her office.

"Sure." She didn't know why, though. Everything to be said had been said at night. There were no more pieces of information, no more hints, no more ideas. All that remained was hope.

Unfortunately, Elizabeth knew that by this evening she would have to add Rodney on the list of people Missing In Action. If anybody, Bates would force her to. Then she realised what she was doing as her calf began to hurt from the scratching, and stopped. She looked over the control room and everybody lowered their looks. She turned her head in disbelief and led Aiden to her office.

– – – – – – – – – –

M1X-808, behind the Stargate. The team had found Rodney's footsteps leading to the forest behind the Gate and followed them. They were far from one another so Teyla easily distinguished that Rodney had been running as fast as he could.

"Have you noticed," she asked others, "that his footsteps are almost in a straight line with the same depth and regular gaps?"

John frowned. He did notice but it was insignificant. Rodney had just dashed through the area and… "You mean he wasn't dodging anything? But how could he when he didn't see the Dart through these thick branches?"

Jorgenson's team waited and didn't comment. Doctor Simpson wandered slightly ahead and stopped at a steep edge of the hill. She noticed torn-out moss and a path of a slip. She crouched and examined the area.

Maria noticed her sudden action and called: "Doctor, are you okay?"

Others looked around to find her and were surprised to see her so far away.

"Sure," Simpson called back with eyes fixed on the area she was touching. "I've found something."

She looked down the hillside and noticed a path of broken branches and crumpled leaves. The rest of them reached her position and stared in the direction of her own look. "He must have fallen down," John stated the obvious.

"How deep do you think it is?" Teyla looked first at John then at Dr. Simpson.

John shrugged. He really didn't have a clue what to answer but he started to realise how the Wraith could have culled Rodney. "We'll descend," he told others firmly. "But watch out because it ends on a cliff. Well, it should according to the first research team. But they have not reported this, so be cautious. Once we check that area, we'll return up to the ruins. Alright?"

Everybody nodded and Allan led their slow way down. He chose each step carefully and bore in mind that Major Sheppard couldn't lean on his hand and Teyla had her arm in a sling. Sarah and Maria followed the 'collapse-impaired' pair with Carlos helping Dr. Simpson at the very end.

John and Teyla paid a lot of attention to their injuries but couldn't stop thinking about Rodney's fall. Throughout the descent, they noticed pointed rocks and big stones appearing in the crumpled area. Their only hope was that Rodney hadn't ended up on any of them before getting out of the forest. If he had been culled, he couldn't have been crippled, too! This couldn't have been his fate!

When they got out of the forest, they fanned out and searched the ground. Grimfin's team had been here and claimed to have found Rodney's steps on the cliff. So he couldn't have been injured so much after all, right?

Allan was the first to find a footstep conserved in dried mud. For a brief moment, he considered erasing it with his boot but then scolded himself and called out: "I've found one!"

John and Teyla rushed at his side and dropped to the ground. Teyla made use of her hunting inheritance and scanned all its surroundings. She found torn grass near the footprint. It also seemed deeper, as if Rodney had hurt his foot during the tumble down.

"He went this way," she indicated to her left.

She looked thoroughly at the ground so she merely caught Allan's: "Wouldn't have guessed…"

John frowned at him but bit back his retort. Allan wasn't Rodney to accept the inner joke and reply back keeping the snappy but friendly level or making it more amusing a few sentences later. Moreover, they shouldn't argue. They had to cooperate. But really, why had Elizabeth chosen this team as the back-up was incomprehensible to John. And he ignored his subconsciousness hinting him that she may have wanted to create trust among them and to prevent John's team from blaming the other. But she wanted too much too soon.

He was lost in the argument with his inner conscious, mathematical, punctual John so he was shocked when Teyla stood up and said: "Those pebbles over there won't show anything. I would suggest that two of us would go there while others return to the ruins."

John rose to his feet, too, but he did it too quickly and blinked a few times to shoo away the tunnel vision. He wasn't as alright as he had claimed, but he was happy Carson hadn't kept him in the Infirmary for another observation or test. As soon as he could see clearly again, he looked at Allan with an unspoken question.

"Fine," Allan muttered silently before saying more loudly, "Vegaz, Vysockaja, you two go check the path. Sarah, you'll go with us."

Carlos prepared to protest but Maria put a hand on his shoulder and pushed him lightly to the pebbled edge of the cliff. He pressed his lips together and let her lead him there. John noticed his very apparent discomfort and remembered how he had once ordered Aiden to 'babysit' Rodney. Aiden had had quite a similar expression plastered on his face that John now wondered who was babysitting who on this team. Or maybe Lt. Vegaz' scowl had had a totally different reason.

John looked at Teyla for a confirmation and began to herd the rest of the team. "OK, so let's go," he announced and started for the uphill path. Teyla was on his heels faster than others but only she was used to John's pace and moody strides. It was easy for her to say when John was upset, because he walked so quickly that they all had problems keeping up with him and they rarely stopped to investigate something more, or content, because he walked so slowly that even Rodney kept urging him to move forward because he had nothing to do, or even when he was just himself in his normal cautious mood because then they walked as fast as they wanted and they easily stopped wherever needed or desired.

She jogged up to him and whispered urgently: "Don't hurry so much. We aren't alone."

He looked behind and nodded when he noticed the three people further away. "Sure," he whispered, too, and slowed his dash. But Teyla saw how much energy it cost him. The rush was his way of using negative energy and they were both scared that the pair of soldiers wouldn't find Rodney as he had really been taken.


	21. Doing What Has To Be Done

AN: Hello everybody, I'm glad that some people still read this story which, I must confess, is growing way too much for my liking. When I started, I thought I'd be done by this amount of words. And look at it, we're just halfway through. :-) I'll see what I can do - I hope to write more now that I've passed all the exams for this school year.

Oh, and if the second part of this chapter sounds off, blame it on Rodney's blood sugar dropping, starvation and something the bug had spat into his bloodstream before he fell asleep. And please, I really need to know what you guys think about this chapter.

* * *

 **Doing What Has To be Done**

Atlantis, Infirmary. Carson's office. He was working on a medical document from Atlantis' database opened in his computer. Suddenly, he hiccuped. His current problem was very annoying but the usual tricks, like pressing a tongue on the roof of the mouth and holding breath for ten seconds, hadn't worked on him.

"Bloody hell," he muttered and hiccuped once more. "Who is thinking," hiccup, "about me?" He hiccuped again and rubbed his forehead. He was getting tired of this and what's more, his chest had begun to hurt. He swore he would sell his soul to the devil just to stop it.

Suddenly, there was a timid knock on his door. "Speaking of the…" he hiccuped once more and shook his head. "Come in," he called and tried to suppress another sound of a stopped breath and consequently heart.

The door opened and Aiden walked in. Carson noticed gladly that he was more confident with his crutches and was moving almost as fast as without them. "What can I…" he started but hiccuped. His face went red in embarrassment that he couldn't get rid of it.

Aiden smiled and looked at him. "Looks like it's contagious, Doc," he joked.

"Excuse ma?" Carson eyed him puzzled before another hiccup escaped his throat.

Aiden had to hold back a laugh. He knew it wouldn't be fair towards their most favourite doctor so he schooled his expression and said seriously: "I've just left the control room and Dr. Grodin was doing even worse than you. I wonder, have you eaten or drunk anything together?"

Carson blinked and hiccuped. "No, we have not."

"Maybe you should try gulping some water," Aiden suggested with a shrug. He tried to be helpful in a way he could. And he didn't think Carson was 'barking' as long as Peter had. It had started soon after he and Elizabeth entered her office and lasted even when they left it about ten minutes later. Peter was so unhappy and the glances others cast him were so angry at the disturbances… Aiden rather returned to Carson and watched him carefully.

"Yeah, maybe. But," Carson hiccuped and shook his head desperately, "it isn't so frequent," hiccup, "anymore."

Aiden looked at him sceptically and decided to try something on him. Either it would help or he would get yelled at for mocking him. Aiden turned his head to the door and pretended to hiccup himself for good measure. Carson got angry that he was making fun of his condition and raised his voice, his accent very pronounced: "Lieutenant, I'm not just decoratif heer to bee loughed at. Iv ye need something, tell ma now or leaf immediately. I'm reelly not in the mood for…" He stopped abruptly because he expected another hiccup to interrupt his speech but, surprisingly, there was none. He waited for a while with his index finger raised but he didn't need to hiccup again and so he blew out a sigh of relief.

Aiden smiled broadly and told him: "You're both so similar. Once you get angry at somebody, you forget all your problems."

Carson frowned at him as he didn't understand. It was true that he was more easily caught angry and snappy when he himself suffered from a disease or a health problem but how that was related to Grodin was out of his grasp.

Aiden went closer to him and sat in the visitor's chair. "Dr. Weir told something to Dr. Grodin and it made him spit like a wild cat. Obviously, it worked so well that his hiccup was gone and everybody in the control room finally relaxed." He winked at Carson. "I won't tell anyone that it works on you, too, Doc." However, he didn't tell Carson that Elizabeth had sneaked behind Peter before speaking to him so he was really startled by her sudden appearance in his comfort zone.

Carson left his lips pressed together but his eyes lit up with amusement and a small amount of disbelief. "Thank ye," he said and he meant it.

"You're welcome," Aiden answered. He looked down at his hands, then back up at Carson. "But could you do me a favour for it?"

Carson straightened in his chair and waited patiently with a small kind smile. He was sure it wouldn't be anything severe but it sounded quite intriguing. "What kind of favour?" he demanded when Aiden didn't continue but looked all around the room but at him.

Aiden fidgeted in his chair because he didn't know if he could dare to say it out loud, but then did look at Carson nervously. "I need one of those 'Sleeping Power Bars' you make," he confessed finally.

Carson frowned. Not many people knew about them, mainly because he had used them on three people only. And that would be their boss, their military CO and their residential genius… So instead of why Aiden wanted it, he asked: "How do you know about them?"

Aiden sent him a sheepish glance before his eyes rested on Carson's Thermos flask sitting to his left. It was easier to watch something that didn't live and pretend to say everything to it. "Major Sheppard told me. Once he cautiously sniffed a Power bar he had received either from you or Dr. McKay, I can't really remember. When I asked him, he told me about you having slipped him and McKay sedatives into their bars after the Storm. You know, the one with Kolya. He claimed the bar had smelled after apples." He shrugged and moved his sight slightly to have a better look at Carson who was nodding in understanding.

"Um-huh," Carson said. "Okay, well and why do ye need one? Ye're not afraid of needles so I can give ye a shot if ye have problems sleeping."

Aiden held his hands up. "No, that's not…" He lowered his hands and confessed: "I would like it for a friend of mine."

Carson raised his right eyebrow expectantly. Aiden breathed out and went on: "He couldn't get any sleep for the past days due to her responsibilities. She's…" he stopped and coughed, "he's been under lots of stress due to…"

Carson interrupted him, "Are ye talking about Dr. Weir, Lieutenant?"

Aiden sent him an embarrassed look that he was unable to keep the secret away from the doctor as Elizabeth had hinted to him that she would be grateful for one. He watched his hands, nodded and sighed.

Carson knew he was right. He held out a hand and touched Aiden, who jerked up at his hand on his shoulder. When Carson was sure he had his attention, he told him: "I know what ye mean. And had we been on the Earth, I would let her pull through it herself because she would sleep off her sorrow. But days here are longer so when she reaches the limit incompatible with her role, I'll take care of her maself."

Aiden blinked at his sudden confession. He couldn't believe their doctor was capable of such a radical step, although in the right direction. His astonishment was so clear that Carson couldn't help but chuckle at his expression. Then he stated more seriously: "She had chosen Rodney for this expedition long before she even knew there would be any. Despite what people have claimed, she's found out more about him on her own. So we can't expect her to be heartless."

Aiden nodded; her distress was very apparent when they talked in her office, discussed the findings again and agreed on what to do next when John returned. He thought about her behaviour so he was caught unawares by Carson's next question: "Do have any idea why Major Sheppard also seemed to blame himself so much for Rodney's loss?"

Aiden frowned and shrugged. He hadn't thought about it more than that John had lost a bitching but very valuable team member. And well, McKay had been one of the best scientists they had here. When he remembered how scared he had been during the nanite problem and how he had babbled about his sister and asked them to say he died doing something brave, he felt really sorry for him.

"Maybe you should find out when they return," Carson suggested. "I doubt he would tell me or Doctor Weir."

Aiden looked at him thoughtfully and agreed. "Fine, I will try."

Carson smiled and Aiden prepared to leave. Then Carson stopped him. "Don't forget to see me in the afternoon with your ankle."

"Yes, mum," Aiden joked without emotion and left the room.

Carson shook his head and continued his work on the document. But he couldn't concentrate enough so he closed his laptop and walked out of his office to get some fresh air on the Infirmary balcony. God knew he needed to relax.

– – – – – – – – – –

M1X-808, a hollow tree near the river. Rodney woke up early in the morning and shot upright gasping for breath. It was just before dawn and the area had become bright enough to distinguish all its features. Rodney took a shuddering breath and put a hand on his chest.

"No feeding marks," he muttered silently and exhaled happily that it had all been just a bad dream. A nightmare would be a better term because he had dreamt about being chased by a male Wraith. He had tried to run away but hadn't been fast enough to get rid of it. Then he had got to a dead end; had been forced to back there. The Wraith had advanced on him and Rodney had tried to back some more as he hadn't had any weapon to fight it off. Unfortunately, he had tripped over a rock and had fallen to the ground. Before he had been able to stand up, the Wraith had squatted down to him and had held him down with his non-feeding hand. Rodney had been terrified and had hyperventilated. The Wraith had seemed to enjoy his utter terror clear in his eyes and had prolonged that part as much as it could. Then it had torn his blue T-shirt while threatening to leave him enough life to see their victory when taking over Atlantis. Rodney hadn't been able to draw in a decent breath and the Wraith had been able to feel so. Therefore, it had waited no more, placed its feeding hand on his chest, dug its nails and the mouth-like opening into Rodney's tender flesh and had begun to take his years. Rodney had woken up shocked just at that very moment.

Now, he was taking slow deep breaths to calm his racing heart. He was sweating and shaking like a leaf. He finally realised how John had to be feeling every time he had a nightmare about the Wraith. He had to be petrified because not only had he woken them up, but also killed his commander in the process. And if Col. Sumner played a part in the dream, it had to be much worse. Rodney knew John had never fallen asleep completely without Carson's sedatives and he had his 9mm and a knife at arm's length. Sometimes it saved them, sometimes not, but it had become a habit Rodney made sure of on difficult missions when their weapons weren't taken.

Rodney wiped his wet hot forehead and wondered how he could remember all details of the dream so vividly in his current condition. He hardly remembered anything when resting at Atlantis so why now and this? It was a nonsense to dream about the Wraith when they hadn't set their feet on this planet for thousands of years.

Rodney shook his head and exhaled deeply. Then he looked out of his hiding place and found out that it wasn't raining anymore. The casing full of water was to his left and a bird was chirping in branches above him.

"At least somebody can sing with happiness," Rodney sighed.

He was stiff and numb because wood hadn't been the best choice for a bed. He slowly moved his limbs to get blood circulating again, so that he could move. He turned his neck and it cracked loudly in protest. Rodney didn't like the ache but he closed his eyes and forced his body to crawl out, nevertheless. He had to at least try to get away and not to end up in a tree in the middle of nowhere.

He accidentally used his injured right foot for support and so he collapsed in pain just out of the tree.

"Damn, that hurt," he muttered and crawled on all fours to a grassy area not far from the tree. There he lay down on his back to ease the soreness. He didn't close his eyes, though, because he scanned his surroundings in the mild light of the planet's morning to get his bearings. He noticed that a smouldering fog lay low over the water, and the sky was the colour of molten silver. But for the breathtaking view, which he would love to see again later under different circumstances, it was useless for his orientation.

Rodney sighed and sat up straight, with both legs stretched out. He rubbed his neck before massaging his lower back as well as he could. He tried not to close his eyes in pain not to be caught off-guard because he had noticed a slow cautious movement far between trees. But it didn't look life-threatening in any case.

He finished on his back and pinched the bridge of his nose with a whispered "Oh, shit" when he remembered the gate-crasher on his calf. Therefore, he rolled his trousers up to learn how they were doing. Then he bent his left leg to have a better view while keeping the other stretched.

The leech was still attached to him but he couldn't lift its side now because his skin around it was puffy, red and hot. And that was an enormous difficulty. It seemed as if the leech didn't want to leave his body.

Rodney got frustrated. He wished he had torn it off last night despite the pain and fear of infection because he was sure it would have caused less damage than now. He knew he couldn't keep it because he had already been feeling very weak and the bug feeding on his blood made him even weaker.

Rodney went through different plans in his head and decided for the very first one – tear it off, cut it off, do whatever to get it off his calf.

He got up carefully and quickly searched his surroundings for a piece of wood without splinters. Luckily, he found one which was solid enough, too. Then he looked through his pockets to find his knife which he needed to have some leverage for the leech. He swallowed uneasily when his fingers gripped on the knife but he still sat down with the leg in concern placed as near as possible.

He prepared himself mentally for the oncoming agony and breathed out resolutely. It had to be done. He put a hand on his throbbing forehead and realised he was still running a fever.

"Very well," he muttered. He thought it was only going from bad to worse so he couldn't possibly do anything silly. But his voice had to be muted so that he didn't attract anything to his position.

"Now or never," he said and put the piece of wood in his mouth. He bit into it forcefully and whipped open the knife. Then he pressed its edge to his calf where he expected to find a way under the leech's shield. A small amount of blood began to trickle down the blade and Rodney stifled a cry gurgling in his throat.

Grateful for his little piece of wood, he bit into it even more when he wedged the knife under the shield and twisted it so that the shield lifted. Blood began to flow more but Rodney didn't care. He dissociated himself from the fact that it was his own leg bleeding not to feel nauseous, and, although muffling his painful screams with gritted teeth, he gradually cut the shield loose from his skin. It was similar to cutting a tin with an opener.

But it hurt so much that Rodney panted harshly by the time he finished the action. Unfortunately, there was more to be done and he knew he couldn't wait any longer.

Morbidly fascinated by the bright red flow from under the shield, he put his hand away from the wound and just counted to ten. The pain lessened, and he wiped the bloodstained knife on his trousers, hygiene long forgotten.

He breathed deeply to steel himself for the next step and corrected the position of his biting wood. He had opened the bug like a can so now he had to pull it out. However, the swollen area around it made it almost impossible for him to grab it.

Rodney tried to get a grip on it but all his attempts ended up unsuccessfully. That was when it was the turn of the Swiss knife again. There was a pair of pincers in it as well so Rodney opened them and looked back at the leech.

"It'll be like pulling a tooth," he said through gritted teeth and worked one side of the pincers under the leech's back shield.

"Like a tooth," he repeated desperately while pressing the pincers together. Then he held his breath and yanked. There was a sickening cracking sound and Rodney just couldn't hold his lips together. The piece of wood fell out of his mouth and he yelled and screamed with all his might. He yelled in agony of the movement and of opening the blood flow completely because the leech had acted like a cork or a plug.

A four-feet herbivore animal passing by got so scared that it ran away at its maximal speed. Birds went so fearful that they all quickly flew away from the trees screeching themselves at the horrible sound. As one huge flock, they flew as fast as they could, far from the source of the sound, maybe in fear that it was a wounded animal which would kill them just to release its frustration from the injury.

Meanwhile, tears were running down Rodney's cheeks and he could hardly see anything. But he still grabbed hold of the pincers once more and pulled. He pulled and twisted and waggled the leech with more tears and more blood leaving his body. He didn't have the capacity to put the wood back into his mouth so he bit his lips or screamed with lips pressed into a thin white line. Soon he had no voice left except for rough remnants.

Gasping for breath, it took his oxygen-deprived brain a while to acknowledge a quiet smacking noise. He frowned and lifted his hand up to understand that he had finally got the leech out. There it was; a soft pinkish segmented body hanging limply from the hard black shield. It was covered in fresh blood with a piece of meat, that didn't belong to it, attached to its front, and the thought that it was from his own body made Rodney ill.

He suppressed the immediate need to retch, swallowing bile that had got into his mouth. He didn't know if the leech was still alive but he rather tossed it to the river.

"Go haunt…someone else's…life," he panted and glanced at his calf uneasily. To his dismay, he found out that the blood was still flowing from the wound and there was a hole in it. He realised that he must have torn off a bit of himself and that that had been the crack he had heard.

And then he unceremonially lost it. He turned to his left and vomited, however, all he got out was a lot of bitter bile because his stomach was long empty. He forced back dry heaves and wiped his mouth in his sleeve.

He was gradually going into shock from the blood loss and, to his bad luck, the pool under his leg was growing steadily. He began to shake and gasp for breath. Reluctantly, he decided to calm down and focused back on the nasty injury. He went through all his belongings quickly, because he needed something to stop the bleeding.

He didn't have a military bandage pack on him and the wound was badly placed so he couldn't use his jacket like with John some time ago. Rodney emptied his pockets shakily and tried to think of something. The memory of keeping John awake and responsive despite the shoulder shot and severe pneumothorax overwhelmed him for a moment because it also brought back memories of him doctoring John before Aiden came and accused him of helping Gall. In both sets of memories, he was the one saving John's life that was at stake. But where was John now that the tables had turned? Rodney wondered what John would do in this situation as he had easily been able to treat his own shot wound on the satellite planet.

"Cord. I can tie the artery," Rodney made up his mind. He took the cord and bound it tightly above the wound against a bone. He hissed in pain, but didn't release the pressure and tied it on two knots.

Thinking quickly without drowning in the memories past so that he did not get unconscious from the blood loss, he took off his jacket, reopened the knife and cut off the right sleeve from his T-shirt. "For pressure, to make a bandage…" he said quietly while folding the sleeve. Then he pressed it into the hole even though he hadn't cleaned it. He didn't want to touch the water so soon, worried that the leech was still somewhere near, but, more importantly, if he ever managed to return to Atlantis, Carson would give him antibiotics to fight whatever disease he might catch. And if not, it wouldn't make a difference; he would have to die of something.

Rodney sighed. He knew he needed something long to bandage the hole so he cut an about ten-centimetre wide strip from the body part of his T-shirt. Meanwhile, the sleeve got soaked with blood so he cut off the other as well, pressed it in and bandaged it tightly.

"Like Carson has taught you. The more pressure you apply, the sooner should the bleeding stop," he murmured. He shakily raised one sticky red hand to see it wholly, then closed it into a fist as more memories of him having blood on his hands rushed to the forefront of his mind. And they weren't just from the past nine months at Atlantis. There were even a few older, much older ones from the Earth…

Rodney waited for a moment, trying to overcome the dizziness, and watched the makeshift bandage. Blood was slowly seeping through and it told him that the leech must have used some substance to prevent blood clotting.

"Out of the frying pan and into the fire," he chuckled bitterly. He cut another strip of his shirt but thought better of it and didn't tie it around immediately.

His breathing hitched, another bad omen, but he had nobody else to lean on for support so he had to help himself on his own. Cold sweat appeared on his forehead and back, where it trickled down and sent chills through his entire body.

Rodney shook his head slightly. He was getting sleepy but sleep would be fatal for him in his condition. Blinking fast, he stretched out for the piece of wood, broke in it two and pressed the smaller one in the bleeding hole. He hissed again but pressed it very deep. Then he used the strip of blue cloth and tied it tightly around.

He wiped his left bloody hand on his pants and sighed. He watched the injury intently and waited. But, apparently, the wood was blocking the artery sufficiently and so he could move his mind elsewhere.

He looked around himself, at his limited stack of belongings, and contemplated using his Epi-pen to prevent an allergic reaction or getting into a fit. But then, adrenaline would make his heart pump faster, meaning more blood would get to the wound, meaning, he would bleed to death.

"So not now," he decided quietly. "Later, in the afternoon, maybe…"

Rodney rubbed his forehead and smeared some blood, which hadn't dried or hadn't been wiped yet, there. He pocketed his Epi-pen, the pencil and the pen, leaving only the bloodstained Swiss knife and a power bar out.

He blinked around himself but was sure nothing would get near him in the next few minutes because of his pain-filled screams. He noticed trees around him which were green with leaves of different shapes and sizes. He decided to use some to clean the knife but stayed still to let the wound adjust to the new plug.

"Okay, you're fine, Rodney," he said aloud to calm himself down. "You've managed. You'll be okay. Hopefully. No, surely. You'll manage to get home. No questioning."

Rodney sighed. He took the power bar in his left hand and pulled it open with a help of the other. He ate slowly, still thinking, but this time he didn't throw the wrapper away. He folded it neatly and placed it into his pocket for later use if the wood was somehow unendurable for his body.

He had always found it surprising how versatile those wrappers were. They were clean so you could use them as a valve on a shot wound, like he had used it on John. They conducted electricity so you could use them to connect circuits or torn wires. They were shiny and they reflected light so you could use them to send light signals or reflect anything to give away your position to those who know what to look for, or to lure enemies away. Or just a basic use from Atlantis, should your desk stand on an uneven surface, the folded power bar foil could help adjust its position. A piece of cake, right?

Rodney hoped he had given the wound enough time and began to move. Slowly, sitting on his bottom, he moved over to the casing and drank all its content. But he still felt thirsty, so he took the knife and carefully stood up, almost all his weight off the left leg. Then he headed to the river and prayed not to meet the leech or another leech again.

Gently easing down on the bank, he took the casing and lowered it into the current. When it filled with water, he lifted it up to his lips and downed all the water before repeating the process once more.

When he sated his thirst, he washed the knife thoroughly so that it didn't get rusty. The pincers followed as they had also been in contact with the leech. From time to time, Rodney glanced at his left calf, but, thankfully, the last cover hadn't got red so far.

As soon as he cleaned up everything, he washed his hands and face. The fresh cool water brought back some of his common sense and he had gained enough courage to set off.

And just then he took into account a distant roar of falling water. He wondered why he hadn't registered the sound earlier but it lasted mere seconds because he realised he had got near the waterfall. Not a waterfall. It was THE waterfall near which the projector had been situated before he had kicked it out.

Hope filled his heart and he quickly pocketed the knife and the casing. Then he carefully set off in the direction of the falling water. He knew he shouldn't put much weight on the right ankle but the leech's bite was more severe so he decided to pay more attention to it. With this in mind, he limped cautiously towards home. All he needed to do now was climb a hill and he should be okay.


	22. Investigating The Pillar Room

M1X-808, the ruins. Thanks to John's hurry, they arrived there shortly after getting up the hillside. They all went down the corridor only to find out that a part of the cleared passageway had fallen down again. It was quite an inconvenience because half of them was unable to work on the cleaning. So Allan called Maria and Carlos off, they hadn't found anything anyway and wanted to return, and began to put the rocks aside with Dr. Simpson and Sarah.

John was angry that he could only sit outside and wait, but he knew he was only getting in the way as he couldn't close his hand completely. Teyla was out there, too, sitting on a half-broken wall, swinging her legs and tugging at her sling nervously.

Carlos and Maria arrived soon and began helping the trio. Dr. Simpson looked exhausted when she left the corridor with another huge rock, but didn't relax and went straight back. However, she tried to avoid eyes of the pair sitting right in front of the entrance, as if guarding it.

John put his head in his hands and sighed. Rodney had been culled, and John wished he knew that for sure, or he'd been down the abyss and his body was broken into miniature pieces and may have already been consumed by native predators. When Carlos and Maria had told them that the ledge ended in another cliff, they knew there was nothing more to search for. But John would prefer Elizabeth not knowing about the latter possibility.

Teyla touched his back and he sagged even more. Yesterday, no it was the day before yesterday that Rodney had come to him excitedly to talk about these ruins. God, it was so hard to believe it had been two days ago! John rubbed his sore hand and wished like hell he had just accepted the offer and joined the expedition. Maybe, not maybe but surely, Rodney would have had a chance then.

Teyla didn't speak to him because she sensed his need to get through his dark thoughts on his own. But John did speak up ever so silently although he didn't mean to. It was one of his bad habits to say out loud but silently what bothered him. "What does Rodney know about the Wraith?"

Teyla's sensitive ears caught his quiet question and she wanted to answer it but he surprised her when he answered himself. So she let him speak because they were alone and she was sure it'd help him. He said: "Okay, well, probably more than most. But what does he know about taking care of himself? Nothing up to tiny bits and pieces."

His voice gained a slightly desperate tone and Teyla restrained herself from saying anything so that he kept talking to get the anguish out. "That man needs a shadow to keep him out of trouble. He needs someone to watch out for him, to be another set of eyes of his, because he gets so focused on, so engrossed in, things he can't see anything beyond what's in front of him."

He sighed and squeezed his eyes shut tightly. "He had been alone here, in this corridor, and nobody had bothered to watch over him. He'd faced the Wraith alone."

He released the pressure and whispered more about what was on his mind. "Our self-centred physicist," and he didn't say it as an insult, "must have been trying to rejoin his team, doing everything he could to get to them."

John imagined Rodney dashing through the woods, gradually losing his earpiece, his gun, getting caught in the branches. Tumbling down the hill to the ledge, running along it. Then a culling beam appearing out of nowhere, scooping the poor man as the biggest prize. He shook in hidden anger and got up from the wall, Teyla following quickly to prevent him from anything unwise if need be. She was feeling sorry for him. She missed Rodney, too, but these men had become the closest people she'd ever met. Only lovers were closer than them.

John kicked a stone and walked away so Teyla didn't hear his other sentences. "Did McKay know that Jorgenson's team had left him? Did he find out that they'd been gone to Atlantis without problems?" He knew Allan could officially expect only a reprimand but what he would do off-record was an entirely different case. But he realised he was also furious with himself because while Rodney had been suffering on this planet, the rest of his own team had had R&R, a vacation at a lake. They had been enjoying themselves instead of missing him. John kicked another rock and noticed a cracked wall. It hadn't been cracked the last time he was there. So there must have been someone else upset about this situation who used it as a target. He touched it lightly and it strangely felt like the crack in his own heart. Hollow and ragged.

Teyla had caught up with him and stood up at his side. She didn't understand why he seemed to stroke the crack but she let him open up because she wanted to find out why he had been and still was so shattered.

"Why didn't I let McKay come along with me on our swimming trip?" he breathed out brokenly and even more silently than last time. "I'm a son of a bitch, I really am." He turned his head and lowered his hand. "Here Rodney was asking, no BEGGING, to come along and I told him to go play with his new mates. What the hell got into me? I was acting like a damned school kid. Wonderful friend I was."

Teyla held her breath all this time. Finally, she comprehended what was bothering John and why he had been so hard on himself for the past hours. She couldn't believe Rodney knew about the trip, too, but John forbade him to go with them because he knew about the mission with Jorgenson's team. She was shocked when she realised that John may have done it as a punishment that he took them all but Rodney.

Lost in her own thoughts, she totally missed John's next words. "I wish I had taken him with us because then, then he would have been safe. And I, we all, wouldn't be here at these ruins. We wouldn't be waiting for the way down to find what Rodney has had. Or had?"

John sighed again and brought Teyla back to the present. He didn't notice her so close to him and, moreover, he didn't expect her to be with him. He shook his head ruefully to clear it again and stood up fully, his back turned to her. He looked at the wall where they had been sitting just a while ago and frowned. When he didn't see her anywhere near, he called out: "Teyla, where are you?"

"Right here." Her voice from behind him made him jump. He seriously didn't think she could sneak up on him this easily. Apart from this he hoped he had not spoken about his problems, hoped she hadn't heard a word.

Teyla smiled politely, innocently, and pretended to have just arrived. "I saw you come here to the wall so I went over to have a look. Is there anything strange about the broken opening?"

"No, not really," John answered more calmly. He thought that had she heard anything, she would have asked. He was wrong but, thankfully, he didn't know it. Otherwise, he wouldn't be able to look at her ever again. He opened his mouth to say something more when their radios crackled to life.

"Major Sheppard, we've broken through," Allan announced. He sounded worn-out so John and Teyla estimated that he and Carlos had done most of the necessary work, being the only capable men here.

"Going down," John replied and, to Teyla's astonishment, only walked patiently to the building and down the corridor. She walked next to him and watched him carefully because this was unusual. Not that he wouldn't like to run, but he was well aware that the pillar was nothing to flee away and disappear if they came a bit later.

Suddenly Maria called: "Sir, should we wait for you two here, or will you meet us down, in the chamber?"

"Go ahead," John told her. "We'll meet you down there unless you come across a fork. Sheppard out."

John didn't really know why he added the last bit but he wouldn't like to talk to them over the radio. With what had happened, he wanted to see them face to face when discussing anything related to their mission. He lit his torch and set off deeper in the complex.

Teyla copied him with her torch and strode side by side with him. Suddenly she tripped over a small piece of debris and John had to catch her to prevent her fall.

"You okay?" he asked worriedly, gripping her left arm to keep her steady.

She nodded quickly and freed her arm. "I just didn't pay enough attention."

John looked at her carefully with apparent concern. "No dizziness or such? These symptoms can appear hours after you get concussed. You should tell me if you don't feel well."

Teyla smiled at his protectiveness and shook her head. "John, you don't have to worry about me. I swear, only the area of the impact hurts. But that's to be expected after the hit."

They reached the part of the second collapse and took into account how makeshift the holding construction seemed. It wasn't badly built. It only looked even worse in the dim light of their P-90s and hand torches. Rocks and boulders were used to keep everything together but seemed likely to fall apart if they even exhaled deeply at them. John sent a worried glance towards Teyla, inhaled deeply in his chest and prepared himself for the narrow passageway. It wasn't so narrow but any burly person would have to walk side, not face, first and still would have problems.

Keeping his breathing rate to a minimum, John slowly made his way around the wall of stones and wished the corridor wouldn't end up on their heads again. He was afraid that a deeper breath or a bad position of his foot could send everything to hell so he chose his way quickly and cautiously.

Teyla was smaller so she paced more easily and checked the corridor with her sight. She wasn't claustrophobic and, what's more, she quite liked spending time in caves, but the constant threat of being buried alive in the hallway made her jittery.

Together they hurried deeper down and heaved a silent sigh of relief when they reached the stable part of the corridor. John looked at Teyla and smiled. He was surprised that she looked afraid; she rarely showed her fear to others.

"I swear I won't close the doors and windows at Atlantis for months to have the slightest feeling of an open area," John said aloud to ease their mental struggle.

Teyla chuckled. John smiled because this was just the reaction he had longed to see – Teyla getting amused. For a brief second, he could picture Aiden guarding Rodney down the corridor and them about to meet the pair. However, that brief second passed way too quickly and he had to face the reality, not daydream.

"Who would have built such a deep corridor?" Teyla asked suddenly to move her mind off the dark tunnel.

"Dunno," John answered. "But if they had needed to hide from the Wraith, it would have been useful. For not being detected underground, I mean."

John rubbed the back of his head and tried to ignore the knot forming in the pit of his stomach. He believed it was caused by bad memories of this hallway but it played only a part in it.

"Come to think about it," he said out loud, "this would be perfect to hide something valuable."

"Like a ZPM?" Teyla asked, looking at his face to read him. It would only be their bad luck to exchange the most valuable person at the base for a chance to defend themselves against the Wraith so to say, the most valuable thing in two galaxies.

"Maybe. We have to check that pillar," John replied thoughtfully.

Teyla wanted to ask something more but shut her mouth close again. She realised it was not the right time for it. They continued in silence until they reached the complete bottom of the corridor. As they had been instructed, there really were two doors, one leading to a store of sorts, the other opening into a room with a pillar. Others were in the pillar room and Dr. Simpson was in vain trying to connect to it. Despite their attempts, they couldn't bring it to life.

"So what do we have here?" John demanded as soon as he and Teyla reached the door frame.

"I can't get into the system," Dr. Simpson complained. "It seems dead although I can read enough energy to make it all glowing and more." She tried to reattach the wires to get some sort of response but there was still nothing.

"Let me," John told her politely and approached the dais of the pillar.

As soon as he stood right next to it, Sarah shouted: "Wait!"

John stopped with his left leg in the air and returned it back to the ground next to the dais. Then he walked over to her. "What is it, Dr. Ginger?"

Sarah shushed him and held her right hand up to stop any future questions. She studied her scanner closely and hummed to herself. John could so easily see Rodney instead of her, but his hand would be waving impatiently, always in motion. And he would walk around, not stay in one place and move the scanner.

"Move closer to the pillar, Major, will you?" she asked and walked closer herself.

"What?" John frowned because that request surprised him.

"Pillar. Go close again," she said and showed her scanner to Dr. Simpson.

John shrugged and obeyed. As soon as he got near it, Dr. Simpson called out in awe: "There's a spike!"

John was getting tired of this. Not knowing, not having an idea what was going on. Rodney would have told him. Then he realised Rodney must have got this far, too because… "It's reacting to my gene," John said silently and surprised others.

Without any more waiting, he stepped on the dais around the pillar and was blinded by bright light shooting out from it to the walls which reflected it to the door where a thick light shield was formed. Like last time.

John closed his eyes immediately and even put a hand over them to shield them. Others ducked and covered their eyes, too, as the light was too bright to bear.

"Damn it," John cursed and rubbed his eyelids. "That was worse than Beckett's pen-light after a concussion. Are you, guys, okay?"

He began to see shadows so he could see Allan covering Sarah on the ground, Maria and Carlos holding their heads down to their right, Dr. Simpson, who miraculously didn't look so bothered, maybe because she was looking at her scanner so she didn't get the light full force, and Teyla cowering next to the door. He could also hear a silent hum of machinery in the distance. Soon there were silent moans from women and a few curses from Allan and Carlos.

Teyla was first to recover from the shock and scanned the room. "That's not good," she breathed out when she noticed the shield in the doorway.

Sarah and Dr. Simpson rushed to her side, albeit Sarah a bit unsteadily. She wondered: "Issy, do you think it's connected to the control panel?"

John frowned. Issy? Like Isabella? Was she referring to Dr. Simpson? John received his answers when Dr. Simpson spoke up: "Perhaps."

Dr. Isabella Simpson searched through readings on her pad and sent others a surprised look. "Wow, it shields the entire room like a dome! Nothing can get in or out."

"You mean we're trapped here?" Allan asked cautiously. Surely, there had to be vents so that people hidden here wouldn't suffocate, but it was rather disturbing to be closed in here so suddenly.

"Nah," John said optimistically. "It has to…" He stepped off the dais and as suddenly as the light appeared, the room plunged into darkness, the shield disappearing in the same instant. "…be connected to the pillar," John finished blinking to adjust to the sudden change in lighting of the room.

"A warning would have been nice, Major," Allan groused silently and lit up his torch.

John didn't care about an apology and informed them: "Cover your eyes. I'm going back."

Everybody did so and John stepped to the pillar once again. As soon as the light stabilised, he beckoned Dr. Simpson to the pillar. "Try to attach your pad now."

She complied and took Sarah with her. Together they worked on the datapad, accessing the database of the column. But it took too long for John's liking. He was sure Rodney would have gained access in a few moments; these two, no offence, worked for minutes together and were snail-slow.

"How about we set up a camp here?" John asked and sat down on the dais because he didn't want to stand in one place anymore. His legs hurt but he would never admit it aloud.

"We've got in," Sarah exclaimed delightedly just as he was sitting down.

"Thank the Ancestors," Teyla breathed out silently, "that it lasted only so long."

John lip-read her, because otherwise it wasn't audible, and smiled. They had got used to Rodney's quick reactions to everything and his fingers dancing on wires and keyboard. No usual mortal could work as fast as him.

"What do you have, ladies?" John asked to hide his concentration on Rodney.

"Ah, ehm," Dr. Simpson stuttered, "it's a little bit strange."

"What's strange?" Teyla wondered and walked over to the pair.

"There is only one message in the entire memory block of the pillar," Sarah clarified.

"Let me see," John demanded and stretched out his good hand.

Dr. Simpson handed her pad over and shrugged. "There really is nothing more," she said to him.

John accepted the pad and opened the message. It was a long text written in Ancient so he wasn't quite sure what it was reading. "Have you downloaded a translation program into this?" he asked but searched through the program files himself.

"Yes, I have," Dr. Simpson answered. "If you allowed me to…," she began to offer her help.

"No need, got it," John said and put the text into the translator.

He waited for a moment and Teyla moved behind him to see what he had on the screen. Meanwhile, Sarah attached her pad to the pillar, too, and copied the text into it.

John frowned because the program only transcribed the Ancient letters to normal Latin ones but kept the words in Ancient so they remained at the very beginning. "Why doesn't it translate the text, too?" John wondered while Teyla peered over his shoulder to find out if she could make out some words.

"Because," Dr. Simpson said politely as if speaking to a small child because she didn't want to upset him, "it will never translate the original text. It needs a copy and then a lot of care and help because it can give you up to three different versions of each sentence."

John sighed. That would be tiresome. He returned the pad to Dr. Simpson. "Do you need me to stay here all the time of your translation session?" he asked the pair.

Sarah looked at Isabella and shrugged. "I've copied the text to my pad so we can work on it and you aren't required to be seated on the dais."

John nodded. "But it gives us a source of light so it would be better if I stayed, right?"

Sarah sent Allan an unsure glance and nodded shyly to John. He caught her hesitation and maybe fear towards himself but didn't comment on it. However, he turned his attention to Carlos and Maria. "Lt. Vegaz, Sgt. Vysockaja, tell me, what else have you found on the cliff? We have quite a bit of time before doctors here get the translation done, so we can talk."

Carlos nodded and led Maria over to John and Teyla. Allan stayed with the doctors and squatted down behind the kneeling pair. The four others created a circle and John plastered his best 'don't-worry-I'm-your-friend' smile on his face.

Carlos sighed slowly and began: "Sir, we walked around the cliff but we found no footsteps."

Maria added, "You know, there were a few loose pebbles at the beginning, easy to slip on, but other than that…" She shrugged apologetically.

John's face fell significantly but he expected to hear something like this. And maybe it was better like that; he couldn't imagine Rodney running around the forest or something. He was a scientist, always more comfortable in his lab coat than his Kevlar vest.

Teyla put a reassuring hand on John's right shoulder and asked: "Have you seen or heard anything?"

"Well," Carlos said, "it depends. We're sure it had no connection to our search…"

John's eyes narrowed and his head shot up. "What was it?"

Maria looked at Carlos and mutely asked for a permission to speak. He nodded and let her talk. "It happened suddenly. We saw a huge flock of birds lift into the air from the forest far below the cliff and, at the same time, a blood-curdling scream echoed through the entire area. It happened soon after you had left."

John looked at Teyla shocked and contemplated options of the source of the sound. An animal was the most likely one, either hurt, or dying, or finding a dead mate. And it had to be something big to scare those birds. Or dangerous.

Just when he was about to ask if they had encountered some wildlife of the planet, the room began to shake slightly deep from within the ground. John looked at Allan for confirmation and received an alarmed expression in response.

John immediately stepped off the dais and Allan ripped the wires attached to the pillar. As the room darkened, two torches lit up and the two men urged others out of the room unmercifully.

John grabbed Teyla with his good hand, while Allan caught Dr. Simpson and Sarah under their armpits. Maria and Carlos staggered to the door themselves hand in hand, lighting their torches in the process.

The tremors rocked the entire room and were even stronger out in the corridor. The ceramics in the other room began to fall down, off the shelves, and distinct cracks resounded through the area. It took this long for the doctors to realise they were in danger and to run as fast as they could.

They all dashed up to the surface, stopping briefly in front of the rebuilt part of the corridor and walking more carefully through the narrow section. They were afraid that it would really fall on them this time but, surprisingly, the tremors weren't so bad there.

Once they passed the renewed section, they ran up, up and up, panting but never wavering between rushing or slowing down. And then they reached the opening to the daylight and heaved a sigh of relief that they have all got out unharmed. There, Dr. Simpson and Sarah collapsed to the ground, taking Allan down with them, while John and Teyla breathed fast but remained upright, and Carlos supported Maria who doubled over.

Sarah and Isabella couldn't believe they had managed to keep up with the soldiers but the pair mutely agreed that adrenaline and a threat of death could do miracles. Their legs were on fire and their lungs were burning but they were safe and that mattered.

Allan stayed on the ground with them although he was relatively fine because he dashed like this on a treadmill once or twice a week.

Maria's belly hurt and Carlos supported her so that it wasn't so visible. She had tumbled down the slope to the cliff as she had slipped, and now had quite a big bruise on her abdomen. She hadn't wanted others to know because they had work here, but now the bruise made itself known with a force.

John sighed, looked over at others and turned his head. 'What an amazing mission!' he thought to himself and was happy Aiden hadn't arrived with them. "How about we proclaim this place as highly unstable? We had the pillar active for only a few minutes and a quake occurred."

John looked at others more thoroughly but only Allan met his gaze and nodded. "Yes, sir."

Carlos helped Maria up and she stood on her own even though she searched for his hand.

Teyla watched Sarah and Dr. Simpson intently and asked: "Do you still have the copy of the text?"

Dr. Simpson nodded and took another deep breath. She didn't feel up to answering vocally as she knew how rasping her voice would be.

John looked at Teyla and faintly lifted the corners of his mouth. "When you catch your breath, we're going back…"

Everybody looked at him shocked. Back like back into the complex? That would be foolish! But John added: "…to Atlantis. You two…" he pointed at the doctors, "…will translate the text asap and Teyla and I will inform Dr. Weir. Clear?"

Silent "Yes, sir", "Yes, major" and "Sure, Major" echoed through the ruins and John smiled ruefully. There was no more to be said so he sat down on a wall and waited for his team to recover. And he wondered if he was also doing this to show Jorgenson what he should have done and how he should have behaved on his own mission with Rodney.


	23. Following The Wiser Ones

M1X-808, a steep forested hill. The day dragged slowly as Rodney attempted to climb the slope which, he hoped, led to his destination, the Stargate clearing. To Rodney's bad luck, the hill's steep grade along with slick mud were making his progress mighty difficult and slowly-gained.

At the very beginning, at the foot of the hill, he had followed a trail used by local fauna. He had even met a few of its representatives before: a herd of small waist-high deer-like herbivores with branched antlers grazing on a clearing, a mole-like creature sticking its nose out from its hiding hole, a mostly hidden koala-like mammal feeding its offspring in the grass, and more.

The deer, and he stuck to such a name mind his less advanced level in biology and inability to check their genetic profile, must have used the trail for generations but, unfortunately, where the hillside became steeper, it veered right from Rodney's straight direction atop, so he decided not to continue along it. But it meant that he was stuck in the middle of nowhere with no landmarks to use. All he knew was that had he been lucky enough, the Gate would be on the top of this hill. If not, he was doomed.

Rodney watched the trail meandering to an unknown place, which was still visible and so tempting to use. Nevertheless, he chose the harder but straighter way to reach the hilltop – he climbed.

He dug his hands into the mossy and muddy surface and wherever it was possible, he grasped onto exposed roots, low branches or bushes. The exertion overwhelmed many of his senses so sometimes, when he reached out to close his hand around a stable bit of greenery, he either pulled it right out of the ground or missed it completely. And still, he had forced himself to inhuman performance and had reached the other half of the incline before he began to feel weak and dizzy.

"Come on, Rodney," he growled there, "just a little bit more. Just a few more metres."

He struggled to catch another handhold and cursed silently that the slope seemed to stretch on forever. Holding on bushes, he tried to persuade himself: "You just have to reach that tree there, then you'll have enough place to stand and rest. And maybe, after a while, you can get to that tree beyond it and go further."

His strained abused muscles threatened to rebel against his will and to switch off. His arms were quivering and his grasp loosening as he desperately tried to hold on. Rodney's left leg hurt and he could feel something warm running slowly under the leg of his trousers. His right foot was in so much pain from the mistreatment and additional weight that he could hardly use it. He was dog-tired but he knew he couldn't rest here. He eyed the said tree longingly because there he would be able to lean over the trunk and have the much-needed break. "Just a bit more and you'll rest," Rodney breathed out.

He wasn't Teyla, with her abilities to move through a forest so quickly and quietly like a fairy. When she scouted ahead of their team, she had always been so graceful that the minute she left their field of vision, they could never tell where she was or where she would turn up. She mingled with the trees in spite of her black uniform, and was almost impossible to find.

Rodney smiled in memory of these little things not many people actually cared to notice, and strained to pull up. "Okay, let's go. It's high time," he murmured and shoved himself upward.

His right leg chose right this moment to prove that his ankle was done. When he put his weight on it to get a hold of a root, his foot gave way under him and he began to tumble down the hill with painful screams.

Rodney thrust out his arms to catch something, anything, to prevent his fall. In the process, he skidded on his left thigh and yelped when something sharp got into the hole opened by the leech. He was slipping on the mossy and muddy roots he had used as steps, adding more bruises on his body, and fell over low, sometimes even thorny, undergrowth scratching his skin. He was falling legs-first so he tried to keep it that way and to find a stable thick tree or a bush or something else. Only to prevent any further damage to his person.

Thank God that one of his frantic, and partly desperate, grabs bore fruit and he snaked his arm around a root, locking it there in the elbow to stop his infinite downward flight.

"Merde!" he cursed when his legs hit the stones below in their momentum but got no further, and so his life-endangering fall was stalled.

"T'es conard, toi," he added after a few deep breaths, "You're such an idiot, really."

He looked around to find the best position for his other arm and legs but found out that the only possibility was to lower himself as he doubted he had enough energy to scramble all the way above the root. He carefully positioned himself to end up on the ledge below and gingerly released the grip. He hit the ledge with his sore ankle first and let out a cry of pain which almost sent him off on another fall downwards. Luckily, he caught himself on an older sapling and remained there.

Breathing heavily, he squatted and then sat down carefully. Once seated, he heaved a huge sigh of relief, although it was a quite small area without mud he was sitting on. He did a quick mental inventory of all his aches and found out this: his head was spinning, his stomach was curled on a tight knot, his right ankle hurt like hell and he was sure he had managed to reopen the hole in his left calf.

First, he decided to check his ankle because he believed it would be the easier part to treat. He put his right foot closer to his middle and fumbled with the laces. However, both the laces and his hand were too muddy to accomplish anything. Moreover, the laces were dirt-caked, while his fingers were numb and sore in addition to the slimy mess covering them. He stopped trying to loosen the laces to have a look at his injured ankle and stared at his filthy scratched hands.

"Crap, why couldn't this be easy?" he complained silently. "Why couldn't this be just a nice stroll to the Gate? And why does every single thing have to be this damned hard on me?" He sighed, rubbed his forehead with his left forearm and added: "Everything has been going to hell since I found out about my other-time-line me. There, John accused me of ultimately failing. Couldn't he see how much it had hurt me? And that I was avoiding him on purpose whenever I could before she died?"

Rodney squeezed his eyes to prevent any possible tear from escaping. "Then I overheard the old Elizabeth telling mine that in the stasis she had realised she had had feelings for me. But, in the end, it was John she went to look for and so I didn't even get a chance to give her a birthday present. It's been hand-made, for her, by…" He turned his head and sneezed. "Oh, a cold evolving. As if losing blood hasn't been enough…" He let the former thought go without much thinking.

Frustrated, Rodney clenched his hands into fists and closed his eyes, wishing himself back at Atlantis despite the refusal because there was no saying that changing the past would affect only one aspect of the present and otherwise lead to the same things and relationships. He longed for a hot shower, that would leave red marks all over his body, and for an MRE or a sandwich, even a turkey one, although John had always confiscated those as soon as he spotted them.

Rodney smiled at the memory of a few months ago when John stashed away a dozen of them at about the same time he put the huge sign 'Do not touch' to the explosive C-4. John had hidden those carefully in an unused storage and Rodney was quite sure that they were still there, even though John must have exchanged them for fresher pieces.

Then Rodney sighed sadly because he accepted that he had no Power bar left and he was gradually reaching his limit when he would need to eat something not to have a fit. Bushes here were bare of berries or were blossoming but their scent didn't appeal to him. He knew he had to find something to eat soon or he wouldn't make it past the late afternoon.

Knowing that he couldn't do anything about his ankle, he rolled up the left leg of his trousers, which was soaked red in the back, and looked at the leech's bite. He unbound the last cover and lifted it up gently. The wood had acted well as a cork until he moved it somewhere on his way up the hillside because there was a dark red dried rim on it. However, now that its position had changed, it was doing more bad than good, tearing the healthy flesh around the artery and enlarging the already huge opening to a new level.

"Thank the providence…," Rodney said silently and searched through his jacket pockets to find the folded bar wrapper. He prepared it for use, even though he smeared some mud around the corners. Then he pried off the wood, opening the bleeding hole again, without thinking of the consequences. The wound was still, or rather even more, swollen and the red area around it had doubled, almost tripled.

Rodney was shocked and scared, but he didn't hesitate any longer and quickly replaced the wood with the foil. He pressed the wrapper inside as deeply as he could, hissing in pain, and then he pushed the wood back and bound it tightly with the reddened stripe of his T-shirt.

"Should…" he gasped for breath, "…be better now."

Suddenly he shook, and goosebumps appeared all over his body. He turned his head in mute acceptance; he was cold, freezing cold, but it wasn't surprising because he was sitting on a cool stone and the fever had played with him a lot. In the morning, he had been burning hot and he was sure his body temperature had raised close to 40 degrees Celsius (104 F). Had he been at Atlantis, Carson would have confined him to bed with a herbal tea, pills and maybe a cooling blanket to rest until he'd be fine again. But Rodney had had to walk through the forest with the haze caused by the fever and he had forbidden himself to rest, afraid that his weakness would get the better of him and he wouldn't manage to get back home…

"Shit," he breathed out brokenly. The word meant nothing to him, it had lost even the curse value for him.

"Can my day get any worse?" he asked the sky above himself. He didn't expect to get a response so soon, but the sky had a perfect sense of time. In answer to his query, it began to rain. Nothing big, just a light pattering falling all around.

"Thanks! I really needed THAT!" he shouted to the unfriendly sky, wishing he could wage war against the thick grey cover of clouds.

"Okay, that's enough," he added silently. "It's high time to figure out my next move. I have to do something!"

His eyes ended up focused on his hands caked with mud. He thought he should fix that as soon as possible so that he was able to work on the delicate wiring of the projector to prepare it for the connection to the DHD crystals. In order to do so, he grasped hold of the leaves growing nearby so that he could use the collected moisture to remove some of the mess. It worked, but his nails were still helplessly full of the filth. This time his inner, and usually very pessimistic, hypochondriac kept its mouth shut and didn't mention that the plant could contain the same allergens like a poison ivy, or be even worse, so he should be wary about his breathing and throat. Anaphylaxis had always been a nasty bitch that could knock him down easily.

Then Rodney thought about cleaning his face which must have been in a similar, if not worse, condition like his palms. He made up his mind and wiped his cheeks and forehead on his jacket sleeve but, in the end, he realised he probably ended up adhering as much wet soil as he had tried to remove in the drier state.

He exhaled slowly and decided to try the laces one more time despite the unbelievably annoying rainfall. He pulled out leaves and mud from the area around the laces, muttering to himself to be patient. It surprised him how much dirt had actually managed to pack in such a small area, but he worked hard and cleaned it to a rather satisfying level.

Then he gently pulled at the ends of the laces to unknot them. His attempts were futile, though. Frustrated, it should be an easy thing to do even for a small child in a kindergarten!, he then yanked at the bows instead of easing them in the opposite direction. The result? He created a bigger, more tangled-up thing, an unfixable mess of the remaining dirt, free laces and knots.

Still under the impression of his bad choice, Rodney punched the stone next to him and cried out in pain due to the collision. Too disheartened to care much about his further injury, he looked up at the few trees lining the slope. The faint drizzle was slowly strengthening and making him chilly.

"I'm screwed," he stated the obvious, "I'm so thoroughly screwed."

Just at this particular moment a huge drop of rainwater, which must have been collected on a tree or a rock, struck our poor Rodney right between his eyes. He blinked and fought the urge to cry and weep about his situation, although he didn't feel very manly to pretend to be as strong as male soldiers.

He bowed his head and put his hands over its back. Silently he complained: "Here I am like an idiot lost in a forest on a hill! Anyone would be able to climb up this slope. Anyone with a little strength and courage and endurance could manage it! So what's my problem then?!"

He rubbed his temples and sighed. "There were plenty of roots and different vegetation to hold onto and heave up, but I, Doctor Rodney McKay, an established genius, couldn't manage to grasp one soon enough. And now I can't even untie my shoe!"

Tears stung his eyes and he blinked madly to get rid of them. No way was that happening and the rapid eyelids' movement only sent the water droplets out of the corner of his eyes and down his cheeks.

"You don't feel so damned smart now, do you?" Rodney said in a trembling voice. "Don't feel so freakingly smug. It doesn't take a rocket scientist to figure out how stupid you are."

He clenched his fists and hugged his middle. He was out in the open area with rain gently falling down on him, washing his face and bathing him in a sense of regularity. He couldn't say out loud that he was feeling utterly useless, but the drops would continue to fall even if he was the most unexpendable person in the universe, and that was a small consolation for his soul.

"When I was at Atlantis or even on Earth, I should have practised how to make fire. That skill would come in handy to warm up at least a bit," he complained silently. "And I should have packed more Power bars in my jacket. And I should have put some waterproof matches in my pocket instead of the pencil or the pen or something." He sighed and added: "I should have done a lot of things."

Rodney frowned because he realised this wasn't getting him anywhere. To save himself, he needed to get moving again.

He was gladly surprised to find out that this pause, although it wasn't like the break he had planned, had calmed him somewhat so he was prepared for more hiking. He looked around to get at least the slightest bearings of the place he was in, and spotted a rather promising area which resembled to the deer trail.

It struck him that maybe those animals' ancestors had had the right idea to take the longer but less demanding and less dangerous path to get up this hill. And the knowledge had been handed down ever since.

"I suppose I should follow your wisdom, then," Rodney exhaled tiredly and carefully got to his feet with the help of the sapling.

He looked up the hill and was sure he could see the place where his right foot betrayed him. He had lost a lot of hard-gained progress, winning every time he had griped something stable and pulled up. Then he looked at the trail that, for all he knew, didn't have to lead to the Stargate in the long run. Then he looked back up and accepted that with all his injuries and lack of nutrients, therefore the necessary energy, he would never manage to climb that slope.

"I surrender," he whispered and carefully walked over to the trail. He turned for the last time and shook his head at the injustice of the world, before settling in a slow limp up the frequently used path.

AN (translations): merde = shit

t'es conard, toi = you are a big idiot


	24. Cooling A Heated Discussion

Atlantis, in the afternoon. The Stargate started dialling in. As soon as Elizabeth heard the familiar sound, she rose from her chair, where she was working on the reports, and rushed out of her glass office. She ran to the control room hoping that it was John bringing her good news. Meanwhile, one of the Gate-technicians had activated the iris.

Elizabeth walked over to Peter and waited for the wormhole to open. When it established, she asked: "Do we have a code?"

Peter looked at one of the computer screens which flashed green. "Yes. It's Major Sheppard."

Elizabeth smiled faintly, "Let them in."

She moved to the railing and watched the Gateroom expectantly because it was her last hope. She saw Maria, Carlos and Teyla come through first, followed by Sarah and Isabella. John and Allan arrived last with a small delay nobody wondered about.

The Gate disengaged and Elizabeth's heart fell. They returned because the corridor hadn't told them anything. She tried to meet John's eyes but his head was lowered all the time.

John silently said to his team: "Go for your check-ups. Doctors, go work on the translation right after it. And take Dr. Zelenka along."

Sarah prepared to protest but Isabella stopped her. "Yes, Major," she told John and dragged Sarah away.

During this, Elizabeth descended to the team. She didn't have an idea what to say but John's demand allowed her to ask: "What translation?"

Everybody was surprised to find her down here and looked up at her. It was John who answered because he felt he should give her the report for it had been his mission. "We got to the pillar at the bottom of the corridor. Drs. Ginger and Simpson found a text in its memory so we decided not to hang around for nothing."

Elizabeth nodded sadly. She understood John's unspoken information that there was nothing to search for, that Rodney was gone. Allan, on the other hand, was shocked that John hadn't told her about the new cave-in, about the search on the cliff, about the earthquake that had made them run out of the complex for their dear life. But maybe he would tell her later. When they wouldn't be in public…

Elizabeth broke through his thoughts when she said firmly: "Major, Captain, my office. Now."

And with that, she turned on her heels and walked up the stairs. John looked at Allan, shrugged and followed her. Teyla, Maria and Carlos were leaving the Gateroom when Allan shook his head and made his way up to the glass office where everything was visible for the control room staff. And he had already fed the rumour mill enough so he decided to stay calm no matter what fate awaited him.

The three of them walked through the glass door and Allan closed it behind them. At least the glass was sound-proof. Elizabeth sat down at her desk and John stood up in front of her casually. Allan chose to stand to John's right because this hand was bandaged and so unable to hurt him. It was just a small precaution he wasn't aware of from the beginning.

Both men eyed Elizabeth expectantly and she sighed sadly. "I want to put everything together in a file," she said dryly. "I want to hear the basic information from the very start. Captain, could you…?"

Allan blinked a few times before he declared: "We were under attack and Dr. McKay was too far away from us, so I recommended him not to leave the ruins. I was following proper procedure to protect members of my team." And he emphasized it by: "All of them." He closed his eyes and continued: "And Dr. McKay confirmed that he'd remain there." And more for his own conscience, he added: "If only he had stayed put, this wouldn't be an issue now, ma'am."

John couldn't believe he was hearing this and, before Elizabeth could react anyhow, he shot back: "If you had followed the procedure throughout the entire mission, we wouldn't be having this debriefing, would we?"

Allan jerked stiffly at the accusation. He had stuck to the procedure almost all the time, except for leaving two civilians in the ruins, but Sarah hadn't realised its importance until it was too late. Not that he would blame her because she hadn't been experienced enough. Allan's face was firmly set when he replied, still watching Elizabeth. "We hadn't expected an attack. I take full responsibility for what has happened."

Elizabeth closed her eyes for a moment while John flexed his jaw and informed Allan: "Of course you do."

Elizabeth covered her mouth with a partly closed left hand. She didn't want to mess up with these two unless it was absolutely necessary because they had to sort out their working relationship. Until things settled between them, they would be unable to cooperate.

"Pardon my next words, sir," Allan stated while turning to face John. It made Elizabeth lift her eyes to see what would happen next but she hadn't expected to hear Allan say: "But I'm not the only one who doesn't follow procedure on missions all the time, sir."

If looks could kill, Allan would be cut into tiny cubical pieces, thrown into an infernal fire and burnt to ash. However, Allan stood his ground and did his best to hide the tremor from speaking up like that in front of his CO.

John was furious at the allegation. Why had it always been him who was given as the first example of disobeying authorities? But he was the military commander, he should be the example! He groaned inwardly and said: "Sure but there's a massive difference between endangering and protecting…"

"Major," Elizabeth cut in to prevent John from saying something he would regret later, "that's enough."

John pouted, whereas Allan exhaled in relief. Elizabeth realised they behaved like small children, brothers accusing one another in front of their parent, so she decided to talk to each of them privately. But, first, she needed to calm John, who seemed to burst out at Allan any time soon.

"Fine," she coughed lightly to get their attention, "Captain, you're dismissed for now. I'll call you in later. Major, you stay here for a moment more, will you?"

Both men nodded and Allan left the room as quickly as possible. Peter sent him a surprised look, and he shrugged and indicated the pair talking inside. Peter shook his head ruefully and returned to his work. He had lost the head scientist for good today although he had thought it would be him who would die first because he would be protecting Rodney. Sometimes, the fate was going in strange ways.

Allan stayed at his desk for a while and tried to come up with a plan that would save him from kitchen duty for the next few months. Sheppard had never taken anything against McKay lightly and Allan had heard of different punishment John had prepared for scientists who had done so.

Incapable of finding one immediately, Allan licked his lips and strode away to the Infirmary and his team with mixed feelings. Apart from that fear, he had somehow imagined finding any clues that McKay hadn't been taken, but now the desperation fell on him full force. McKay was one of the very few scientists who could save the day and in the future find a way home, to Earth. And it was his fault that they had lost him!

During this, in the office adjacent to the control room Elizabeth and John talked and she was trying hard to reason with him. "Major, you should cool off a little bit. I believe you'd better rethink how you're handling Captain Jorgenson."

John frowned. "Don't tell me how to do my job, how to handle my subordinates."

Elizabeth gave him a sharp look. "You need to do your job properly. Don't let your emotions get in the way of the reason. And remember, I'm still in charge of this city, not you."

John stepped back slightly appalled. He glanced to the doorway and noticed Peter and Allan close to one another. He turned back to Elizabeth, knowing she had been right. As much as he wanted to beat the crap out of Jorgenson for leaving Rodney behind, despite the two missions together, he had to think in a bigger scheme.

To himself, he thought: 'Could Jorgenson predict the sudden appearance of the Dart? Would it have turned out any differently if I had been there as well? Would I have risked lives of my entire team by waiting for one scientist to find his way home? Would I have ordered one of the soldiers to stay with him and went to report? Would I have ordered them to stay there? Would I have been the one staying with him? Would I have been able to protect and save him?'

John sighed. He counted the times he had broken the orders, the policy, and how few of those numerous times had actually proven completely successful. 'But,' he added to his mental speech, 'I wouldn't have left him alone to the Wraith.'

His inner talk to himself didn't come unnoticed to Elizabeth; she could see it in his eyes. She was sure that John was questioning himself and his actions so far. She was pretty certain that he must have been posing those 'what if' questions she hated so much. "John…" she began to break the silence.

He blinked at her and said: "I'm doing anything if it means we can find McKay."

Elizabeth said nothing immediately but met his steely gaze with her own eyes. "John," she started again after a second had passed, speaking very softly, "I want to believe, I really do, that you can find him. I wish I could tell you and your team that he's safe and sound somewhere, but you know, as well as I do, that the odds of finding him are minimal."

John wasn't moved. The worst thing about all this was that he knew she was telling the truth. The Dart must have arrived from a Hive ship, which must have left using the hyperspace as soon as its Dart returned. Dr. Zelenka would find the Gate address in the database of the DHD and even the energy signature of an opened hyperspace window but it would have to be fresh, no longer than one hour old.

"I'm so sorry, John," he heard Elizabeth say somewhere next to him, and he felt her hand on his left arm. While he was thinking, she rose from her chair and walked over to him.

"But Rodney…" he stopped, his fierce expression changing to something much softer as he stated, "The Wraith have had him for three days already, Elizabeth!"

"I know," she responded, finally letting the sorrow reach her eyes. "I have consulted it with other people. It must have been a lonely scout that…"

John didn't allow her to finish whatever she had planned on saying. "So they grabbed Rodney as a take-out meal," he spat out, "had a snack and kept going?" His tone was incredulous. And then he added, watching the floor at his feet: "You're saying that he's dead already so I should just forget about him?" He so felt as if he was giving up on Rodney. The overwhelming sense of losing the best friend in years was gently, slowly threatening to choke him, because their relationship hadn't been one from the book, but one of real life. One based on many life-and-death experiences and trust. And that was making the whole concept much worse.

Elizabeth was shocked, upset. When John said the words about Rodney dying like a take-out dinner, it stabbed her in her heart. She wasn't heartless, she didn't want John to think so about her at all. She didn't want anybody to forget about Rodney. Even if he'd be gone for several months, they would do everything to bring him back. Bates would forbid her to do it officially but there were enough other people willing to help in any case without the record. Or Rodney would manage to save himself and they would meet him at an allied planet, right? He remembered Stargate addresses of all planets he'd been to on missions with John. Unless he was dead already, that was it.

Elizabeth nodded stiffly to respond to John's query somehow, and lowered her head. "He's gone, John," was all she said before a quiet sob escaped her and she turned her back to him to wipe a tiny naughty tear making its way down her cheek.

John looked up and noticed her quietly shaking form. He realised he had hurt her more than he had intended to, his own frustration kicking into people around him. He glanced to the control room, surprised that nobody seemed to steal looks towards them, and hugged her quickly in a tight embrace. Then he whispered: "We'll get over it, I promise. Tomorrow I'm taking out a Puddle Jumper just in case there's something left in the orbit. And you, try to get some work done before the night to keep your mind off Rodney. We'll talk later, perhaps in the morning?"

And without waiting for her answer, he left the room and went for his own check-up. He knew Carson would be unhappy that it had taken him this long but he had sorted out some of his issues, set more questions and made his friend more upset than she should be. Yeah, it was a good score for only, he glanced at his watch, for approximately only ten minutes.

Elizabeth hid another sob when John's arms disappeared and left her cold and vulnerable. She closed her watery eyes and thought about his advice. Finding it rather plausible, she sat down and rubbed her eyes. She forbade herself to shed tears now, in her office. Like her father had taught her, she pretended to be strong and neutral and indifferent, despite her wounds. It was her own rule of leadership – never let other people see how she really felt unless there was no other option to save her or another life.

She breathed in deeply and let the air out slowly, her mouth tightening into a thin line. She made herself comfortable in her chair and took her computer in her hands.

"Focus," she whispered to the screen. Her hands were trembling, shaking with the laptop, so she laid it down, rubbed her hands together and carefully tapped one icon called 'Personal Files'. There were entrance files of all expedition members, including a few newer pieces here and there. Some of the files were clipped together in another file called 'Losses'.

Elizabeth skimmed through the 'living personnel' until she found Rodney's file. She opened it but didn't know why or what was dragging her to do it. There, the first and the newest addition was a video. It was quite long, about fifteen minutes, and Rodney had called it 'Goodbye message'. Elizabeth knew what it was, what it must have been, because its recording date was one day after the nanite issue was sorted out, and it was updated the day when her old self died – four days ago? Was it really this long ago?

Elizabeth quickly closed the window, closed the screen and put the laptop's screen on the table. She rubbed her eyes forcefully so that she didn't cry, but she made them as red as if she had cried. Then she blew out some air and gently turned the laptop back up. She reopened the screen slowly and avoided looking at a specific icon. Instead, she tapped the icon of mission debriefs and opened the first document her eyes fell on. And then she read, read, and read until it was time to call Allan back, almost three hours later. She was still shattered but she had calmed down somewhat so she could function adequately.


	25. Learning about John's blame

AN: I'm sorry that this chapter is short but it's for the best to keep it separately as it has direct reference to the previous one.

* * *

 **Learning About John's Blame**

Atlantis' Infirmary. Aiden had his ankle checked there when first Drs. Simpson and Ginger, followed a moment later by Teyla, Maria and Lt. Vegaz entered it. Aiden didn't know their first names and it didn't bother him at all. Except for Maria they hadn't got on well since John had chosen him as his 2IC.

Aiden watched them expectantly, the raw hope clear in his eyes. Nevertheless, Teyla's sombre expression gave away that their mission was unsuccessful.

Aiden sighed; he didn't long for getting used to another scientist who hadn't set a foot out of his or her lab. Those lab-rats had always been a catastrophe on missions. And, unfortunately, McKay was the one and only scientist who worked the best when you kept reminding him how little time you had, and stressing him. Others, like Dr. Zelenka, could get so nervous that they were prone to making mistakes that could cost them their lives.

Aiden blinked and hissed silently when the doctor treating him pressed the cast too tightly. The doctor, whose name Aiden didn't know, either, apologised immediately: "I'm sorry if it hurt but I had to fasten the cast."

Aiden smiled at him politely and said: "Don't worry about it, doctor."

The doctor nodded and finished with the cast. "You're good to go, Lieutenant," he said and patted Aiden's shin gently.

Aiden thanked him and hopped off the examination table. He took his crutches and walked over to Teyla, who was being checked by Carson. She saw him as soon as he was about five meters away and sent him a sad look.

"So?" Aiden asked when he reached the pair. "How did it go, Teyla?"

She sighed. Carson looked at her intently before closing his eyes. Aiden partly sat on a table next to them and waited. He hated being the one to learn about important things second-hand but there was no other option for him now.

An awkward silence stretched between them while Carson performed his duty as a doctor. A body scan and a quick blood test were some of the standard procedures.

Before he received the results and could return to them, Sarah had popped her head into the area from behind a corner and asked: "Teyla, do you know if Radek's in his lab?"

"He's not," Teyla answered sorrowfully. "He uses Rodney's now."

Sarah gave her an apologetic look. "Oh, okay. I'll find him then." And then she was gone, collecting Isabella on her way to the labs.

Aiden cracked his knuckles and voiced his frustration. "Teyla, hell, tell me what happened on the planet. I can see it that you're fighting with something."

At that time Carson returned. She looked up embarrassed and felt Carson touch her arm gently before encouraging her to speak. "Lass, ye're safe to say anything with us two. Or if ye don't want me to hear it, I can leave ye two here alone."

She took a deep breath and rubbed her forehead. "No, Carson, stay." He nodded and she continued sadly. "Now we're sure Rodney was taken on the cliff. And the pillar down the corridor contained only one text Drs. Ginger and Simpson are about to get translated."

Carson nodded in mute acceptance and wished Rodney had never left for the planet in the first place. All this because of a useless pillar with a message! No ZPM, another futile loss. Carson would have loved to punch or kick something but knew better. He had to appear calm on the outside, it was his role in this tragic play called 'Life' written by the fate itself.

Aiden was also angry that there was no link to the promised ZPM even though the mission had taken its prize, but he could guess that Teyla hadn't told them everything yet. So he prompted: "But…? I can hear a but coming. Or some other version of adding more information. What is it?"

Teyla looked at him in surprise. She was unable to understand how he could read her so easily. However, he had spent a lot of time with her. Despite that, for many people including him, she was still a… How had John called her once? Then he applied it on Rodney to explain the term to her… It was something with texts to read… Oh yeah, he had called her an unfinished novel that could still astonish you with the content of its following pages and chapters. She was sure that Rodney was a much better example, though, as he didn't open up in public and he could be their hero even when he doubted in himself.

Teyla sighed slowly. "You're right, there is more to add, Aiden." Both men sent her a look encouraging her to continue. She said: "I mean, there had been another cave-in in the complex before we arrived. While others were cleaning…"

She stopped when she heard footsteps closing in on them. She was about to spill the beans as to why John had been so hard on himself, but she would never do it in front of him when he believed she hadn't heard anything.

Aiden and Carson noticed the change in her mood and exchanged an unsure glance. Then they heard footsteps, too, and Carson decided to greet the visitor. It was Allan, who looked a bit flushed. He looked around and acknowledged Carson. "Good afternoon, Doctor. Have you seen Lt. Vegaz or Sgt. Vysockaja?"

Carson pointed towards the other room. "They went over there. Doctor Biro has been assigned to their check-ups."

"Thank you, Doctor," Allan responded before walking to the indicated room.

But Carson stopped him with: "Where's Major Sheppard? I'm waiting for him."

Allan tensed slightly and closed his eyes shut tightly. Then he reopened them and turned back to Carson, playing casual. "Still with Dr. Weir. They're discussing particularities of the mission." And then he left without giving Carson a chance to ask anything more.

Carson was surprised by his abrupt exit but supposed that Allan needed to be with his team. Then he returned to Teyla and Aiden, who was standing in front of her as white as an Infirmary sheet. Carson quickly prepared a stool under him and eased him on it. "Lieutenant Ford," he asked professionally, "are ye alright, son?"

"Ye-yeah, yes, yes I am," Aiden stuttered, "I just… it's just… I can't believe…"

Carson was perplexed. Aiden wasn't one for getting distracted this much so easily. 'What was wrong with the man?' he asked himself. Then he noticed that Teyla seemed deep in thought and her forehead was creased with a frown. "Aiden, Teyla, what happened?" he asked in the end.

Teyla took a long breath and answered: "I've told him that the complex almost fell on us again. There was a quake and…" She shrugged and shook her head.

The surprising news made Carson search for a support of a table. He was shocked that the area was so unstable when the first reconnaissance mission with a Jumper reported no problems with tectonic plates, volcanoes, or others. He breathed heavily while some colour drained from his face at the thought of having to dig the team out, again.

In the meantime, Aiden was gaining his colour back slowly, whilst Teyla was preparing herself for the last fact that needed to be said. Better sooner than later, she thought. However, Aiden beat her in speaking: "Do you think Major will be in the mood to talk after this?"

Teyla moved her unsure look at him and frowned a little bit.

Aiden continued: "I mean, er, there is something…eh…something I would like to ask him about."

"I'm not sure," Teyla said blinking. "We've experienced quite a rough mission and Elizabeth has him in her office…"

Carson knew what Aiden was implying, he remembered their conversation, so he tried to delay him. "Ye shouldn't push him to talk about Rodney now. I think he needs to sort it out himself before he can talk about what has happened between them."

Teyla couldn't agree more with Carson. She didn't hold back anymore because that sentence played right in her cards and wondered aloud: "Do you mean that John needs to overcome the fact that he may have doomed Rodney when he didn't allow him to come with us three for the swimming trip because he had been assigned to Captain Jorgenson's team?"

"What?!" Aiden exclaimed while Carson opened his mouth in surprise.

"Rodney knew about our trip, Aiden, and wanted to go dearly," Teyla said sadly. "Unfortunately, John forbade him to go because he had committed himself and a promise has always been a given for John. And now, John is beating himself for it."

They sat in silence, breathing in and out simultaneously, watching one another. A few seconds had passed before Carson found his voice. "That surely explains a few things. Like yer stay here when he tried to make ma release ye at all costs."

"Or the hunch Major had when we were having fun at the lake," Aiden supplied.

Teyla nodded. "But I haven't told you a thing, okay? John mustn't find out it was me who has told you."

Carson stood up and took her right hand in his. "Don't worry. We won't tell him anything."

"I'll shut up like a clam," Aiden declared and made Teyla chuckle. Carson smiled at them in amusement and was glad Teyla's face had lit up.

And so they didn't notice John until he stood next to them and asked: "Are they all right, Carson?"

His question caught them all surprised, but Aiden still tried to get up and salute John, who noticed and calmed him: "At ease, Ford."

Carson prepared to catch Aden if needed and answered: "They're doing fine. No new health problems. And Aiden's ankle is healing nicely."

"Fine." John looked at Teyla and Aiden, and contemplated taking them away and informing them about the mission the next day. But that could wait. "Find me later?" he asked the pair.

"Yes, sir," Aiden said.

John nodded and prepared to leave when an incredulous cough stopped him. John stopped mid-turn and looked back at Carson who tapped his leg a few times. "Haven't ye forgotten something, Major?" he asked sweetly but with a dangerous undertone.

Oh hell, John thought, the post-mission check-up. To camouflage that he forgot, he said: "Can't a man have a cup of water before the examination? I'm thirsty, Doc." And he gave Carson an innocent look.

"Don't tell ma that yer discussion with Dr. Weir has been so heated," Carson added more as a joke than anything else.

But John took it personally and his eyes lost even the faint glow of cheekiness from before. The rumour couldn't have spread so fast, could it? And Jorgenson surely hadn't told Carson about their … How to put it? … unfriendly discussion.

Carson recognised the sudden change of John's behaviour indicating that he had been right, although he didn't mean to. He quickly glanced at Teyla and Aiden, then walked to John. "Come on, Major. Let's get ye checked. And I want to see the scalped hand of yers."

John made a face but obeyed him and allowed himself to be led over to the other examination table.

Aiden and Teyla got up and silently fled from the Infirmary. As Carson figuratively had his eyes everywhere, he noticed their quick disappearance but let them go. There was no point in keeping them here. Moreover, he wanted to ask John a few questions on his own and it would be easier for John to talk privately. They had already had a few meetings like this and they had proved beneficial to both sides, letting them learn about various matters.


	26. Pray And You Shall Live

M1X-808, on the forested hill. Rodney was still continuing along the deer trail winding around the hillside. The rain was still falling gently, lazily even, and Rodney knocked at rocks, whenever he came across some, that the rain hadn't become as heavy as during the previous days. During the rest of the time, he had to remind himself that the trail was really meandering upwards, that he would reach the Stargate because he was on the correct river bank. However, it would take him a hell of a time and he doubted he had that much time left in himself.

Thankfully, his misery had also had a bright side, because he had come across a yellowish berry-bush with footprints identical to those of the deer beneath it.

Rodney was elated and rushed there. He picked one small berry and sniffed it cautiously. No scent. Or his smell cells were stuffed up with a cold. So he decided to try eating it. He put it in his mouth and bit through its soft skin. Sweet juice spilt in his mouth and he delicately savoured its taste. No-one would wonder about it after spending three days on dry, almost tasteless, power bars. In the middle of the berry there was a hard seed, which he spat to his palm. It was black and round and if Rodney didn't know better, the whole berry-seed concept reminding him of a yew would make him feel uneasy. But only the yew's seed was poisonous, so it shouldn't do any harm to him.

He made up his mind and began picking the berries hungrily. They eased both his hunger and thirst, slowly filling his empty stomach. Unfortunately, he knew he shouldn't eat too much, or he would be sick. He remembered a documentary series which he had watched with his best friend, his cat Salieri. It had been something about human body enduring harsh conditions, and surprisingly that fact about cramps and aches stuck in his head.

Reluctantly, he stopped after five handfuls of berries and set off along the trail again. He eyed the bush, which was still full of ripe fruits, longingly, but he admitted that he couldn't afford any more problems. Since then his progress had been slowing down, and now even the evening was falling again.

"My third evening in the wilderness," he said with a hint of disbelief. Not that he wasn't glad but he was surprised that he was still alive and moving. Rodney sought a shelter, feeling hurt, tired and weak like a newborn. Like Alma, the first Athosian, in fact, the very first child born on Lantea.

Once he piloted Carson's Jumper with his medical team to the mainland with John being his co-pilot because Elizabeth had insisted that he needed more flight time. They made it there all right, only to be greeted by a shocked Athosian claiming that his wife had got into labour. Carson was very worried about the pre-time labour, it was one month before she was due, but it was quickly brought under control and Sariel gave birth to a tiny beautiful girl she named Alma.

Rodney smiled at the hope this memory filled him with. Everything would have a happy ending. "But I'm exhausted and there's no sense in going further tonight without light."

Rodney was in no shape to push himself to walk under the cover of the starless night. And he so needed to rest his sore legs! However, he didn't want to stay out in the open area.

A bit further up he found a small hole under the roots of an old tree. It was dry and Rodney was sure it would make for a nice one-night bedroom. He crawled in and for a moment he just sat, breathing in and out deeply, watching the gentle pattering outside. It felt so good to sit, to be still.

"I should have stopped hours ago," he mused aloud. "But there was no hiding place down the trail."

He yawned loudly. His eyelids kept falling down in exhaustion, but he forced them open again every time. He huddled in his damp jacket, arms crossed around his rumbling stomach. His bars were gone, with no immediate replacement and, to admit the truth, he was hungry.

He sighed and searched his pockets for the casing. He believed he couldn't damage it any more than it had already been, and pushed it out to the rain, close to his opening. He wasn't about to give up, he only did his best to collect all his remaining power for the last try.

He sighed and pulled his injured ankle closer to examine it. He hadn't found much time to pay to the injury with the leech and additional issues, so now it was the time. He didn't mean to, but he pressed the side of his ankle. A sharp pain shot through his foot like a jolt of electricity, and that he did know what it felt like to be electrocuted. With a gasp for breath, he let go and cried out in pain.

"Oh, okay…" he took a deep breath to ease the throbbing. "It's broken," he decided. "I won't touch it again until I have to walk." His eyes closed and he instinctively partly stretched his legs in the tiny area. "It's only my luck to walk miles on a broken foot."

He lay down as comfortably as he could, watching the ground and roots above his head. 'It's not at all like those ornamented ceilings at Atlantis, but there's also some sort of art to it,' he thought to himself while studying the patterns. He realised all too well that he would have to continue his journey in the morning, and that he would have to overcome his physical lacking.

His mind was running on an energy debt. The light everlasting dripping of water into the projector, together with the constant hiss, was hypnotic for his mind, which then decided to wander away from his fears, misery, pains and problems.

First, he zoned out, losing contact with reality, cutting himself off his aching body. He couldn't feel that his right boot felt painfully tight around his injured foot. Thankfully, it saved him from the dilemma whether or not he should cut through the muddy laces, if the boot was really acting like a makeshift cast, or if its pressure was preventing blood from getting to his toes and so doing more bad than good to the fracture.

Not that these thoughts hadn't turned up on his mind, but he rather distanced himself. However, it was worse with his left calf. He couldn't release the pressure of the wood on the wrapper or the tight cord above, which was slowly becoming unbearable because it was strangling his blood vessels for too long. His mind stopped these facts from reaching and disturbing his conscious, aware part just for the sake of keeping his sanity.

And then, when he calmed down and was drifting on the edge between being awake and sleeping, his mind turned to things that could keep him alive for a while longer.

'What are people at Atlantis doing right now?' he thought to himself. 'Maybe it's the evening there and some are heading for an early dinner. I wonder what's on the menu tonight.'

His stomach growled silently and Rodney put a hand over it. "Fine, no teasing you," he whispered to it.

'What can the activities afterwards be? Is it a movie night today?' he thought before continuing aloud: "We've seen all those movies a dozen times already, but it's nice to gather up and chat, although I haven't been invited around much. It can be fun to listen to people talking when they think you either don't listen or don't understand their language but you do…"

Rodney sighed. His thoughts moved to John and his favourite 'Hail Mary' game, which he wanted to play too often for Rodney's liking.

"You can be a real pain in the ass, Major, when your ire is up, you know," Rodney told the roots above himself. "I bet you're annoyed with all this. Or you take it as it is and you've moved on. I have never been one of your men, have I? I'm wondering, have you already seduced another girl? I really don't know what the entire female population sees on you."

Rodney chuckled throatily. That was so typical of John. Should they both, or their team disappear suddenly, John would be missed by the entire expedition, while he wouldn't be missed at all. He thought so in his rational mind. Why couldn't he realise he was genuinely underestimating himself?

"What are you doing now, John? Training with Teyla, maybe? Or reading your 'War and Peace'? I wish you didn't treat the book so lightly. It's a magnificent work."

Rodney remembered reading the book in the original version, with all the small nuances of Russian. With the devotion to well-known writers. He had to reread it twice to better understand what the author meant to say, to realise how things were connected in the plot line. But then again, it was such a heavy book that it was worth reading it again and again.

Rodney smiled. "That wouldn't be a book for Teyla. It's based too much on Earth customs to be comprehensible for our Pegasan friend."

He sighed. "Oh, Teyla. You're probably visiting your people on the mainland, right? Hope you're doing okay with John and Aiden. They can and will support you when you're feeling lonely with all your friends staying on the mainland. These two can look after you. Maybe John has even been teaching you how to play football and you'll master it soon. I'm sorry I haven't got to show you hockey but I still had other issues around the City to solve."

Rodney lowered his gaze to his hands spread over his belly and thighs. He couldn't distinguish much in the dim light but he didn't care. Sometimes, he figured, it was better not to see the tiny details. The concept was enough.

He rubbed his forehead with his right hand while his restless thoughts strayed to Aiden. "Ford's a good kid, really," he mused. Then he shook his head. "No, that's not right, he's a good man, though he's one of the youngest people on the base." Pressing the bridge of his nose, he added: "He's got more guts than I'll ever have. He can get scared but he will always do what John tells him; he does everything to protect me on missions when John sticks to Teyla."

Rodney looked out to the open area and wondered: "Have you already named the planet I'm stranded on, Lieutenant? You like inventing names; have you thought of becoming a linguist before joining the Army?"

The night had fallen and Rodney closed his eyes as well. "I hope you're doing something together. I wish I were there with you, even though you get annoyed by some of my comments. I hope you're together, supporting one another like you do it every day. I hope that you're having a good time. Are you worried about me? I've been here for three days, you know. Are you searching for me, or have you given up hope?"

With the last words, his mind switched off and he fell asleep for a few minutes. It wasn't a deep sleep, he had just dozed off from the stressful day. Therefore, he snapped awake soon after he registered a distant howl. Subconsciously, of course, thanks to John's training.

As soon as he overcame the confusion by the lack of light, he chided himself. "You mustn't fall asleep deeply or this will be your last night."

He took a deep breath. "Now, who haven't I thought about yet?"

He took a moment to cross-out names from the short list of people he cared about. The last remaining name was Elizabeth Weir.

Rodney whispered: "She's probably in her office, working on the latest issue. My case, perhaps. She does her best and has a hell of a responsibility. I hope no-one is giving her a hard time about all this. It wasn't her fault that the natives had set a defence mechanism in the form of a Dart."

This reminded him of the casing laying outside in the rain, and he stretched out for it. It was full of cold water but he drank it anyway to get some liquids in his system. Then he placed it back outside and lay down.

He scratched his left shin and paused before he could reach the calf. His thoughts lingered on Elizabeth. When he met the old Elizabeth and learnt about what had happened the first time, he died a little inside. Mainly because he, his first-timeline version, hadn't been there for her when she needed a back-up at the Ancients' Council.

He didn't get to know the first-timeline Elizabeth much, well, they had spent only a couple of hours together, however, he believed she was similar to his own Elizabeth.

"Oh, Elizabeth. You're always trying to fulfil all requirements of your job and to be infallible, but you're flawed, as any human is. But to me, you are perfect. In fact, that's what I love about you: your quirks. Like how you twist your hair in apprehension when you think no-one's looking, or how your belongings on your desk have to be in some exact, incomprehensible order only you know."

Rodney sighed. All his life he had never stopped long enough to get to know anyone the way he had known her. He just hadn't been interested. Though she hadn't shared much of her past, he had already felt as if he had known her for years. Her actions alone showed her true nature and, in many cases, that was more important, more telling than any conversation could be.

Suddenly, Rodney frowned. Had he honestly thought that he had had a chance with her? Simon aside, he could never have ended up with a woman like her. She was too perfect for him, so completely and utterly above him. And despite what everyone thought, he wasn't just a careless scientist with snappy replies to everything. Many times, he preferred to be alone. Sure, he had dated a number of women, but she was different somehow. Maybe it was her refusal to put up with any of his crap, or maybe it was the way she made him feel as though he could do anything. Either way, it terrified him. He was afraid that one way or another, he would end up hurting her in the end.

"When I remember how I ignored you the first few hours in Antarctica, I would rather hide myself in my den and never leave it again. I can't believe I behaved the way I had. But I didn't know you then. Sure, the book you borrowed me there when we came across one another in the makeshift library was fantastic. I've never been fond of sci-fi literature but, with our profession, it isn't unusual. We're dealing with 'sci-fi' events every day, aren't we? And I would never admit to you how long I was actually taking heart to return it in person."

Rodney sighed. Those memories were magnificent, marvellous, magical. And so wonderful that they were lulling him to sleep again. But there was one other thing Rodney needed to make sure of. It was something he hadn't resolved to for years.

"How was it?" Rodney wondered silently all of the sudden. "Now I lay me…Lord…my soul…no, that's in the other half." He bit his lower lip and tried again. "Soul is second, so…so body is first. But where's keep and where take?"

Rodney rubbed his temples. His mind was failing him. "Now I lay me down…pray the Lord…body …take…if I…I wake…soul to…to take."

Rodney covered his eyes. "Dammit! How the hell was it?!" Tears stung his eyes. "I can't even recite four verses. And that I learnt them by heart years ago!"

He sighed brokenly. Then he took a deep breath to calm himself down again and started once more. "It's in there somewhere, Rodney," he encouraged himself and gently knocked on his forehead with a fist. "You just have to find it."

And then the verses came to his tongue as if he had read them only seconds before. "Now I lay me down to sleep, I pray the Lord my body to keep. And if I die before I wake, I pray the Lord my soul to take."

His eyes over-filled with tears and some escaped down his cheeks. This prayer was the only thing his father had taught him when his mother was away. And, retrospectively, he guessed that all the evil in the family life had been his mother's doing. His father had been a good guy, he had just…knocked up the wrong woman when she was eighteen and he nineteen.

Rodney rubbed his eyes and looked out of his hole. He kept his eyes open although he knew he needed to catch a few hours of sleep. Then, involuntary, gradually, he couldn't keep his eyes open anymore, and he succumbed to the gift of a small rest.


	27. Say Goodbye To Dr McKay

AN: People at Atlantis have to wait some more before Rodney returns, but do not worry - he will return, and in one piece. Promise.

And a question for my faithful readers: Who used the adjusted title of this chapter and in what episode? My only hint is that it was a villain.

* * *

 **Say Goodbye To Dr. McKay**

Atlantis, early evening. Elizabeth had finished her duties and was sitting in her office, wearing a blank stare. To her, Atlantis seemed so empty without Rodney McKay, so it seemed as though everything should come to a complete stop until he returned. Yet everything had to carry on as normal. It was endlessly frustrating.

During the day people kept coming to ask her for permissions to work on a certain project, to discuss their new findings or to ask if they could borrow John or Carson for their ATA gene. They wouldn't be needed if…

Elizabeth sighed. More than once since Rodney had been gone, she had found herself itching to talk to him about whatever was going on, and his absence would hit her hard when she would realise that it wasn't possible. He could keep all of his scientists under control and he could refuse to let them work on something if he thought it was too much for them.

Elizabeth wished she had known before this had happened just how much she was coming to rely on his friendship and how much she enjoyed the playful banter they always had between them. The way he tried to impress her on daily basis, and his frustration when he had nothing new to show her in the evening. Their often meetings on the uppermost balcony of the eastern tower with the most breath-taking view of the sky and Atlantis itself, where they opened up and they weren't a boss Dr. Weir and her subordinate Dr. McKay, but only Rodney and Elizabeth, with their fears, desires, wishes and longing to uncover the secrets of the Ancients.

She was about ready to tear her hair out for missing him. She couldn't stand staying alone in this galaxy that was scaring her whenever she stepped through the Stargate, being the chief negotiator of the mission. Other than those scarce times, she was trembling from fear for Rodney's team because they must have had a magnet for it that they attracted problems on virtually every mission off-world.

She looked at her watch sadly and wondered if she should go for a dinner. But she wasn't feeling hungry. Her stomach was cramping from the loss of her best friend here at Atlantis, so she doubted she would keep anything in.

Despite the queasy feeling, she got up, took her laptop and left her office. The pitying looks from the control room staff were driving her mad.

She didn't know where to go so she let her instinct take her somewhere around the City. Therefore, she was astonished to find herself on 'their' balcony bathed in the late sunset.

She sighed when she remembered the countless times Rodney calmed her here, or when she encouraged him that he was doing great when his world was falling apart. However, she couldn't believe that her subconsciousness had chosen this place of tranquillity as the place of her final goodbye to Rodney. It just wasn't fair! Or perhaps it was just because of it, she thought to herself just afterwards, due to the peace of the place where she had spent the best moments with him. Her subconsciousness may have known it would do her more good than a lounge or some other place where she would be completely alone, without Rodney's spirit to lean on.

Elizabeth sat down on the cold floor and leant her back on the wall. Stretching her legs out, she placed her laptop on her thighs and opened its screen. But then, she looked out, to the last rays of sun colouring the ocean and the sky. It was one of the nicest sunsets she had experienced on this balcony and she would have loved to share it with Rodney, but she couldn't.

Letting out a ragged breath, she took heart and found the file with Rodney's video message. She tapped the icon with a firm hand and waited for the laptop to open it.

Once the program prepared the video, she tapped the play button. Rodney's upper half of body appeared on the screen. He looked haggard, his hair was a mess although it seemed as if he had tried to comb it. There were dark circles under his eyes from what she supposed was a sleepless night after the nanite threat. There was a mild tremor in his posture but she couldn't say what its cause had been. Then she had a look at his surroundings and guessed that the video was taken in Rodney's lab.

Elizabeth stopped the video and took a deep breath. She was scared of watching it alone now. But she needed to know. She needed to know what had been on Rodney's mind, what he wanted them to know. So she hit the play again and steeled herself.

Rodney seemed nervous because he fidgeted before beginning his speech. "Okay, so, well," he coughed and started again with a pretended confidence, "This is the last will of Doctor Rodney McKay, an astrophysicist and the chief scientist of the Atlantis expedition. If you're watching this, then it's quite probable that I've left the world of the living."

He sighed and went on: "Maybe Elizabeth, well Dr. Weir, will be the only one who will ever watch this because we'll be forever stranded here in the Pegasus galaxy, but still it's one hundred per cent worth recording."

Elizabeth had to stop it. How could he have known that she would watch this? How could he have expected her to keep this a secret? She inhaled shallowly and tapped the play button once more.

"What can I say?" Rodney asked no-one in general and replied to himself just afterwards: "I desperately hope I died off-world and not due to something here in the City because I couldn't die knowing I've inflicted so much pain on Elizabeth, or my team who have become kind of a big surrogate family to me. Elizabeth, you know why, and if you let my team watch this, you have my permission to tell them everything I have told you, just in case they're interested. Maybe they'll understand better why I seemed so callous on the outside."

Elizabeth couldn't bear it, stopped the recording and put the laptop aside with a resolute force.

"Oh, Rodney! You have never been callous. People may have thought so, but they have never got to know you, they don't know how much you actually care."

She sobbed and added: "You're giving me this permission but I don't think I can tell them. What you've been through is impossible to re-tell second hand. And I don't know your life, I have never been in your skin!"

Elizabeth covered her eyes. She was weak, she knew it. She couldn't even watch a video in an emotionless way. She was a wimp because she was unable to be strong for Rodney's last testament.

And this was killing her. So she blew her nose in a Kleenex and placed the laptop back on her legs. She decided not to stop the video in any case and watch it completely. For Rodney, she owed it to him.

Hitting the play for what she hoped would be the last time, she pressed her nails into her palm to ache elsewhere than in her heart.

Rodney's face had a very thoughtful expression to it when he continued. "And I hope my death was fast, that it didn't take as long as with Drs. Gall or Peterson. I don't mind how I died, though. Well, nobody can tell me now, right? But I do hope my death had a purpose, that it wasn't futile. I would willingly sacrifice my life for people on this base, even though they might not see it. Sometimes the most important things are invisible for our eyes."

Within the small pause, Elizabeth smiled sadly and whispered: "Le Petit Prince, Antoine de Saint-Exupéry."

Rodney grew even more serious then. "Hereby I would like to say the last few sentences to people I care about. And I plead with you not to forget that you all have earned a place in my heart although my trust has never been given easily."

Elizabeth thought she knew what to expect and waited for it.

Rodney looked at his hands, then back up to the camera. "Major John Sheppard, it's been a great honour serving under you. Your witty remarks and friendly banter have always brightened my mood no matter how annoyed I was. You've taught me that even military-uniformed dummies can be very reliable and trustworthy people with character. I owe you a lot for saving my life numerous times and I only regret I'm unable to pay the debt now."

He bit his upper lip for a second, as if deciding whom to talk to next, and said: "Lieutenant Ford, you're still just a kid in an adult body. I'm sure your role of John's second-in-command will make you more mature over time but now you should learn from what John tries to show us because he's been to places we can't imagine despite the Wraith threat. And I wish you good luck with your beloved, you deserve her."

Elizabeth frowned. Beloved? She didn't know Ford was in a relationship. But she couldn't dwell on this too much because Rodney was speaking to another person close to him.

"Teyla. My dear Teyla. If we hadn't chosen Athos as the first planet to visit, you would have lived your normal life and the Wraith wouldn't have arrived there," he lifted his index finger, "However, I wouldn't change this past event because then we wouldn't have met and become so close. I have always marvelled at your ease in the countryside while Atlantis and all things common for Earth left you surprised. And I have to thank you for your morning teas and patience with my lectures. You're a strong and awesome woman, a born leader. I'm sure you'll be an amazing mother once."

His faint smile melted Elizabeth's heart. She didn't know how close he and Teyla had become but this shed a completely different light on their behaviour.

But Rodney's message wasn't done at all and his voice was getting less and less steady. "Doctor Beckett, Carson, I'm incredibly sorry about how I treated you in Antarctica. If not for you, I'd be long dead due to something, if it was the Wraith grenade blast or a hypoglycaemic shock. You're the best doctor this expedition could find in two galaxies and I regret only not telling you in person. Oh, and sometimes look and smile at the nurse, her name is Jennifer May, I think. She seems to have a crush on you."

Elizabeth was shocked. "Like really?" she whispered. How could Rodney have such a vast knowledge? Right, well, he'd spent quite a bit of time in the Infirmary, but still…

Rodney's speech went on and this time he seemed embarrassed as though the next words were hard to say aloud. "Dr. Zelenka, I deeply apologise for making fun of your surname and calling you names. I know how difficult it is for anybody to survive in a lab in my vicinity and you're doing great. If I had got another chance, I would have praised you and your work more because you're working hard but don't receive the deserved approval from my side." Rodney stopped for a moment, it looked like a final minute decision, but he said it nonetheless: "I want you to take my place on Major Sheppard's team and to become the head of the science department. You're the only one capable of handling such a huge responsibility. And don't worry, John will train you in combat situations. He wouldn't allow you to get in the field unprepared."

Elizabeth couldn't help herself, she had to stop the video. She couldn't believe Rodney had prepared everything to so miniature details. He even suggested his replacement for all positions!

"Well," she sighed incredulously, "at least I don't have to cope with Kavanagh myself." She sobbed. "Why have you always been so precise, Rodney? First, you say goodbye to your team, then to your friends. Who else has earned your respect?"

She knew that to answer her question, she would have to watch Rodney's recording. Therefore she took a deep breath and pressed the play.

"And the dearest person in the end," Rodney said gravely, "Dr. Elizabeth Weir, you've made a better person out of me. You've opened my heart to people despite my soul-deep scars. Without you I would still be the damned egoistic scientist from the SGC and Major Carter would have been right. Luckily for me, I've changed thanks to your care and I've thrived on your laugh, smiles, encouragement and support. You've seen me at my strongest as well as at my weakest, you know me more than I've ever imagined possible. And although nobody will ever find out the truth about the Storm, know that I told Kolya about our plan because he had threatened to hurt you. Not John or me. It was you."

At that time, Elizabeth was weeping silently. He called her the dearest person, reminded her of their relationship and admitted the truth about Kolya. Why couldn't she have found out when he had been with her? Why did she have to be so late as many times before?

In spite of her chaos, Rodney's message went on: "And to whoever else who wishes to listen, I leave this thought. In John Steinbeck's Grapes of Wrath, the main character Tom Joad told his mother that he was leaving and told her this: Maybe, maybe Casey was right. Maybe no-one has his or her own soul but only a little part of a big one. If we all are part of that big soul, then even when we are gone, we will be everywhere." He breathed in deeply before going on: "So my family and friends and those of you who fall into both categories, look for me in the darkness, and I will be there. Look for me in the sea that laps at Atlantis, and I will be there. Look for me in the labs and in the halls, and I will be there. Look for me in your hearts, and I will be there. Then, when you finally get home, and I'm sure you'll manage fine, look for me and I will be there."

By that time Rodney's eyes had also watered and he was blinking back tears. Elizabeth's red T-shirt had watery traces because she was holding the laptop and let her own tears fall.

Rodney coughed lightly to get his voice back and added: "Okay, so," he coughed again to speak normally, "this is all I needed to make sure that you will learn about. In addition, I can only ask somebody of you to take care of Salieri if you get back to Earth while she's still alive. My neighbour is taking care of her. And, please, somebody tell Jeannie Miller, my little sister living in Canada. Persuade her to accept all the necessities for the security clearance so that she can find out why I didn't keep in touch with her enough times after being employed by the Stargate Command. Tell her about my job here and that I've missed her incredibly since we argued about… Well, she knows about what. Tell her that I'm sorry and I would love to meet her again."

His speech was gaining speed as the words flew from his mouth, so it meant he hadn't prepared it initially. "Hopefully, I haven't stayed at Atlantis roaming like a ghost because I seriously doubt I would be at peace with all the issues and things I haven't sorted out. Once I've met a religious man who claimed that my mind resembled to a thunderstorm and my every idea was a lightning bolt. I found it hard to believe but since I arrived at Atlantis, I've begun to realise that maybe, just maybe, he could have been right."

Then he chuckled sadly and his tone grew a little desperate. "But I'm getting off-topic, again. This was one of my drawbacks, wasn't it? Talking excessively about things that needed one or two sentences. Just to prove that I knew my science, to prove my usefulness. That I wasn't as expendable as any other scientist."

"You've never been expendable Rodney," Elizabeth said silently hoarsely and tearfully.

Rodney put the back of his left hand under his nose and exhaled silently. Then he moved his hand down to his lap. "So to cut this short so that you don't have to listen to any more of my rant, I say goodbye to all of you and if you've left a small tear for me, it's fine, it's okay to show emotions when a person dies. I have never wished for a new home that I have found here so I can only wish you well and hope you'll find a ZPM and get home to your real families in a reasonable time. I apologise for my inappropriate behaviour and I have to confess that I would have never exchanged this life of mine.

Take care of one another, and…" he smiled in disbelief, "…oh, wait, John, I'm quoting you. Funny how death has made us so similar," he sent a sad grimace and finished the primary idea: "…so, eh, and I hope we won't meet soon. You have your entire lives in front of you. Don't miss your chance to live."

Rodney stretched out to pressed the end of the recording, but chose otherwise and pulled the hand back. Elizabeth didn't notice it with her blurry view, but the layout of Rodney's stuff around changed. This last part was added four days ago, just after her first-timeline self died. And Elizabeth also didn't notice the smaller of moons claiming the night sky.

"Et Elizabeth, ma chérie, je t'aimerai toujours. Dans ma chambre, il y a une petite boite bleue dans mon bureau. J'ai voulu te la donner pour ton anniversaire mais malheureusement je n'ai pas pu. Au revoir pour toujours," he stopped, then thought better about it and added, "bon, pour ta vie, et je te souhaite une bonne vie longue avec beaucoup de succès, de santé et d'amour. John va s'occuper de toi très bien."

And then the screen went black and Elizabeth cried even more. She couldn't believe that Rodney recorded the last part in French. Not many people knew he was bilingual, even though he came from Canada and it should have been expected.

Moreover, he admitted to loving her and he confessed to having a small blue box with a birthday gift for her in his room. She didn't understand why he had been unable to give it to her. Was it due to the first timeline? Had he been embarrassed? Had he thought that she would refuse it? And why the hell did he wish her a long life full of success, health and love? Without him she was torn, she was unable to think clearly about any of these! He may have been right that John would look after her but it would never be the same. Not without him here.

Elizabeth couldn't calm herself down. She was weeping like when her grandma died when she was seven. Gradually, she was losing confidence in herself. All this was cutting, stabbing her from inside out because it had been her fault that Rodney hadn't been rescued in time. Her fault that she waited for Bates to find a plan. It was her call to put everything off.

It was long dark, the second moon got above the horizon and stars filled the sky when Elizabeth wiped her eyes and made up her mind to go see the gift Rodney had prepared for her. It was the only thing that remained to be done now.

She closed her laptop and stood up. Then she took the shortest way to Rodney's quarters. She ran, hoping not to meet anybody along the way. The air moving around her with the motion was gently cooling her hot face and drying her eyes. As soon as she reached the door, she opened it without hesitation. Rodney had adjusted his lock that only he or she could enter without an invitation from inside. She slipped into the room and closed the door immediately.

Lights went on instantly, illuminating the room in a gentle glow. She looked around and sighed at the view in front of her. The room looked as if Rodney had left only hours ago, surely planning on returning soon. Even his bed wasn't made. Elizabeth was speechless. She felt like invading his personal space.

"I will just have a look, then I'll leave," she promised to the room, to Atlantis in general.

Carefully choosing her steps, she got to Rodney's desk. There were three wide drawers on one side, all of them without a lock. She gingerly opened the lowest one and found it full of different gadgets. The middle one was empty except for a couple of pens. But the top one was the right one.

"Bingo," Elizabeth whispered when she opened the drawer and found a wooden box in the back of it. She pulled it out and sat on Rodney's bed to have a better look at it.

She found a small button, pressed it and the lid opened. There was a blue velvet box sitting in the middle of the box. She took it in her right hand and closed the lid. Placing the wooden box aside, she eyed the velvet one. It was the size of a box for earrings or an engagement ring.

Elizabeth stopped. Why the second thing she thought of had been an engagement ring? She shook her head and opened its lid gently.

What a surprise to find a pendant on a silver necklace! She lifted the pendant to her eyes and put a hand in front of her mouth in awe. It was a hand-made 3D piece of art but so detailed that she could hardly believe human hands had created it. The only certainty was that it was a metal structure.

She focused on only one direction and silently exclaimed: "It has to be the main tower of Atlantis!"

Then she moved it in her hand and saw a different angle where it looked like a… "Or a face of a woman with mid-long hair?"

Another angle revealed symbols she had got to know on an off-world mission. They were connected but she could distinguish them easily. "These are Manarian signs for love, success, fortune and fertility."

Elizabeth was dumbfounded, and her eyes welled up again as much as before. "Rodney, this is amazing," she told the ornamented ceiling above her. "It's as complex, uneasy to be clearly identified and multi-faced as you are. You were…"

She began to sob again. She could afford it because she was alone and everybody had avoided Rodney's quarters since he had disappeared from their lives. She lay down on Rodney's bed and hugged his pillow. The pillow she had lain on when she came to him after the nightmare about Kolya killing him.

She was still holding the pendant in her fist while both boxes ended up on the floor when she was making herself a little bit comfortable. But she didn't care, she was hollow. And she cried and wept and sobbed and slowly exhausted herself.

* * *

AN2: Rodney's French message translated completely into English:

And Elizabeth, my dear, I'll love you forever. There is a small blue box in the desk in my room. I wanted to give it to you for your birthday but, unfortunately, I couldn't. Farewell forever, well, for your life, and I wish you a good long life with lots of success, health and love. John will take care of you very well.


	28. Stars Help The Living

Another Atlantis' balcony. John, Teyla and Aiden were lingering on another of Atlantis' numerous balconies at about the same time Elizabeth reached hers and played Rodney's message. They were disappointed and sad because Elizabeth was supposed to add Rodney's name to the list of people lost to the Wraith. For them, it meant that Atlantis had given up on her only salvage who could caress and mend her so that she could face a Wraith attack. But only John knew that Elizabeth hadn't put his name there, yet.

The ocean they were looking over was vast, endless. The sky was a breath-taking shade of red gently changing into dark blue. As if there was something hot all around, beginning to cool off on its way to becoming a freezing body.

"I don't understand why nobody's trying to find the Dart," Aiden spoke up suddenly. He was leaning over the metal railing and looking out at the darkening ocean beneath them, absently rubbing his elbow. His crutches were set next to him as he had refused to have them in his hands.

"It's not that easy," John responded from his left. His eyes were fixed on the sun but then he lowered them to the base of the tower. The water around looked dark and unfriendly.

"Everyone is pretty sure that he's dead already. They seem quite convinced that the Wraith piloting the Dart needed a snack." John said these words dully, not wanting to think too much about their significance now. "And if he's still alive, that Dart is too far away."

Teyla sighed sadly. She was standing to Aiden's right when she spoke: "Maybe it would be best if he has 'passed away'."

The men looked at her in surprise after using this phrasal verb. She didn't explain to them that she had learnt the euphemism not so long ago, and continued with her eyes on the light blue waters near the setting sun. "I don't want him to be held by them for a long period of time. I do not want to think that he's suffering." Her face saddened and she balled her hands into fists subconsciously, hitting the railing lightly. "Too many people have suffered at the hands of the Wraith. I do not want him to suffer like that, too."

Nobody said anything to it. There was no sensitive way how to respond. John's face was drawn when he remembered Sumner. There was no 'passing away' when a Wraith sucked the life from a man. But suffering… There was a hell of it involved in the process. Suddenly, his mind's eyes clearly saw his nightmare again, but this time it was Rodney whom the Wraith Keeper was interrogating, not Sumner. John shook his head to get rid of the image of ageing Rodney and focused on Aiden talking.

"It's so weird," Aiden had said before John began registering his words. "I just can't get my mind around this. He can't be dead!"

John gave him a rueful smile. He wanted to believe that Rodney was alive even though there were many proofs that he had been culled. However, that didn't mean anything for sure just yet.

Aiden went on: "I can't believe he's stuck on a Wraith ship. I won't think he's been fed upon. It just doesn't seem right!"

He ran a shaky hand through his hair and pulled his jacket more tightly around himself. "I keep thinking he's just in his lab, or about to step out that door," he pointed behind them to emphasise his point, "to find us. I just can't get rid of the feeling that he's still around somewhere and we haven't been looking in the right place thoroughly."

Teyla placed her hand on Aiden's right shoulder in sympathy. "It also seems wrong to me to think that Rodney's gone," she said seriously.

"It IS wrong," John exclaimed forcefully.

Aiden glanced sideways in his direction but knew better than to interrupt John's inner demons for now. Teyla squeezed Aiden's arm for a moment before settling back to gripping the cold metal.

They just stood or leaned, watching the sun slowly disappear below the horizon, leaving the night sky dark like black ink, swallowing up all the vestiges of colours. The waves were rolling below them, washing Atlantis as always, dark and ominous in their essence.

John watched the scenery, not wanting to remember all the people they had lost to the Wraith. There were many he didn't know much, thankfully, he thought to himself, but those few he knew, were enough to haunt the rest of his life.

They stayed on the balcony for several long minutes without uttering a single word. An occasional silent sigh or a shuffling of a leg were there, though.

When the brilliance of the last rays of sun dissipated, a faded moon claimed the sky, looking like a leftover ornament from a past celebration. Very slowly it began to take on lustre and then the other moon appeared below it.

It was a magnificent play of nature but nobody talked, and the quiet was quite welcome. The three team members didn't long for, couldn't, talk about the issue just yet. Would you have behaved any differently if your close friend had been proclaimed dead although his body hadn't been found?

However, Teyla couldn't help herself as she silently commented on the stars appearing in the sky. "These stars… Tonight they look like tiny pinpricks in a large black quilt."

Aiden and John looked up and accepted it; that day's night was clear without clouds. And the stars looked like small shining diamonds. The shapes they were forming were different from the Earth constellations but they created a pretty image, nonetheless.

"And according to an old Athosian legend," Teyla continued, "one shines for every person that has died. But there is no new star visible so Rodney can't be dead, right?"

John shook his head sadly. Teyla didn't know what they did about the universe and galaxies. New stars weren't born every day or when a person died. And even so, it would take millions of years before its light would reach their planet, and then the star could be burnt out already.

But neither John, nor Aiden wanted to steal her belief, her faith in the old story, so they exchanged a knowing look, that, of course, didn't come unnoticed to her, and avoided any comment from their side. She knew that they knew that her legend was a mysterious story based on the first understanding of the world. It had always helped her deal with a loss because, later on, she would think to herself that there was indeed a new star next to a known constellation.

Suddenly the gentle wind brought quiet sobs to them. They didn't know whose the sound was but, combined with the atmosphere of the night, it seemed as if it was Atlantis herself crying silently. They listened thoroughly but they were unable to pinpoint the source. And so they silently grieved with the sound of another broken soul.

– – – – – – – – – –

M1X-808, night time. Rodney snapped awake suddenly in the middle of the night. He didn't dream but it took him a moment to realise where he was and why.

He checked his body and sighed. He was stiff and aching, his head was pounding even more than last time and his mouth was dry. He groaned when he tried to stretch out to where he had left his casing to allay his thirst. The casing had filled with water completely, but the liquid was colder than before. Rodney drank the small amount and shook due to the feeling.

He rubbed his forehead because he had done all this on an autopilot like heating a coffee after falling asleep in his lab, and he blinked fast a few times. He was surprised to see clear shadows out of his sheltered area and thought his eyes may have adjusted to the darkness. However, it was caused by a super rare occurrence on this planet. The barrier of clouds had got thinner and allowed the moon to shine through its usually dense layer. Those clouds were acting as a natural barrier for the sun rays, which would be deadly otherwise.

"Time to get moving again I suppose," Rodney whispered. His breath created a tiny cloud of fog in front of his mouth.

"Is it really this cold?" he wondered. Then he sighed and went on: "I'm so damned tired. I don't think I can continue like that."

Rodney shivered badly and fingered his T-shirt, which was still damp. "Marvellous. Am I ever going to get dry?"

He was feeling as though he'd been this wet for weeks, as if it had been months since he was warm and dry.

Rodney sat up slowly and pulled his knees under his chin. "Another day," he thought aloud because outside it was as bright as if it was a very early morning. As he had woken up more, he considered it more plausible than his eyes had only adjusted, and, moreover, he had lost track of time quite a while ago. "Another day that will, either way, be my last day on this planet."

He sighed and added: "I just have to walk higher up the slope. Just go along the path and hope my feet won't betray me again. Or that a rabid or a hungry animal won't find my weakness overly attractive."

He shuddered. He dreaded leaving his 'cosy' shelter in the cold weather but he realised walking was his only possibility to warm up. What would he give for a steaming mug of the strong Athosian tea right now!

He rested his chin on his knees and shook in cold again. Not good. He was well aware of it. But he didn't know what was the major cause of it so he obviously expected the worst.

"I'm so screwed," he breathed out, but he couldn't help it, his thoughts drifted to his teammates afterwards. He closed his eyes and whispered: "It's probably night time at Atlantis. I hope you've been sleeping well since I got lost, not bothered by nightmares about the Wraith or something. Are you worried about me at all?"

Rodney wanted to believe that they were, that they didn't write him off. On the other hand, he hoped they weren't having a tough time due to this.

He yawned and rubbed his forehead. "Time to get moving," he told himself persuasively. Then he stiffly crawled out of his tonight's bedroom and carefully sat on a stone next to it.

It was quite demanding to stay awake, and he didn't know how long he had slept. With a small delay, he realised he had dropped the casing inside his hole, so he stretched out for it and lifted it up.

His bleary eyes fixed on it and tried to see something more than was apparent on the first sight. It wasn't just dangling wires and a broken metal shell of a former projector, no, it was his ticket home.

Rodney nodded to himself and clutched the projector to his chest. Then he put it in his pocket and zipped it closed. He couldn't afford to lose it at this moment, not when he was so close to his goal.

He wouldn't admit it aloud, but it also made him feel that he really belonged to a technological society. It was his only gadget and he clung to it for his dear life.

Then he took a steadying breath and carefully got to his feet. He didn't have the courage to check his injuries just yet for fear that it would prevent him from doing what was needed.

Ruefully he realised that whenever he was complaining about something, Carson treated his injuries lightly. It was him being quiet and responding with a 'yes' or a 'no' when he got concerned about their extent. Rodney knew that this time he would talk in the very start and then get silent so he didn't dare guess how Carson would react.

With a sigh, Rodney wobbled hard to gain his stability. When he thought he could balance adequately on his sore legs, he took a tentative step up the slope. It worked although he felt every muscle in his stiff body due to pins and needles in them.

He looked down the slope and all he saw was a layer of mist. As if the slope had been cut in two halves and one had moved to the sky. The fog was thick and he could only guess what it was concealing from him.

Rodney took a deep breath, checked his surroundings and began his journey to the top. As he was travelling onward, he realised that the mist was ever-present, only that it wasn't so dense around him. And amidst the mist, his dear deer carefully walked around him, wondering if the intruder posed any threat to them.

Rodney smiled. He could clearly hear the rustling of undergrowth although the animals refused to make themselves seen. They were keeping some distance, feeding just out of his reach, but didn't rush away. He hadn't attacked them so far so they believed it was safe to remain where they were.

Rodney was walking in his own tempo, almost oblivious to animals around because he couldn't see them wholly. Therefore, he jumped up in shock when there was a sudden loud rustling right next to him. His breathing hitched until his mind processed that it must have been one of the animals hiding and it must have darted away as he got too close. He understood that they hadn't got to meet people for a few decades, in the least, but he considered the reaction a bit exaggerated.

The journey was otherwise uneventful, given that it was the middle of the night, though he didn't know it, and the trail still continued. Rodney hoped for a thousandth time that it would really lead him to the Stargate and not to a distant place on the other side of the hills. The path switched back and forth, and together with the mist, it made him feel as though he was reaching the end of the world from medieval stories.

Rodney sniffed, wiped his nose on his sleeve and looked around. This part of the trail had become one murky mud but he couldn't get around it, he had to walk, if not slog, through it not to get lost again. The mud tugged at his boots, making his injured foot hurt almost unbearably as he pulled himself loose every time he wanted to make another step.

"You're getting closer," he encouraged himself. "Only a few moments, and you'll get a warm bed, a hot shower, and a cup of Teyla's strong hot tea. And Carson will feed you with pills for the pain and an IV to give you some dissolved additions to boost your immune system." Rodney sighed contently and added: "You'll be dry and warm and safe," he promised to himself, "no more cold and wetness and danger."

He trudged along, thinking about Atlantis and its people. 'It would be nice,' he mused in his head because he was getting short of breath, 'to have a little chat with the Major or hang out with Ford or Teyla.'

He found it funny that he was actually looking forward to seeing them again more than to his job and experiments as the chief scientist. 'Yeah,' he added mentally, 'I would love to find out what Zelenka is up to or what Grodin knows about the latest missions. Oh hell, I will have to report to Elizabeth, fill her in on my little adventure. And see if Carson has a bit of free time.'

Rodney sighed, struggling further up the path. He jerked his foot out of the deepening mud layer, realising that his limp was gradually getting worse and worse due to the ill-treatment.

"Great," he breathed out, "just great. I'm not going to make it. I'm not the type to do this."

He stopped to lean his left forearm on a tree next to the trail. He placed his head on his arm and breathed raggedly. "I've got no stamina," he complained silently. "I've never been one to like outdoor sports, camping and all that."

He lifted his head and looked up to the branches. "Give me any kind of a lab any day," he told them. "Give me a computer and at least one warm meal a day and I'll be over the moon."

He put more weight on his abused foot and groaned in pain. He couldn't go on like this anymore. It was a lunacy! He turned and leaned his back on the tree. "How much longer do I have to walk? How much further?" he asked silently.

Rodney watched the fog swivel around the trees and was mesmerised to find the fog's beauty in an open area in front of him. Once again he wished he hadn't accepted the mission, wished he had stayed in his comfortable lab.

His knees gave way under him and he slid down to the roots. As soon as his butt hit the ground, he stretched his legs and continued complaining: "I just can't walk any further. But I've got this far already. I must be very close to the Stargate."

He shook his head. "Who am I trying to convince? I'm miles away from its ring, following a trail to nowhere. I can't walk on in such a thick mud layer. It hurts too much."

He blinked and looked around. It seemed as though it was getting dark again but he could swear that he hadn't been walking for an entire day yet. "I'll never make it back," he whispered before adding a forceful: "But I have to."

He frowned when his eyes fell upon a structure in the mist. It looked like a house, a ruined and rotten one, but a house. He believed it was a mirage until it started to rain again and the fog partially cleared. He bent his head due to the pattering and got up carefully. Then he walked over to the building and…

Rodney got so elated! He found out the trail had led him right to the old village where all his adventure began a couple of days ago. He laughed hysterically, refusing to believe his luck. Gingerly, as if expecting the building to disappear in a snap of his fingers, he stretched his filthy hand out and touched the stone and wood. It remained there, it didn't vanish.

Rodney kissed the wall briefly and walked around the building. Thanks to his memory he figured out where he was in the village and set off along the path leading to the Gate, immediately feeling as if he could do anything in the world.


	29. Can Heightmeyer Help?

AN: Hello, everybody! I am incredibly sorry to disappoint any of you who are looking forward to Rodney finally getting home. But he did reach the ruins in the last chapter so there isn't much else for him to endure. And I need his friends to go through some more personal issues and move to a certain point before I can finally let him step through the grand puddle back home. And how best try to solve emotional problems? Call in the psychiatrist, Dr. Kate Heightmeyer. I really wonder if she should be the one helping Rodney afterwards, though... Any ideas?

Anyway, hope you're going to enjoy this chapter nonetheless.

* * *

 **Can Heightmeyer Help?**

Atlantis' Infirmary at night. Dr. Kate Heightmeyer carefully entered the Infirmary and searched for Carson. When she couldn't find him running around and checking his few patients staying overnight, she went straight to his office. She saw the light was on so she knocked and entered his private room.

Carson was studying a test result on his pad and was surprised to hear the knock this late at night. He looked up and sent a startled look towards his visitor. "What can I do for ye, Doctor? Are ye feeling ill?" he asked Kate as she was approaching his desk.

She deliberately sat in the chair in front of him first, then she slowly looked up, suddenly seeming very uncomfortable. Carson frowned and quickly looked her over for any kind of visible injuries with concerned eyes. As soon as she noticed it, she schooled her expression and body language before giving him a small smile.

"I'm alright, Dr. Beckett. Thank you for the concern," she began and Carson released the breath he didn't know he was holding. He surely didn't want any unwelcome emergency tonight. He only wanted some peace and quiet.

"So why…?" he asked Kate just when she spoke up again. "I'm afraid…"

She stopped but Carson motioned for her to continue. "I think we're losing him," she confessed silently.

"Excuse ma? Who?" Carson frowned. He didn't have a clue who she was talking about. There was nobody with a fatal injury in the Infirmary.

Kate looked right into his eyes and started explaining: "I mean Major Sheppard. I've tried to talk to him and his team ever since Dr. McKay got lost and they returned injured. At first, I wanted to offer support but after I had heard what Major told you, I began to feel that there was something very odd about this."

Carson put his hands under his chin and looked at her intently. He needed to know what she knew. "Tell me more, I'm listening."

She took a deep breath and went on: "I think Major Sheppard is losing his spirit, his living power. He is, was, very close to Doctor McKay and I'm concerned about how he's coping now that there is such a high probability McKay won't be retrieved. I need to talk to him but he's avoiding me and him closing off has yet to reach the level when I can ask Dr. Weir to order him to see me."

Carson shook his head in understanding. Only thanks to what Teyla and later on John himself revealed to him, he got an insight into this issue. But John asked him not to tell anybody, specifically mentioning Dr. Heightmeyer.

Kate licked her lips and added almost pleadingly: "Dr. Beckett, you've spent the most time with the team in the past few days. Could you advise me how to approach Sheppard to make him talk? He wouldn't do it himself if he knew I was involved as a psychiatrist."

Carson sighed. He didn't want to betray John's trust but he wanted to help him. So he made up his mind to tell Kate only the barest truth with minimum details. "Ye know, Doc, Rodney invited him on the mission and he refused. He may be angry he didn't leave with Jorgenson's team but had a small rest with his own."

Kate turned her head in a light disbelief and said as if to herself: "Blame and guilt can destroy a man too easily. They're killing him from inside ever so slowly."

She blinked a few times and focused back on Carson. "Have you heard that Dr. Weir was supposed to add McKay to the list of deaths?"

Carson cringed at the sound of the word death. He was very surprised by the abrupt change of topic, getting from John to Elizabeth this quickly. He couldn't see any link between this two. He frowned and said: "Aye, I have. But she hasn't done it, yet. Peter, Dr. Grodin has told ma that she left her office but didn't put it into the system. However, it's at the top of her schedule tomorrow."

Kate gave him a somewhat sad look. "I can understand that and I don't wonder she's taking her time. Not after the row between Sheppard and Jorgenson she had to witness. You know, I'm surprised she got coherent reports from them afterwards when Jorgenson had to leave the office in a rush."

Carson's eyes widened in bewilderment because John hadn't mentioned the quarrel at all. But at least he realised why John had looked so startled when he mentioned the heated discussion earlier. He had thought it hadn't been anything serious but now…

Kate looked at her hands and added: "I'm glad she's managing this well. Since the very beginning of this expedition, I could see that her relationship with Dr. McKay was different from that between McKay and Sheppard. It seemed much stronger, maybe because they have known one another since Antarctica. And I'm gladly astonished by the strength and calmness Dr. Weir is projecting because I didn't expect to see it in anybody after such a traumatic event."

A soft sigh escaped Carson because he knew the truth. He knew Elizabeth was not as strong as Kate wanted to believe, that it was only a mask. He couldn't believe Kate hadn't read her real feelings but only the visible ones. Elizabeth knew she needed to be strong for others as they depended on her. She couldn't afford to break down like a little girl because she was in charge of the entire city. And Carson knew because of what he had seen, due to how she had been shattered when she came to see him before. He shook his head, feeling as if he was being observed like a tiny virus in one of his microscopes, and looked back at Kate.

Since the sigh she had been studying him, trying to gauge what he was hiding from her. She could see it in his posture that there was something more he knew but wasn't telling her. And she wasn't angry with him. In fact, she was admiring him for the strength to keep up to the doctors' oath and not betray what his patients had confided to him or what he had learnt about their health. This was a rare thing even on the Earth where people weren't facing so many issues and death possibilities.

As soon as Carson noticed her scrutiny, he coughed slightly to get her attention before suggesting a small plan. "What if," he suggested, "we let this be for another day or so and give them a wee bit more time? And I promise that if I see either Dr. Weir or the Major looking any more haggard than today, I will personally push them into yer office to talk to ye."

Kate unsuccessfully tried to hide a small chuckle. "Alright, agreed. I take you for your word, Dr. Beckett."

Then she got up gracefully and prepared to leave his office. However, she stopped at the threshold and turned back to him. "I only hope you're right and more time will help them, not hurt them."

And then she was gone, closing the door after herself. She decided to go check something just then and headed to the living areas with quarters. She thought she would be able to meet two specific people there, if only to have a look at what their body language would reveal to her. Perhaps they would send her to hell, in the woman's case more politely, but it was a risk she was willing to take. After all, they had become her friends, just like Rodney.

Carson, on the other hand, stayed in his office and put his face into his hands. This was strange. Nobody had come to ask about the well-being of the leading couple of Atlantis because they would be concerned. They only wondered how the foremost team was managing without Rodney. True, Radek had come among the first, arriving early in the morning just before his shift, and asked how they were doing as individual people, but he was the only sincere one. Carson had felt as if others were doing it just out of duty. Hansell came not long after Radek, followed soon by Peter, Sgt. Stackhouse and even Sgt. Bates, who was the biggest surprise of them all. And then there were many scientists and a few soldiers. Dr. Heightmeyer was first to pose other questions that were making Carson anxious.

He rubbed his face. "John's blaming himself. Elizabeth's blaming herself. But it's of no use. It won't bring Rodney back!"

He looked down at the results he was supposed to check and decide on the treatment. There were more documents for him to review but he had somehow lost the notion to have it done tonight.

His mind was wandering from this to that, not stopping long enough to make something from anything specific and so he closed the files and turned off the pad. He decided to call it a day for now and wake up early the other morning to finish everything in time.

Although he would have loved to go to his bed, he got a nasty nagging feeling that he should stay here in the Infirmary because something bad could happen and his quarters were too far from here. He turned his head in disbelief, he had never been superstitious, but he realised that those feelings very almost always right.

His eyes fell upon the brown, slightly uncomfortable couch in the back of his office, which was there for cases just like this one or if he was required to be close to a patient in the ICU. He realised it was an easy solution because then he wouldn't have to wake up so early to get ready and get to the Infirmary to finish his work, but its questionable comfortability was a rather significant drawback in that.

Nevertheless, he went to it, prepared the blanket, lay down in his doctor's clothes and covered himself. Falling asleep, he prayed nothing bad happened and his feelings were wrong for once. He could handle a lot of things but another new calamity coming now would rather get him done for a while. Carson breathed out slowly, closing his eyes to catch at least a few hours of sleep.

– – – – – – – – – –

John's quarters. John had just left his bathroom, which was still full of steam. He had had a long hot shower because it was the only thing that had allowed his muscles to relax. He had dried his body and now he was rubbing his hair vigorously to get the water out of them as well.

When he finished, he tossed the towel on his bed and ran his left hand through his hair, noting absently that it was getting a bit long.

He thought of having left Aiden and Teyla on the balcony, claiming that there was something he needed to see to. She hadn't believed him but had understood his unvoiced plea to be alone for a while. Therefore, she merely nodded and put a hand on Aiden's shoulder so that John could slip away without Aiden asking why. John was thankful that she was so empathic and promised to himself that he would thank her later somehow.

Now he covered his eyes and sat down next to the towel as naked as he was. His self-defence was falling apart. The detachment deliberately cultivated over years in the service, through other losses, was breaking. His only comfort was that the meeting Elizabeth had planned would be in the afternoon. He didn't know what she wanted to talk about…

No, he stopped himself, he knew it but he didn't want to admit it. She needed to make sure they would handle it and then she would assign another scientist to their team because it was expected.

John sighed. He got dressed and combed his hair neatly. He settled his jacket on his shoulders and, looking in the mirror, he checked that his patches were straight. It was an automatic subconscious action, a little defence in this madness, and he stopped when he realised what he was doing. He wondered if he should visit Elizabeth tonight but decided against it because he had promised to see her in the morning and she could think he had other intentions than those he really had. Moreover, people just seemed to notice him more than he liked after Rodney's loss. As if they were only waiting for him to make a mistake. Bates would love to be in command, he thought to himself, and Kavanagh was waiting for Rodney's job. He couldn't let either of them have what they wanted or he would feel like betraying Rodney's legacy completely.

John looked away from the mirror to the walls. "People just don't realise," he mused, "what my life experience has truly been. I've lost friends before. I've lost people under my command. Usually, I mourned them, celebrated their lives, buried them, moved on. Made new friends. It happened over and over. Only this time there is no body to mourn, no body to bury. In theory, I should have got used to this cursed circle."

John kicked a chair deeper under his table. "But I have not!" he shouted. He was upset and angry. He paced the room a few times before pausing in front of the mirror again, taking a moment to stare into the eyes of the man there. They seemed different from the other times, he had to admit. They weren't the cool, controlled eyes of an officer who'd had a man under his command die. They looked somehow lost, like the eyes of a man who'd had his best friend taken from him.

John turned away, rubbing his temples. He was blaming himself for telling Rodney that his first-timeline self had ultimately failed. Retrospectively, that must have been the trigger for Rodney to commit himself to Jorgenson's team. Consequently, he refused to let him have fun with the team, meaning he must have died due to the Wraith. Or maybe he was still alive, but the longer they held him, the less chance of escape he had. Thankfully, they didn't know what Rodney was capable of, yet, so they wouldn't torture him for information. Or would they?

"I would need to gently inform Elizabeth that Rodney's IDC has to be locked. Not deleted, but locked out of the system. It will be just a precaution, but we need to count with every possibility."

John was glad he was alone. People would not take it lightly to have him talking to himself like this. He closed his eyes and felt a sting of tears in the back of them. He denied them because he couldn't cry now. It wasn't the time. Once Rodney was officially on that list and the evening service was finished, then he would sit down all alone, lock himself and evaluate the immense loss.

First, what it meant to Atlantis.

Second, what it meant to him to have a world without a cocky Canadian genius, his only competitor in time spent in the Infirmary, the only person to prattle with.

"It will be so boring without you here," John said ever so silently.

Then he couldn't stand the silence of his quarters anymore and dashed away. He ran, the thuds of his military boots the only sound in the silent side-corridors.

"I don't need Heightmeyer," he said, sounding alright despite the speed, "I only need to be alone for a while."

He ran on and on until he stopped at a dead end. He frowned and ran his hand over the panel. His sigh of realisation seemed like a hurricane to him – he reached the balcony where all this had started, the balcony where he had been watching the sunrise, where he had sent Rodney to his ominous fate.

John blew out a breath quietly, unable to fathom that it had been so long ago, that Rodney would never burst through the doorway, he was currently standing in, brimming with excitement about his newest discovery.

With yet another sigh John entered the balcony and leaned over the railing. "I'll never hear him gripe about our latest predicament, again," he barely whispered to the sky. "I'll never put up with his worst-case scenarios. Or witness those flashes of lightning when our genius makes those incredible bounds in logic."

John ran his left hand through his hair, renewing its usual messiness. The sky was darker, and he thought he could see heavy clouds in the distance. And then he remembered their relationship and complained to the breeze. "I'll never hear those snarky comebacks from him. Never again will I see how brave he can be. We won't share more stupid jokes, snipe at one another, or just laugh when doing something together."

John took a ragged breath and rested his head on his arms draped over the railing. "God, I'm gonna miss him," he breathed out brokenly. He knew that what he would miss the most would be winding Rodney up to incredulous indignation and then pushing him over into sputtering incoherence. Because then he always pushed Rodney in his shoulder, chuckled, Rodney pushed back and by the time they were almost wrestling, they were laughing cheerfully as their friendly banter was renewed. John could hardly believe how much he actually loved pushing Rodney's buttons.

Then he thought he could hear the door behind him open, and, with a strange feeling, he desperately hoped it was his snarky scientist. However, the door was closed, never opened.

John sagged and slid to the bottom of the railing, feeling as if it wasn't only him sitting down. At approximately the same time Rodney complained to the tree, sliding to its roots, so maybe John's feelings reflected the truth. Or rather not. It'd be too much of a sci-fi melodrama then.

John leaned his back on the railing and exhaled deeply. He spoke to himself internally: 'I still can't conceive how I'll manage without Rodney here. Maybe tomorrow. Maybe tomorrow I'll start missing him for good when now I refuse to believe he's gone.'

And so he stayed like this for quite a while. Freshly showered, but already feeling tainted. It was his own personal curse, his personal hell.


	30. Death And Nightmares Are Never Fair

Atlantis, Rodney's quarters. Elizabeth didn't know when she had fallen asleep. She woke up but didn't open her aching eyes. She was sure she must have cried herself to sleep with the thought of never seeing Rodney again. She sighed, rubbed her eyes and opened them very slowly. What a surprise when she saw only white light everywhere around her!

She quickly scanned the area she found herself in. Therefore, she soon spotted a small black spot in the distance. She turned around, just in case there were more of them, and noticed an almost indistinguishable frame of a white wall further behind her. When she turned back, the spot had already grown into the size of a person.

"Who are you?" she called out. But just then she knew the answer in her heart. The figure finally gained noticeable features and came walking to her with the head bent down.

"Rodney?" Elizabeth asked unsure if she could be so (un)lucky to meet him here. Wherever here was.

Rodney looked up at her but his eyes were empty. They were completely black without the white of whites as though he had come straight from a horror film. Elizabeth shuddered in terror. "This can't be you, Rodney," she whimpered silently to herself.

"You traitor!" he exclaimed suddenly.

Elizabeth's eyes went wide. She watched Rodney approaching her but he looked so exhausted and scratched and beaten. His blue T-shirt was torn, ripped open over his chest with six bloody marks as if he'd been fed upon, and it was muddy, just like his pants. And he seemed to be limping on his left leg.

"Oh, Rodney," Elizabeth whispered on the verge of tears. "This isn't real. It can't be!" she said to herself.

"You're such a traitor," Rodney repeated. His face contorted in a suppressed fury and he spat at her feet. She jumped up at his expression of disdain.

"I hate you! You betrayed everything we've been. You destroyed everything we could have been." His blank eyes were focused right on hers.

She gulped with tears ready to leave her eyes. "Rodney, I…I didn't…" she stammered.

"Oh, yes, you did. You abandoned me there! You didn't search. Where's your always used phrase 'We never leave people behind', huh? How could you have allowed this to happen? I had faith in you, only in you, Lisi." When he called her this way, his face saddened.

As if the nickname was some kind of a magical key, tears started streaming down Elizabeth's cheeks. She couldn't believe this was Rodney although he called her Lisi, which she allowed only to him when they were alone. She was so afraid that she began to back to the wall.

She tried to justify herself and the late rescue: "When we came, the Dart was already gone. We searched the ruins, we searched the forest. Everything in vain!"

"You waited, Elizabeth. You didn't send anyone immediately." he pointed out accusingly. "I hadn't had a way of contacting you even if I dialled the Gate. My radio was gone, my GDO was gone, I couldn't fabricate anything up at the spur of the moment!"

Elizabeth extended her right hand and pleaded: "Rodney, please, believe me, I really did everything, anything I could, to get you back. We couldn't find you. I'm so sorry."

She didn't hold herself back anymore, her voice giving away her emotional chaos. She put her arm back down and cried in fear, in unhappiness. She opened herself up to him and waited humbly for her punishment. "Don't imagine it's easy for me, Rodney, to lose you."

But he didn't pay any attention to her. "You know, it's kind of funny," he stated instead. "You killed me. Again."

Elizabeth gulped at the venom dripping from his words. She couldn't reason with him like this. Why was he doing this to her?

As soon as Rodney said the word 'again', he started to age in front of her eyes as if an invisible Wraith was draining him. The central wound on his chest opened up and began to bleed profusely.

During all this, Rodney kept approaching her, while she kept backing in terror.

"The first time I died for you and your expedition," Rodney spat out. "Then I almost sacrificed myself to save Atlantis and you from Kolya. And now I died for real, for the last time, due to a way of getting home because I hadn't had the knowledge to ascend and I had been fed upon by a Wraith. Just like Drs. Abrams or Gall. So I had suffered a lot, just like many people had wished for."

Rodney sighed unhappily. Elizabeth kept crying and couldn't bring herself to say anything of value. "Stop it. Stop! Why are you saying this?" she cried out.

Meanwhile, Rodney had become an old man, wrinkled and pale. He continued: "Would you believe I considered YOU my home? So I can promise you one thing. Even now you won't get rid of me. I will always be with you."

He wasn't more than a bony image of his self. Elizabeth started screaming when his arm moved to touch her. She wanted to back some more, however, she collided with the wall behind her.

"My memory, my life will always be with you," Rodney stated with a sly grin, "and you can be sure I'd come every other night to check on you, my dear."

And with that what was remaining of him disintegrated into a cloud of dust. Elizabeth screamed. The dust whirled in the air, then formed a swarm and aimed at her. She began to run away screaming at the maximum but the swarm got to her and engulfed her completely. All around her body it burnt words 'traitor', 'shame' and 'lost friend' with pieces of what once used to be Rodney. During the torture, Elizabeth's screams changed. They became more painful, incurable, than terrified.

And just then Elizabeth woke up for real screaming her lungs out on Rodney's bed in his quarters. She was breathing in quick shallow breaths and blinking madly around the room. She turned the night-table lamp on to shoo away all shadows and possible ghosts.

At first, she was shocked where she was because she immediately recognised it wasn't her bedroom, but in a moment she remembered. However, she couldn't bring herself to calm down. The dream was so terrifying, and she believed it was meant to be more than an insane nightmare.

She listened for a while but nobody came rushing to knock on the door if she was alright. Who would do so when it wasn't her proper room, right? People avoided these particular quarters unless they needed their unfriendly occupant to do something for them in the field of science. Elizabeth breathed deeply to calm herself down. In and out. In and out. In and out…

She counted to ten and then she got up and walked over to the central lighting. She turned it on and looked around the messy room. One thing instantly caught her eye – the framed picture she gave to Rodney for his own birthday was on the floor although she was sure it was on its shelf when she had arrived.

She shook her head, lifted it up and placed it back where it belonged. She touched the picture gently, recalling the party at which Ford took it.

The situation was the rarest thing to see for an ordinary mortal, she knew, because Rodney wasn't fond of dancing, but she forced him to do her a favour. They both knew he was a very talented dancer although he didn't want others to find out. When they danced, all other couples stopped and watched them. She remembered how happy she had been, how safe she had felt when Rodney had led her around the dance floor, and how Dr. Kate Heightmeyer had later told her that it was as if something had been emanating from them during their dance. Unfortunately, all the magic disappeared as soon as the song ended and Rodney excused himself as there was a power leakage somewhere in the lower levels of Atlantis.

Elizabeth sighed. She realised she was still holding the pendant in her clutched fist, so she gave it one last look before retrieving both the velvet blue and the wooden box. She placed it back inside the smaller, and then the bigger one before returning the closed wooden box into the drawer.

She looked around the room and all of a sudden she started to clean it. She did the basic stuff, put the crumpled clothes in a basket for used clothes, made the bed, rearranged some of the gadgets scattered around in one neat pile on the desk.

It was quick, she wanted it to look like it had been Rodney keeping his quarters tidy to a certain extent. As soon as she was done, she looked around the room sadly once again and left, never turning back. She didn't stay longer than it was needed because she worried people would find out and talk. However, she left her laptop behind without noticing it.

She walked down the corridor slowly. The cleaning was so normal to her that it allowed her to sort out what to think about the nightmare. Sure, Rodney was lost, she was blaming herself, but her subconsciousness hadn't had any right to project her blame in Rodney and hurt her not only mentally but also physically.

She couldn't find her voice, had to cough to be able to swallow, so she believed she must have been screaming for quite a while because her throat felt as sore as it had been after a gig she went to when she was eighteen.

She headed to the mess hall in search of a glass of water and some sugar to put in it to ease her nerve. She was shaking slightly and every tiny noise made her jumpy. Fortunately, she didn't meet anybody in this state of her mind and entered the mess hall unnoticed.

There she quickly made her way behind the counters, grabbed a mug and filled it with lukewarm water. Afterwards, she searched the cupboards to find the sack with sugar. Suddenly, there was a cough behind her and she stiffened at the sound of the voice. "Identify yourself. What are you doing here?"

Elizabeth turned slowly and looked the incomer right in the face. It was a young woman, one that had a night shift in the mess hall should somebody return from a mission late at night and need to grab a quick meal. She was holding a frying pan in her hands ready to attack.

When the woman realised who the potential thief was, she quickly lowered the menacingly-looking 'weapon' and apologised: "I'm so sorry, Dr. Weir, I did not recognise you. I thought you were a thief…" She lowered her eyes in sincere embarrassment.

Meanwhile, Elizabeth managed to calm her racing heart and replied to her. "It's okay," she started with a raspy voice and searched for any sign that would tell what rank the woman had. She couldn't find any so she guessed the first one that came to her mind. With a short cough, she explained: "I needed a cup of something sugary, Sergeant. You know, to help me relax and sleep."

The woman smiled politely. "Oh, Doctor, I'm not military. I'm a bare technician on duty here. Take what you need to help you, it's been a rough few days, eh?"

Elizabeth could recognise the Australian accent in her speech and was surprised by how much she was actually able to learn from a couple of sentences. She turned back to the sugar and placed three full spoons of it in her water.

"It has," she said while dissolving it. She blended the mix with the spoon to have it done faster, and turned again at the woman whose name she was unable to find in her head. The woman didn't even introduce herself. She laid the pan back on the counter and smiled faintly.

Elizabeth was perplexed as she couldn't notice much because the only light was the moonlight from outside shining through the tall glass windows. "I didn't mean to come here like this but, you know, I couldn't find you on duty so I helped myself," she explained herself in a partial apology.

The woman raised her hands, "It's all right, I understand. You don't have to explain anything."

She came closer to Elizabeth and gave her a tight smile. "It's hard for all of us although people like me didn't get to know Dr. McKay so much. But what he did has always told us what he was like. Accept my deepest sympathy, Doctor."

Elizabeth nodded. "Thank you," she barely whispered and began tidying the mess she had created.

The woman stopped her hand. "I'll do it. Go get some sleep."

Elizabeth nodded and left the mess hall quietly. When she was almost out of the room, she could hear the woman call after her: "Post hoc ergo propter hoc is a lie, Doctor Weir. Dr. Beckett told me so once and I do believe him. Don't let your mind get clouded because of what has happened."

Elizabeth stopped in shock. She knew this Latin sentence – it meant simply 'after, therefore because of'. But she was perturbed as to how Carson had got to know it. She turned her head slowly and continued out of the room. The woman exhaled slowly and cleaned what was needed. Then she resumed her position in the back of the kitchens, where she had been dozing.

Elizabeth walked away from the mess hall shaking her head. The sentence kept her mind occupied because she tried to think about why the woman had said it and what it meant in her case with lost Rodney. She sipped a bit of the sweet water and headed toward her personal balcony below the control room as she didn't want anybody to see her awake and, furthermore, it was shielded so even if it rained, she would remain dry.


	31. I Am Feeling Guilty

John, on the other hand, would give anything to be with someone. His dark thoughts were killing him, he was reliving deaths of all people he had lost in his life, beginning with his adoptive parents. Getting to know his biological family was a shock then. His brother hated him for being who he had been and still was. Rodney had so far been the last one on his list.

John stood up, his bottom chilled from the floor. He was immediately assaulted by a surge of wet salty wind, a sure preparation for the coming storm. And for the last time this night he imagined Rodney showing up in a minute and daring him to activate an Ancient device he had found in one of the newly-found labs.

John's eyes were clear, he didn't cry, although he thought it would help him if he did as he was alone now. He knew it would take him a while to admit the defeat of losing someone so close so soon. He couldn't mourn, he couldn't grieve. Not yet because he had been thinking deeply and was beginning to believe that there was a chance.

Suddenly, the door behind him opened and a gracious female figure joined him in his loneliness. John stiffened at the sound, subconsciously wishing it to be Rodney, but knew better and stopped his imagination right away because he had had such a feeling once already. He looked sideways and spotted Teyla approaching him.

She leaned over the railing and John vaguely remembered that Rodney had been standing like that before he had told him about his mission with Capt. Jorgenson. He saddened even more and she looked up shaking in cold. She eyed him sceptically because they had talked a lot so far, but then she said what she had to: "We all don't know how to react appropriately in this situation. It's hard to imagine what has happened but our team does not need as much help as somebody else does."

That certainly surprised John. She came to tell him that someone needed help? And she said it without the small talk first? That was unusual. But truth to be told, he would hate it if she hadn't been direct with him.

Teyla touched his right shoulder and he looked up at her. "John, I didn't know Rodney as well as you all did but I think one woman needs our aid for she had spent the most time with him."

John blinked a few times, perplexed. His head didn't cooperate at all, he was too numb, shattered. He couldn't tell what and who she meant. That was bizarre, he thought to himself, or it may have been just the coldness of this place.

"I mean Elizabeth," Teyla explained to him when she noticed his frown. "I saw her a while ago on the balcony under the control room. She was trembling, I can easily guess it was due to grief, but she didn't let her emotions out. However, I am not the right person to help her. She doesn't open up for me."

John looked into her eyes. They were red, sad, just like his own. But they showed real concern for Elizabeth and he didn't feel well enough to fulfil their great expectations. "Teyla…" he whispered.

Teyla breathed out resolutely, looking and mainly feeling grim. Elizabeth was their dear friend and she desperately needed their help. "John, Rodney was the world to her and she lost him without a chance to say goodbye. Tell me honestly, if Elizabeth ended up in a river, would you reach in and pull her out before she could drown?"

John didn't answer. He didn't have to because they both knew he would do it without the smallest hesitation.

Teyla went on persuasively: "Right now she is drowning. With Rodney gone, she doesn't have the rope to hold on. Her reality is shattered into pieces. Right now she needs every help she can get."

John sighed silently. "Do you think…?"

Teyla nodded and inclined her head in the direction of the door. "Go save her for people living here at Atlantis. For Rodney's soul."

John bit his lower lip because he could hardly believe what was going on. He hoped Elizabeth had gone to bed when Peter told him that she had left her office. Apparently, she had had another plan.

John took a deep breath to brace himself and bowed his forehead to Teyla's. Still touching, he whispered: "Thank you for giving me time to sort out my mind." And then he left as quickly as he could to find Elizabeth soon.

She followed him with her sight wishing him good luck with Elizabeth. "Ancients know she needs his help. And I thought she was coping fine. It must have been her stony walls I saw."

Suddenly the door opened again and Aiden gingerly walked out to her. "How did he take it?"

She shrugged and shivered. It was getting really cold. "He took it as a man," she told him. "We've seen her, Aiden. She shouldn't be alone in her grief. Not tonight."

Aiden embraced her from behind and planted a kiss on her soft hair above her left ear. "If somebody can help her, it's John. I'm sure about it."

She smiled and joined her hands behind his head, stroking him. "I hope so, Aiden, I hope so."

Then she noticed he didn't have his crutches and turned to face him with the question clear in her eyes. Aiden gave her a cheeky smile and indicated the wall next to the door. There they were, neatly placed one next to another.

He put his index finger on her lips and whispered: "Don't tell Beckett but I hate those."

Her face broke into a small smile but a laugh was still too much to elicit with all the circumstances. She untangled herself from his hug and stared at the horizon until a drop hit her face, which didn't take long. Aiden tapped her shoulder and they quickly moved inside not to get caught in the rain.

– – – – – – – – – –

Rodney's lab. Radek, Sarah and Isabella were still working on the Ancient text which they had divided into three parts. It was going terribly slowly as none of them spoke Ancient and, for them, it was like translating Russian to English because they didn't know the Russian alphabet, either, although Radek spoke the language a little.

Sarah rubbed her forehead and felt for her cup of coffee. Radek had made them a full pot about three hours ago but it was completely drained now. She still looked at the screen not to lose the sentence she was translating and tried to finger the cup with her remaining brown liquid. However, it was out of her reach so she had to break the fixed stare to find it. When she looked around, she found out that the cup had been moved to the pot along with the other two. She frowned, looked around and gave Radek a surprised look. He shrugged and said: "We've been working on this for hours. We deserve a break."

"Not now," she complained defensively but sounding rightly exhausted, "I've just found the right way how to translate this paragraph."

Dr. Simpson yawned. "Sarah, you won't make it any faster when you're tired," she told her calmly. "We should catch a few hours of sleep and continue in the morning. Five or six hours won't make any difference now."

Radek nodded in agreement, took off his glasses and massaged the base of his nose and corners of his eyes. "It's been seven hours since you returned from the planet. Don't you want to lie down and rest?" When Sarah turned her head, he added: "But I do. None of us is Rodney, we can't…eh, vejrat, jak to sakra…watch the computer monitor unaffected for almost the whole shift."

Both women looked at him in surprise because they didn't catch the muttered bit of his speech and were sure it hadn't been in English. Nevertheless, Radek put his glasses back on and blinked at them.

"But we owe it to Rodney," Sarah tried to argue her point. "Look here," she said pointing to the left side of the screen. "It mentions a culling and that the 'Ancient Miracle' had to be hidden according to a plan. The miracle had to be their ZPM!"

"Very likely," Radek agreed politely while Dr. Simpson nodded, "but, no offence, we need the context and my eyes hurt too much to be able to finish the first part. And I'm sure Dr. Simpson has enough, too."

He looked towards her and she yawned again. It was making Sarah unbelievably sleepy and she involuntary produced a yawn of her own. Despite this, she didn't want to give in. All she wanted was to prove that Rodney hadn't been lost for anything useless. She sighed sorrowfully for she didn't want to voice it.

Dr. Simpson watched her, shook her head at her senseless defiance and said a silent: "Good night, you two. See you at eight in the morning." Then she left the room and made her way to her small quarters, almost colliding with another woman walking around the residential section. As soon as she realised it was Kate, she excused herself as fast as she could and disappeared into her room in an instant. Kate smiled sadly at that and entered her own quarters because she had been unable to find either John or Elizabeth.

Meanwhile, Radek moved his stool closer to Sarah. "Hey, what's the matter?" he demanded while sitting down.

"We should have finished it already, Dr. Zelenka. So I have to stay and do it," she repeated stubbornly.

"Why?" Radek asked patiently. He was afraid it was somehow connected to Rodney and it wasn't a pleasant thought at all.

"Because…because we didn't listen to the warning we had argued about so much. We couldn't translate it right so…" a soft sigh escaped her, "…so I want to do this right this time and right now when I can still make some sense from it. Do you get what I mean, Dr. Zelenka?"

"I think I do," Radek admitted hesitantly. He understood that the 'we' meant her and Rodney but he didn't know about any warning. And he wondered about the guilt he could hear in her voice. He smiled at her reassuringly. That was the only thing he could do because he didn't know her very much – they belonged to different sections of the science department.

"You're doing great," he tried to lift her self-esteem. "However, you aren't some computer without basic needs. You can't disagree with that, right?"

Sarah nodded although she didn't know what he was hinting at. Radek took her left hand in his own and calmed her: "Dr. Ginger, it's normal that you find it hard to fall asleep after these two or three mission off-world. I'm sorry I can't tell you that I know how you feel because I've never set a foot out of Atlantis. And in fact, I don't even want to because I can see how it has changed Rodney. In many more ways than I have expected."

Sarah blinked slowly, processing how kind Radek was to her. If only he knew that it was her fault…! "But we shouldn't have left him in the complex," she complained silently. "I should have made him go to the Stargate."

Radek sighed and looked at his hands holding her left. "You can't change the past," he told her sincerely. "You can only learn from your mistakes. I've seen how the Major and Rodney were always concerned for one another, neglecting themselves for that matter. I realise, face all the bits and pieces we have gathered, that you're worried, maybe you're telling yourself that it could have well been you, but we have to perform our best for us and for others. I'm sure your team would be willing to help you straight away if you told them. That's what your team and friends are for."

Radek took a deep breath and squeezed her hand. Sarah was astonished, even partly shocked how open he was to her. She remembered the shooting session with her team when they wanted to help put her mind at ease. It did help for a while until another wave of guilt washed over her on today's mission. Radek watched her patiently, trying to see what was going through her head, but her body language revealed nothing.

When Sarah didn't speak for quite a while, she was lost in her own thoughts, Radek patted her left hand gently and stood up. He placed the stool back, still watching Sarah in concern, and said: "Don't stay awake for long. I'll see you in the morning."

Sarah nodded absent-mindedly and told him silently: "Good night, Dr. Zelenka."

"Night," he replied and left the lab. He rubbed his tired eyes and decided not to pop in the control room if everything was alright.

"Nothing will happen for once," he mused silently. Peter was there so he would contact him if anything went wrong. Therefore he walked to his room, changed into his pyjamas and crawled under his sheet, falling asleep the moment his head hit the pillow.

Sarah, however, made up her mind and listened to his indirect advice. She got up resolutely and set off to a room where she hoped she wouldn't be refused. As soon as she reached the right door, she hesitated. Then she knocked on the door diffidently and waited. The door opened almost immediately and Maria's head looked out. When she spotted Sarah, she smiled knowingly and motioned for her to come in. Then she closed the door and the women spent a few hours chatting about everything and anything, to help Sarah make it through the night.


	32. Fulfilled Promises

AN: Here it goes. This is the chapter where you can finally see the progress of Rodney getting to the Stargate and maybe even to Atlantis. The real action is happening in the following chapter, though, because it felt too emotional after Elizabeth revealing her dream and her feelings and emotions to John...

* * *

 **Fulfilled Promises**

The balcony under the control room. Elizabeth was leaning on the metal pillar holding the structure together and she was trembling due to the coldness of the place and the dream. She couldn't believe Rodney was fed upon because she didn't feel his death in her heart. Her mother had described to her what it felt like – the feeling of loss and getting lost after a person close to her had died.

"But it was her own father. This time it's different and maybe I don't even have that gift," Elizabeth whispered softly.

She regretted not going to the balcony adjacent to the control room because there she had her personal spot where she could sit down and stay unnoticed for all the unwanted eyes. She didn't have anywhere to sit here but the floor and she didn't long for a chilly marble seat.

Just when she thought she would leave for her quarters and snuggle to her soft teddy bear she had brought as her one personal item for it had travelled with her everywhere, the door to the balcony opened and John Sheppard stepped out of the corridor.

He looked awfully exhausted to her even though she could smell the soap and shampoo he had to use not so long ago. She couldn't ignore his shadowed eyes and just asked herself if she looked any similar or worse.

John didn't say anything, he only walked to the railing and leaned his elbows on it right next to her. He watched as small drops assaulted the air and Atlantis in a promise of another storm, not looking in her direction at all.

Elizabeth waited for him to speak up. She didn't know how he had managed to find her here or why he had come for that matter. She stirred to adjust her position, which made him look up at her immediately.

"John…" she started.

"There is something we should talk about," he interrupted her gravely.

She blinked in surprise. He turned to face her, beginning with a small talk. "It's going to be a weepy night," he stated.

Elizabeth frowned and gave him a pointed look. "Major," she said in a warning tone.

John didn't find her reaction shocking at all. "Yes, right, straight to the topic then." He coughed, not really sure how to talk to her because, admit it or not, he had feelings for her. However, playing with her feelings was inconceivable for him.

He blew the air from his lungs out softly, caught her hand and told her: "Elizabeth, I thought you would manage until the morning, that you wouldn't think too much about it until the briefing we had agreed on. I so deeply apologise for not noticing sooner that you were in need of a helping hand."

Elizabeth blinked slowly, her tired eyes beginning to well up. "I don't need any help," she answered softly, pulled her hand away and turned her head to the pillar so that he couldn't see her face. She was fighting with her nature so that he didn't get to see her get emotional over this.

John touched her cheek gently with his right hand and turned her face back at him. "Everybody needs help from time to time, even our best and brightest heroes," he said convincingly.

Elizabeth fought back tears. John's eyes were so full of raw emotions and clear concern, thanks to his curtain being up this time, that she could see the small boy shaking within him due to the past events. He was serving her his heart on his palm, just to help her overcome her bad feelings.

She didn't notice that a small tear had decided to go sightseeing down her face until John gently wiped it away with his thumb. She took a ragged breath and silently complained: "It feels like a bad dream to me. It's all so very wrong. It's wrong that Atlantis is so quiet without him although everything is functioning okay."

John sighed and decided to embrace her trembling form from behind. She fought him weakly but then his presence began to warm her body and she stopped. He rubbed her upper arms and pulled her closer to his chest.

"We still don't know anything. Rodney has only been swept up," he whispered silently next to her ear. "We don't have any proofs. It's not fair towards anyone that those beakers are jumping to their conclusions with bare speculations, without real proofs." He turned her round to face her. "We both know what Rodney is capable of when push comes to shove. He'll show the Wraith how he can escape and fly a Dart."

Elizabeth chuckled ruefully. She knew John was trying to lighten her mood but his attempt only served to sadden her much more. "But we've searched all over the planet in vain," she stated sadly, remembering how Rodney had accused her in the dream. "Rodney hasn't escaped soon enough. And even Sora's father couldn't escape after being hit with a stunner."

John stiffened. As soon as he realised his mistake, he would rather kick himself for saying what he had. He didn't mean to upset her this much. He didn't know why she was recalling this. He pulled her closer so that she could bury her face into the crook of his neck. Soothing her, as she was in vain trying to hide her quiet sobs, he made a solemn promise: "Elizabeth, whatever happens from now on, I'll never stop looking for Rodney until I find him and bring him back here. Even if it should last months."

He found out it didn't help much when her shaking became more pronounced. He had never seen her this shattered. Truth to be told, she had never shown her feelings to anybody, or had she? Had it been Rodney? When he held her trembling form, he realised that he, they all, had been and were neglecting her as a human being because she could also get hurt easily.

"Oh god, Elizabeth, forgive me. I didn't mean to make you feel worse," John apologised.

"Ah hah ahay," she mumbled into his T-shirt which muffled most of her voice.

John frowned. "What was it?" he gently demanded in concern.

Elizabeth pried her head off his shoulder and repeated: "It's okay. It's just me and…" She stopped herself too late and quickly lowered her gaze.

"And?" John prompted.

She sighed. She contemplated telling him about the nightmare, confiding to him with her deepest fears. But John's genuine concern decided for her and she whispered softly, her eyes never leaving his chest. "I've had a dream about Rodney being drained."

John strained his ears to hear her well and his face saddened in realisation. He breathed in to comment on it but didn't get his chance.

Elizabeth went on: "It happened right in front of me. I-I couldn't save him and…" she sobbed once, angry with herself for being so weak "…and he was blaming me for what had happened. For being taken."

John bit his bottom lip and hugged her close once again. "Sssh, Elizabeth, it was just a dream. Rodney would never blame you for anything." He caressed her hair affectionately. "He would blame me or Ford, that Czech he's working with, Dr. Zel-Zel-something, or Dr. Kavanagh. But it would never be you. You were too valuable to him."

Elizabeth's eyes lit up faintly and she graced him with the tiniest of her smiles. It meant a lot to her that even John thought they were so close.

"You sure?" she wondered uncertainly.

He nodded firmly and hugged her again. "You two have been through hell together and that has made you so very close that none of you would blame the other for anything."

Elizabeth's lids fluttered as her body was slowly relaxing thanks to John's touch and calming words. John felt the tension in her body be released and smiled to himself. This was the best support he could offer to her right there and then.

As soon as John felt Elizabeth's knees go weak as well, he began holding her up and lifted her gently into his arms. She let out a content sigh and closed her eyes in total trust in him. She held onto his neck while her breathing was evening out.

John realised she had drifted off when her arms fell to her lap and she went completely limp in spite of the strong heartbeat he could feel in her chest. He gave her a small smile, glad that she was finally resting after the fruitless rescue attempts and the nightmare. He could only imagine what the dream had had to be like to have such a negative impact on her.

He knew she needed to sleep in her own bed, so he carefully pulled her closer to his chest and began walking to her room. It was quite far from here and he worried he wouldn't be able to finish his goal because his strained muscles began protesting at the weight they were holding. Nevertheless, his will was stronger so even when his arm muscles were twitching in short intervals, he held Elizabeth close not to hurt her and fulfil his promise to take care of her any time.

– – – – – – – – – –

M1X-808. Rodney had reached the Gate rather short of breath. All his suppressed aches and strains were finally catching up with him full force but he knew he had one more thing to do. During his brisk walk down the slope, he had been preparing what to send through the wormhole because his possibilities were quite limited. The rain from earlier had miraculously stopped but it really was darker than before so he was glad he had saved the battery in his torch.

Rodney collapsed right in front of the DHD and sighed. He was getting more and more sluggish in both thinking and acting. He rubbed his eyes and swayed badly before propping his hands on the ground to regain his stability.

Then he opened his eyes and lay on his stomach to be able to reach the bottom of the DHD. He pried off the cover and blinked a few times due to the light emanating from crystals inside. Once his sight adjusted, he opened his jacket pocket and fished the broken projector.

His breathing hitched because of the bruised ribs so he turned on his side with a short low groan so that the painful pressure decreased. With yet another quiet sigh he reached into his pocket again and took out his knife to change the broken alien device into something functional which he could connect to the DHD he was familiar with.

He held the casing in his eye level, staring at it, thinking, devising. Then he opened the knife and denuded ends of all the dangling wires so that he had bare metal to connect to the crystals. He managed to cut the tip of his right thumb in the process but it didn't bleed much at first. Therefore, he noticed it only after he had left a red fingerprint on one of the crystals.

"Damn," he cursed silently and sucked at the cut. It was deep and long, and the blood kept flowing out because of its freshness. Rodney sighed. He didn't have anything to treat the cut with, so he left it alone for the time being.

He reached out to the crystals again, trying to remember which one was responsible for what. He didn't have his pad on him so he had to depend only on his memory, which was easier said than done. He kept touching crystals, trying to remember what he had seen on the screen of his pad when he had the DHD open like that last time. 'It had been on that misty planet,' he mused in his head, 'where those bastards let us believe we had really returned home. Not home, back to Earth. This is home.'

Rodney wiped his forehead with his left hand because he could feel cold sweat beginning to trickle down. He held the hand in front of his eyes then, noting the strong waves of tremor cascading down his frame.

He took a resolute breath and closed his hand in a fist. Then he focused back on choosing the crystals which he hoped would be the right ones. Luckily for him, every wire of the device had two metal cords inside of it so he could hold the selected crystals in their forks. Rodney worked wordlessly, from time to time sucking the blood from his cut. It was exhausting because he had no help of a computer to make sure he did it right.

When he thought he had established all needed connections, leaving one wire loose, he decided he could get up. Using the DHD for support, he hefted himself up to a standing position and braced himself on it.

His sight had become blurry due to the movement so he blinked a few times to distinguish symbols on the top panel although he had already learnt how to recognise the most necessary ones by touch. He heaved an apprehensive sigh and desperately hoped his plan would work on the very first try.

He started punching in the symbols he had memorised so long ago, the symbols making up the Stargate address of his home. He hesitated a little bit over the last one, the point of origin, but then he pushed a glyph and the Stargate opened in its blue whirlpool. Rodney whooped loudly before a nasty cough seized him and he doubled over.

When his cough subsided, he sat down in front of the open panel and fingered the last wire. Then he sent a silent prayer up to the sky and touched one of the crystals with it. The event horizon was disrupted; it looked as if something had hit an invisible shield.

Rodney hoped the connection was affected like this on both sides of the wormhole but knew his message would have to be as short as possible because the metal connection sent an electrical shock through his body. Unfortunately, he didn't realise he could use the rubber part of his pen to isolate the energy flow. That's what happens when you're desperately focused on your goal.

Rodney breathed in deeply, mentally prepared himself for the jolts and began pressing the wire to the crystal in shorter and longer periods of time.


	33. Returned Thanks To The Morse Code

AN: Okay, so here it is. For those of you who have been begging to bring Rodney back in reviews and those who wondered what else could happen to the man, here you have the right chapter. Rodney finally returns home but he still has to face the consequences of being stranded for so long. Medical details are to follow in the next chapter because there is some more I would like to dig on the Internet about. Btw, does anybody know what blood type Rodney might be? Would be really, really useful.

* * *

 **Returned Thanks To The Morse Code**

Atlantis, halls around the control room. John was slowly strolling around the silent and mellowly-lit corridors to the control room. He hated leaving Elizabeth alone but, for him, it felt inappropriate to stay in her quarters while she was sleeping. He only hoped she wouldn't wake up due to another nightmare and get scared of her surroundings.

His arms felt better now that they didn't have to hold her weight, but he was still restless. He had never imagined anyone could get this upset due to a lost friend, who was nothing more than a friend. The way Elizabeth had clung to his T-shirt when he had been carrying her to her quarters… As if she really needed a rope to be pulled out of dangerous waters of her disturbed reality. It tore his heart when he had to gently pry her off of himself and lay her down on her bed. He felt the worst when she curled into a fetal position and a tear shone in the corner of her right eye.

John then covered her with a blanket and left. His first destination was the scientific section although he couldn't really conceive why he wanted to check one specific lab.

He entered it cautiously, half-expecting a snarky comment about being up too late, but nothing like that happened. The lab was empty apart from three computers in the back that looked as though they had been used just moments before he arrived. The room felt strangely cold and vacant, not at all the beehive of activity he was used to. This one and only lab was the heart of Atlantis' research and it felt so wrong to see it still. He hoped it didn't mean that Atlantis would die, too. Figuratively, of course.

John shook his head ruefully; he should have expected this emptiness reflecting his own mind and feelings. He sighed, closed the door again and headed to the control room, just to go somewhere on a definite purpose. Not that he had one, but it was easier to invent something in the control room than in the labs.

So now he had just arrived in the control room and walked over to the consoles. "Peter?" he asked in surprise. He couldn't believe Grodin was still there. 'Is the man sleeping here?' John asked himself in his head.

Peter looked up from his laptop and gave John a tight smile. "Major," he greeted, "you're up early."

"Am I?" John wondered aloud, checking his wrist for his watch. When he didn't find it, he remembered he had left it in his room and focused back on Peter. "I can say the same about you," he pointed out while looking around to find out who was on duty that night.

"Well," Peter sighed, "I couldn't sleep. So I came here to try to do some work. And Dr. Chumbell was willing to exchange shifts." He shrugged and shook his head. "But I can't concentrate much due to him."

John nodded because he knew who he had meant despite not hearing his first name. "I know how you feel."

Peter looked up at him startled like a deer caught in the headlights. "I said the last bit aloud, didn't I?" he asked.

At John's nod, he placed his head in his palms. "He's an arrogant bastard. He just needs to have everybody's complete attention all the time. Such a pain in the arse! But I miss him."

Corners of John's mouth twitched faintly in a sad grimace. There was nothing more to say, not on this matter anyway. He spoke up silently: "I'm going to get my team together and take a scientist out to the planet in the morning. We have to make sure that the Dart didn't use the DHD. We should have done it already."

Peter blinked and more of stated in surprise than asked: "You're still looking."

"I'm not ready to…" John started but was interrupted by chimes announcing the beginning of a dialling-in sequence. The ring of the Stargate began turning and symbols were gradually lighting up. A technician immediately raised the shield.

"Is anyone outside?" John queried worriedly because he had an idea how late, or rather early, it was.

Peter thought about it for a moment and shook his head. "No, I don't think so." Then he moved over to the DHD and the laptop attached to it to see if there was an ID code or not.

The wormhole established and they waited. "Shouldn't we contact Dr. Weir?" Peter asked John.

"Nah, she needs the rest and between the two of us we can handle it," John replied confidently.

After a few moments, it looked as if something had hit the shield and everybody jumped up.

"Still no code," Peter informed everyone in shock. People could hear very well how upset he was.

John frowned. He hoped it wasn't one of their few allies. That would be highly unpleasant for both sides. But then it happened again. A short buzz, a longer one, a small pause, a longer one, a pause, a shorter one, and so on.

John looked at Peter who had shoved the technician aside and was frantically typing on the computer to find out what was hitting the shield. To him the sound alone was unnerving, but Peter's helplessness was worse. He was checking everything he thought would be useful, but the sensors didn't read anyone or anything hitting the shield although they could clearly see it. Not even an energy flow that would be damaging it. Peter hit the console angrily.

"Hey!" John exclaimed. "What's wrong?"

"Nothing, that's it," Peter responded. "There is nothing wrong with the shield and nothing is coming through."

John motioned to the Gate below them and snapped. "But this sure looks like something is coming."

"Don't look at me," Peter turned the screen at him and raised his voice, "I _cannot_ see anything."

That was when a military officer on duty came to them and said, "Sir, I think I've found a pattern in it."

John blinked and turned to him to send him where he belonged, but the man continued, "Have you noticed that there are shorter and longer disruptions of the wormhole? And those pauses? And that there is always a specific number of them before every pause? It really looks like…"

John's eyes widened in realisation. "Morse code." He looked at the Stargate again. It did seem likely but who on Earth would try to communicate with them via the Morse code? "Peter, can you count the disruptions?" he demanded.

"And ho–," Peter stopped when an idea hit him. He quickly ran a diagnostics on the wormhole itself and found energy peaks appearing at the same time as the disruptions. "That's it."

John stepped behind him and asked: "Can I see the beginning?"

Peter scrolled as fast as he could to the very start of the dialling. Meanwhile, John gave the officer a smile and said: "You did well."

Peter interrupted him as soon as he reached the needed sequence: "I'm sorry but I can't read it. Can you? We can write the letters below."

John nodded and pulled a chair, quickly vacated by a technician, next to Peter. "Right, where does it start?"

Peter pointed to the left next to a huge burst, which must have been the Gate opening. Then he prepared his hands on the keyboard and waited.

John started reading. "Dot and dash, that's A. Dash, T. Dot, dash, dot, dot. That's L. Dot, dash, A. Dash, dot, N," he began but once his eyes adjusted to how the short and long parts looked like, he could say the letters themselves.

"T, I, S, T, H, I, S, I, S, M, C, K, A, Y." John blinked in shock when saw what Peter had written on the line. McKay. It was a message from Rodney. And it still went on.

John ordered almost immediately: "Lower the shield."

"But, sir," another soldier argued, "how do we know that it really is him? It could be the Wraith…"

"Nobody but people from this small base know what the Morse is so unless," he put lots of stress on the next word, "YOU have taught the Wraith how to use it, I believe the message to truly be from Dr. Rodney McKay." Then he addressed Peter again: "Lower the shield."

The soldier glared at him but didn't go against John's authority. Peter gasped for breath just afterwards. "The ruptures have stopped."

John's eyes widened in fear. "Oh shit," he breathed. "Lower the shield, Peter. Now!"

He ran down to the Stargate hoping Rodney hadn't stepped through, yet. The shield disappeared and two soldiers prepared in the corridors leading to the Gateroom. They all waited and John prayed that they had caught it right. During all this, the first officer sat down next to Peter and worked on the rest of the text. They had got to the beginning of Rodney's ID code before John reached the centre of the room below, verifying that it was really him. The other officer had enough presence of mind to look ashamed.

– – – – – – – – – –

M1X-808. Rodney finished his message and breathed out painfully. The electricity wasn't strong enough to kill him but he believed it could have easily created an arrhythmia. He didn't know if he hadn't affected the wormhole too much so he carefully disconnected the casing, to have a proof of his adventure, and waited for a moment if the wormhole wouldn't disconnect. It didn't. Rodney sighed, got up and hissed in pain when he used his injured hand.

Then he carefully walked, well, limped, past the DHD and to the event horizon, shaking in cold and weariness. He hoped someone had got his message right and the shield would be down when he came to the other side. He hoped he wouldn't become another thud on the shield that was protecting Atlantis from every unwelcome visitor.

Rodney took a deep breath, touched the event horizon and whispered: "So it's now or never."

To put off the inevitable, subconsciously giving the Atlantis team more time to decode his message, he opened his left jacket pocket, tugging at the zip as his hand refused to cooperate, and placed the projector inside. When he closed the pocket and with a short nod, he stepped through.

Mere seconds later he walked into the Gateroom. His eyes watered at the sight and travelled of their own accord, seeing differently than those previous times. 'I'm home!' was everything his mind screamed at him.

When he focused more on details, he noticed three men. But the first person he really saw was his team leader, John Sheppard. He looked tired and overly casual to Rodney but his eyes were lit up with a hint of mischief. Rodney realised it was their standard glint when John was up to something, and he smiled faintly although he felt slightly confused. Then he gingerly slowly limped towards the man who had become one of his few best friends at Atlantis, the one who understood his jokes and put up with his rants.

– – – – – – – – – –

A few moments earlier, John waited in front of the Stargate worriedly. He willed Rodney to step through the Gate, hoped the Wraith hadn't found him and taken him hostage once more. He realised that if anything else came through with Rodney, he would be vulnerable without any weapon to fight but, for once, he did not care.

"Peter?" he called to the control room anxiously. It was taking too long. Why hadn't Rodney stepped through, yet? He should have arrived already! Something must have gone wrong.

"Nothing," was the sad reply to his question.

John sighed and looked at the soldiers on both sides of the room. That was when a hunched figure stepped through. It was a man. He was incredibly muddy. And he shuffled with a hard limp as he made those few steps out of the event horizon. He was totally wrenched and shivering but there was no mistaking the man who had just arrived in here. The two guards lowered their weapons in relief almost immediately.

John watched Rodney stand in the centre of the Gateroom and look around as if he couldn't believe what he was seeing. He even saw his eyes glitter faintly before blinking and focusing on his more imminent surroundings.

John couldn't think about what had happened to Rodney, what caused him to be in such a state. He looked as if he'd been given to mercy of wild nature for a long time, and John wondered how and where he had escaped the Wraith. Meanwhile, the Gate disengaged.

When he noticed Rodney had focused on him and was struggling to walk to him, he smiled kindly and closed the distance between them.

He fought back any emotion that would scare Rodney off. Which, he thought, would be pretty much every emotion he was feeling because he wasn't only happy but elated, wasn't just surprised but absolutely astonished, wasn't worried but downright terrified for his well-being. And, moreover, he had a reputation to keep in front of his men. He couldn't shout cheerfully like a teenage girl at a gig of her favourite singer.

"Hey," he greeted happily, his eyes shining with suppressed tears as much as Rodney's.

"Oh, eh, hi," Rodney stammered in nice surprise. This wasn't even close to what he had expected. Not that he wasn't glad that John was here but still, it seemed rather odd that he didn't say they were worried or something. Like a dream. "A nice dream," he whispered to himself so silently that nobody caught it.

John thought about Rodney's weariness because, say the truth, Rodney looked like hell. 'No,' John corrected himself mentally, 'like a death warmed over. But I don't like the shiver, he must see Carson asap.'

Peter went to the railing and looked down. He could hardly recognise the chief scientist under the layers of dirt and with the tremors. He spotted John turning at him briefly and mouthing words 'doctor Beckett' or something like that. The important part was that a medical doctor was needed. Peter nodded and immediately began raising Carson.

John noticed Rodney wavering on his feet but he steadied himself soon while looking around in contentment. John didn't know how to approach him, didn't know what he'd been through, so he needed to choose a topic that would help them both find a neutral common ground. He looked at Rodney's filthy face, suppressing the urge to hug him fiercely for making it back alive and kissing his forehead for being this well, and realised Rodney may not have eaten much over the past few days. Not that the Wraith knew how to fulfil their different dietary requirements…

Therefore he stated nonchalantly: "I was heading to the mess hall for a quick snack. Wanna join me?" Then he inclined his head in the direction of the mess hall.

Rodney blinked in astonishment, then his face melted into a grin. This wasn't an electricity-induced dream, he knew it now. He was at Atlantis and John was challenging him again. That was a chance he couldn't miss. "Sure," he said, "I could eat something small."

"Cool," John exclaimed silently, cheerfully. But he just pretended it as he heard the tiny, meant-to-be insignificant, stress given to the word 'small'. That stress and Rodney's shiver made him wonder if Rodney had actually eaten anything and whether he was gradually going into a hypoglycaemic shock now.

The word 'cool' showed Peter that the Infirmary was well needed and that the mess hall was only a trick. He admired John for being so flexible in terms of saving one's sanity. And he was happy when a sleepy Carson replied to him so he informed him fast about everything before the pair had a chance to reach the Infirmary.

Rodney eyed John with a small smile while John went over to him and put his right arm around his shoulders. The very moment John tried not to wince due to how wet and chilly Rodney felt. He couldn't help but wonder from where the poor man had just escaped.

"Let's go," he said softly, never taking his arm away. Rodney nodded slowly and they set off at Rodney's speed. John's heart hurt as he watched Rodney take tentative steps and cover pain-filled grimaces with each of them. His stumble was more pronounced than when he had arrived and John had to keep him steady without him actually noticing the help.

When they reached the side corridor, Rodney had already been panting slightly and said: "John, I–I was thinking that maybe…maybe we could stop in the Infirmary on the way to the mess."

John heaved an internal sigh of relief that he didn't have to persuade him on his own but played along. "You think?"

"Yeah. You know, I kinda hurt my foot. Just a little bit, really," Rodney stated silently, feeling rather embarrassed for possibly grounding their team once again.

John closed his eyes. 'Wouldn't have guessed,' he thought to himself before asking: "Really? It doesn't look like."

"Yeah. The Infirmary is on the way so I thought that…that I'd have Carson have a look at it. Won't last long," Rodney promised even though he was sure he wouldn't make it to the mess hall once they reached the Infirmary. But he didn't want John to know in advance so that he didn't look down on him for being weak.

John felt Rodney waver once more and snaked his right hand under Rodney's armpit to support the man, his own scalp forgotten. "No problem. Of course, we can stop there."

John hoped Peter had roused Carson and he was on his way to the Infirmary because he could feel Rodney wouldn't last much longer. John admired Rodney's persistence to keep moving despite his bad foot, although they weren't moving very fast and he seemed to be tripping over his feet.

Rodney looked to his right, not wanting to meet John's eyes so that his pained expression remained hidden. Thanks to this, he noticed the white-and-brown bandage on John's hand and frowned. "What the hell?" he wondered quietly. This deserved the attention of his mind and could help him forget his aches. He cast John a surprised glance. "What did you do to yourself?" he asked, faintly motioning his head to John's hurt hand.

John glanced at the formerly white gauze and sighed. "A booby-trap. The ceiling came down on us. I scraped my knuckles pretty badly."

Rodney gently touched it with his right hand and John warned him: "Ah-ah, it hurts." And to himself, he added that Rodney's fingers felt as cold as cubes of ice.

Rodney withdrew the hand quickly and the move caused him to stumble a bit. John immediately stopped and steadied him but only then he realised Rodney wasn't favouring his right foot as much as he should have which meant that his other leg was somehow injured as well. When they set off again, Rodney's limp had become even more pronounced as though he was going on his depleted reserves.

Rodney had been gathering energy ever since John agreed to stop in Infirmary because it was getting harder and harder to even talk. He couldn't believe how he had managed to stumble around the planet on his own when he wouldn't make a step without John's support now.

"A booby-trap?" he wheezed finally.

John was unhappy about his shallow, slow breathing, but nodded. "Yeah. Ford hit some sort of a trigger in the corridor you've found. The cave-in was bad."

He could feel Rodney stiffen in shock and scolded himself for scaring the poor man this much. The collapse was bad but the outcome was not.

"Anyone hurt?" Rodney breathed out anxiously, breath hitching in his chest. He wished no-one had died due to him again. Too many people had already. Doctor Duboise, those two soldiers staying with them during the Storm… His reverie was stopped when John shook him gently. He blinked and looked at him.

"I was saying," John repeated, trying to hide his worry about Rodney becoming incoherent, "that Ford has sprained his ankle and Teyla's fine. There were only the three of us."

"Oh," Rodney breathed. His inner demons fell asleep again and he could breathe more easily. Only figuratively because his ribs, and breathing itself, hurt like hell.

"Yeah," John agreed. "Looks like our team will be staying at Atlantis for about a week. That gives you enough time to figure out the message."

Rodney blinked. "Message?" he demanded. He didn't have a clue what John was talking about and he found it almost impossible to make sentences longer than a few words.

John sensed that, could hear Rodney's words becoming slurred, felt that they were slowing down even more and he had to keep Rodney up and moving, supporting his every step with both hands.

"Yeah," he replied to Rodney's query as he knew he would have to do most of the talking. "Drs. Ginger and Simpson went with my," he stopped and corrected himself, "with our team last time and found a message in Ancient in a memory crystal of the column. Haven't translated it yet so you can contribute."

He looked at Rodney who chuckled silently. John was elated to provoke any sort of an emotion. He hadn't known if Rodney would make it through with the possibility of Wraith mental torture but hearing him chuckle was a very good sign for the beginning.

However, Rodney didn't react verbally and John didn't know what else to talk about. They still had about two more corridors in front of them which made him worry. Rodney's shiver was more violent than a few moments earlier and he wasn't very talkative which meant his blood sugar must have been low. The wet clothes weren't helping; they had to make him freeze to bones.

John was furious at himself that there was no way he could help him straight away. He could only guess what had happened to him. 'There is a coat of mud covering him completely,' he thought, 'his boots must have a few centimetres of it on, evergreen needles are sticking mainly in his hair due to a glob of yellowish something, but otherwise everywhere, the grime on his hands…'

John decided to ask about his three days to keep Rodney coherent until they reached Carson. "So, what have you been up to while you were out?" he asked.

"Eh?" Rodney stuttered, then chose the first thing which came to his mind, actually the worst part of his journey. "Went swimming."

"Really?" John smiled brightly. "Me, too."

Rodney nodded slowly. "I know. Thought I may giv'it a try. Not a water park. Wild river." There were pauses between every two or so words and sentences when Rodney had to inhale and put the next sentence together. With a wince when John pressed too much on his left calf, he asked: "Teyla… Did she…?"

He didn't have to finish the sentence, John thought he knew what he wanted to ask about. "She borrowed someone's swimsuit."

"Bad for you," Rodney whispered and closed his eyes. But then he snapped them open again with a terrified expression on his face.

John freed his left hand and rubbed Rodney's left arm. "It's okay," he calmed him. "You're safe."

Then Rodney sniffed and sneezed. John immediately opened his pocket and pulled out a handkerchief. He gave it to Rodney, who just held it in front of him like a sacred relict, enthralled by the prospect of finally touching something absolutely dry.

John was soaking damp from holding Rodney and thought of the swimming. 'What have you done there to yourself, Rodney,' he wondered to himself. Then he frowned when he felt something in Rodney's pocket. He was surprised he hadn't felt it sooner but then, he wasn't looking for it.

"What do you have in that pocket?" he asked hinting at Rodney's zipped jacket pocket.

Rodney blinked puzzled before remembering. "A Wraith Dart. Or a Morse transmitter. Had to wire it to the DHD. You received my message?"

"We have. It took us long to figure it out, though. We didn't have anyone like you to read it in a couple of seconds," John said, smiling at him encouragingly as their pace was still slowing down. "I didn't know the Darts were this small," he added, strongly believing that what was inside that pocket was the answer to all his questions about the damned mission.

"Who would've figured," came Rodney's slurred and sleepy reply. "I'll tell you about it."

John was shocked when suddenly a huge amount of Rodney's weight was left for him to hold up. He could feel he was exhausting Rodney with the talk but it was the only possibility how to keep him awake.

"Of course you will. You have to," he told him persuasively. "Hang on. Almost there," he added to encourage Rodney for a few more steps because he could see the Infirmary door not so far from them.

Rodney gave him a weak smile. "Good," he whispered and closed his eyes. A while later he asked: "Not a dream?"

"God, I hope not!" John replied quickly, hoping the world wouldn't play such a heart-breaking prank on him to wake him up and find Rodney still missing. "It can't be because I would have expected more blond girls in such a dream. These empty corridors belong to nightmares about old castles and dungeons."

Rodney laughed shortly. "That…was…good," he panted before a coughing fit seized him.

John felt helpless to see him suffer like this, and the door was still at least five metres away. He wondered why Carson hadn't met them on the way. Hopefully, there was no other emergency tonight. He rubbed Rodney's back gently, trying to help him, sending anxious glances to the door.

When Rodney's cough subsided, John touched his forehead to help him stand upwards. "Wow, you're hot," he stated, unhappy about the situation because Rodney's fingers felt way too cold in the opposite.

Rodney's mouth quirked involuntarily. It was just too easy to use this last opportunity. "Gee, Major, I'm flattered."

"No, I mean it. You're burning. You need to see Carson," John said flatly.

"Fine," was Rodney's response at about the same time the door opened and he gave in to a blackness enveloping him completely. However, it took his body a few moments to respond to the lack of control over it and collapse in a heap.


	34. Out Of A Surgery, Into The ICU

AN: Alright, guys, I've had to improvise somewhat but I hope you will like this chapter. Blame Carson's behaviour on treating his good friend (which would be forbidden on Earth, I suppose) and being tired. The medical stuff should be relatively okay but, unfortunately for me, I don't study medicine so I can't be 100% sure. If anybody feels up to pointing out a mistake and explain to me why, I'm thrilled to listen.

* * *

 **Out Of A Surgery, Into The ICU**

When Carson woke up, he was surprised to hear Peter's frantic calls that he was needed in the Infirmary asap due to an emergency. He wasn't well awake so he suppressed all the details which, this time, were very important for understanding. Carson sighed, got up and checked all the rooms, finding no-one in need of medical assistance. Not even the nurse on duty knew anything.

Carson thought Peter had played a bad prank on him until he heard a nasty and somewhat wet-sounding cough coming from behind the main door. It sounded as if someone was coughing their lungs out of their chest. The nurse heard it as well, and so the two of them rushed outside.

As soon as John saw the door open he said happily: "Here's the help."

But Rodney had already become limp, losing consciousness and ending on the floor in a heap, taking John down with him. John turned him over quickly and felt for his pulse. It was still there, but it was weak and erratic.

Meanwhile, Carson had reached them and knelt in front of John. He didn't know whom John had brought, couldn't recognise him. "What happened?" Carson demanded.

John looked at him, blinked fast and supplied: "According to what he has told me and what I saw, he ended up in a river, not of his own accord, he has hurt his right foot and possibly even his left leg. He's running a fever and I doubt he has eaten much since he was taken on that godforsaken planet."

During John's information, Carson had a better look in the face of the man lying prone on the floor. Then he realised who it was. "Holy crap!" he exclaimed.

"Yeah. I think we should get him under a scanner…?" John asked, trying to push Carson to work.

Carson switched into his professional mode, forgetting that he was about to treat his very good friend whom he had thought lost, and began barking orders. "Jennifer, bring a stretcher. And call Dr. Flanagan and Dr. Biro. And switch on the scanner immediately."

"Yes, Doctor," nurse May answered and rushed back to the Infirmary to fulfil his requests.

In the meantime, Carson began working on Rodney right where they were as he needed to know how bad it was with him. Gradually, he opened both of his eyes and shone his penlight into them. His irises reacted almost as fast as they should have, which was only a tiny consolation because his eyes very bright with fever.

Carson unzipped Rodney's filthy jacket and noticed his torn T-shirt. He needed to get rid of the most of the dirt, so he snapped his fingers in front of John's face to get his cooperation. "Help ma take it ov," he told John who obeyed straight away.

Together they managed to get the wet piece of cloth off Rodney, only to see his T-shirt was sleeveless now. They took it off as well before Carson stated: "Hold him a minute."

He used his stethoscope and listened to Rodney's breathing. He didn't like what he was hearing, Rodney seemed to have some liquid in his lungs, but he schooled his expression not to worry John. He felt around Rodney's chest with hints of forming bruises and found out none of his ribs were broken but a few may have been cracked. He needed a scan to know exactly.

Rodney's back played red-blue-violet on him but that could wait. Rodney's face and chest felt hot while his arms were freezing and pale. His fingers were slightly bluish in colour and Carson was afraid all these were symptoms of a low body temperature.

"Lay him down. Now trousers," he told John more in an order than a statement, trying to control his growing concern for the well-being of the man in front of them.

Jennifer arrived just in time to hear John ask: "What about the boots?"

Carson shook his head and replied: "Aye, right, they should go first."

The men moved to Rodney's feet while Jennifer prepared the stretcher to their left so that Rodney could be moved as soon as they were ready. "Doctors Biro and Flanagan are on their way," she informed Carson.

"Very well," Carson muttered while he struggled to get Rodney's right boot off of his foot.

John wasn't doing any better so, in the end, he decided to cut through the laces. He reached into his pant pocket and pulled out a knife. Carson noticed him when he was done cutting and stretched out his hand to borrow the knife. John handed it over, pulled the boot off and unbuttoned and unzipped Rodney's trousers. It reminded him of a dream he had not long after Carson had taught him how to cure anaphylaxis because it was required from everybody on their team. The dream concerned a certain scientist getting a fit and him injecting the man with adrenaline. Not a nice dream, though.

John returned back to the present when he heard a gasp for breath. He looked back at Rodney quickly and his shocked face mirrored that of Jennifer. Then even Carson spotted the makeshift bandage around Rodney's left calf which was soaked red with blood.

"Bloody hell," Carson breathed out. John and Jennifer looked at him and noticed Rodney's lightly bluish toes and swollen ankle. At this very moment, two doctors in their standard clothes came running to them.

"What's going on?" Dr. Biro asked as soon as she spotted the trio.

However, Carson didn't pay attention to her and pulled Rodney's trousers down the rest of the way. Then he told John: "Hold his legs, we'll move him on three."

John nodded mutely and prepared for the grip because now Rodney's body was shivering even more without his clothes. Jennifer steadied the stretcher and Carson started counting: "One, two, three!"

The men lifted Rodney up and placed him on the stretcher which then Carson pulled up and wheeled to the Infirmary closely followed by others.

He placed the stretcher under the frame of the prepared scanner and let it do its job while he jogged for a thermometer and a blood sugar tester. During this Dr. Biro touched John's shoulder and he jerked away slightly until he realised who she was. "He's just returned from off-world. He's been through hell," he sighed.

Dr. Biro nodded with a tight smile and tapped Flanagan's shoulder. They moved over to the screen to find out what was wrong with Rodney. Meanwhile, Jennifer gently steered John in the direction of the waiting room, saying: "There isn't anything more you can do. Leave it to us now. You did well."

John sat down blankly and nodded. He hoped they wouldn't lose Rodney now that he had brought him down here for help. But those three doctors were the best they had so it should work out well in the end.

As soon as the scan was ready, Carson stuck the thermometer in Rodney's ear and prepared a small needle to prick his index finger. He took a bit of his blood and waited for the small device to count the number. He tsked when he saw the results and showed them to the other two doctors. They didn't like them, either, but John couldn't see the number. His guess was that the temperature was high and the blood sugar low. The exact numbers were 39,8 degrees Celsius (103,6 F) and 3,1 mmol of glucose in one litre of his blood. Each one of them worried the doctors on its own. Carson immediately rushed for a special IV and hooked Rodney up so that they didn't lose him due to a hypoglycaemic shock. For now, sugar was more serious than fever. And he also started Rodney on fluids.

John strained his ears to hear something useful, something that would tell him that Rodney would pull through and be fine soon. He still believed it even when Carson started the IV. But when doctors finally began talking, his hopes for an easy treatment diminished significantly. They weren't using Latin terminology but it was still a Spanish village for him because his tired mind tugged at him to give it a vacation because Rodney was in the best hands at Atlantis.

It was Dr. Flanagan who read the scan for others: "There is a minor swelling on his brain, looks like he's been hit hard. Personally, I'm concerned about him haemorrhaging if his temperature stays this high. Three cracked, some bruised ribs. No internal bleeding. Something is underneath the bandage on his calf and the cord is in place for too long. His right ankle is twisted in two places, one partly blocks the blood flow. There is a starting infection from the calf injury…"

Carson pursed his lips unhappily. "Fine, first start him on full-range antibiotics and…"

This was the last thing John heard before he blacked out from exhaustion and fear of the outcome and for his friend. His last conscious thought was that he should contact Elizabeth and his team but he was out cold before he could reach his radio. The doctors didn't notice him drift off and worked to save Rodney.

Between the four of them, it took them good four hours to stabilise Rodney. Carson was right about water in his lungs but there was nothing they could do about it until Rodney was alright again. Furthermore, his blood exam revealed a weak poison in his system, something to induce only nausea to a healthy person but to play havoc with the body of an ill one. It also slowed his breathing and heartbeat and made all three of them concerned. Rodney had numerous contusions from different parts of his unbelievable adventure that were gradually colouring out, and when Dr. Biro proceeded to treat the calf wound, she couldn't stop the bleeding as his blood had problems to clot. They had to operate on him to close the torn artery inside, only to have to restart his heart, which stopped due to the shock caused by the severe blood loss and low body temperature and the poison. A significant part had also been played by the electrical jolts Rodney had received from the DHD, although the doctors didn't know about them.

As soon as they brought Rodney back, Dr. Flanagan asked about Rodney's blood type to give him the right transfusion.

Carson immediately answered: "AB negative."

Dr. Flanagan left quickly, happy that he didn't have to search for a specific type if Rodney's own pack was already used and that he only needed a pack of a negative.

Dr. Biro blinked. "That's a rare type," she said in mild surprise.

"It is the rarest almost everywhere, but the most practical, too. His parents really knew how to make his life easy," Carson said partly sarcastically because he knew about Rodney's 'birth defect', sighed and continued with the surgery.

Dr. Flanagan brought Rodney's own pack of AB negative and another two of B negative because those were the most common among the expedition. He was smiling contently when he commented: "Whoever sorted the packs according to types and names, thank you. Very useful."

Carson rolled his eyes and chided him with apparent concern for his patient: "Do you mind starting the transfusion, or do I have to finish the surgery first to do it maself?"

"Sorry, Doctor Beckett," Dr. Flanagan genuinely apologised and hooked Rodney up. The surgery ended up well, although Rodney's internal organs seemed unsure whether they should keep working or shut down. In the end, almost all of them got back to work. His lungs decided to go on a strike though, so Carson had to intubate him to give his body the much needed oxygen. In fact, the main cause was the poison that wouldn't let him breathe on his own now that his high adrenaline level decreased. Rodney's fever had become another major issue as it was still rising. The glucose IV saved Rodney from a fit, but his body suffering from a long-term hypothermia and now burning with a high fever was likely to cause difficulties.

They couldn't bring his temperature down so they decided for an immediate aggressive cooling of his body to save him from a permanent damage to his brain and other vital organs. His body responded with violent tremors when they held him down on ice packs but it did help and doctors decreased his body temperature to 38,6 degree Celsius (101,5 F). The trio tended to his other injuries afterwards, Carson focusing on his ankle while others took care of his head.

In the end, they did manage to find an adequate portion of every cure and the only thing that remained was to wait. They washed Rodney's face and hands, got the needles from his hair and connected him to monitors reading his vitals.

Carson then had an excellent idea to put the patient behind a curtain in the back of the Infirmary so that he was not so exposed to ordinary people who would come next day as he needed rest and quiet.

Only when Rodney was fine for the time being with his antibiotics, glucose, fluids, blood and all the machines, and the ward was cleaned up after the surgery, Carson allowed himself to relax and let his hands begin shaking. During the entire time, he was steady because it was expected even though he had never operated on anyone until he had become the head medical doctor, and he was painfully aware of that fact even when others were not.

Drs. Biro and Flanagan lingered in the Infirmary for a while but left as soon as Carson had assured them that he would manage fine on his own. And Jennifer returned to her desk to sort out all the documents.

Carson went to his office to overcome the worst of the shock, then walked out and searched for John to find out if he was still with them or not. He found him slumped in a chair in the waiting room and gave the man a small sad smile. He carefully walked to him and nudged him lightly. John stirred but didn't wake up. Carson didn't know when he had fallen asleep but the chair must have been really uncomfortable.

"John," he said gently, "Major, wake up." He shook him very gently not to startle the tired man too much. However, John only produced a discontented sound due to the voice and the shaking of his body. Despite his military training, he had fallen asleep in safe surroundings and with the knowledge that there would be no danger arriving for anyone.

Carson decided to use a different tactic on him, albeit he didn't wish to be hard on him, and announced firmly: "Major Sheppard, ye have to wake up. Dr. Weir needs ye asap." Then he caught his arm firmly and shook him urgently.

John's eyes flew open immediately and he looked around apprehensively. "I'm not sleeping, not sleeping," he stuttered while his sight was adjusting to the sudden disturbance of opening his exhausted eyes. His back hurt like hell but he wouldn't tell aloud.

Carson calmed him straight away: "It's okay, Major, ye're in the Infirmary, remember?"

John blinked in shock. He didn't believe he had put himself in the Infirmary again. But after a while he remembered that it was Rodney who he had brought to the Infirmary, forcing him to move on and…

"Ye fell asleep in a chair," Carson was just saying. "We've got Rodney stabilised but he's not out of the woods yet."

John wasn't fully awake so his worried expression gave away everything he was feeling. The sadness, anguish about Rodney's current condition because he recalled what Dr. Flanagan had read from his scan. Carson patted his shoulder and said: "Ye should go to bed for a few more hours. It's still erly in the mornin'."

"I want to see Rodney," John argued. He needed to make sure that it was real, that Rodney was really sound and safe and warm and dry and…

Carson eyed him sceptically because he had noticed how worn-out John seemed, but nodded his head in the end. "Just a quick visit then. He's been to a surgery."

John's eyes widened as he was getting up stiffly. "A surgery?" he demanded in horror. He hoped Rodney would be okay soon but the surgery may not have helped that to be accomplished as soon as he thought.

"Aye, we had to patch him up a wee bit," Carson answered lightly not to terrify John more than he had already been. It didn't help.

John rubbed his forehead. "You mean the calf injury, right? The one below the cord?" John asked in concern.

Carson sighed slowly and walked John to the curtained area with Rodney's bed. "Aye. Somethin' has torn a piece of flesh from the wound and it was bleeding quite a lot. Not considering the bruises, scratches and a concussion," at that he crossed his fingers so that it was nothing more serious, "he suffers from blood-poisoning, the likely cause of his fever, but also hypothermia. And that foot of his is just sprained. We've put it in a cast."

By this time they had reached Rodney's cubicle and Carson pulled the curtain away so that they could go inside. John entered first and went right to the bed. He couldn't see much though, because Rodney was hooked up to many medical devices reading his vitals, beeping, very likely helping him stay alive. The visible rest of him was black and blue, luckily not from cold, scratched or deathly pale. The worst part of it was that Carson had intubated the poor man to keep him breathing via a machine.

"Oh God," John whispered silently at the paleness of Rodney's still face with the oxygen tube, at his condition in general.

"It's not so bad," Carson reassured him, "but I wouldn't go running around saying that he's back. I'm sure he'll be fine but the total exhaustion his body is showing may prevent him from a quick recovery."

John gave him an anxious look and Carson sighed unhappily. "I will inform Dr. Weir in the morning. Ye could tell yer team and Dr. Zelenka. But nobody else. Not yet."

"Do you worry so much about him not recovering at all? Are his injuries so severe?" John demanded plainly as he didn't miss the uncertainty in Carson's voice.

Carson was angry with himself for having sounded so doubtful about Rodney's recovery but there were serious things about his state of health and the work already performed on him he wasn't telling John and those few things could prevent Rodney from ever waking up. Carson didn't want to play a pessimist, however, the next day would be critical. If Rodney wouldn't fight for himself and start to breathe on his own, he worried there wouldn't be much he would be able to do to save him.

John reached out to Rodney's hand resting on the blanket but pulled back before he could touch him. Carson saw the fight in John and let him battle it on his own for a few moments, hoping he would choose the good ending to his uncertainty and squeeze Rodney's hand.

However, John didn't seem to be ready for the final choice, moving closer to and then further from Rodney. He wanted to support Rodney, to let him know that he was with him, that he was home and not held by the Wraith, but he worried it would be inappropriate for him to show this closeness to him in front of Carson who could take it all wrong, like Dr. Kusanagi. She thought he and Rodney were sleeping together due to a glance Rodney had given to him and the one sentence that he should say nothing to a topic. John didn't want Carson to also assume they were lovers. They were only close friends who had experienced quite a few close calls together.

But he knew Rodney would deserve the touch or at least a word that he wasn't alone, but John's throat went dry at that single thought. What would he tell him? Hey, glad you're back, we missed you? Not likely. And when he thought of their walk down here, he grew even angrier with himself for not showing how close he has grown to their hearts.

When Carson couldn't stand John's jerks and jumbled emotions anymore, he stopped him with: "Time's up. Ye should go, Major. Come back later when I know more."

John nodded stiffly as though he'd only been waiting for an excuse to leave the curtained area, and with the final sigh at the sight in front of him, he quitted with his eyes fixed on the floor.

Carson watched him go and scolded Rodney silently: "Ye see, we all thought yer sorry arse dead. Ye'd better come back to us soon and not stay in coma lon'er than needed. Don't hide like ye like doing it. And don't wish to know what I'll do to ye if ye don't come round tomorrow for at least a brief moment."

Then he gave Rodney a concerned look and left for his office to lie down for a few more hours although he was sure he wouldn't fall asleep. And if he had, he knew Jennifer would rouse him in case of an emergency.

John walked out of the Infirmary just to run into Teyla and Aiden rushing inside. He was still shocked by the way Rodney had looked, his helplessness, motionless, as if it wasn't even him. He'd got used to Rodney being in constant movement, working on something, thinking how to enhance some of their equipment to protect them better… Seeing him so still felt like watching a corpse which was breathing via a tube and kept alive by various devices and monitors. So lost in the heart-wrecking image of his friend, it took him a moment to acknowledge Teyla and Aiden.

The pair feared the worst as Peter had already told them about Rodney. They had gone to the control room because they hadn't been able to find John in his quarters and had wanted to ask for help finding him. Peter's reply had been the most breath-taking one in the last few days as he had said that John had taken Rodney to the Infirmary. And now when John's expression was so awfully pained…

John blinked several times and realised who they were. "Aiden, Teyla, I was just about to…"

"How is Rodney?" Teyla blurted out worriedly. She needed to know, she was so scared for him.

John shut his mouth close quickly and contemplated what he himself actually knew about Rodney's condition. Carson hadn't told him many details and given how he had reacted to the information about the surgery, he wasn't surprised. Then he frowned because Teyla should not have known about Rodney. His brain was getting burnt and fried with the amount of information it had got to process. He didn't realise he was swaying slightly until a strong arm steadied him.

"Major?" Aiden asked in concern.

"I'm fine," John replied too quickly. Then he coughed and shook himself free from the grasp. "Rodney's in the ICU. His status is… Well, AFU. Carson will take care of him and is positive about his recovery, but doesn't allow visitors. Told me to return later."

With that, he left and walked quickly to Elizabeth's quarters. He wanted to tell her sooner than Carson because she needed the hope that Rodney would be alright in no time. She needed him to tell her that he had fulfilled his promise although the main person in it was Rodney himself.

Teyla frowned at Aiden who was tsking unhappily. He understood what John had meant by both abbreviations and he didn't like them either. Teyla touched his shoulder and asked: "What is ICU? And what is an FU?"

Aiden shooed away the horrible images of the last time John had used 'AFU' and responded: "ICU means intensive care unit. Doctors put patients there when they need to observe them closely and keep them stabilised after a trauma or a surgery or something like that."

"So Doctor McKay…?" she began hesitantly.

"He has to be severely wounded and, or, suffering from something else that can't be cured the usual way, to be put there," Aiden replied after he had guessed the oncoming question. "That's what John meant by AFU. He has to be doing really bad. I only hope he'll survive it then."

Teyla thought about it, eyeing the door to the Infirmary. She didn't want Rodney to be alone now, he'd been all alone for three days facing the Wraith on his own, but as Carson had forbidden anyone to see him, she worried he had injuries that could get infected easily. "Shouldn't we follow John and keep him company?" she asked in the end.

Aiden shook his head no. "He had to take McKay here. We don't even know how he had arrived, who brought him back. And not long ago John went to calm Dr. Weir that we would have to somehow manage without him…"

Teyla stopped him. "Okay, I know what you mean, I asked him for it personally, but I still do find it wrong to leave him alone."

Aiden embraced her shoulders. "It's five in the morning. Most of the crew wakes up in three hours. Nothing can happen during this time and then we can pop in here together with John."

She nodded and they walked away to their respective quarters mutely, Aiden scarcely using his crutches. They found it hard to relax because they wanted to see Rodney dearly, wanted to know what had happened to him, and all they could do was to wait until Carson cleared him for visitors. It was endlessly frustrating!


	35. The Beauty And The Stray

When Elizabeth woke up, the sun had already been very high, its rays gently streaking the whole room. She stretched her arms and rubbed her eyes. Then she registered soft snores coming from the floor on her right, and looked for the source. Her face melted into a regretful but grateful expression when she saw John sound asleep sitting on the floor and leaning his back on her bedside table. Elizabeth didn't remember how she had got to her room but guessed that John must have carried her here and then he must have fallen asleep next to her bed, refusing to lie next to her or leave her alone.

She felt rested because no nightmares plagued her sleep this time, but for an uncertain reason, she found it wrong. Could it have been wrong because John's back would hurt unmercifully when he woke up later?

She noticed she still had her uniform on and so she carefully slipped away to the bathroom to quickly change and to prepare for the day. She noticed it was ten in the morning so she had already missed the meeting planned for 9:30. She hoped one of the Gate technicians had camouflaged her sleep and asked Drs. Jordan and Kusanagi to either wait or come later.

Elizabeth had a quick shower, combed her hair, cleaned her teeth and got dressed. Then she returned to her bed only to find John still asleep. She asked herself whether she should wake him up or not, and made up her mind to only cover him with a blanket and let him wake up on his own. She did as she had decided and scribbled a short note for him, saying: Thank you for being there last night. See you later.

She placed it atop the blanket, took her jacket and left the room. None of these activities woke John up as he was oblivious to the world, for the first time in days sleeping like a log.

Elizabeth strode to the control room at a quick pace, mentally preparing herself for the excuse to the pair of scientists. As soon as Peter spotted her, he got up and rushed to meet her.

"Peter, is something wrong?" she asked when she noticed how tired he looked.

"Have you been to the Infirmary? How is he doing?" Peter asked, totally ignoring her question.

"Infirmary? Who's injured?" she asked in shock. She didn't know what was going on, didn't know anything had happened. And she wondered why she should visit the Infirmary on her own.

"Oh," Peter stopped unsure if he was the right one to tell her.

"Peter, tell me," she pleaded, although authoritatively.

"You should see Dr. Beckett. There was an emergency at night, Major Sheppard sorted it out, claiming it was nothing to bother you with," he admitted finally, respectfully.

"Really? What emergency?" Elizabeth hated it when Peter was tiptoeing around the problem.

Peter looked around, of course, everyone was listening, so he took her arm and led her a few steps away from the main area. Then he whispered: "I thought Major Sheppard had told you but anyway, Dr. McKay is back. He's in the Infirmary."

"What?" Elizabeth exclaimed in surprise, shock, fear and many other emotions.

People lifted their eyes to look up at the pair and Peter whispered urgently: "You should better go down there now. I will manage here and Dr. Beckett should be able to inform you about his state before people start milling around."

Elizabeth nodded and dashed to the Infirmary, not even thinking of using her short-cut and almost knocking Kavanagh on the way. He frowned after her and added it to his mental list of things she had ever done wrong.

Elizabeth couldn't believe Rodney was back. She couldn't conceive how he had managed to get back. Surely John hadn't fulfilled his promise so soon, it must have been Rodney himself who returned. But why nobody told HER earlier? She should have been the first one to find out and not only thanks to Peter sitting in the control room. If he hadn't told her, she wouldn't know. And surely John knew about it, and maybe that was why he had come to her room and fell asleep on the floor, because he had thought he wouldn't fall asleep in such a position. God, how Rodney could have been doing? Had he been wounded? Had he been fed upon? Had he…?

Elizabeth stopped herself in front of the Infirmary door and took a deep breath. She tried to appear and to project calm when she entered the room. She spotted a doctor treating a burnt hand, a nurse typing on a computer, heard a low moan of impatience and soft snores of a drugged patient sleeping. She searched the beds for Rodney's face but couldn't find him. When she was about to give up and go find Carson, she noticed a bed in the very back of the Infirmary with a white curtain around it. She frowned a little bit and made her way there. She looked around, checking that nobody was looking right at her, and slipped inside the cubicle.

She placed her right hand over her eyes and, for a while, she just listened to the regular beeping, and compressions of a mechanical pulmonary respiration. Then she realised she may have interrupted the privacy of someone else but Rodney and looked up to the head of the bed.

It was really Rodney lying there, looking barely alive, ready to die without the mechanical support. Her detachment crumbled as soon as he saw him – she gasped for breath, her knees buckled under her and, therefore, she had to catch herself on the bed.

The great shock of the sight in front of her made her want to turn round and run away, however, she somehow forced herself to stay and move forward, closer to him.

He was a mess, she could easily tell. His arms were bruised and almost the same colour as the sheet covering him while his cheeks were flushed and there was sweat on his forehead. She noticed a bowl of water on the bedside table and a piece of cloth, so she instinctively wetted the cloth and patted his face. The water felt cold against his hot features and that was when she noticed that his temperature was well above 38 degrees Celsius (101 F).

"What have they done to you?" she wondered silently. She was so upset he wasn't even breathing on his own! She placed the cloth back on the table and sat down on a chair that had been left in there next to the table. She took his hand in hers and scanned the screens around him. Thanks to both him and John regularly staying in the Infirmary, she had learned to read the provided information but she didn't need them to know he wasn't doing very well.

"You're home," she whispered to him. "I know you're not in the best shape right now but you're still alive and you will heal soon. You have to."

She found it sad that the thought didn't make seeing him like this any easier to bear. She thought it must have been the limpness and lifelessness of his hand she was holding on. Apart from times when he was drugged in the Infirmary, she had never seen him and his hands as motionless as now. His body looked like a wax statue of him, or the body that was revived in 'Frankenstein'. 'But Rodney is much nicer,' she thought and then chided herself for focusing on such an insignificant thing compared to Rodney's life.

The longer she stayed there holding him listening to the respirator, the more tempted she was to grab him and shake him until he would wake up. She was feeling helpless waiting, doing nothing. She wondered if she should try talking to him because it was said that people in the coma could hear everything. "But you aren't in the coma, you're only unconscious," she breathed out.

She was asking herself if there really was any point sitting with him now when she didn't know anything about his condition, and what she was actually proving by it. Being an anxious friend? Or a concerned leader of an expedition? She hated herself for releasing her fear for Rodney so suddenly. She let go of his hand and got up because she needed to know how bad his injuries were from a doctor's point of view.

All of a sudden, she leaned down to his face and planted a soft kiss on his hot forehead. "Get well soon, Rodney," she said quietly. "We need you here. Atlantis needs you."

However, she didn't add that she needed him as well. That although he claimed to have thrived on her qualities, she had always thrived and improved thanks to the challenges he had set up for her in all possible areas.

She wetted his face with the cold water again, patted his shoulder, squeezed his left hand and prepared to get out of the place. She moved the curtain aside and walked away only to collide with a very surprised Carson. "I'm sorry," she started as soon as she felt the impact in the man's chest.

Carson could guess she was upset, and he didn't wonder after seeing Rodney in such a condition, so he skipped all the insignificant questions about what she was doing here, and graced her with a small reassuring smile. "It's okay," he said. "I was just about to come and see how he's doing. How is he?"

Elizabeth blinked as she had expected Carson to be angry with her and so she stuttered at the beginning. "I-I haven't…" she coughed and began again, "I haven't noticed any changes. He's still running a fever and…"

"I expected that, Elizabeth," Carson told her softly. "Would ye come to ma office?"

Elizabeth nodded and he led her there mutely. She was restless, worried, upset. She sat down in the visitors' chair while Carson pulled his own chair to her. She remembered that not so long ago they had met like this, but she wasn't proud of herself then. However, it helped her a lot. "Do you still have that herbal tea you offered to me last time, Carson?" she asked sweetly. "I promise I won't get as distraught as then."

Carson frowned at her for a moment until he recalled what event she must have meant, and turned his head slowly but incredulously. "I'm afraid we finished it last time. Ye have to wait for Teyla to visit mainland again," he stated, trying to avoid commenting on her second sentence.

She nodded, let it slip and asked: "How has Rodney got here? What happened last night? Why did nobody inform me? How is he really doing?"

Carson lifted his hands. "Easy there, lass." He sat down in front of her and placed his hands on his lap. "Major Sheppard knows more than I do. He brought Rodney in the middle of the night but Rodney had collapsed before they even reached the Infirmary. He didn't tell me much, only that Rodney had fallen into a river. I doubt he was coherent enough to actually say more but I was so very surprised that John had been able to walk him here."

Elizabeth's eyes widened in shock. "Good grief! Why didn't you meet them in the Gateroom? How did he return?"

Carson looked embarrassed. "Peter called ma. I thought he was pullin' ma leg because he babbled something about John taking a severely hurt patient to the Infirmary and that he really needed a doctor. I fell asleep here so ov course I searched the Infirmary, finding no-one. Then I heard them and asked nurse May to call other doctors for help."

"May?" Elizabeth queried. "The one that has a crush on you?"

Carson stopped shocked and blinked at her. "Excuse ma? She…?"

Elizabeth bit into her tongue when she realised she had spilt the beans she had learnt from Rodney's message she wasn't even supposed to hear because he was still alive. She waved her hand. "I heard someone say it. So John brought him here. I need to talk to him then. You'd better give me a painkiller for him, though. I'm sure his back will be killing him."

Carson gazed at her, contemplating if she was really feeling like hurting John for not informing her yet, or if she knew something he didn't. "Right," he said lengthily. "Ah, Rodney was operated on due to a torn blood vessel in his calf. We sewed it but he had already lost a lot of blood so he had to get a transfusion."

Elizabeth nodded in acceptance. She could live with that. But she worried about different aspects of what she had seen. "Why isn't he breathing on his own then? And what about the fever?" She tried to keep calm but concern for his health was beginning to seep into her demeanour. She hoped they wouldn't lose him now that he'd got medical help at home.

Carson was unhappy that he had to tell her about his condition but he decided to skip the most serious parts of the treatment. Like his heart issue or brain swelling which had contributed a lot to his current state. "The injury on his calf has been infected and there was, still is, a poison in his system. The toxin isn't strong on its own but Rodney's body is suffering from severe lack of nutrients and substances that would degrade the toxin. When he arrived, he was on the verge of a hypoglycaemic shock. It really astonished ma that he was able to go on for so long as John said he had barely eaten since his capture."

When Elizabeth blinked at him fearfully and uncomprehendingly, he closed his eyes and added: "He doesn't have any feeding marks if this is what bothers ye. I have consulted the anomaly of the blood sugar with some of the books we have brought with us, and I think I know how he could have survived this long with a minimal amount of supplies."

Elizabeth's face grew interested in the topic. She wanted to know what had saved Rodney from the fit. The fever was clearly caused by the infection but Carson surely couldn't claim that it had somehow influenced his other current health problems, could he?

Carson got up and walked behind his desk to find the book in one of the piles on his table. "When John brought him here, his body was showing symptoms of a long-term hypothermia and…" he found the right book and pulled it out, "that's the right one." He began to search the pages for the right article.

"And…?" Elizabeth prompted impatiently.

"Oh, sorry. I meant that his decreased body temperature must have saved him because the lower the temperature is, the less glucose cells take from the system and the more glucose is released from the liver."

He handed the book over to Elizabeth and showed her a certain paragraph. She skimmed through it and knitted her brows. "But it reads that in many cases hypoglycaemia can create hypothermia and therefore is more common in hypothermic patients. I don't want to argue why he's alive, I'm really glad he is, but there may have been another reason."

Carson shook his head. "Aye, I know this and I suppose that it's all connected. His blood sugar level dropped, he was cold, hypothermia started in his body so what little sugar he had remaining was released into his system. Thank God he isn't as skinny as some of the soldiers. His energy reserves were significant for the later synthesis of glucose."

Elizabeth smiled at that despite herself. She had teased Rodney about his figure quite often, claiming his stomach would make up for a nicely stuffed pillow, or that she couldn't see anything in front of him, even though she could, because of him being so broad, and many other harmless things connected to him eating and also drinking so much coffee. At first, he seemed hurt but then he got used to her silly jokes and even added a few of his own because thanks to missions on John's team he was getting fitter and more muscular.

"What about his breathing?" she asked Carson again to get back to the most important part of why they were here.

"The toxin has paralysed his respiratory system so I had to intubate him to give his body enough oxygen. We're trying to flush the toxin out and I do believe he'll start breathing on his own when it's done."

Elizabeth sighed. It was so much more serious than she imagined after having seen Rodney. To all this, she could add the trauma of being held by the Wraith and possibly mental injuries of having to escape on his own, and she obtained a 'ripe' case for Heightmeyer if he woke up. When he woke up, she corrected herself.

"Is there anything I can do to help?" she demanded finally.

Carson shook his head. "I don't think so, lass. We have to wait for now. I'll run some more tests and then let you know about his progress."

Elizabeth sighed and rubbed the back of her neck. She didn't like being unable to help Rodney. She looked up at Carson just when the door burst open and both she and Carson looked to it. John was standing in the door frame, his eyes still full of sleep, with a piece of paper in his hand.

"Carson, I..." he stopped as soon as he noticed Elizabeth. "Oh, hey, here you are!"

Elizabeth blinked in surprise, looked at Carson, then back at John and pointed at her chest. "Me?"

"Yes, you. You couldn't have woken me up when you were leaving, right?" he asked in a disappointed tone.

Elizabeth looked at him embarrassedly. "I'm sorry. You looked so peaceful that I didn't want to bother you. You needed the rest."

"But I needed to tell you something very important!" John argued. He rubbed his eyelids to get the sleep out of them and therefore look more alert.

She got up and took him inside. Then she closed the door and led him to the chair she had been sitting on. John let her push him down and looked at Carson. "What have you told her?" he queried silently.

However, it was Elizabeth herself who answered him. "I know how bad Rodney is doing and I can handle it. You don't have to look after me. But…" she lifted her index finger, "Carson and I would like to know how exactly has Rodney got here."

John eyed Carson sceptically, finding it hard to believe that he wouldn't tell her the entire, however painful, truth. Carson saw it and shrugged. "I told her every detail that is significant. I mentioned the surgery, too."

John nodded in acceptance. "Fine, okay. I thought you would be more worried, Elizabeth, but I had to be wrong."

She rubbed her right shoulder and he crumpled the piece of paper he was holding. "Rodney was unbelievably lucky," he said and threw the paper ball into Carson's bin.

"What do you mean?" Elizabeth asked. She partly sat down on Carson's desk and placed her hands on her lap.

"After our talk on the balcony and me…" he shook his head, "well, afterwards I went for a small walk and ended up in the control room. Peter and I were discussing a mission when the Stargate began dialling in."

"It was Rodney, right?" Carson wondered although he was sure there was no other possibility.

"Yeah, it was. But we didn't know then. The wormhole was showing ruptures in its continuity and Peter was unable to do anything about it. Those ruptures came in specific length and intervals so one of the soldiers on guard realised they could be a version of a Morse code."

"Rodney contacted us thanks to a Morse code?" Elizabeth exclaimed in surprise while leaning closer to John.

"Uh-huh," he agreed. "But it took us too long to decipher it. When Peter lowered the shield, I was afraid he had already stepped through as it took him quite a while to make his way through the event horizon. I don't know what delayed him but it was what saved him."

Elizabeth inhaled sharply. "My god," she breathed out silently just afterwards.

During all this Carson had been fidgeting slightly. Now he got up and walked behind his desk. Both Elizabeth and John were curious as to what he was up to and followed his every move.

"I've searched Rodney's BDUs and, apart from some basic stuff I expected to find in there, I've found a small strange device in his jacket pocket," Carson commented and showed them a circular casing with a lens and several dangling wires.

John scratched his head. "He claimed it to be a Wraith Dart. I didn't know what he meant. But I'm sure it's important."

"A Dart?" Elizabeth asked sceptically.

"He didn't tell me anything more," John defended himself.

"Alright, ye two," Carson stopped them. "Major, will ye be so kind and take this to Dr. Zelenka? I'm sure he'll be grateful to find out that Rodney's back and the message can wait."

John blinked and nodded. He rubbed the bandage on his right hand and Carson immediately stopped him. "What have ye done? That needs redressing."

John sighed and tried to explain the current state of his bandage: "I had to support Rodney almost all the way. He looked ready to keel over but wanted to prove that he could get here without help, mentioning only his injured foot."

Elizabeth covered her eyes. She could clearly imagine Rodney underestimating himself because it had taken him so long to return home, him feeling less worthy living at Atlantis because he had been culled. "There was no need, Rodney," she whispered.

"Let's get going, I need to check on him again," Carson announced suddenly to get them all moving.

The three of them got up and left his office. Elizabeth turned to him briefly and added almost pleadingly: "Keep me informed."

Carson nodded and took John to a bed to redress his scalped hand. Elizabeth followed them with her eyes, then her sight wandered to the curtained bed and she left the Infirmary with a silent prayer to the God to save Rodney from anything bad that could happen. She couldn't dwell on Rodney's current state now because she had the whole city of Atlantis to run, but somehow she felt relaxed and the day didn't look so bad.


	36. Decoding The Message

AN: I'm incredibly sorry about the Morse Code message because this programming won't let me keep the original text. Therefore you can't try decoding it for yourselves because it would be complete gibberish. If anyone knows what to do, I'm all ears. Otherwise, I can only advise you to have a look at the Morse and continue till the men decipher it on their own.

AN2: Morse Code repaired on the 3rd of September! You can now try it for yourself before you get the solution. I have to thank my friend for the idea but she forbade me to mention her name...

* * *

 **Decoding The Message**

Rodney's lab. Radek rubbed his eyes and refocused on the screen in front of him. Dr. Simpson coughed somewhere to his left while Sarah didn't even bother to look up from her computer. They had been working on the text for another two hours plus and it was beginning to get into their heads. So, when John knocked on the door frame, no-one said anything.

"Eh, good morning to you three," John greeted their backs uncertainly. His right hand was freshly bandaged and he kept his left hand with Rodney's device slightly behind his back.

Radek turned and licked his lower lip. "What can we do for you, Major?"

John lifted the broken casing he was holding so that they could see it. Radek sighed and wondered: "From where have you torn it off?"

John walked into the lab that still had that empty sensation, but somehow it wasn't as bad as last time because of the knowledge that its owner, Rodney, would return once Carson cleared him. And that had better be soon.

John shrugged. "I got it to give it to you for a small reparation," he admitted. "But I need to talk to you in private, if you don't mind?"

Radek looked at Dr. Simpson and Sarah, got up and walked over to John. They exited the room and Radek closed the door. "Major…?" he demanded.

John leaned to him confidentially and whispered: "Promise not to get too excited."

Radek frowned. Excited? Why would he get excited? There was nothing to get excited about. Not that he knew of. If John meant he would help them, that would be great, otherwise, he couldn't think of anything else. "Sure," Radek responded warily, uncertain about the outcome.

"Rodney's back," John announced smugly. "He's lying in the Med Bay with Carson doing his best to wake him up after having sedated him to treat his injuries."

Radek blinked, then quickly placed his left palm on his mouth to cover an elated yelp of utter astonishment, cheerfulness and real felicity. John snickered at his reaction unable to hold his face straight. It was amazing to watch Radek's joy mirror his own, although he didn't wear it firmly planted on his face. Now he just waited to hear Radek's questions of how and when but he tried to sum up everything he knew so far.

"He arrived last night," John informed Radek gently, "but isn't doing very well. This device," he dangled it in front of Radek's face, "helped him get home even though he claimed it was a Wraith Dart. I need you to examine it as soon as possible."

Radek opened his mouth and John realised that it didn't sound like he wanted. It was high-handed, as if he was forbidding Radek to see his chief officer and friend. John quickly added a sincere apology: "I'm sorry, Radek, but Beckett has forbidden all visits. Something about possible infection and Rodney being too weak."

Radek hung his head in acceptance. "Fine. Hopefully, McKay will get alright soon." Then he stretched his hand out and added: "Give it to me, I'll work on it right now. But…uh…you don't happen to have the part where these wires held it, do you?"

John shook his head no. Radek gave the device a rather thoughtful look, opened the door to the lab and spoke up: "I'll run a diagnostic and see what I can do. Do you think he was somehow influenced by it?"

His speech caught Isabella's and Sarah's attention and they looked up to the pair intrigued. "What is it?" Sarah asked.

"Just a part of a device one idiot has torn off-world," Radek replied. "Carson's checking him now."

"Really?" Dr. Simpson frowned.

"Yeah," John gave Radek a thoughtful look and covered his slip. "Looks like he's been electrocuted and cut in his leg in the process. It must have had sharp edges."

The information about the electricity was new for John as well, Carson had told him when he disobeyed his order and slipped after him behind Rodney's protective curtain, though, John didn't find out about the problem with his heart. Luckily for him.

Radek tsked as he understood John's message that Rodney had hurt his leg and had electricity run through him. Women, on the other hand, gave John a sympathetic look because they were sure it had happened to a soldier, and returned to their work. That was until Radek's comm crackled to life and he answered: "Yes, Peter?"

There was a pause and, "Why would I want to have a look at a coded message?"

Corners of John's mouths quirked knowingly. He thought he knew what Peter wanted Radek to do – he wanted to go over Rodney's message and hint Radek that the man was back.

Radek sighed. "Important as in it's from the one in the Infirmary who has sent me the device?"

John closed the distance between them to stop him if he were about to say something that the women, straining their ears to hear his every word, weren't supposed to hear.

"Jo, Major Sheppard brought it to me a while ago. Beckett had sent him," Radek continued, paying attention himself. "On my way," he said after a moment and turned to Sarah.

"Grodin needs me so you'll do the basic diagnostic," he informed her.

"But…" she tried to argue.

"No, do it. Dr. Simpson, you'll help her, please?" Radek partly ordered.

Dr. Simpson nodded and got up. She was not very interested in translating the message, either, so it was a nice escape for her. "Come on, Sarah," she said and pulled her with the chair to another table. "Let's get it done for our new boss," she added bitterly.

"New boss?" John asked in surprise.

Radek gave him a sheepish glance. Dr. Simpson didn't notice or rather didn't pay attention to Radek's expression and began explaining: "Last evening Dr. Weir held a short briefing, hinting that she would like Dr. Grodin or Dr. Zelenka to take over Dr. McKay's position, showing her preference towards Dr. Zelenka here."

John lifted an eyebrow at Radek who shook his head unhappily. "There was no need, Dr. Simpson," he complained to her. Then he turned to John: "After you, Major. We'll let them work without us acting like a disturbance."

John could hardly believe the tension between Drs. Simpson and Zelenka but he let Radek lead their way out of the lab. 'Maybe,' he thought, 'Kavanagh isn't the only one who would like to be the head scientist.'

The pair walked to the control room together, John out of sheer curiosity. He wanted to know what Rodney had said in the Morse because he had personally transcribed only the first sentence.

They walked silently until Radek asked suddenly: "Tell me, Major Sheppard, will McKay recover soon?"

John sighed. "If only I knew, Dr. Zelenka. Beckett has him in a curtained area, if you know what it means."

Radek shook his head understandingly. "But he will recover, right?" he asked uncertainly.

John lowered his eyes to the floor and tried to sound optimistic. "He's been poisoned and has lost a lot of blood." Then he looked up and saw Radek's apprehensive face. He quickly calmed him: "He hasn't been fed upon, no, it's from the cut on his thigh."

"Dei gratia," Radek breathed out and John smiled faintly.

Just then they reached stairs leading to the control room and rushed upstairs. The room was as busy as usually with technicians working on consoles and relaying transmissions. Peter had been waiting only for Radek at his console with a laptop so he was surprised to see John as well. "Major," he greeted him.

John smiled and motioned behind him. "Conference room?" he suggested.

None of the scientists argued, Peter got up and the trio made their way there. People sent them curious and partly suspicious glances because they knew about Elizabeth's meeting from the previous day. However, nobody found the courage to stop them or ask about their plans. Elizabeth saw them but stayed in her office because she thought she knew why John took the pair away. It must have been somehow connected to Rodney.

The door closed behind the men and they instinctively sat down on the three neighbouring chairs at the right end of the horseshoe-like table. Peter opened his laptop and they could see a window with the energy ruptures and another with dots and dashes of the Morse code.

Peter coughed and informed them: "I suppose you know what happened last night, Radek, so we can skip to the text itself. Sgt. Rogers helped me with the translation while Major led McKay to the Infirmary."

John nodded thoughtfully and rubbed his bandaged hand. "So, what does it say?" he wondered impatiently.

"I'm not sure," Peter admitted. "That's why I needed Radek because I can't let many people know about this, he's been a Scout and knows the Morse. Rogers is better at rewriting letters into it than the other way round…" He let his statement unfinished because he knew others would know what he meant.

Radek leaned closer to the screen. "So you have the message in dots and…eh…" he searched for the right word. "Hyphens?" he added in the end.

"Dashes. Yes," Peter agreed. "Look," he said and enlarged the window with the Morse.

The message was very long and John could hardly believe that all this had been transmitted and they still hadn't had enough time to lower the shield before it had ended. The message was clear, at least in its style. Peter had already put each sentence on a new line so that it was easier to follow. It read:

. -/-/. - . ./. -/- ./-/. ./. . ./-/. . . . /. ./. . ./. ./. . ./- -/- . - ./- . -/. -/- . - -/. ./- . ./- . - ./- - - - -/. . . - -/. - - - -/- . . . ./- - - . ./. . . - -/. . - - -/- - - - -/. . . . -/- - - - ./. . . . ./. - - - -/- - . . ./. . - - -/ /

\- . . /- - - /- ./- - - /-/- . -/- ./- - - /. - -/. ./. . - ./- . - -/- - - /. . -/. - ././- . - ././. ./. . . -/./-/. . . ./. ./. . ./. - -/./. - . ./. - . ./- . . ./. . -/-/. ./. . . ./. -/. . . -/./- ./- - - /-/. . . ./. ./- ./- - ./-/- - - /. - . ./- - - /. . ././ /

\- - -/- ./- . - ././-/. . . ./. ./. . ././- ./- . ./. . ./. ./. . ./-/./. - - ./-/. . . ./. - ./- - -/. . -/- - ./. . . ./ /

-/- - -/- -/- . - -/-/./. -/- -/- . - -/- - -/. . -/. -/. - ././- - ./. - ././. -/-/. -/- ./- . ./. ./. -/- -/. . ./- - -/. - ./. - ./- . - -/. . - ./- - -/. - ./- ./- - -/-/- . . ././. ./- ./- - ./- . - ./. - . ./- - -/. . ././. - ./ /

-/- - -/. - -/./. ./. - ./. ./. - -/. ./. - . ./. - . ./- -/. ./. . ./. . ./- . - -/- - -/. . -/ /

"Alright, Dr. Zelenka, it's all yours," John said sweetly and Radek frowned.

Peter turned his head and pressed enter. Suddenly some of the Morse code letters changed into Latin ones. The very first sentence was translated completely, others had a missing letter here or there. "I've placed it into a program that can find the same symbols in the whole message and transcribe them. Scientists who don't know Ancient use it for working with Ancient texts," Peter explained. "I had the first sentence to work with so now we only need to add the previously unknown letters."

Both Radek and John eyed the remaining coded letters while Peter waited with his fingers on the keyboard.

"The three hyphens…" Radek started.

"Dashes," John corrected him.

"Right, dashes," he said turning his eyes, and John thought he must have learnt the small gesture from Rodney. "They represent O," Radek added.

Peter rewrote the dashes and the text began to look clearer. Together they worked on, with Radek doing most of the job and John supplying only bits as Peter had asked mainly for Radek. In the end, they got the whole message right and were ready to read it. But nobody wanted to be the one to read it out loud, even put the words together.

"Major," Radek began, "I think you could do us the honour."

John inhaled indecisively but read the message that no-one longed to hear but was vital to the future report. "Atlantis, this is McKay, IDC 03168320495172. Do not know if you receive this well but I have nothing to lose. Once this ends, I step through. To my team, you are great and I am sorry for not being closer. To Weir, I will miss you."

Radek fought back a sad sigh. He wasn't sure whom Rodney had counted into his team but when John read Rodney's message, it sounded sincere and as if he had been certain that his plan to reach Atlantis wouldn't work.

"Wow," Peter breathed out.

"Yeah," John agreed and nodded his head.

When the door to the briefing room opened, they all looked up startled. It was Elizabeth who came in and closed the door again. "What's going on?" she demanded curiously because she could not stand waiting in her office anymore.

"Eh-eh…" John stammered and rubbed the back of his head.

Radek and Peter shared a look after which Peter licked his lips and said: "Dr. Weir, there is something you should see."

Elizabeth was surprised and hoped there wasn't anything bad going on. She worried that, in the end, the session was not about Rodney. Nevertheless, she kept a stony façade as she walked to the men and propped her palms on the back of Peter's chair.

"What is it?" she wondered before her eyes fell on the laptop screen and she read it in her head, her face disclosing her surprise and shock and in the end something like sympathy and love. She schooled her expression just afterwards but John and Radek had caught her off guard. Neither of them commented on it because it was as hard for them as it was for her now.

"Is it…?" she demanded with her voice trembling almost inaudibly.

John nodded. "It is."

Elizabeth swallowed uneasily and her eyes searched Peter's and Radek's faces. Their eyes betrayed them to her. They all felt a rather strange sensation in their hearts. Nobody spoke for a long moment because they didn't know what to say.

Finally, Elizabeth made up her mind that it was enough and was sure John would need to tell his team. "Alright," she began to get their attention, "Peter, copy it into my computer, I'll file it with other documents about that mission."

"Of course, Dr. Weir," Peter said.

Elizabeth continued: "Major, I think you should inform your team. Teyla and Lt. Ford will be delighted to hear that Rodney's back."

John nodded his head although they already knew it, and turned to Radek: "We should check on that two doctors working on the device first."

Radek's eyes were glazed over as he was running different scenarios in his head as to what the device may be like and how the hell Rodney had connected it to the wormhole to create ruptures. John's order snapped him back to the room and he stuttered: "Sure, sure, let's go then."

He looked and Elizabeth, who smiled at him in a strained way, got up and left. Peter cracked his knuckles, packed the computer and followed suit. John gave Elizabeth a weak smile and prepared to quit as well but she stopped him mid-stride in front of the doors.

"Thank you," she said quietly. John turned to her and she added sincerely: "Thank you for bringing him back."

John bowed his head and whispered: "I had promised to. I've never meant to let you down." And then he was gone, jogging through the control room and to his quarters. He needed a shower and then he would search for his teammates and visit the Infirmary. Surely at least one would slip through and find Rodney before Carson shooed them out…


	37. A Real Dart?

Radek hurried to Rodney's lab. Suddenly he heard a low buzz when he was about a corridor away. Then it stopped and a sound of electrical zaps and a series of juicy insults followed. He rounded the corner quickly only to see Sarah shaking her right hand and Dr. Simpson spraying burnt papers with a small extinguisher.

"What has happened?" he demanded worriedly with a tiny edge of anger that the women may have broken the device because it must have held answers to the mission gone-wrong.

"The device you gave to us. It sparked," Dr. Simpson replied simply and put the extinguisher where it belonged.

"But it did something strange before it died away," Sarah added, wincing in pain, with her body shaking slightly from the surprise of what she had just witnessed.

Radek frowned in worry. Despite what he had heard in the corridor, he would not call it strange. Therefore he asked: "What do you mean? What did it do?"

Sarah looked at her hand and noticed a small burnt area on her right palm. "Damn," she muttered before refocusing on Radek. "Oh, ehm, I have the recording."

She typed on her laptop with her other hand and raised the volume. "Mainly listen," she told Radek and pressed the play button.

Radek watched the video, saw Sarah connect wires and then heard the same buzz he heard in the corridor. This time it was different, not only louder but also it seemed as if something was whizzing above them. His brow furrowed when he tried to recognise it. Then a few sparks had gone off from the device before it stopped working and Sarah started to jump around, shaking her hand.

Radek blinked a few times and ordered: "Play it again."

Sarah shrugged and replayed the last part. There was something about the sound that Radek couldn't grasp even though he was sure he should know. He tapped on the table, then looked at Sarah's hand when she held it away. So he asked: "Are you hurt?"

She showed him her palm and calmed him: "It's nothing."

Radek looked at Dr. Simpson, then said: "You should have it checked. I'll work on the device from now on. It will be safer."

Sarah lowered her head and sighed. Radek took her laptop and the device and left the room quickly, heading to his own lab.

Dr. Simpson turned her head. "And now he'll boss us around," she muttered. "He has to be enjoying this."

Sarah gave her a surprised look. "Don't be so hard on him. I think the device is somehow important to him and we do not get to see the whole image."

Isabella shook her head but didn't reply. Sarah heaved a silent sigh and left for the Infirmary, just in case she had been zapped more than she thought because she could still feel the pins and needles running through her arm.

Radek got to his personal lab and locked the door. Then he played the recording again and again to find out what the sound was. John had said that Rodney had told him it was a Wraith Dart. But it was quite improbable, right?

Radek played the few seconds so many times that, in the end, he couldn't even distinguish the desired sound from other noises. He took off his glasses and massaged the back of his nose. Then he placed them back on and decided to ask Major Sheppard for help. If the sound was related to Darts, then maybe this device could have been a part of one.

"Major Sheppard?" he called over the comm to find out if he was in the right mood for it.

John was about to leave his quarters in a clean set of clothes to find his team when he heard him. "Yes?" he asked tiredly because he didn't recognise the voice. It was getting an annoying habit of scientists calling him because Rodney wasn't there to run the tests requiring the ATA gene.

Radek inhaled deeply and informed him: "Major, I need you to come to my lab."

John sighed. He so didn't want to go through another test now. He had other things to do. "Why? What test is it this time?" he queried.

Radek didn't know how to tell him over the communication system because anyone from the control room could hear them and they agreed not to give away that Rodney was back. He tried to make it simple and clear. "Not a test. I need your help with the device you have brought to me from Dr. Beckett."

John blinked. "Zelenka?" He realised who the scientist was and that he may have found something useful.

"Yes, Major," Radek replied impatiently. "Now, will you come to my lab or not?"

He was losing what little self-control he had. First, John had wanted him to find out the most about the device and now he was reluctant to even come when he had news to tell him.

"Of course," he heard John reply, "I'm coming." Radek was happy that John finally agreed and tried to go on with Sarah's work on the casing, just in case he could find something more in the next five minutes.

– – – – – – – – – –

John closed the door to his quarters and looked at his watch. It was quarter past thirteen am. He was starving because his last meal had been a dinner with his team before they went to the balcony the previous day but he knew he should first see what Zelenka wanted to show to him.

All of a sudden, a female voice began to speak behind him: "Major. I'm so glad I've caught you here, sir."

John tensed a bit and turned to greet the newcomer. The black T-shirt she was wearing placed her under his command and he started to dread her reason to be searching for him. She was eyeing him hopefully with her green eyes and he couldn't help but find her attractive with her brown hair tied into a pony-tail.

"What can I do for you?" he asked her politely, persuading his muscles to relax, although he didn't want to commit himself to anything. "If it can wait a moment and you don't mind, I need to see Dr. Zelenka…" he added, trying to hint her that he didn't have time for a long conversation.

The woman nodded. "I understand, sir. We can discuss it while we walk. It won't detain you, sir."

John hid a groan of despair and smiled. "Alright. So what is your issue…"

He left the sentence unfinished but the woman took the cue and supplied her rank and name: "Captain Daniels."

"What is your issue, Captain Daniels?" John repeated his question and started walking in the direction of Radek's lab.

Hillary took a deep breath and followed him. "We," she began but then realised that it was too vague so she specified it, "I mean, some of the soldiers including myself, want to help your team, sir, with searching for Dr. McKay. We've found out that you have planned a mission to M1- something, the planet where he got lost, and we're willing to help."

John smiled at her genuinely. He didn't expect anyone to be willing to help look for his team's scientist because he was one of the most annoying men on the base but then again he knew the most about Atlantis and did everything in his power to keep it running smoothly on the highly advanced technological level. As for the personal aspect, well, there were other people but him.

John knew he was supposed to react somehow to Hillary's proposition but not to disclose Rodney's presence in the Infirmary. He didn't realise who Hillary was and so he treated her as another stranger. "Well, that's kind of you," he stated vaguely. "I'm sure your help will be very useful…"

"But?" Hillary wondered. She could sense there was something odd about John's behaviour but she couldn't pinpoint it to give it the right name.

John cursed mentally and gave her a fake smile. "I need to talk to Dr. Zelenka first before Dr. Weir allows more search and rescue missions to that planet. Then we'll look around the entire galaxy so your eyes and ears on every mission will be indispensable. So far, Captain, I don't have any more intel."

John crossed fingers on his left hand behind his back and hoped she would buy it. It was the best he could come up with to decrease her suspicion.

Hillary looked him over sceptically but couldn't argue his reason. This was what a leader would do not to waste their scarce resources. She walked by John's side for a moment, passing two soldiers who saluted to them immediately, with John only faintly acknowledging their presence.

She was thinking about it when he asked: "Is there something more I can help you with?"

She shook her head no. "No, sir," she replied. "Just keep me updated, please. We want to help, sir."

John nodded, Hillary saluted to him and left the way they had come. John took a decisive breath, entered the transporter and moved to the area with labs. He hoped he remembered where Radek's was when suddenly he heard a loud buzz overhead. He was shocked because he could recognise the sound very well. But he couldn't believe Atlantis wouldn't have warned them in advance.

He quickly activated his radio and called: "Control room, this is Sheppard. Do we have any foreign crafts in the air?"

A male technician replied: "No, Major, we don't. Are you seeing something that shouldn't be there?"

John's brows furrowed deeper but he quickly calmed the man: "No, I just heard… It's nothing. Sheppard out."

John pulled his 9mm from his thigh holster, cocked it and clicked the safety off before walking down the hallway cautiously, scanning it with his pistol at ready. From time to time, he checked labs until he reached the one he believed was assigned to Radek. Then he heard the screeching again, coming from the lab, and a projection of a Dart filled the space in front of him. John almost shot at it out of reflex but held himself back and called out: "Zelenka?"

Radek was surprised because he didn't hear him arrive, although over the noise he should have expected that, and so he dropped the connection and the image along with the sound disappeared in an instant. "Major," he greeted him. Then he noticed John's wide eyes and the gun aimed at him and he partly hid behind his computer. "Are you…are you alright, Major?" he asked then with a trembling voice, hoping John would lower the gun soon.

John coughed and returned his sidearm into his thigh holster. "Sorry," he apologised, "but I heard a Dart and then saw…" He shrugged. "Did you see it, too?" When Radek blinked at him blankly as if he didn't have a clue what he was talking about, he asked: "So this is what you've got from the device?"

"Um," Radek hesitated. He had rewired it to their hologram program because he had found out that it was designed to project images but he didn't expect it to show anything now. At least he didn't notice it because he was busy holding it all together. "Yes," he added afterwards.

"How?" John asked curiously.

"The device is a projector," Radek explained to him. "As you probably saw, it has the audio-visual interface. Maybe that's why Rodney could hear the Dart even down in the corridor."

John looked at Radek, then moved his eyes over to the device, trying to come up with a plausible option what the device was for on the planet. "Rodney said it was a Dart," he stated after a while of deep thinking.

"Yes," Radek agreed uncertainly and pushed the glasses up his nose. "And?"

"I hope I'm wrong," John informed him flatly, with pupils dilated in realisation. He had to be wrong. Jorgenson's team couldn't have shot at this hologram and not at all realised it had been only an illusion! And if so, something could have happened while they were searching or even before.

"Dr. Zee, I want you to forget what you have learnt. Don't tell anybody, especially Jorgenson's team. Dr. Ginger must not find out," he warned Radek who blinked several times in astonishment.

"Why? What's wrong, Major?" Radek couldn't help but ask. "Why don't you want to be right?"

John shook his head and turned his pleading eyes to him. "Please, Zelenka, until Rodney wakes up, don't tell anyone that you know what the device does. I need to hear Rodney's version first."

Radek nodded and pulled out all the wires that connected the device to his laptop. "As you wish," he said worriedly. "I'll lock it in my drawer."

John nodded and told him genuinely: "Thank you, Radek." Then he left and rushed to the Infirmary to inform another important man in this circus.


	38. Growing Suspicion

In the Infirmary at about the same time, Carson caught a nurse and led her to the curtained bed. "Violet, I need ye to look after this patient during Dr. Biro's shift."

"Yes, Dr. Beckett," she replied politely, obediently.

Carson pulled away the curtain and allowed her to see the patient they had concealed. She walked in and her first concern were monitors and machines around the patient. When she was sure she understood his condition, she let her eyes wander to the head of the bed to see who had been injured this badly.

Carson was watching her all that time, waiting for the right moment to disclose the identity of their patient. As soon as he noticed her scrutiny, he told her: "Don't panic, Violet, but, uhm, it's Doctor McKay."

She gasped for breath as soon as she recognised the man herself. She couldn't fathom how he could have ended up in such a terrible state of health. "What…what happened to him?" she asked silently with genuine concern. Although she considered him a jerk, he didn't deserve to be hurt like this.

"We still don't know," Carson answered truthfully. "We need him to wake up to tell us."

Violet sighed and asked: "Does Dr. Biro know? I mean…"

Carson interrupted her kindly, rubbing his hands together nervously: "Aye. She helped ma stabilise him." Then he gave Rodney a concerned look and added: "But she canna monitor him all the time. That's why I need ye."

Violet nodded and saw him hide a yawn. She smiled and gently pushed him out of the curtained area. "I'll take care of him, Doctor. You go get some sleep. Now."

"But I havenna told ye everythin'," Carson argued, his accent getting thicker with the knowledge that Rodney was in capable hands and he could rest. He yawned again, this time not even bothering to hide it.

"I know your password to documents about ICU patients," she informed him as if it was something completely normal that she could log in his files. "I'll find everything there or Dr. Biro can tell me. Now, off with you," she shooed him away with a hand on the small of his back.

Carson chuckled because this was the manoeuvre he had taught all nurses in case someone from the foremost team was injured and others wanted to stay. He prepared to leave the cubicle when the curtain was pulled aside and John slipped in carefully, watching the room around in case Carson was somewhere near. He hoped he would say hello to Rodney in private, maybe even hold his hand for a while to let him know that he cared and was glad he made it back, before facing Carson and confronting him with his findings.

"Major?" Carson asked, immediately alert because he worried he was needed due to another emergency.

John gave him a look of a deer caught in the headlights and cleared his throat. "Hey, Carson. Can I speak to you for a while?" When he noticed nurse Violet, he almost jumped and added quickly: "Privately, if that's okay?"

Carson nodded to Violet, who was watching John warily, and she bowed her head. "Just one more question, Doctor Beckett. How often should I check on him?" she queried just before she reached the curtain. That was a small important detail he hadn't told her, yet.

"About every two hours. If his breathing gets better, then more often," Carson answered deep in thought. "And inform ma as soon as that happens, okay?"

Violet nodded but knew better than himself that he needed rest. Whatever happened, she would tell him after six hours from now. She checked her watch and disappeared to continue with her other duties.

"What do ye need, Major?" Carson asked John impatiently. "I told ye he wasna up to visitors. Even if ye brought Teyla and Lt. Ford with ye and they were standing behind the curtain now."

John raised his arms in defence. "No, I knew that. I…" John stopped himself before his tongue could tangle up.

Carson began watching him patiently now, waiting for him to find his voice again. He thought there must have been something really important to learn. John took a deep breath and said shyly: "It concerns Rodney."

Carson blinked. He didn't know why John would want to speak to him about this now. Surely it couldn't have taken Radek such a short amount of time to determine what the device was.

John licked his lips and went on: "Radek has activated the device and made it work." John stopped himself and tried to put his jumbled thoughts together because, obviously, seeing a holo-Dart in the middle of the hall leading to Radek's lab was quite a shock. Add the suspicion that this was what Jorgenson's team shot at and that maybe Rodney hadn't been culled and there were many words that together would make sense to you but to no-one else. John tried to put everything into coherent sentences for Carson, who was watching him with a great deal of patience he wasn't feeling.

Therefore, John added: "I have a sneaking suspicion that Jorgenson didn't tell us everything and he may do something unexpected if he were to find out about Rodney surviving."

Carson frowned. "Unexpected as in…?" he wondered silently, his eyes briefly focusing on Rodney's fragile form. He was so severely injured that he would be unable to defend himself in any way for the next couple of days or maybe, if things turned out wrong, even longer.

John threw his hands in the air. "How am I supposed to know? He may hurt him somehow because almost no-one knows that he's here. It would be just convenient…"

Carson placed his left hand on John's shoulder. "Come on, Major, don't be paranoid. Nobody wants to hurt Rodney."

"But…" John tried to pass his point. His instincts shouted at him that the Dart was the key to the mission from hell and if Jorgenson found out, anything could happen.

"Ye need rest, John, to clear yer mind," Carson tried to reason with John as they both knew John didn't get much sleep over the past few days but only several uncomfortable naps. Carson couldn't believe such an overly fearful idea but, after all, he accepted that John's instincts were almost always right… "I'll do everything I can to protect him for ye until he wakes up and can tell us about the mission. Agreed?" Carson then gave John's shoulder an encouraging squeeze and gently pushed him out of the cubicle.

John nodded miserably. He thought Carson was just too stubborn to get his point. Or maybe he was just tired after what he had accomplished since taking Elizabeth to her quarters. "Carson," John looked him right in the eye and couldn't believe himself that he was about to beg, "please, don't let anyone know about Rodney till he's with us again. I know I might sound foolish but I feel there are pieces, very important pieces, of the puzzle from the mission that are still missing and if Rodney doesn't wake up to tell us…" He shook his head ruefully. "Just, just hide him as best as you can. For his safety."

Carson rubbed John's shoulder in support and told him calmly: "Don't worry, John. Violet's the toughest nurse here. Nobody can hoax her to get to her patients."

Corners of John's mouth quirked slightly. "I guess that's why you've chosen her to know, right?"

Carson smiled knowingly and they both left the Infirmary feeling somewhat better than a few moments ago. John then accompanied Carson to his quarters, surprising him quite a bit.

"Is there somethin' more ye need from ma, John?" Carson asked him before opening the door leading to his room.

John bit his lower lip and admitted: "Teyla and Ford need to see him. Need to know that he is really here."

Carson rubbed his eyes. "Major, ye know it would do more harm than good now. I dinna want to put more stress on them when I saw yer and Elizabeth's reaction to his state." Carson sighed and yawned gently. "Mind waiting until the evening? I'm sure the tube will be out by then."

John nodded helplessly. "Do I have any other chance?" he asked rhetorically, shrugging.

Carson shook his head and John said: "See. So in the evening? Say, at about eight?"

"Aye," Carson told him nodding, walked into his quarters and closed the door. He was exhausted, his eyelids falling over his eyes like a theatre curtain. He went to his bed on autopilot, undressed and fell on his pillow face-first. The strain had finally taken its prize from him.

John watched Carson's door for a while more and then left for the makeshift gym to beat his strains in a punching bag. He hoped to avoid his teammates because he felt as though he had let them down when he couldn't persuade Carson to let them see Rodney.

– – – – – – – – – –

Elizabeth went to the control room as soon as Peter beckoned her to. She did not mind the interruption at all because her thoughts kept drifting to a specific bed in the Infirmary. She reached his console and was ready to ask what was going on when he reminded her of the schedule. "Capt. Jorgenson's team is about to dial out, Dr. Weir," he said gently.

"Sure," she replied, "I completely forgot."

She moved away from the consoles and looked over the railing to the Gateroom where the team was checking that they had everything for their mission. Allan was helping Sarah, who was fidgeting nervously, strap her backpack more tightly, Carlos was checking his P-90 and Maria's eyes were wandering around. She looked up to see Elizabeth and gave her a quick salute with two fingers, after which Elizabeth nodded and turned back to Peter. "Dial the Gate," she told him and left for her office. She had fulfilled her duty to see the team off, although only Sgt. Vysockaja saw her, and that was enough. She really wasn't up to a long goodbye for them.

The Stargate engaged and Allan looked at his team to give them the final instructions. "So, don't forget to behave. The natives are used to Sgt. Stackhouse and his team and it's our first encounter. We'll take it quick, help with what is needed and return."

Everybody smiled and Maria shook her head in disbelief. They were going to help with the reparation of houses after an earthquake to get some local foodstuffs. Nothing could possibly go wrong when they were on their own.

Allan winked at her and moved towards the open event horizon. "Let's go then," he said and stepped through first, others following quickly.

Elizabeth saw the Stargate disengage and sighed. She had allowed them to switch with Stackhouse because Marvin was down with a cold and Jorgenson had asked her for a possibility to mend his team's cooperation in the field. This was a great opportunity for Dr. Ginger to get a hold of herself again before they all learnt that Rodney had made it back. She was one of the few scientists willing to go off-world and they needed people like her in the field. Elizabeth remembered Rodney wanting to quit John's team due to a gory mission when he wasn't able to react properly like a soldier and defend injured Aiden from a Wraith attack. It had been his second mission off-world and had scared the hell out of him. She understood his point that civilians didn't belong on missions like these but at that time she believed these missions were rare.

She remembered it took his whole team and herself to persuade him to return, in spite of Kate doing her best as their psychologist. At that time, Rodney was wandering around Atlantis restlessly, searching for any way to escape his terrifying nightmares about the small girl who died on the altar in the centre of the village. He was moving constantly until he crashed at her place and they agreed that he would give the missions one more chance.

And now Elizabeth couldn't rid herself of the image of his helpless form lying still in the Infirmary bed with all the tubes stuck in his arms and other parts of his body. She hoped she would be able to go to the Infirmary and tell him how important he was to her on all levels but she was worried it would be rather inappropriate of her to show their closeness when Carson could come to him any time or listen behind the thin white curtain without her noticing!

She shook her head, knowing there was nothing she could do about it, and tried to lose herself in the paperwork. So far it had always worked. And Carson had promised that once he began to breathe on his own, he'd inform her. Then she would run to the Infirmary asap using her shortcut. She knew that she needed to wait only a bit more…


	39. The First Official Visit

The day was otherwise uneventful, people getting used to the calmness of not having Rodney around to yell at them when they did something wrong but also not helping them repair every possible damage without making too much fuss about it after having told them that even monkeys were more intelligent and talented than them. They were on their own because Radek closed in his lab as he was sure he would spill the beans if someone talked about something Rodney had done or would do easily. It was true that Rodney was their ultimate handyman but not many people saw it until it was too late to do something about it. Radek was so glad that Rodney was being treated in the Infirmary and Sarah had gone off-world. At least Sheppard had one problem less, he thought.

Elizabeth read through many reports on different pieces of technology arriving from labs, unable to sort them out because she understood less than half of the technical gibberish the scientists presented to her. But, surprisingly, her head wasn't so burdened because she knew that once Rodney got better, he'd help her make sense of them and suggest to her what to ask during the final briefing to sound as if she was well acquainted with the subject.

After assaulting the punching bag, John had a training session with marines where he fought with his frustration and won most of the rounds because of the pure force and need to tire himself. When others had enough, he dismissed them, went to the mess hall to grab two turkey sandwiches and a bottle of water and then went jogging around unused sections of Atlantis with his meal in hands. He found comfort in the regular slapping of his feet when, suddenly, he reached an unexplored lab and decided to check it out. He didn't call for a back-up, be it military or scientific contingent, because he remembered all tiny steps they usually did with Rodney when they found a new area. He put his meal next to the door, fell into the routine search and, despite not having any scanner or laptop, tried to decipher the inscriptions and the purpose of the console and a few screens in roughly the middle of the room. Some time later when his stomach rumbled at him, he ate the snack while still working on the console, realising how easy it was for Rodney to manage to do it regularly.

Teyla and Aiden desperately searched for John everywhere they could think of, but in vain. Therefore, they tried to sneak into the Infirmary to see Rodney on their own, only to be shooed away by a strict nurse who then walked behind a cubicle to check on a patient. The pair knew it must have been Rodney and grew worried sick about him. However, they knew they didn't stand a chance against the nurse, too. So they found something else to do during the day but their thoughts pictured them different versions of Rodney's injuries and they found it hard to concentrate.

Violet felt sorry for the pair but she had her orders and even deep down she was sure they would only get distressed by seeing him like this. She kept checking him on regular basis, surprised that it was every half an hour at most. She patted his bare skin with a wet cloth, moistened his dry lips around the breathing tube, checked the monitors and machines. Around two pm the EKG showed an increased rate of his pulse and blood pressure and a few hours later his body began to take bigger breaths itself. As soon as she was sure it wasn't just an anomaly and the tests came out almost completely clear, she contacted Dr. Beckett, like she had promised.

Carson couldn't sleep very long although his body protested. He had a shower, then a quick lunch and walked straight to the Infirmary, checked on Rodney and closed himself in his office, where he lay down on the sofa and rested, albeit uncomfortably, until his presence in the Infirmary wouldn't be surprising. When Violet called about Rodney's progress, he immediately got up and rushed to his curtained bed. He was delighted to hear the news because it meant that Rodney was fighting his way to them.

In the early evening, slightly before nine pm, Carson decided to remove the oxygen tube from his throat because his blood chart came out clear and his lungs restarted functioning. Carson thanked the advanced Ancient technology that could tell him more about the condition of his patients than usual medical devices from the Earth. Therefore, when he was ready to call Rodney's team and Elizabeth, Rodney didn't look as pitiful as in the morning.

"Major Sheppard," he called into his radio, "it's time."

John was still going through the lab, miraculously avoiding being zapped or activating anything dangerous, when he answered in relief: "We're coming."

In an instant, he ordered all consoles to shut down so that they weren't using their limited power supply until Rodney had time to have a look at what he had found. It looked like a research centre; he had found several diagrams showing wavelengths of different sounds and a study of massive animals looking like whales. The lab looked intriguing but there was no time for it at the moment. Rodney was their main concern for now on.

He immediately radioed Teyla and Aiden even though he had been ignoring their calls during the whole day. "Teyla, Ford, d'you read me?"

"Yes, sir," Aiden answered at the same moment as Teyla asked: "John? Where are you?"

"Carson called," John said bluntly, totally ignoring Teyla's question. "We can finally see him. Get to the Infirmary asap."

Teyla heaved a sigh of relief and told him: "Going there."

Aiden answered in a strictly military way, though, saying just: "Yes, sir."

John smiled and dashed out of the lab.

Meanwhile, Carson contacted Elizabeth because he was certain that John would inform his team. "Elizabeth?" he called in his comm.

"Yes, Carson?" was her soft reply. She was still in her office, digging her way through the boring reports. The fight to stay concentrated was her salvation as it kept her mind too occupied to think of anything else. She knew that this had always helped her before and was quite surprisingly glad that her job involved all that.

"Do you want to see him?" he asked her tentatively, carefully choosing his words not to let others know about Rodney's presence.

She promptly rose from her chair, leaving her uniform jacket over the back of it, and walked to the door of her office as fast as she could without alerting the control room staff. "Of course I do," she said quickly.

She walked through the control room, faintly nodding to the main technician. Once she was sure nobody could see her, she tore down the corridor to her secret passageway, her heart galloping at the prospect of Rodney doing somehow better because, otherwise, Carson would have warned her. She ran at her highest speed, reaching the storeroom in her record time, took a deep breath to calm down and opened the door to the main area of the Infirmary. She arrived sooner than Rodney's team and searched for Carson, who was expecting everyone in the waiting room.

She caught a nurse, Violet, who led her to Carson because she knew what was going on. When the women arrived, Carson had just greeted Teyla. He looked Elizabeth over and asked: "Storeroom again?"

She barely nodded, after which Carson closed his eyes for a brief moment and Teyla shared a puzzled look with Violet.

John arrived next, apologising: "Sorry, I hope you're not waiting long for me."

He looked around and frowned slightly. "Hi, Violet," he greeted the nurse, who smiled gently, her cheeks colouring that he remembered her name. Then he asked: "Where's Aiden?"

Aiden came from the other side, from the main Infirmary. "Damn it. I hate the check-ups and I hate these crutches," he complained silently but loud enough for others to hear. "Next time I don't want anyone but Beckett," he called for good measure after the doctor who was unsuccessfully trying to give him a shot. He had to move with the help of those crutches, when he wasn't allowed to remove them, and it was driving him nuts.

Carson cleared his throat as soon as they were all in the room. The doctor stopped, blinked at the group and left not to be accused of eavesdropping. In the meantime, everyone gathered around Carson. "Rodney's breathing well enough on his own and his fever has dropped," Carson informed them. "It's still slightly risen due to the infection but it's nothin' to worry about. He only needs more rest and then he'll wake up on his own," he added cheerfully.

Elizabeth swayed when the stress left her shoulders and heart. She was feeling overwhelmed that Rodney had made it okay, that he restarted breathing. John supported her and eased her to a chair. She fought him weakly because she didn't want Carson to be worried about her but he walked to her and squeezed her shoulder. She looked up and gladly exchanged a relieved smile with everyone.

Teyla broke the silence carefully: "Carson, can we see him now?"

"Aye, Teyla. Ye can," Carson confirmed. "Follow ma."

Carson set off to the curtained bed in the back of the Infirmary, others in tow. He knew that the sight of Rodney now would be less horrifying than the one in the morning and afternoon.

Teyla leant closer to John and asked: "What have you been up to the whole day? We couldn't find you."

"You know, just a bit of training and then reading. Lost track of time," John responded lamely even though it was completely true without adding details. He knew there was no apology good enough for his team members that he had left them worried if he was okay. At least nobody from the control room had needed him or noticed that there was power being drawn in an unused section.

Carson opened the curtain and except for Violet they all entered. She stayed on guard and made sure nobody watched the curtain for too long.

Carson and Teyla walked to Rodney's right side, Elizabeth and John to his left because she knew there was a chair there, and Aiden stayed in the legs of the bed. There was more space around the bed now because the ventilator had been removed to be replaced by a bare cannula in Rodney's nose. Elizabeth subconsciously stretched her hand to the bowl with cool water still resting on the bedside table, took the wet cloth from it, wrung it a little bit and patted Rodney's warm forehead and cheeks. He wasn't burning as much as last time and she was grateful. No-one dared say something at her gentle touch when she was done and brushed the knuckles of her right hand on his cheek.

Carson watched her happily that at least one of people close to Rodney decided to touch him and help him overcome the mental injuries. He had read that the sense of touch returned to patients among the first things so this could start Rodney's journey to the final recovery. Because someone did care about him. Because he could feel he wasn't alone.

Carson cleared his throat and startled Elizabeth who withdrew her hand immediately and placed it by her side. She gave a sheepish smile and lowered her gaze. Carson hid a sigh, glanced in John's direction, then looked at Teyla and Aiden. "His state has improved a lot and I think ye can stay here for a wee moment if ye want. The antibiotics are fighting the infection nicely and his cracked ribs are healing well, too. The sprained ankle will need another two to three weeks before he'll be able to use it again, though."

Elizabeth nodded in mute acceptance. John stretched his right hand over the bed and patted Rodney's leg awkwardly. He wanted to chide Rodney for walking all the way to the Infirmary because it must have hurt his ankle more. He had no idea what had made Rodney push himself so much, as well as what a track he had walked on the planet.

"Next time you arrive limping like this," John threatened to him, "I'll carry you down here, you hear me? Or if Carson gets here sooner than us, I'll let us send a gurney without any concern for your childish pride." John said it without any preparation, without the sharp edge of a scolding. It was much better like that. It felt more personal and more friendly.

Carson lowered his head slightly in embarrassment because he had been in the Infirmary all the time but hadn't believed Peter. He had been sleepy when Peter called so maybe it had been his fault, too, that Rodney had to walk the whole distance from the Gateroom.

Aiden smiled weakly and touched Teyla gently. She stretched her hand out and cupped Rodney's right hand in both hers.

But John wasn't finished and added: "And we'll take you for a swim to the lake on the mainland and not another wild river. Never a wild river. So that you feel safe."

Elizabeth's eyes glittered faintly because she believed he was talking about her and Rodney's lake, the lake where they had been supposed to have some rest before Rodney having gone MIA. Teyla and Aiden traded a bemused glance as they didn't know what the others did because nobody had told them anything until now. They didn't know what had happened to Rodney before he stepped through the Gate to Atlantis.

However, Teyla spoke up quietly: "Don't worry, Rodney. From now on there will always be somebody by your side to remind you that despite what happened on the planet, you're not alone now."

Carson watched Elizabeth and Rodney's team, feeling full of contradictions. He had promised to let them see Rodney but it seemed to him that they were feeling uneasy to show what they truly felt for him either in front of Carson because he was their doctor, or in front of everyone else around Rodney's bed. The tension building up in the air wasn't helping, either, and he knew that. So he made up his mind and announced: "If ye want to stay, I don't mind now. But it would be better if it wasn't everyone because then people would talk and we don't want that, right?"

He made sure he was looking straight at John while he waited for others to either agree or disagree, but he received reluctant nods from everybody. John knew what he was hinting at when he himself had asked him to. Then Carson continued: "I think one of ye will not be surprising but, Lieutenant Ford, it would be nice of ye if ye rather went with ma to show ma yer ankle and explain what ye have done with Doctor Lawrence."

Aiden sighed unhappily. "I want to stay, Doc. Teyla and I have been left out of the loop for the whole day…" he complained.

John looked at him and warned him: "I don't want to order you to go, Aiden, but you need that foot okay. And then you can stay here for as long as you wish." John tried to hide his surprise that Aiden was willingly fighting to sit with Rodney. Not that they all wouldn't but his foot did need a proper exam…

Teyla touched Aiden's shoulder and calmed him: "I'll sit with him. Meanwhile, you can find out more about his health condition from others and then tell me when we exchange in, say, five hours?"

Aiden looked at her unhappily but, in the end, he complied and shook his head yes.

"Alright, lad." Carson smiled and moved around Teyla to reach him.

Elizabeth and John shared a knowing look and she asked him: "When Teyla and Aiden have the first two watches, do you want the third or the fourth?"

Aiden raised his eyebrows at Elizabeth that she knew this military trivia but Carson was ushering him out so he obeyed the good doctor and allowed himself to be led outside to the exam table.

Teyla hovered at Rodney's right side, always holding his hand, while John contemplated his options. He wanted to be the one Rodney would see first when he woke up because it was him who walked Rodney here but he had no idea when that could be. And he knew he shouldn't be choosy because they all had something to tell Rodney while he was out cold and couldn't respond. And he thought that Elizabeth would also use a full-night sleep because, if he had done the counting right, and he was sure he had, the third watch would start too early in the morning and she wouldn't get any sleep at all.

John realised Elizabeth was blinking at him expectantly and so he quickly answered her question: "I'll take the third. Catch a nap now and then come here."

Elizabeth nodded and her eyes wandered back to Rodney's face. John bowed his head slightly to Teyla and said: "I'll talk to Aiden." Then he left the cubicle and made his way to Carson's exam table.

Teyla observed Elizabeth's features and body language for a moment before she asked: "You feel something for him, don't you, Elizabeth?"

Elizabeth jerked her head in Teyla's direction in surprise. "Eh…" she stuttered and tried to think because she was sure her feelings for anyone had always been hidden deep under a stony bunker. She couldn't allow her emotions to interfere with her work. And with John… He was the one who didn't expect anything in return when they were together. She knew he had slept with half of the women at Atlantis at one point or the other, and he served as a handsome distraction for her. With Rodney, it would be something completely different. If they once got involved together… She wouldn't be able to stop herself from falling for him completely. Therefore, it was necessary for others to stay oblivious and for her to hide behind the mask of the best friend. At least until her watch over him, then she would say the truth out loud, admit everything to sleeping Rodney who wouldn't remember anything when he woke up.

Elizabeth sighed and gave Teyla a pained look. "His first timeline self sacrificed his life to save my self although she had ordered him to get to the Jumper. That means he indirectly saved all of us. And when our Rodney needed us the most, he was left alone, figuratively drowning in the problems he had to solve on his own. Without a radio, a weapon or a GDO."

Teyla eyed her thoughtfully. She was only beginning to understand the complexity of relationships brought here from the Earth and it made her head spin sometimes. "I…see…" she allowed in the end. "So you're worried you won't be able to pay the debt that has already been paid by awakening and keeping the city of the Ancients?"

Elizabeth frowned deeply. She didn't understand her metaphor. Pay a debt? What debt? She meant only that Rodney deserved to know that his plan to return worked. As always. But when Teyla did not get it, then maybe she should adjust to her current situation. Therefore, she nodded curtly and prepared to leave.

Teyla pressed her lips into a thin line and stopped her before she could leave. "What was it with the wild river John talked about?"

Elizabeth stopped at the curtain, then turned. "Rodney…he…" she tried to find the right words. Was he pushed, did he trip and fall? Finally, she chose the most neutral version: "He ended up in a wild river. Unwillingly. And for quite a while it took him down the current."

"Oh," Teyla managed before Elizabeth quitted the tiny curtained cubicle. She gave the white material a sad look and then moved over to the vacated chair on the other side of Rodney's bed.

"So now it's only you and me," she said silently and placed her hands on the mattress to be able to hold his left hand in them.


	40. A Teacher And A Busy Handyman

Carson checked Aiden's ankle, finding nothing wrong with it, but ordered him to keep weight off it so Aiden was stuck with the crutches for a while more. John stayed somewhere in the middle of the distance between Rodney's bed and the exam table and watched the Infirmary without paying any attention to what was going on. Therefore, he was quite surprised to see Elizabeth shoot out of the curtained area and leave the room. He shook his head because he couldn't stop her, then he looked at Aiden and Carson, who fiddled with the cast for a bit more before Aiden was good to go.

Carson beckoned to John to get him out of the room and John willingly complied. Aiden sighed and followed John because he hoped he would find out what had actually happened to Rodney.

John led him to the gym because there weren't many people at this time of the day and it was close to quarters of the military personnel. Aiden gave him a quizzical look, because he had expected to be taken to his or John's quarters, but followed him all the way. There they sat down on a bench and John set his eyes on the wall opposite to them, uncertain how to even start this conversation.

Aiden watched his CO patiently and tried to coax some sort of a response from him using his stare only. When this method proved unsuccessful, he asked: "So, how did McKay return? I mean, it's not like someone brought him back, right?"

John sighed silently, looked to his right to meet Aiden's eyes and answered: "He walked through the Gate yesterday in the early morning. In fact, about an hour after Teyla had sent me to Elizabeth."

Aiden blinked. He and Teyla had gone to the control room to find him almost six hours after that conversation. Sure, this was an important fact, too, but he wanted other information. "And has he said anything about the Wraith taking him? About what made him be in such a state?"

John thought about it thoroughly and realised that, thanks to Radek's finding, he had a decent idea about the mission and was quite sure Rodney had not been taken at all. But he couldn't admit that in front of Aiden now because he didn't have the needed back-up from Rodney. Therefore, he made up his mind to be secretive about this. At least for now. "He didn't talk about the Wraith at all," he said finally. "When I walked him to the Infirmary, he had barely enough energy to limp on. We discussed only him being caught in a river current. And he wanted to know what had happened here and if we were alright after the cave-in in the ruins."

Aiden widened his eyes at John who covered his eyes with a hand. "It slipped me, okay? I didn't mean to tell him but he asked about my hand and…"

John waved his right bandaged hand uncertainly while Aiden placed his palm on John's left shoulder to calm him down and continued in a more military way: "I don't blame you for anything, sir. I just want to know why Beckett didn't allow me and Teyla to see him sooner, is all. I doubt you stating he was AFU was only infection related."

John nodded because there was no point evading the answer now. "Not long after the doctors began to work Rodney, his lungs stopped working due to a toxin he had been exposed to. Carson had to run him on artificial lungs and was afraid you wouldn't take it calmly. Hell, it scared the hell out of me to see him kept alive by it," he admitted in embarrassment.

Aiden inhaled sharply and his voice trembled when he demanded: "He's been poisoned? Someone poisoned him?"

John shrugged uncertainly and pressed his lips in a thin line. He didn't know. Carson had told him there was a toxin in Rodney's bloodstream but not how it had got there. And before learning about the hologram Dart, John thought the toxin had been introduced in Rodney by something the Wraith had given to him.

Aiden shook his head because the bare shrug just wasn't satisfactory for him and tried again. "Beckett thinks he has poisoned himself, then?"

John braced himself mentally and told him: "We don't know, Aiden. As far as we can tell, he'd been starving for some time before he returned so he may have picked something that proved non-edible in the end. But all this is just a speculation."

Aiden nodded and thought bitterly that it could be only McKay's idea to eat the first thing that he came across. "Alright, fine, we'll wait then," he said and got up carefully.

John quickly followed and apologised: "I'm sorry I don't know more. Rodney hasn't told me anything more. We have nothing specific to work with here."

Aiden bowed his head. He understood that. He didn't need John to remind him once again. But he had learnt what he wanted to know and that he could retell Teyla a bit later. "Don't worry, John. I'll just go nap and then switch with Teyla. We'll be fine," he reassured John who gave him a weak supportive smile.

"I'll let you know when it's time for you to get up," Aiden added afterwards and set off to his quarters with the help of crutches. What if Carson was watching?

John stayed in the gym for a moment more with his own thoughts about Rodney and all the time between losing him and seeing him in the Gateroom. He was miffed by how close they had all become and how even Teyla and Aiden found this hard. The grief he had felt had almost dissipated but an imp in the back of his mind kept reminding him that anything could still go wrong and Rodney's state could deteriorate. John pushed these thoughts away and went to his quarters to catch a few hours of sleep, be it a calm or a restless one.

– – – – – – – – – –

Teyla stayed with Rodney in silence for quite a while, occasionally wetting his face with the cool water, before she spoke up due to a need to fill the dead silence around. Despite the night time when most people slept, the Infirmary wasn't that quiet. However, the sounds of machinery had long become only a background noise Teyla didn't register unless there was a sudden change to the rhythm.

She touched Rodney's cheek gently and said: "You've changed so much, Rodney."

Then she thought better of it and elaborated: "And I don't mean your personality because from the very start when you saved us all from the energy being, I could see that you're a caring and kind person who hides his true nature so that other people didn't get close to him and then left him alone. Nevertheless, you've begun to show this unegoistical side of yours with us on missions although our team encounters the most problems."

She gave him a small smile and then squeezed his hand firmly. She continued kindly: "There is so much you can teach us, if only you didn't experience that lot of refusal when you were younger. I still don't completely understand how people on the Earth treat those different to the standards, because we mostly don't do that here in the Pegasus, but I do find the separation and selection unfair."

She sighed and looked away to the floor. "You're an amazing man, Rodney. Dr. Weir must have seen it from the very start, otherwise she wouldn't have taken you on this expedition." Teyla's eyes wandered around the curtained area, avoiding the bed, when she continued: "She seems to know you much more than anyone else in this city, yet it feels that she doesn't want to share the knowledge about your true self. Have you told her something about not telling others?"

Teyla looked at Rodney thoughtfully and thought she spotted his eyes move under his eyelids. But when she focused on them, they were still, unmoving. Teyla sighed and once again washed his face with water. She couldn't ignore the way Rodney's features relaxed under the touch and how the built-up stress and troubled wrinkles gradually disappeared. His face looked younger like that, as if it belonged to a carefree young man in his early twenties and not the chief scientist in his late thirties.

"Have you given any thought to the idea we had discussed the night before we found the old Dr. Weir in stasis?" she asked suddenly as the memory of their morning tea came to her. "You know, teaching classes about basic crystal work, electronics and so on? I know this is off the subject for now but it would be intriguing and also quite helpful for other scientists and also the soldiers to know what to do if something breaks and you're on a mission or getting your scarce but indispensable rest. Maybe it could help with repairing Jumpers off-world, too."

She took a deep breath and started drawing small circles on his hand with her thumb. "John has once dubbed you our handyman. I'm not familiar with the term but you really are the one to repair everything that goes wrong, from stuck transporters to life support. People still call you at strange hours at night and you don't get much sleep on your own. It's true that it used to be worse and we both know that the measures Elizabeth had to accept for your health weren't popular at first."

She gave him a smile before carefully looking around and hoping Carson or another doctor wasn't anywhere near. Then she leaned closer to him and said quietly: "Carson and Elizabeth talked about you due to people asking you for almost impossible performances some time after that. He was afraid the strain and stress may soon give you a heart attack. They didn't know I overheard their conversation; it's something you have taught me, pretend that you don't care about what's going on but listen intently. And, even though I haven't mastered the art of concealment like you yet, I'm quite good at listening. They were both worried about you, Rodney. Elizabeth even added that she was surprised you hadn't had one already. I haven't dared ask anyone what a heart attack is but I can guess that it's something really severe happening to a heart due to how serious they were."

She ran her left hand along Rodney's arm in hope of soothing him and giving him a part of her strength to wake up sooner. "You know, Rodney, if you do decide to start teaching, perhaps you could give the lessons better names. I know people may not find it so insulting coming from you but it may be a good start on how to open up to others. I'm sure that you shouldn't call them 'Electricity For Dummies' or 'Machine Repair For The Mentally Challenged' or even 'Computer Crisis For Cretins'. What I liked was the 'Fun With Screwed-Up Physics' because it's most neutral but I can't guess how that would work out."

She patted his left shoulder and almost jumped out of her skin when she heard a rustling of sheets being open behind her. She looked there and saw Radek peer around the curtain uncertainly. She bobbed her head and invited him inside.

"I thought I would check on him," he tried to explain his presence here. "Dr. Beckett has finally left so…"

Radek shrugged and Teyla nodded her head again. "It's okay, Dr. Zelenka. You don't have to explain yourself."

"Oh," he breathed out and silently cleared his throat just afterwards. He looked at Rodney's unconscious form and added: "Ach bože."

Teyla got up and placed a calming hand on his shoulder. "He isn't doing as bad as when he arrived. Carson believes he'll recover soon," she told him calmingly as persuasively as she could although she lied about the part with Carson because he hadn't told her anything alike.

Radek moved closer to Rodney and watched him silently. He was sorry for him because he didn't deserve this in spite of his manners.

"Hey, Rodney," Radek greeted. "I know you may not hear me but we miss you in the labs. It was too quiet there without you."

He squeezed Rodney's right hand and went on: "You should hurry up and get back to us so that the anarchy is called off. No-one can get the scientists under control like you although they complain about your methods and superiority complex. We can't imagine the labs without you any longer so I wish you all well and wake up soon."

Radek gave Rodney a real encouraging smile and patted his hand before turning to Teyla. "I'll leave you with him, I'm sure he'll respond to you better. I just wanted to know that he's fine for now."

Without waiting for her good night, he rushed away and left the Infirmary. He was astounded to see Rodney doing this bad. And Teyla had said he had been even worse. When John told him in the lab, he thought Rodney had been just electrocuted and not beaten like this. At least he finally understood why John behaved the way he had had.

Teyla watched Radek leave and heaved a long sigh. "Rodney, don't take it wrong that he didn't stay longer. Radek just can't handle everything like every other human."

Teyla sat down again and waited silently until it was time to exchange her vigil with Aiden.


	41. Apology To The Man Getting Better

Aiden had set his alarm clock on time just in case Teyla wanted to discuss something with Rodney and it lasted a bit longer. When the alarm went off the first time, Aiden pressed a button to postpone it because that was the usual thing he did in the morning. The second time the sound got to him and he recalled what he had set it for.

"Aw, hell," he muttered and rubbed his eyes tiredly. The four hours of sleep left him more exhausted than he was right before. He needed the rest but he knew Teyla needed it, too, so he got up, got dressed in his uniform and set off to the Infirmary, crutches in his hands. He arrived about an hour after Radek had left to find Teyla resting her forehead near Rodney's hand. He smiled and went to her quietly not to startle her.

He could see her ears twitch as he approached and she lifted her head to look in his direction. "Hello," he said quietly.

"It's time already?" she asked and yawned.

Aiden merely nodded and set his crutches on the side of the bed. "He looks so peaceful lying like this. And it feels so inappropriate…" he said with a sigh, patting Rodney's leg.

"I know what you mean," she agreed. "Has John told you something useful when you talked?" she wondered after a while of a comfortable silence.

"Not really," he admitted. He wondered if it would be of any use to tell her about the poison and decided against it. Therefore, he only added: "McKay knows about the cave-in and that we're fine. The wild river…"

"I know about that, Dr. Weir told me," Teyla interrupted him.

He lowered his head and watched the faint rise and fall of Rodney's chest. Teyla got up and touched Aiden's arm to hint him to sit down. He smiled at her gratefully and took the seat. Teyla moved to Rodney's other side and leaned to his head where she touched his forehead with hers. "Get well soon, Rodney. We need you here," she whispered with her head down.

Then she moved back away and gave Aiden a concerned look. "Will you manage on your own?" she demanded although she knew what his answer would be.

Aiden smiled and calmed her: "Yeah, no problem. If anything happens, I'll let you all know."

Teyla's features relaxed somewhat and she walked to the curtain. Just before she slipped past, she turned back to the pair. "Radek visited briefly and he may arrive again so don't be surprised. Good night," she said and left the cubicle and the Infirmary and walked to her quarters to catch a few hours of sleep she had missed during the ordeal.

Aiden sat by Rodney's side, looking him over and wondering what had happened to him, except the obvious. "Hey, Dr. McKay," he greeted finally. "It's me, Ford."

Aiden realised how lame it sounded because, obviously, if Rodney could hear them, he would know who was with him thanks to his conversation with Teyla.

"You should recover quickly, you know," he told him sincerely. "It's not healthy for either of us to sleep here with you." Then he stopped, realising how it may have sounded and added: "Meaning, here sitting in a chair. You and Major Sheppard have a bad habit of putting yourselves in the Infirmary for long periods of time and grounding us with you. Don't be so damn selfish and let us go off-world again as a team soon, okay?"

Then he guarded Rodney for some time in silence, unsure of what to say to make him feel better. He wasn't even sure if he should say anything for that matter.

However, time got the better of him and, well in the second half of his watch, he began to pour his heart to Rodney. "You know, Dr. McKay, you remind me of a friend of mine from the Earth. He had as an appealing personality as you have and he was also very witted. He didn't have siblings, though."

Aiden shook his head. "Anyway, why am I telling you this… His trust wasn't given freely, you had to earn it, and it was hard. Once he began to trust someone, he could do anything for that person. Unfortunately, it cost him his life when he saved his best friend while climbing a mountain. He cut himself because he knew he was too heavy for her to lift to safety. He believed he had no-one who actually cared for him."

Aiden ran a shaky hand through his hair. "Samuel always thought the worst of himself, just like you do. But there's a significant difference between you two – you're still alive. Despite all the unbelievable events we've been through as a team or the entire expedition."

Aiden gave a short silent laugh at the injustice of the world. Here he was admitting his relationship with someone similar to Rodney and it felt as if he was reliving the past. He didn't want that. Not at all.

"We've never got on first name terms, still being Ford and McKay for one another, but I do consider you my friend and so I would like to change our approach," Aiden said sincerely.

"You've saved my life quite a few times, from performing CPR after I got the stuck Jumper to Atlantis, to finding a way how to disable the nanite virus," he continued quietly, remembering missions where Rodney proved his courage. "You tend to show annoyance and your giant ego when you're worried, terrified even, but otherwise you're the best person anyone can ask for when they need help."

Aiden sent him a small smile and patted his hand awkwardly before squeezing it tightly. "I know how much you love competing with other scientists and getting us, military men, involved. I had fun playing your prime/not prime, although you and Zelenka kept correcting me and laughed at my expense, because I was with people I admire and like spending time with."

Aiden sighed and lowered his gaze. "I've never apologised to you for thinking that you could have shot Dr. Gaul so that you could save Major Sheppard. I know better now and even the Major has told me that he believes it was my fault you were taken to the trial."

At this time Aiden looked at Rodney's face apologetically. "You have to understand," he began to explain, "everyone here knew how talented Gaul had been. He could have been a threat to your position of the Chief Scientist here because he was popular with people and younger than you. It was so easy just to put the blame of his death on you. And we should not have done that."

Aiden paused to decompose his thoughts as he hoped to talk constructively but his mouth was wandering too far from his original ideas.

"Your enthusiasm is contagious," Aiden added after a moment. "Whenever you find another energy signature off-world, you are able to pull us all along even when we're tired and you have spent a long time complaining. Your hope to find us a way back to the Milky Way is like an oak. Burning long and fully."

Aiden chuckled. "I can't believe I'm saying this but you're our lighthouse of hope in the darkness of evil Wraith all around. If somebody can get us home, it's you. I admit that Atlantis has become my home, too, but I miss my folks…"

Aiden released Rodney's hand, stretched to the night table for the bowl with water and tested its temperature. It had room temperature so he realised he should get a colder one. "Sorry, Dr. McKay. Be back in a while," Aiden apologised, got up and palmed one of his crutches.

He balanced with the bowl in his left hand and the crutch in the other and walked out of the cubicle. He didn't have to walk far because, as soon as he took a few unsteady steps towards the Infirmary bathroom, a nurse on duty noticed his attempt and rushed to help him.

"Lieutenant," she told him gently, "I will help you." Then she grabbed the bowl and steadied Aiden.

"Thanks," Aiden said rosy-cheeked that he was being helped by this particular nurse. She had hit on him ever since the stuck-Jumper incident but he doubted there could be anything more than friendship between them.

She smiled at him and went to the bathroom herself to fetch cold water. Aiden wavered on the spot and, in the end, decided to stay and wait.

The nurse arrived within a minute or so and the water she brought was freezing. She walked Aiden back to the curtained cubicle and set the bowl back on the table. Aiden was looking at her sheepishly all that time and sat down only when she was done.

"Is there anything else you need, Lieutenant Ford?" she asked formally, secretly hoping that he would finally offer to call him Aiden.

"No, not at all. But thanks for the offer," he told her and gave her a charming smile he had learnt from John.

She nodded and left the area, her hopes somewhat down after this.

Aiden sighed deeply and looked straight at Rodney. "You see, at least you don't have to deal with such hags. She's really kind and all but not at all my type."

He shook his head and continued: "Anyway, where were we? Oh, yeah. You like competing with anyone who challenges you and you can give everyone except Dr. Weir a rather loud dressing-down how under the league for Atlantis they are."

Aiden gave a short laugh when he remembered a few times Rodney shouted at Kavanagh for breaking something. The man was a menace, everyone knew that, but he was the expert in his field and they needed him until they re-established contact with Earth and they could replace him.

"I'm only glad that your anger can dissipate easily if you yell at someone and then you're back to your usual self," Aiden told Rodney sincerely but silently.

He knew that from time to time, after really bad quarrels, John hung with Rodney and it made him so calm, even though Rodney's calm didn't mean the same as everyone else's calm, no-one would have guessed what had happened only moments prior. Aiden had witnessed a few of the arguments and knew that people sometimes deserved what they had been told.

Aiden sighed deeply and wetted Rodney's face. Then he looked straight at him and took a deep breath. "I wouldn't admit it if you were conscious but you fuel all the important projects by second-guessing others and mainly yourself and by questioning all moves. You know what you're doing when you run around Atlantis at night, checking some panels and machines other scientists use during the day. But the responsibility you hold has to be immense. Don't you want to take a breather sometimes? Because to me, it seems that if you continue like this, you'll put yourself in Beckett's care due to the strain you face."

Aiden blew out a long breath and let his eyes focus on the curtain behind Rodney. "You still force yourself to hardly imaginable heights because you think we want that. But, in fact, the opposite is true. You're not a Superman but you're one of the main heroes people look up to. So what that your passions can have you on a swing, once glowing up and then hastily propelled down. We want…no, desire, you the way you are."

Aiden glanced at Rodney's still face, squeezed his hand reassuringly and looked at his watch. It wasn't time to call John, yet, but he guessed that a few minutes here and there won't matter so much.

Just as he was about to reach his radio, Carson entered the small area to check on Rodney's condition. "Aiden," he greeted silently not wanting to disturb anyone this late at night.

Aiden nodded his head and waited.

Carson had a thorough look at all the machines' displays around Rodney and somewhat adjusted the dripping of an IV. He looked rather happy with the readings and even a small smile broke his face when he finished.

"I guess he's getting better?" Aiden more asked than stated.

"Aye," Carson confirmed. "His fever is gradually decreasing and his pulse and blood pressure are growing stronger."

Aiden heaved a sigh of relief and subconsciously squeezed Rodney's shoulder in support. Carson saw the touch and relaxed significantly himself. "I'll leave ye now. We can only wait."

Aiden bobbed his head and lowered his eyes to watch the white sheets surrounding Rodney. Carson patted his shoulder reassuringly and left like a ghost because, when Aiden looked up to ask him how long he thought it would take Rodney to wake up, he was already gone.

As he found himself alone and unsure of what to do next, he tapped his radio and called gently: "Major Sheppard, wake up."

His answer was an almost inaudible 'mngh' and he smiled to himself. John must have managed to fall asleep soundly at some point during Teyla's or his watch and now he didn't want to get up.

Given there was no urgency in Aiden's voice, John didn't feel the need to be overly alert as fast as possible.

"John, wakey, wakey," Aiden tried again and was rewarded by something more comprehensible.

"Aiden?" John asked and groaned in displeasure. He had fallen asleep on a bundle of clothes and his back was angry with him now.

"Are you up to your watch?" Aiden wondered politely, thinking John may choose a few more minutes in the bed to collect himself.

"Has it been ten hours already?" John moaned sleepily while wiping the sleep out of his eyes. It felt like a few minutes since falling asleep.

Aiden scratched the top of his head. "More like nine and a half. McKay's doing somewhat better and his fever has broken."

"That's great," John exclaimed silently while fishing for a new pair of trousers and a T-shirt. "I'll hurry to you, then."

Aiden patted Rodney's hand with a genuine smile. "Major Sheppard will be here in a moment. I hope he can persuade you to return to your duty of being our friend soon."

Then Aiden heard John's question: "Does he look anywhere near waking up?"

John was quickly throwing his clothes on to be able to set off for the Infirmary so it took his brain a while to register Aiden's frustrated sigh. It meant what he feared, and he hoped Rodney wouldn't linger in his comatose state for much longer.

"Alright, no problem. I'm coming," John told Aiden gently and dashed out of the door.

Aiden washed Rodney's face once more and this time took the courage to uncover his arms and wash them as well. The bruises were yellowish around the edges, which meant he was healing, but they always looked worrisome.

Just when he was finishing with his right arm, John arrived and opened the curtain. "Hey," he greeted silently, noticing what Aiden was doing.

Aiden smiled faintly and placed the cloth back into the bowl. "Beckett's been here a while ago and claimed McKay's improving," he supplied.

John's eyes glittered as he walked closer to the bed. It was one hell of a sight with Rodney's uncovered arms and he wasn't sure if he was more angry or upset with him for returning like this. Given everything Rodney had been through, though, John could understand his condition. But they needed him to wake up to make sure that he hadn't suffered from any brain damage. John knew the odds due to some of the missions gone wrong on the Earth, but he didn't wish any of that for Rodney because he knew how fixated he was on making discoveries in Atlantis' labs.

Aiden watched the multiple emotions cross John's face as if he was searching for a way how to react. Aiden stretched out and palmed his crutches. "Have a seat. I should be going anyway," he told John and heaved himself up. Then he turned to Rodney and pulled the sheets back over his arms.

John looked surprised when he shared a look with Aiden. He didn't expect him to leave so soon after his own arrival. Aiden hobbled to the curtain and patted John's shoulder. "He'll survive. It's not your fault. It has never been."

John lowered his eyes at being caught in his martyr mode.

Aiden sighed silently and added: "Don't blame yourself for the mission. You couldn't have known this would happen. McKay's tougher than he lets others see." And with that and the final look at Rodney, he left the cubicle and went to his quarters to get some rest.


	42. Fight For The Best Scientist And Friend

John hesitated for a moment before collapsing to the vacated chair. Rodney looked better with his arms covered, he had to admit to himself, and it wasn't fair because Rodney didn't even twitch. John remembered that when he first met Rodney in Antarctica, he found him an irritating, whining, self-centred, egoistic jerk.

He looked around and entwined his left-hand fingers with Rodney's left hand before giving it a firm squeeze. He knew Rodney could still be all that and more but he was also finding the man was a lot more than he seemed. Aiden didn't have a clue how right was what he had said moments ago. Rodney wasn't as self-centred as he liked people to think. He wasn't as callous as he let people believe.

John could still clearly recall the very first time Rodney showed his true nature – it had been him putting on the Ancient shielding device and walking down in the middle of that darkness thing that had got loose at the end of the first week after having arrived here. The thing had terrified him but, in the end, he pushed his fear aside, like so many times after, and did the right thing.

John sighed. He should have protected Rodney on this mission with Jorgenson's team. If he had been there, he would have realised something was odd about the Dart. He didn't consider any other option now; he strongly believed that the team had been shooting at a hologram.

John kneaded Rodney's hand in both his and tried to get across just how glad he was that Rodney was safe and alive and how he would be grateful to see him open his eyes.

The silence stretched uncomfortably between the two of them. John couldn't bring himself to talk aloud, though, at this very moment. Then, suddenly, Rodney moaned slightly and tried to get his hand away from John. John was surprised at first, then he tapped his headset and called: "Carson, get to the Infirmary. He's trying to wake up!"

John lay the other hand on Rodney's arm and encouraged him: "Come on, buddy, wake up. We're waiting for you to open those baby blue eyes of yours."

He felt Rodney's arm trembling under his hand as if he was in a bad dream and fighting to wake up. Rodney tried to shift in vain, the sheets pressing him down. And to all this, John murmured soft words of reassurance and of the deep bond they shared.

A moment later Carson rushed inside just to see Rodney tug restlessly one more time and still again. As soon as John noticed that Rodney had gone limp, he shook him fearfully and then pressed his fingers against his neck to check his pulse despite the steady beeps of monitors around the bed.

Carson's face softened at the fear in John's eyes because he knew how close the two had become and what John had been through already. He walked to John and spoke up softly: "It's okay, John."

John looked up with wide eyes. "What do you mean?" he demanded. "I don't understand it," he mumbled then, staring at Rodney's empty face. "I felt him move and heard him make a sound earlier. Why isn't he waking up?"

Carson smiled at him understandingly. "Major, when a patient wakes up from the coma, it's not immediate like on TV. I know ye aren't on this waiting end very often, as usually, ye're lying in bed recovering, but ye yerself can remember how long it always takes ye to get to us after a head injury."

John hung his head and his shoulders slumped. He knew he had been in Rodney's condition one too many times and that people had stayed with him for hours, he heard them, listened to them, but couldn't acknowledge them or talk to them. It was always that semi-conscious state he hated about being knocked out.

Carson glanced at the monitors around the head of Rodney's bed and gave a satisfied grunt when the readings were high enough.

"Ye have to understand, John, that he's been through quite a trauma both on the planet and here," Carson explained to John patiently. "He's recovering slowly, a wee bit at a time. The brain is a brilliant computer that can shut down all unnecessary functions to save resources when the body is in desperate need of healing. When he can afford them, his brain will allow him to regain various motor functions and consciousness intermittently. And a wee time later, he'll wake up coherent enough."

John sighed. "You sure?" he demanded unhappily.

Carson leant his bottom on the edge of Rodney's bed to face John. "I've told this to Rodney so many times before. This is the first sign that he's going to make it. Now he needs to hear us more than ever to know that he's back at home."

John nodded his head thoughtfully and realised that if Aiden hadn't called him as soon as he had, he wouldn't have seen Rodney move and wouldn't have got the reassurance from Carson that he would recover.

Carson patted Rodney's hand above John's holding him and then got up with a silent squeak from the bed. He walked to Rodney's other side, pulled out his penlight and gently pried open Rodney's right eyelid before shining into his eye. Rodney's pupil reacted fast by contacting, which indicated that the swelling was gone. Carson repeated the procedure with Rodney's other eye before pocketing the light once more.

John watched him all the time and tried to gauge whether what Carson saw was good or not. When Carson gave him his patented 'we're-out-of-the-woods' smile, his anxiety about Rodney's life disappeared in an instant but kept a lingering effect on when he would wake up for real.

John squeezed Rodney's hand firmly in his and smiled back at Carson, who suggested: "Try to talk to him. And keep touching him." He indicated their entwined hands and John blushed slightly at being caught.

"There's no need to feel embarrassed, lad. The sense of touch is the most expressive one in all situations," Carson calmed John and squeezed Rodney's other hand. Then he went to John, patted his shoulder encouragingly and left the pair to their privacy.

John swallowed the lump which was beginning to form in his throat. He needed to stay collected to be able to fully encourage Rodney to wake up. "Have you heard him, McKay?" he asked gently. "According to Carson, you do hear us, at least subconsciously. So I want to tell you what a scare all these past days have been for me because I wouldn't have wished you, or any of our human enemies for that matter, to go through what Colonel Sumner had. I couldn't live with the thought of you being fed upon because…because you're my very good friend."

John smiled faintly. He would have hugged Rodney, which did help when Rodney was stuck in a virtual reality off-world where he believed them dead, but he hesitated because he didn't want to hurt Rodney more than he already was. Well, it was a nice reason why not to because, seriously, it was hard to do it manly with a man who was in the coma.

Therefore, John massaged Rodney's hand and arm, trying to expel the chill from the limb. It helped John as he could concentrate on the action itself which, he hoped, spoke volumes when he himself was a lousy spokesman whenever he had to express his feelings. That was why he found so easy to sleep with Elizabeth. She didn't expect anything from him and he didn't expect anything in return even though he was beginning to love her more than he could imagine when they first met in Antarctica. He didn't add that they had had an affair back in Afghanistan a few years earlier when she was trying to negotiate peace agreements in the area. And with Teyla, it was just a mutual help to relieve stress because she was involved with Aiden. John knew that for sure from their interactions.

Time flew past and John moved to Rodney's other side to work on his right arm. He carefully took the chair with him, paying attention not to jostle the bed. When he touched Rodney again, he could feel that all his muscles were tensed but they willingly relaxed as soon as John ran his hand down the length of Rodney's arm.

John was shocked by the level of stress Rodney seemed to be in. He rubbed gentle circles on his arm and looked at Rodney's pale face. And that finally broke his walls and he began to talk.

John looked at Rodney's hand, which felt like the easiest place to watch before he collected the most important points of his one-sided speech.

"Listen, Rodney, I don't understand…what's going on in your head, why you feel so insecure, why you aren't waking up already."

John took a deep breath and looked up at Rodney's slack features again, frowning. He went on with: "To my mind, there are at least two reasons," he paused and enhanced with Carson's explanation still in mind, "two very good reasons why you need to fight for the consciousness."

He licked his lips nervously, hoping no-one would be passing by at his oncoming admittance, looked off to the side and spoke up: "The first one and, believe me, I wouldn't admit this if you weren't unconscious… You really are the smartest guy here. And I know you know you are, McKay." John added the last bit teasingly, calling Rodney by his surname to give the sentence the right tone.

"You're heads and tails above everyone else. They're all brilliant, starting with Zelenka, Kavanagh, Grodin, that cute blond chick Stackhouse keeps hitting on but in vain, that guy you always yell at because he's always like five mental steps behind you… But you, you work on a level beyond all of them."

John paused and swallowed. He remembered how Radek told him about all the improvements Rodney had downloaded into the grounding stations before his low blood sugar and the infection got to him. John found out when Rodney was kept in the Infirmary and they took rounds in watching over him when his fever hadn't gone down with usual antipyretics. And a moment later this image melted into one of Rodney trying hard to save them from a cave-in on a mission with Kavanagh. At that time Rodney managed to get to them and save them despite Kavanagh's loud protests with his nose having been broken by a blow from Rodney.

John smiled faintly and said: "I can't even express how fast your mind works. I've never seen anyone make connections between things that you do as quickly as you do."

John inhaled deeply and his eyes returned to Rodney's face. "And they need you, Rodney," he told him seriously. "If Atlantis lost you, it'd send us all back ten steps, if not more. What chance would we stand against the Wraith without you here? I can go Sydney Carton and save Atlantis only once. And I've gotten so used to you being able to save the day with some amazing genius scheme…" John sighed, "…so used to believing that 'McKay will think if something in the end'."

John chuckled sadly. "Losing you would be like…like losing the starting pitcher the night before the world series begins."

John's hazel eyes studied the face in front of him and lowered when they didn't notice any sort of response. Not even a twitch. But he realised it was a wish that wouldn't be fulfilled any time soon.

"And you'd miss it, too," he added softly. "You love doing this even though everything here, Atlantis or the entire galaxy, scares the pants off of you. You never give in to your fears when you protect us."

He smiled but it didn't reach his eyes, which kept wandering all around the cubicle but avoided the head of the bed. "You should live for this as much as Atlantis needs you to bring her to life. Sure, I can make it all work…but you're the one who actually knows what it does."

John's smile faded slowly and he heaved a long sigh when he realised how out of his hands this was getting. Thankfully, there was nobody else around to eavesdrop.

"The second reason," he forced himself to say, his fingers stopping their journey up and down Rodney's arm to grip his hand firmly, "is more personal."

His jaw muscles flexed and he looked at the unresponsive man in front of him once again. "Fact is, Rodney," he looked down again, "I don't think…I would do so well if you weren't here." John gave a half smirk to the hand he was gripping as tightly as he could, like a lifeline.

"I don't know if you've noticed," he looked up again, "but we have the same sense of humour. You're the only one who can keep up with me."

John bit his lower lip but said the next thing anyway: "With Teyla and Elizabeth… Teasing them the way I do with you is more dangerous than walking into a tigress' den and trying to steal her cubs. And Ford's a great kid but he can't fight back, either. I still recall when we first flew over the planet. I was going on about G-force while he prepared to eat his sandwich, and you should have seen his face, he…" John trailed off but a smile was still plastered on his face when he withdrew his hand from Rodney's.

"Anyway, my point is that you wouldn't have taken the teasing. You probably would have found a way to get back on me, or just ignored me in that way of yours that drives me nuts."

John grinned stupidly, eyes focused on his hands now resting in his lap. His smile faded as he wrung them together, his eyes flickering back up to Rodney.

"Listen," John swallowed uneasily and gripped Rodney's hand once more. "With the exception of flying, I…" John paused and sighed, "I have more fun fighting with you than I have doing anything else, and I don't just mean since we've been here at Atlantis. I haven't had so much fun working with anyone in a long time."

John gazed at the empty face, secretly hoping that how he was pouring his heart would take on an early effect.

"If you left me here alone with the rest of these people, I think…" John started. Then he thought about it and elaborated: "Well, let's just say that after a while I'd be spending a lot more time up in the air."

He sighed and his voice became much softer. "When it comes right down to it, if I somehow ended up stranded on a desert island somewhere and I saw that proverbial footprint in the sand…" John stopped and chuckled dryly. "Okay, you got me on this one, first I'd hope it was a girl, but right after that…" John massaged the bridge of his nose with his free hand. Then he closed his eyes and just talked. "I'd hope it was you. I have a feeling that you're the only one who would keep me sane. We'd probably bicker and yell at each other most of the time and I'd probably hate your guts for half of that," he flashed another quick grin that didn't quite reach his eyes, "but you would keep me going. You would keep me…me. And I'd miss that."

John shook his head, then leaned in forward and pressed his forehead to the mattress next to Rodney's hand. He chuckled at the thought that the going stranded part could really happen, took in a deep breath, his back expanding with the air, then released it slowly. After a moment he raised his head away and looked over at his unconscious friend.

"So," he finally said, "what I guess I'm saying is, stop hiding in nothingness, McKay. You're needed here too much. Wake up, answer man, wake up and come home."

John closed his eyes and all possible memories with Rodney flashed in front of his eyes. It amazed him how much had happened since arriving at Atlantis and how much of it was related to him and Rodney. They were the most indispensable duo who attracted trouble like a magnet but always survived all problems and adventures in one piece to talk about them later.

John yawned deeply and looked at his watch. To his astonishment, he found out that almost all his 'shift' was over. He didn't know that time flew by so quickly when he closed his eyes for what felt like a second or two for him. Moreover, he couldn't believe he must have slept through at least half of his watch. However, it could have been the feeling of security he had in the regular beeping and breaths of the man beside him.

John was ashamed to admit it but, on some missions when they stayed overnight camping outside or in a tent, he felt Rodney snuggle close in his sleeping bag when he couldn't sleep, and he presumed neither could Rodney, and they both fell asleep afterwards quickly, lying with their backs pressed to one another.

John smiled softly at Rodney and then he heard soft footsteps pattering around the curtain. However, the sound died away fast and John relaxed. There was one more thing he needed to say before he would call in Elizabeth.


	43. Forbidden Fear And Love

AN: I'm sorry that if this chapter sounds too sappy but, to me, it felt right to explore Elizabeth's feelings towards her Chief Scientist. In some cases, people can't be together due to work or their family background, no matter what they have between them. That, and I watched the episode 'Tao Of Rodney' when Rodney said he always knew about the chemistry between him and Elizabeth and she stuttered about loving him. What if it was because she was slightly embarrassed that he remembered what they felt those three plus years ago? Anyway, in my story to keep it in the right reality, they won't end up together, except for the mutual feeling of forbidden fear and love for one another. At least, their relationship didn't have to be solved when the Replicators took her... Anyway, on with the story:

* * *

 _ **Forbidden Fear And Love**_

Elizabeth slowly stirred, frowning, although she kept her eyes closed. She was struggling through the darkness that the sleep brought with it, though whether to stay asleep or wake up, she wasn't sure. She did want more rest since she was tired but there was something in the waking world that she had to take care of. But what was it…?

A name floated into her sleepy mind and her eyes snapped open. She quickly sat up and tossed the covers back.

Rodney. She had to see Rodney.

She looked at her night table where her alarm clock showed that she had slept through whole Teyla's and Aiden's and almost entire John's watch. She found it hard to believe that she had been that exhausted but she was glad that she hadn't slept through her own watch, too. She wouldn't have forgiven herself that she had missed one of the few possibilities to tell Rodney how she truly felt, how she liked, even loved, him.

She knew John would have called her if his watch was already over but she decided to relieve him of the duty by coming to the Infirmary ahead of time.

She got dressed in fresh clothes, because she still had to appear representative, and combed her hair. As she was going through her morning ritual, somehow realising that it was quite useless for sitting with Rodney but doing it explicitly for him anyway, she suddenly longed for more time to share more of those innocent moments they had together, if only to find out more about him than what she had already had in the virtual reality they had been in together. She needed to tell him what he meant to her without taking any reference to his recorded last will. Which would be really, really hard because it had left a huge impression on her.

Letting out a long sighing breath, she slipped out of her quarters and set off for the nearest transporter that would take her to the Infirmary. She didn't run, she merely placed one foot in front of the other faster than usual. In a moment, she realised she had to be honest with herself – she was running. However, she wasn't keen on postponing the inevitable. This time she was petrified and not just because Rodney hadn't woken up, yet.

She reached the transporter and tapped the map indication of their medical facility. She longed for the long transport in Earth's lifts when she had been able to prepare her speech because here you got everywhere in the blink of the eye.

Elizabeth got out the transporter and gingerly inched forward to the Infirmary door. She hoped almost nobody would see her and so far she was successful.

Glad that her shoes were making a minimal sound, she walked carefully inside, nodding her head to the startled nurse and putting her right index finger in front of her mouth. The nurse got the hint and smiled cheekily before returning to work.

Elizabeth found the right curtained bed and moved forward. She could hear a soft voice talking but she couldn't distinguish the words from this distance.

Tiptoeing closer to the sheet, she recognised John's voice and stopped dead in her tracks. She was early. He was still talking. Nevertheless, she was curious and decided to listen although it felt more like eavesdropping.

She could hear John's unmistakable voice saying: "Before I call Elizabeth, there is something more I want to tell you. I realised it during the Storm when I thought Kolya killed Elizabeth and you were headed to the same end."

There was a pause during which Elizabeth subconsciously held her breath. She knew she was not supposed to be listening but she couldn't help herself. She moved a bit closer and waited.

John covered his eyes with his right hand and admitted: "As I said before, you're brilliant, but that means nothing to me in itself. I've seen it quite a few times that you know this but also know that it doesn't put you above anybody else."

John lowered his head and added: "What matters is that… As arrogant, pompous and petty you can be, you really are a compassionate, tolerant person at heart."

John sniffed quietly and Elizabeth made a quick decision to enter and forestall anything else. She cautiously pulled the curtain up and sneaked inside. She spotted John's slumped figure sitting next to Rodney's limp one and her heart skipped another beat. She hurried to John's side and hugged his shoulders. He tensed before raising his head and realising who had 'assaulted' him.

"Elizabeth?" he asked perplexed.

"Sorry," she genuinely apologised. "I've just arrived and heard you say the last sentence. I have never thought anyone else could see past Rodney's façade."

John gave her a sad smile, gently extricated himself from her bear hug and got up. "Come sit down," he advised to her.

Elizabeth obeyed and collapsed in the offered chair. Then she looked up and explained: "I really heard just the last bit. I wasn't, you know, listening in on you or something."

John studied her for a moment before shaking his head and leaning on Rodney's bed. "Did you sleep at all?" he demanded finally choosing not to prod the former topic anymore.

Elizabeth nodded. "For quite a while but then I had this dream and feeling I had to go here…" She shrugged and looked at Rodney. She took his hand in hers and gently stroked it. "At least his colour is almost normal apart from the bruises," she observed.

John watched her closely, marvelling at the intimacy of her touch. He knew she cared for Rodney a great deal and the way she regarded him now… He wished she would look at him the way she was looking at Rodney. Nonetheless, he knew that this look had already been taken and would be taken till the end of Elizabeth's life. And Rodney would always be so blind and unseeing about it…

"You said you had had a dream?" he asked silently.

Elizabeth blinked and then smiled at him sheepishly. "Yeah," she admitted. "Why?"

John contemplated telling her about Rodney waking up partially but chose otherwise and told her a white lie. "Rodney's moaned and stirred. Must have been after-effects from what has happened to him."

"Oh," Elizabeth frowned. "And Carson did check him afterwards, right?" she wondered worriedly.

John nodded and she sighed in relief. John studied her face, the tenderness in her delicate touches, the small sparkle of hope in her eyes. He closed his eyes and yawned with his mouth closed.

"I have never expected condescension from Rodney," he started and Elizabeth's head shot up in surprise. John didn't seem to notice as his eyes grew fixed on Rodney's face.

"While Rodney makes a grand show of it, he quietly teaches, explains and respects my intelligence. Not like some of his scientists regard the military." He looked sideways and at Elizabeth's knowing smile, he added: "But you know that already, right? You know that otherwise I wouldn't have put up with him on one, and for that matter my, team for this long."

Elizabeth bobbed her head and looked back at Rodney's still face. She squeezed his hand tightly and inhaled to speak up but John beat her to it. "I have never thought anyone could treat me like Rodney. People think that being a military means I am too dumb to learn…"

"God, John!" Elizabeth exclaimed horrified.

"Let me finish, let me finish!" he quickly defended himself. "I meant most people. You and Teyla and Rodney, for instance. Neither of you thinks that I can't make up a plausible plan for how to save people."

Elizabeth calmed down and smiled. "You're right. Your plans work most of the time but sometimes they need refinement from someone like Rodney."

John rubbed the back of his neck. He didn't want to agree with her but she was so right. The genial input of technology couldn't be ignored. "Yeah, well…" He coughed and then said: "He doesn't treat me as though the complicated things of science were beyond my comprehension, just as though I was horribly behind the learning curve." He patted Rodney's leg and chuckled sadly. "I have long since learned to use the fact that people underestimate my intelligence to strategic advantage but it's nice for once to be accepted for what I am."

"And I don't accept you?" Elizabeth asked with hurt clear in her voice.

John bit back his tongue in shock. That really hadn't come out the way he wanted it to. He wanted to praise Rodney and not insult her in the process! "No, I mean, you do accept me but it's different with you because we had met before Antarctica and we…uh…you know…"

He stammered in the end. They had never talked about what happened in Afghanistan once he returned the necklace she had given him then, but the sparks were always there although they almost died away every time as soon as Rodney entered the room.

She sighed. "I know but this is not the place to discuss that," she warned him pointedly, her head jerking in Rodney's direction.

John gave her a rueful smile and nodded. "But it is nothing to be ashamed of. I took a bullet for you and, in your free time, you looked after me until I was okay. I believe the three of us are even."

Their conversation was quiet, however, Carson had been attracted to the curtained bed because he couldn't believe that Rodney had woken up already. The pair didn't notice him until he opened the sheet and walked inside to them. "Elizabeth, John," he greeted them silently.

Elizabeth dropped Rodney's hand in astonishment and John bolted to a standing position. "Carson," they exclaimed in unison.

"Sorry, I didn't mean to scare ye," he apologised and his eyes moved around the screens around the head of the bed.

John exhaled deeply. "It's okay. I should better be going anyway." He turned to Elizabeth: "Have a good watch. We'll get here in about five or six hours if that's okay?"

She nodded. "Alright. Good night, John."

He nodded his head towards Carson, who realised everything was normal with Rodney, and left. Carson gave Elizabeth an encouraging smile and said: "Rodney will be alright. I'm sure he'll wake up soon. Oh, and ye might want to try talking to him, lass, more than his team."

Elizabeth took Rodney's hand in both hers and rubbed it. "Will he be able to hear me at all? I know others did talk but…"

Carson wrinkled his brow in confusion. "There's no telling for sure," he admitted, "but it can't hurt. Especially not from you. And who knows what John told him that he began to fight back to consciousness. You can bring him back completely when he responds to you the best."

Elizabeth wondered if that last part was thrown in just to tease her. Carson was always so calm during dire times, even when a patient was near death. It was afterwards that he broke. She had always tried to remain positive, having faith in medicine, but the odds of the last few hours were killing her optimism. Now she dared hope and she finally realised that a tiny candlelight had brightened her eyes.

Carson patted her shoulder and whispered: "I'm in ma office if ye need ma."

Elizabeth looked up as he exited the area, then she pulled Rodney's hand to her face and kissed it gently. She couldn't remember ever feeling worried like this, except maybe when they had to kill John, and that had been a different kind of worry. Then it was like losing a friend and someone who depended on her as a leader and someone who she depended on. This… What she felt now was like what she would have felt months ago if Simon had got hurt.

Then she wondered if she would even have and was confused by her emotions. She tried something, thinking of kissing Simon, and blinked when it had no warm effect on her at all. But then she remembered the mission when John forced her to play Rodney's wife and they had to kiss to prove their relationship. It caused a gentle fluttery butterfly feeling down in her stomach. She heaved a breath that was partly relieved and hurting when the truth settled in – she didn't love Simon anymore. And maybe she had never had. Maybe he had just been convenient.

Closing her eyes, she was once again instantly assaulted with images of her and Rodney and all their little moments together. What appeared the most were his smile, his concerns for her, her calming him during arguments and the one and only kiss they had ever shared. Well, in public that others recalled. There was one Rodney didn't know she remembered because she got tipsy on a celebration and he took the courage to 'babysit' her. Not that she didn't need help walking in a straight line… That liquor was a really hard one.

She chuckled at the memory. The worst thing was that she could remember everything in the morning although nobody expected her to.

Elizabeth rubbed Rodney's hand and even touched his cheek. She had always felt comfortable talking to Rodney but now the words wouldn't just come despite Carson's encouragement.

Instead of words, another memory took its sweet time resurfacing although it was the most recent one. It had happened about two days before finding her old self. She shuddered due to the later experience and focused back on the primary cause. It helped her stay focused and composed.

At that time Rodney had stopped her in the hallway to talk excitedly to her about some findings or another; she found out that she couldn't remember what it had been but that didn't matter. What she could remember was the look of pure excitement on his face and how he had caught her arms, almost shaking her in his exuberance. He had stopped, however, and the smile had fallen, his face adopting an expression she hardly dared to think about up until this point. They had just stood there, staring at each other until John's voice came through the radio, trying to contact them. The moment had been broken, the spell lost, but now Elizabeth had time to analyse what had happened and was absolutely stunned with the number of thoughts that rushed in at that, as well as the tingling sensation when they regarded one another.

Elizabeth sat in silence for long moments next to his bed, just listening to the beeping of the monitors and the regular breathing of his, her mind rushing a million miles per hour.

She realised she should finally say something and not only focus on their entwined hands. So she opened her mouth, closed it, then opened it again and suddenly words seemed to pour forth, against her deepest wishes.

"Oh God, Rodney, you have to pull through. For me. Please… I know this may be hard to understand but I need you here with me. I…I can't even begin to express how much I've come to depend on all the times we share, how close we've become. I…I can't believe I'm saying this but I don't love Simon anymore, Rodney. I've just come to realise that there is one person I can't live without, one person I love far more than anyone else."

A tear escaped out of the corner of her left eye and she wiped it away quickly. Then she caught his hand again. Her voice grew thick with emotion when she went on. "It's you, Rodney. That someone else is you. I love you, Dr. Rodney McKay. I love your snarky attitude, your sarcastic comments, the way you set your jaw when you know you're about to get into a fight with John."

She laughed shortly, sounding somewhat choked as tears continued to well in her eyes and try to escape. "The way you frown when you're concentrating really hard, or how you always have to be right. But you don't always have to be right for us, Rodney. It won't kill you to be wrong about some things…like us both. Like your team and fellow scientists. Like what we all could have."

She sniffed and allowed the dam to open up. "Your heart is always in the right place and that's why I worry about you, you know? People exploit this against you. You may call it a weakness, I call it your biggest strength."

She sighed and was once again glad that he was unconscious while she spoke. She felt vulnerable exposing her subconsciousness. Never before had she been so frank and so open with her feelings with him, and she was afraid what his response might have been. What if he didn't feel the same way? She stopped herself. He must have felt something for her otherwise he wouldn't have recorded the message, wouldn't have accepted she was his wife and they wouldn't have ended up in the virtual reality together.

"There is more why I worry about you," she continued, tears streaming down her face. "Every time you step through the goddamn Gate with John's team, I worry. Sure, when other teams are off-world, I get a little concerned. But with you…it's different. When you're gone, I'm a mess." She managed a weak smile while a lump kept growing in her throat. "I mean, you should have seen me a few days ago."

Elizabeth smirked, slightly embarrassed at the wreck she was when he wouldn't return from the easy recon mission. Her face fell and her tone grew more serious although she couldn't mask her feelings.

"Every time you're gone, it's like I have an anxiety attack. I lose sleep, I'm always in the control room monitoring your progress. Ask Grodin. He's probably sick of seeing me by now. I actually find excuses to stay in my office so that I can keep an eye on the Gate, just so I can watch for you to come back. And when you see me, there to greet you by the railing after every mission, I may look composed but I can't begin to tell you how relieved I am each time I see you walk through that puddle back home."

She sighed, released Rodney's hand and searched her pockets for a tissue. She found one and thoroughly wiped her eyes and cheeks. She tried joking: "Thank God I don't wear makeup otherwise there would be streaks of mascara all over my face by now."

She used another tissue to blow her nose and then she grasped Rodney's hand again. "And then, of course," she added quietly, "there are those times when you don't come back alright – which is getting to be a bad habit of yours, I might add. I hate it when you compete with John who will be injured more and more severely." She was chiding him but her criticism didn't have the hurtful edge. "God, it scares me," she admitted. "I can honestly say that it scares me. I keep thinking of what went wrong, what we could have done to prevent it from happening… And then you get well. You get well like you always do, just like John, if you wonder about him, I put you back on active duty and the cycle starts all over again."

Elizabeth paused, not sure of where to go from here. What was she trying to say? Why had she said all those things? She should be encouraging Rodney to wake up, for Pete's sake.

It wasn't because she was afraid he was going to die and that she wouldn't get another chance to tell him how she truly felt. That would be ridiculous because he could wake up any moment now. So was it because she knew he would recover and this was the only time she could actually show her 'true colours', when he was unconscious? She knew she was a coward. Ever since watching his video message. For whatever reason, she had waited this long to admit what they both knew was between them ever since the virtual reality. But they had talked about it and knew all too well that Atlantis needed them separated emotionally but cooperating on leading their city.

"So…" She stopped but then finished the sentence, nevertheless. "Just get well so things can be normal again and so I can go back to worrying."

She flashed him a sad smile and pressed her aching head to his hand.

Tears continued falling down her face as she sobbed and wept because of everything that had happened in the last day or so. Starting with his video message and finishing with her admission.

It took her long to finally calm down and by that time she was as exhausted as after her nightmares while he had still been missing. She was sure there wasn't anyone listening because it was too early and Carson had said he would be in his office.

Elizabeth sat in the chair for a good half of her watch when she heard a soft rustling and the curtain was pulled away. She turned her head to the sound and found Carson standing there with two bottles – one of water, the other of juice.

"Sorry to startle ye, thought ye could use the drink," he explained.

She smiled faintly and nodded, not hiding her red-rimmed eyes, and Carson stepped inside. "Lass, he'll be alright," he told her while handing her the bottles.

She smiled ruefully, placed the juice on the nightstand and unscrewed the lid of pure water. "I know but it's hard to believe that when you see..." she motioned to the bed, "...this."

She drank a little, then closed the bottle once more. Carson hovered at her side because he wanted to help. The nurse on duty had alerted him due to quiet sobs and he had a hard time calming her that everyone was alright and very much alive. He watched Elizabeth's face stricken with anguish and she desperately tried to place her mask of leadership back on. In vain. It faltered every now and then.

"Don't pretend," he advised to her. "Not due to ma. I've seen ye break before. This is no' different."

She rubbed her eyes and sighed. "Oh, Carson. It's just..."

"Just what, Elizabeth?" he demanded. "I want to help."

She heaved a broken sigh. "I know. But you can't help us with this. Nobody can."

"Why?" Carson pressed worriedly. He didn't like what he was hearing. She was shattered and refused any helping hand. And who was she referring to when she said 'us'? Did she mean herself and Rodney?

Elizabeth shook her head, placed the bottle on the nightstand and caught Rodney's hand. As if Carson wasn't even next to her, she spoke up: "I can't help but notice little things he does that make it seem as if he may feel something towards me. I can't help but seek out his company and I love spending time with him. Underneath that hard exterior I know there's a sweet gentle man. And I don't need John, or anyone for that matter, to show me that. I've seen him with my own eyes and love him as much as I love the Rodney McKay we've all grown to know."

She looked at Rodney fondly and Carson only began to realise the extent of what was going on. She was in love with Rodney but their respective positions and people were against them. Caught in his own thoughts, he barely registered her last sentence.

"I love you, Rodney McKay, with all my heart," she said as loudly as a whisper.

Rodney's hand flexed, gently squeezed her and he breathed out an adjusted part of his Morse Code message: "Weir, je t'aime." It was like a louder sigh and slurred, but Elizabeth heard it all right.

Carson thought he had heard something Rodney couldn't have said so he just shook his head and walked over to Elizabeth to massage her shoulders.

Elizabeth couldn't believe she had heard right but she trusted her feelings that she had. She ran a hand over Rodney's forehead, noticing that his hair was matted with sweat. Then she brushed her fingers down his jaw, only to jerk away when Carson's hands brushed against her shoulders.

She looked up flushing profusely but Carson watched her reassuringly and rubbed her tensed muscles. "Don't worry, I won't tell."

She blushed some more and he offered: "Would ye want ma to stay with ye?"

At her court not, he disappeared behind the curtain and she frowned. Then he reappeared with another chair, placed it next to her and sat down. "I think it's better like this."

She couldn't hide a chuckle as Carson patted his hand against Rodney's thigh. He smiled as well and they stayed together till the end of Elizabeth's watch with Rodney's muscles twitching occasionally or him flexing his fingers or toes.

When John's team arrived to give Elizabeth a break, she declared: "Be alright soon, Rodney. I miss you already."

With that and a curt nod, she left to sate her hunger with a quick breakfast so that she could return to her vigil and Rodney saw her at his bedside when he woke up.

AN - translation:

je t'aime = I love you


	44. Dreaming About Reality

AN: I'm incredibly sorry it took me this long to get this chapter written down. The first week back at school had got the better of me and I had almost no time for anything but the obligatory things for the university. I promise I will upload at least one chapter per week but I seriously doubt that I'll be able to do more for the first month or so. Nevertheless, I believe this part is worth waiting for. And thanks for the reviews about the individual talking sessions for Rodney.

Disclaimer: I have to admit that the four questions aren't mine and I have got the inspiration after watching one of the episodes of a series called 'The Librarians'. However, they fit for my story immensely and I wanted something similar ever since I got the idea of letting Rodney's team and Elizabeth talk to him separately.

* * *

 _ **Dreaming About Reality**_

However, Rodney wasn't unconscious all the time as others had presumed. At first, he did spend the time in nothingness, but then he started to dream. He began to dream during John's watch when he moved for the first time. Something tugged at him that he wasn't supposed to be asleep, that he had to move on. And that was why his dream was so vivid in the first place. Subconsciously, he had heard everything all his friends had told him and his mind wanted him to remember and to think about it. Therefore, creating the following mess...

In his dream, he opened his eyes to bright light and had to blink a lot to be able to distinguish anything. He was standing on a stone pillar in the middle of a building. It definitely looked Ancient but he couldn't place it. When he moved to the corner and looked downwards, he could see a deep ravine with a river. Although it was illogical, Rodney accepted the fact without question.

He gulped and looked around. This way he found a broken bridge leading to a huge platform with a Stargate, that was situated on the other side of the rotten bridge. He weighed his options because he doubted the ropes would hold his weight and he would be able to get across. Finding none plausible, he looked around once again and found himself face-to-face with a Wraith queen. He shrieked and tried to back, only to stop just before he could tumble down the river.

She sneered at him and said: "I've been waiting for you, Doctor McKay. Welcome to your personal hell." Then she laughed and Rodney cringed at the very sound.

Then she composed herself and said: "Let us play a game. If you win, you shall leave. If I win, I shall have a meal."

Rodney shook fearfully and tried not to think of what the game may be about. He thought about a way of escape, trying to find a way out of this nightmare. But the one and only possible solution was to learn more about the game and to try to win. "What...what kind of game?" he stammered finally.

The queen smiled wickedly and barred her teeth. "Oh, the rules of the game are simple – four chances to advance." She held up four fingers. "Each question answered honestly wins you another chance. Attempt a lie, a con, a cheat and you will get a lance."

Rodney didn't wonder why she seemed to be reciting verses and focused on the matter at hand. 'Four questions,' he thought. 'And four truthful answers. How hard can that be? But what did she mean by the lance?'

"A lance?" he wondered aloud.

She nodded and he could swear she smirked at him. Then she motioned behind him to the Stargate and he turned around. He couldn't fathom why he hadn't noticed that earlier but there the scene was. There was a male Wraith, who looked rather hungry to Rodney, and four figures kneeling in front of it with hands and feet bound. He couldn't see their faces due to hoods on their heads but their clothes looked like Atlantis' uniforms. Tried as he might, he couldn't see the colours of the chest triangles because they weren't facing his direction.

The Wraith walked over to them and flexed its feeding hand. Rodney paled significantly at the prospect of the Wraith feeding on people from Atlantis in front of him although he didn't know who they were. The Wraith closed in on the four people and gradually pulled all of their hoods away to reveal their faces. All of them had a gag in their mouths and Rodney gasped when he realised who the people were. The first one was Teyla, then Aiden, John and the final one was...Elizabeth. They didn't seem to realise what was going on until the Wraith stepped away and sneered at them. All of them tried to back away, in vain, and Teyla looked away and noticed Rodney on the pillar with the Wraith queen. Her eyes widened and she tried shouting at him to warn him. The gag muffled everything but the remaining three hostages looked in his direction as well and gasped.

Rodney squeezed his eyes shut and muttered: "So I guess this won't be Ancients versus Wraith trivia."

The Wraith queen went closer to him and indicated Teyla. The Wraith standing by pulled her up and held her in place. Teyla and Rodney shared a terrified look when the queen announced: "We shall begin our game."

Rodney gulped and strained his ears to hear everything well.

The queen looked at Teyla and began slowly: "Teaching is to tend a garden, sowing seeds into a tree, throwing all the cage doors open, letting people's mind fly free. Would you say that this describes you? Would your pupils all agree?"

Teyla's eyes widened and Rodney's chin dropped. He hadn't expected anything like this question. Therefore, he answered: "Definitely. They absolutely would." He hoped it would work. It didn't, though, and the Wraith moved its feeding hand towards Teyla's chest.

Rodney looked at her and quickly elaborated: "I mean, most of them. Many of them."

The hand kept closing on Teyla and, with the extra guilt, he recalled his behaviour towards Radek and what had Brendan told him about the youth and fame.

Rodney took all his courage and admitted: "I think there's maybe one or two that wouldn't. Maybe one who would say that I constantly deny him his individuality and awesomeness for no other reason that I find it really annoying and I wish he was more like me."

The Wraith queen nodded and the male unwillingly released Teyla and pulled her gag out of her mouth. Then it snarled: "Speak and I'll push you over the edge."

She bobbed her head and let it take her closer to the Stargate. She gave Rodney a grateful smile and he noticed that the bridge seemed somewhat repaired. However, he didn't have time to dwell on this as the queen gave him another question.

"It seems you are no stranger to competing games of sport," she told him. "The question is, when passions flare, does your fuse burn long or short? Are you fine to share the credit or are you the jealous sort?"

Rodney gaped at her and looked over the bridge to see that the Wraith had taken hold of Aiden.

Rodney tried to analyse himself and said: "I think that I'm a pretty even-tempered guy."

At that, even Aiden in his life-threatening condition had to snicker. The Wraith holding him seemed intent to taste his life energy so Rodney corrected himself fast: "I mean, I try to be."

When not even this elicited the desired effect and the threat to Aiden had become too imminent that even the younger man's smile disappeared in fear, Rodney bellowed: "Okay, I'm not. Okay!" Then, with less force, he went on: "I'm a sore loser. I'm a bad sport. I like to win and I like to be first at all costs and if I'm not, I throw a tantrum like a little baby!"

The queen wasn't pleased at all that her male had to release another prisoner and that the bridge was getting more stable. She hoped she would feed...

Aiden closed his eyes in relief and nodded to Rodney tightly. Together with Teyla, they eyed the Wraith warily and waited for Rodney to save them. Mindful not to talk, they did their best to encourage him with their eyes.

The queen touched Rodney's cheek with her index finger of the non-feeding hand and continued with their 'game'. "Relationships define our lives from birth until the end. We're careful not to let bonds break. They're difficult to mend. And so I ask you plainly, are you a caring friend?"

Rodney expected the Wraith to pull Elizabeth but when he took John, he stammered: "Well, how…you know, friendship, it's kind of a subjective concept..."

John's eyes glowed with betrayal and the Wraith looked more famished than before. Rodney tried to interrupt. "Uh… Let me finish! Let me finish, let me finish!" he shouted at the creature holding one of his best male friends at Atlantis. The Wraith kept advancing on John and Rodney locked eyes with John to reassure him that he would never let it feed on him, not after knowing the terrible end of Sumner and Brendan and Abrams.

Rodney took a deep breath just as the Wraith tore John's shirt open. Others were looking at John and the Wraith petrified. Stopping it before the final act, Rodney confessed: "I was going to say I'm not. I'm a terrible friend. I don't know how to be a caring friend. Or maybe I do and I'm just afraid to try… I'm afraid to get close to people 'cause I'm terrified of being hurt."

John was released and almost collapsed in relief. He realised he had never been this scared and had never seen Rodney so distressed. He would have hugged Rodney if his hands weren't bound. Therefore, he had to stay standing with others and wait.

Rodney was trembling, hoping John was alright, but his mind was whirring and he felt nauseous as he awaited the final question concerning Elizabeth. He noticed that the bridge was halfway completely fixed so he rushed to the middle to be closer to others during the last minutes. And if he were to fail his Elizabeth, he would rather jump down the ravine and kill himself than to face the wrath of his team.

The Wraith queen followed him on the bridge and her male companion struggled to pull Elizabeth up to his arms. Rodney tried to communicate with his eyes that he'd do everything in his power to save her and she bowed her head slightly, with trust and faith etched in her own eyes.

Rodney stopped two steps before the end of the safe bridge and jumped up when the queen spoke up right behind him.

"Three questions down and one to go," she informed him. "I see you've hit your stride. But do not get too confident. You've not yet reached their side," she warned him. "Do you think you are a humble man or a victim of your pride?" she demanded as her last question.

Tears welled up in Elizabeth's eyes for she knew how much Rodney would struggle with this question. She knew she would be, too. The Wraith holding her prepared for the attack but she still tried to fight it.

Rodney watched her feeble attempt and claimed: "Well, I wouldn't say I was a victim of my pride. I mean…"

The Wraith seemed intent on feeding this time so Rodney raised his voice once more. "Wait, wait, wait, WAIT!"

To his immense surprise, the Wraith did stop and gave him a mocking glare as if it were challenging him. "No, I'm not a humble man," Rodney confided to everybody present and tried to look Elizabeth in the eye. "I used to be. I used to be a lot of things. I used to be insecure, scared, and I hated it and I think I built up an armour of confidence to hide the fact that I'm never more than two steps away from a full-on panic attack. And I can see… I can see how that would alienate the people who care about me the most, and I'm very sorry about that."

A tear escaped from Elizabeth's eye and even Rodney's team had a hard time believing he had said it out loud. They didn't know about this, didn't know about Rodney's past, his demons, his lost faith.

The male Wraith screeched and let Elizabeth loose. She fell to her knees and a painful gasp escaped her lips. The queen looked at the scene and barred her teeth in disgust. "Congratulations, Doctor McKay. You can now go to your people. But remember, we aren't done here."

Rodney lowered his gaze and ran to his team as soon as the bridge was completed. He didn't take into account that the Wraith had vanished into thin air before he reached the platform, or that a DHD appeared out of nowhere. What mattered to him was that his team was safe, secured and out of danger.

He first ran to Elizabeth and gently helped her sit down. He worked to untie the ropes holding together her hands and feet, then he gently touched her bad knee and winced at the soft groan that escaped her. "It's going to be fine," he reassured her.

She smiled at him and said: "I know. Go help the others."

Rodney nodded and lowered his head in embarrassment when he realised that he had completely forgotten about his team when he saw injured Elizabeth. He touched her cheek, jumped up to his feet and went to his other friends. John was smirking by the time he made the few steps towards them. Teyla and Aiden were giving him a genuine smile.

Rodney subconsciously started working on John's restraints, mindful of his torn clothes. "I'm so very sorry about the T-shirt, John," he told him sincerely. "It was just..."

"Don't worry about it, McKay," John calmed him down. Rodney flinched a bit when John used his surname but worked hard to free his hands.

As soon as John was released, he rubbed his wrists and then hugged Rodney tightly. "I know our friendship is different to the standards, Rodney," he began. "I know that's why you hesitated. But you are the best friend anyone can ask for. You _are_ caring and compassionate. And let me promise to you that you'll never get hurt again by losing us as friends. We've grown to accept you and know that your friendship is really hard to gain. We will never abuse what you, Rodney McKay, the residential genius, have given to us in your heart."

Rodney was moved. He hadn't expected to hear John talk like this. They were real friends! He was only sorry that it took him this long to understand the concept.

Then John released him and motioned his head to Aiden. "I can manage with the legs. Go help Aiden. He can barely keep still."

Rodney looked up and noticed that Aiden was really trying to untie himself with an undefined urgency to it. Rodney went to him and helped him with the knots. Aiden flashed him a sheepish glance when they were done, quickly bowed to release his feet and rushed to the other side so that his back was to the others. Everybody was watching him curiously until they heard the sound of a zip being open and then their faces lit up with a knowing smile.

Rodney moved over to Teyla, helped her get rid of the rope binding her hands and then knelt in front of her to help her with the feet. Aiden returned by the time he was done. Elizabeth, however, kept sitting down, watching the scene unfold.

John grinned at his 2IC. "Doing number one, Lieutenant?"

Aiden looked at his commander embarrassedly but still he grinned slightly. "Yes, sir. The Wraith holding me didn't help it one bit."

Teyla frowned at them. "Number one?" she queried. She thought that having to pee was a universal phrase.

John looked uncomfortably at others who just snickered. He used it so he had to deal with the explanation. "Yeah, well, it's a euphemism. Accepted in public."

"Oh," Teyla breathed out. Then she looked over at Elizabeth still on the ground and noticed the pain hidden in her eyes. She asked: "What's wrong with Dr. Weir?"

The rest of them looked at the sitting Elizabeth and immediately ran to her side. Rodney dropped to his knees on her right side, oblivious to scraping them, followed by John who had chosen her left. Teyla and Aiden knelt at her feet. She tried to shoo the unwanted attention.

"I'm fine, really," she claimed and tried to sound as if she were, too.

Rodney didn't buy it at all and gently began folding one of her pant legs up. She sagged and let him work his way up to her once again bruised knee. Others watched him expectantly and he hesitantly explained: "The Wraith pushed her down and she fell badly."

John held her left hand and eyed her injured knee as well. So far it didn't look so bad but it was swollen and tender to the touch, as they all could hear when Rodney palpated the skin around.

Elizabeth tried to get her mind elsewhere so she wondered: "How are we going back to Atlantis?"

Rodney scratched his head and looked around. "We have a Stargate. So there should be a DHD somewhere nearby."

He couldn't see it because of Teyla but others did see it. Teyla smiled and told him: "I hope you have learnt a lot from this. You've got an amazing gift of teaching but that's not all. Everybody starts to learn again at some point. And it seems that you have reached yours."

Rodney smiled faintly and locked his eyes with Elizabeth. "There's still so much to be discovered and found out. About the city and her people, about the galaxy, about the Wraith. And the world isn't just black and white."

Elizabeth lifted her hand and touched his cheek. "We're going to be fine. We've been through so much together that this can't stop us. Not if we work together as a big family."

Rodney nodded smiling and Aiden added: "Doc, you're our best shot at getting us back to the Earth one day. You have to get back on the horse."

Rodney looked at his friends, then he began searching his pockets and found a gauze. "I know and I think I have already," he said, tearing the package open. He thought Aiden was talking about how upset he was when he found out that his first-timeline self gave his life trying to save the team but in vain. He didn't lie when he said that he was good once again. He knew he could do things right because now he knew that all his efforts would have a reason.

"I'll get us home, to Atlantis, as soon as I tend to Elizabeth's injury," he announced while gently lifting her leg in his lap. He could remember the last time he treated her like this. She had tripped and hadn't wanted to walk around the city with a brace from Carson.

Now, Elizabeth couldn't hold in a hiss of pain when Rodney pressed the gauze too tight. She knew the knee had to be fixated but it hurt like hell. Rodney tried to be as sensitive as possible but he winced every time Elizabeth was in pain due to him. When he finished, he tore the end of the gauze and bound it on a loose knot.

All this time, John was holding Elizabeth's left hand in support and Teyla together with Aiden got up and went check the DHD if they could find the point of origin.

John finally asked: "Do you think you can walk, Elizabeth?"

"Of course," she calmed him quickly and prepared to get up.

Rodney pushed her back down. "No, you don't," he warned her. "I'm carrying you, just in case. The more weight you put on that knee, the worse, so I intend to keep you completely off it."

Elizabeth's eyes widened in surprise and her sight moved over to her left where John was gaping at Rodney because he couldn't fathom why Rodney was saying that.

There was a moment of awkward silence before Teyla returned. She looked at the trio, frowned and asked: "Is something wrong?"

"No, not at all," John said, shaking his head.

Teyla looked him in the eye but she didn't believe him a word. When no-one else spoke up, she informed them: "We have the DHD but we can't find the point of origin."

Rodney looked at Elizabeth and she nodded. "Go," she then added silently.

He got up quickly, brushed his trousers and went to the DHD. Elizabeth sighed and started to pull the leg of her trousers back down. John stopped her mutely and did it himself.

Rodney reached the DHD and whistled quietly. The symbols were somehow different to the usual ones they had encountered around the galaxy but he could clearly distinguish those which composed Atlantis' Gate address. But the point of origin? He didn't know where they were. He didn't know how they got here in the first place. Rodney tuned out everything else around him and focused completely on the device in front of him.

Aiden watched him from the side, keeping him safe as if this was the most standard mission. He looked behind Rodney to his CO and tried to lip-read what they were whispering about. However, they were too far away for Aiden's capacities.

Rodney hummed to himself and examined the foot of the DHD. To his surprise, there wasn't a panel which could be opened, but just a plate stating: 'Search deep within your heart to find what seems too hard. With the hints, you have only one try but there is no reason to cry.'

"Okay, these poems are getting tiresome," Rodney exhaled slowly. He got up and thoroughly looked at all the symbols. He didn't notice anything connected to heart or tears although one particular symbol kept his attention. He resisted the temptation and searched other sides of the DHD if, by chance, there were more clues. Unfortunately, there was nothing else to be found and Rodney knew his team and Elizabeth depended on him to find a solution to a problem once more. Meaning, he didn't want to let them down because he had already forgiven them for not taking him on the trip to the lake. What they had told him and what he had admitted to them helped him realise that the mission gone wrong and now this situation weren't either's fault.

Rodney loomed over the symbols and studied each of them separately. After a moment, he silently recited the verses again: "Search deep within your heart to find what seems too hard. With the hints, you have only one try but there is no reason to cry. What the hell does it mean?"

Suddenly, Aiden told him: "Instead of reciting nonsenses, you could tell me where I can help you search for the point of origin. We should really get going."

Rodney turned at him and snapped: "Forgive me for taking my time to make sure I have the symbols right because if not, we can end up disintegrated in an unstable wormhole."

Aiden's jaw dropped. Rodney closed his eyes and sighed. "I'm sorry, Ford. I didn't mean to snap. This situation is just so..." Rodney searched for the right term, realising what he had been missing all that time. "Admitting the truth, forgiveness. M5S-224. The point of origin."

Aiden nodded distractedly but then snapped his head up to look at the scientist. "What?"

Rodney didn't pay any attention to him and began punching in the symbols of Atlantis' address, the Gate lighting up gradually. His hand hovered over the point of origin before he pushed the one of the misty planet where they had let them believe they had returned to the Earth.

The wormhole was established, its blue vortex erupting into the space of the platform. Rodney activated his radio and called: "Atlantis, this is McKay."

To everyone's relief, a voice with Scottish accent responded: "Took ye long enough, Rodney. Is everybody alright?"

Rodney grinned like an idiot as he turned round to face Elizabeth and John. "We're fine. But I think Elizabeth would be glad for a wheelchair because she..." he stopped before he said anything about the Wraith, and adjusted his report, "...has hurt her knee."

"Oh, aye, of course," Carson stammered slightly before he addressed his patient-to-be. "Is it the right one?"

Elizabeth heaved a sigh of unhappiness and tapped her radio. "It is, the broken one."

Rodney scowled. "Can we step through now?"

Carson said: "Sorry, it's the protocol. Peter needs an IDC."

Rodney rolled his eyes and looked at Aiden who, out of nowhere, fished a GDO and sent his code.

"The shield is down," they heard Peter's voice through their radios.

Rodney smiled and gradually locked his eyes with the trio on the ground. John gave him a 'thumbs-up' and Teyla bowed her head. Elizabeth graced him with the smile she reserved only for special occasions and his heart melted. Rodney went to them and knelt next to Elizabeth.

Teyla got up and nudged John to follow her lead. He unwilling obeyed and together they walked to Aiden standing in front of the event horizon.

Elizabeth touched Rodney's cheek and told him playfully: "You know, I can take care of myself."

"Indeed," he replied smirking. "And that's why I always have your back to hold you up when you feel like falling."

"Oh, Rodney..." she started but he placed his index finger on her lips.

"Others are waiting."

They both looked up to see Rodney's team stealing glances in their direction. Therefore, Rodney snaked his arms under Elizabeth and lifted her in the air. She yelped in surprise but then she placed her arms around his neck, laid her head in the crook of his neck and allowed him to carry her to the Stargate.

John smirked at Rodney as soon as they arrived. Then he patted Rodney's shoulder and squeezed his arm. "You did great here. It must have taken a lot of courage to admit some of the things in front of everyone."

Rodney's cheeks reddened slightly at the compliment. John stepped away and added: "I couldn't have chosen a better scientist on my team."

And then he stepped through the Gate. Aiden just shrugged and gave Rodney a quick salute, which Rodney couldn't return with anything but a nod. Then he jumped through the event horizon back first. Teyla, however, moved over to the doctors and touched her forehead with Rodney's. "See you on the other side. It will be amazing to get things back to normal. I look forward to another tea with you."

As soon as she left, Elizabeth pulled closer to Rodney and whimpered: "I don't want to lose you ever again."

Rodney kissed her forehead and calmed her: "You won't. You will never lose me."

Her lips trembled for a moment and he couldn't help himself but say: "Dr. Elizabeth Weir, I love you and I always will. And I will always come back to let you know. Even though people at Atlantis mustn't find out. Even though we can never go public anywhere until we are set up again. Even though..."

Elizabeth easily stopped him with a kiss on his lips, which they deepened fast. When they broke apart, neither could catch a breath for quite a while. She recovered first and glanced at the Gate. "We should better be going. They will wonder where we are."

"But..." Rodney argued sadly. He didn't want this moment to end although he had his suspicions that it was merely a dream with figments of memories and information he had about his friends.

"No buts. Once we meet in the Infirmary, you'll tell me in person. Everybody misses you and you should see it on your very eyes. And, more importantly, nobody judges you badly for not having caught up with Captain Jorgenson's team."

Elizabeth inclined her head to the event horizon and Rodney nodded regretfully. "Thank you." Then he kissed her once more. "For good luck," he explained.

She chuckled and together they stepped through to Atlantis.


	45. Help And You'll Be Helped

AN: Before we get back to Rodney, I'll leave you in suspense by taking a look at Allan's team, who try to forget their mistake and hope to mend their team. However, Sarah won't and can't forget.

* * *

 _ **Help And You'll Be Helped**_

Off-world, an allied planet. Jorgenson's team was helping the villagers with the reconstruction of their homes. Right now, Maria was securing Sarah on a tree while the men were doing the heavy work of erecting pillars and constructing walls for the newly-built houses.

Sarah hooked herself up a branch and called down to Maria: "Remind me again why I volunteered to do this."

Maria chuckled. "Because you're the lightest? And because we have agreed to help?"

Sarah groaned into the dense yellowish foliage and prepared the medium-sized clay bucket she had pulled along all the way up.

To herself, she muttered: "The lightest, huh. I bet one of the villagers could have climbed here for the sap."

Maria watched her worriedly, hoping Sarah would be fine, because she doubted she would be able to help Sarah up there. Maria couldn't admit that she was afraid of heights and, thankfully, she hadn't had to, yet. She held the rope while Sarah found a knife and wedged it into the bark.

Sarah worked fast and efficiently. She wasn't thrilled about the prospect of staying up in the trees any longer than absolutely necessary because she was well acquainted with local insects from mission reports. She plunged her knife deep into the tree's bark and placed the bucket right under it. The tree slowly began to weep a reddish substance that smelled foul, like something decaying for more than a week. Sarah couldn't breathe properly due to the disgusting smell, forcing back dry heaves.

"Is everything alright?" Maria called from below as soon as she heard the strange sounds.

"Yeah, yeah," Sarah called back, praying for her torture to end. She took a deep breath as far from the cut as possible and forced herself to move back closer to the bucket, only to see that it was still more than half-empty. "Damnit," she cursed and turned away from the sap, swallowing hard.

What she didn't see was that one of the female villagers arrived hurriedly to Maria with a tiny clay container and asked: "Has she already cut the tree?"

Maria nodded and the woman sighed. "When we talked, I forgot to give her this 'reelay'. It blocks the specific smell of the sap." The woman looked up and commented: "But she's doing admirably without it. Not many people would stay."

Maria smiled. "Yeah, she's persistent. Even more so now that her boss has…" Maria stopped herself and shook her head.

However, the woman understood that something bad must have happened to him, thought she knew what, and bowed her head. "I'm sorry for his loss. He wasn't meant to be taken away from you by the Wraith."

"Did you know him?" Maria couldn't help but ask. She also wondered how it was possible that the woman knew about Rodney being taken.

"Yes, he was here several times to collect provisions with one of your ships. And he found something in our old city and wanted to investigate it next time he had a bit of free time," the woman admitted sadly.

Maria frowned because she didn't know that Rodney had ever piloted a Jumper here, nor that there was an old city. She hadn't seen it mentioned in any mission report from this planet.

Suddenly, Sarah called down: "It's full. I'm going down."

Maria held the rope more tightly, ready to ease Sarah, and turned at the woman. "You'd better hide the gel or whatever. She wouldn't be happy to know she could have avoided the smell."

The woman looked at her questioningly opened the pot and smeared some of the clear ointment under Maria's nose. Then she closed the lid and placed it in her only pocket. Maria felt a burning sensation where the 'reelay' was applied but was prevented from scratching the place due to holding Sarah.

"We're so glad that you're helping us with the reconstruction," the woman suddenly changed the topic.

"It's the least we can offer to you. And Dr. Beckett has promised to send you some of our medical supplies next time," Maria told her politely, keeping an eye on Sarah, who carefully descended the tree.

A moment later, a male villager came running to them. "We need the sap now, Enria. We're running low on glueing clay."

Enria indicated the tree. "On it, Devalis," she said when they heard snapping of a branch above them and a shocked cry.

Seconds later, Sarah fell out off the tree crown back first, the clay bucket held on her stomach. Devalis sprinted forward and caught her in his strong arms. Her momentum was too big so he was unable to hold her up and they both fell to the ground. "Are you alright?" Devalis asked immediately.

Sarah looked somewhat dazed as she replied shakily: "Yes, yes, I think so."

Maria and Enria knelt next to them and then helped them regain their footing.

"Alright, Rapunzel," Maria told Sarah with a grin, "time to hand over your booty."

When Sarah blinked at her incomprehensibly, she pointed her chin at the bucket, which Sarah still held as a sacred relict. Sarah immediately handed the disgusting sap over to Devalis and stammered: "Thank-thank you for…eh…saving me."

He smiled back sheepishly and rushed to the village where they could hear Carlos calling: "I can't hold it up here much longer. Where is the sealant?"

Maria rolled her eyes and looked Sarah over properly. She was happy to find out that Sarah was standing straight and seemed to have only a few scratches. "You should be more careful next time," she warned her.

"Next time?" Sarah cried out in shock and covered her mouth. She used her other hand to pinch her nose and informed them: "This one was enough, thank you very much."

Enria patted her shoulder and calmed her: "Don't worry. This was just a one-time emergency. Trust me. Normally, we use younger trees growing further away from our village but now we're running out of sap sooner than it can be replenished."

Sarah nodded in acceptance, although she didn't quite believe her, and eyed the village uncertainly. "Should we return?" she asked.

Maria looked up the tree and agreed: "Once I gather the gear, yes."

"I'll help you," Enria offered and Maria didn't say no.

Meanwhile, Allan and Carlos almost finished the base for a new house. They had lifted the corner wood pillars upright and had made sure they wouldn't move or slip in any direction. Then they began to fill the walls with unburned clay bricks, which they stuck together with a sealant, for the lack of a better term. The natives called it 'glueing clay' but it smelled almost as bad as an old dung. However, the bricks seemed to lock the smell in them and they even emitted warmth. When the bricks returned to their standard temperature, they held together like one piece.

Feeling the nice warmth, Allan vaguely remembered that nomadic tribes in deserts used the warm camel dung to 'bake' small breads. He had spent some time in a desert but it was with the military of the USA so there was no way how to try local customs.

Carlos was up on one of the walls, setting the bricks neatly between the pillars. His bucket with glueing clay lay on the top of the wall, almost completely empty. A small inconvenience was that he had to hold all the bricks in a container in his hand.

Allan prepared more bricks, lifted the container up thanks to a pulley and said: "Here go more bricks, Lieutenant."

Carlos took the few bricks he had already had up, and placed them in the new container, changing the buckets in the process. Allan got the empty one down and Carlos continued his work. On the ground, Allan was tying together the long grass brought from the fields, which would later be used for the roof.

All around them, the village was bustling with life and repair-works. People were busy putting together what could be saved and beginning new projects, bringing food and drinks to others, crafting useful supplies. Allan enjoyed the energy pouring through the place which also brimmed with excitement for the future to come, so he didn't hear Carlos' first demand for more 'glueing clay'.

Therefore, he was startled when Carlos spoke up louder and called: "I can't hold it up here much longer. Where is the sealant?" Carlos thought Allan had heard him and was looking for the clay but couldn't find it.

"I'll get it," Allan answered and looked around them for the necessary supply.

However, he couldn't find it anywhere. Desperate enough to leave the building they were working on, he searched around the village, in vain. When he despondently returned to Carlos, a man walked to them and handed Allan a full bucket of the clay.

"Heard you need a resupply," he told Allan with a hint of a genuine smile.

"Yes, thank you," Allan replied and immediately began to pull the bucket up to Carlos who continued with his work. The man without another word like a ghost.

Just when Carlos started applying the new sealant, a young girl popped her head through the last unfinished wall and announced: "Lunch is served in a while. Will you join us?"

Allan nodded and replied: "Of course, we'd love to. Where are we supposed to go?"

The girl pointed somewhere behind her. "The centre of our village is the safest place to hold it." She sauntered off toward another construction site but then she quickly returned and added: "Oh, and you would want to hurry up because we also celebrate your honourable help."

Before Allan could reply, she was gone. Carlos looked down and laughed at his surprised and somewhat disbelieving expression. "Well, I will finish this level and lower to you. At least this sealant can't harden into stone if you don't use everything."

Allan shook himself from his stupor and told him in return: "I don't remember us doing anything worth a celebration."

"Hey, only you would complain about free food, sir," Carlos teased him as he gave the finishing touches to his hard work.

Allan graced him with a hint of a smile. "I only say that it's unusual. We've barely done anything."

Carlos carefully descended to the ground and shrugged. "I don't care. Maybe they want to celebrate the help of the entire expedition. You know, warning them before the Wraith, helping with the sick and injured fellows…"

Carlos left the sentence hanging and Allan couldn't argue with his reasons. These small things really seemed worth commemorating. "And now we're helping with fixing things," Allan chimed in.

The men started walking to the centre of the village side by side when Carlos agreed: "Exactly. To think it could have been Sgt. Stackhouse's team."

Allan laughed but then sobered. "I wonder what the girls are doing."

"We'll see them at the lunch, don't worry," Carlos told him. Then he pointed ahead of them to the right. "And there they are. At two hours."

Allan looked in that direction and spotted the two women in question talking animatedly. Sarah looked paler than usual and she had small scratches on her arms. She didn't seem to mind, though, as she tried to persuade Maria about something. The first thing Allan and Carlos heard was: "Trust me, I can do it."

"Do what?" Allan inquired. Carlos stood behind him mutely.

Sarah jumped one metre high because she didn't expect him to show up like this. Carlos smirked at her. Then she took a deep breath, knowing she had to argue for her case, and started: "I have just been informed that there is an old city worth investigating. I would like to see what benefits it could possibly hold that could help us, or the villagers. I do realise that the odds of finding a ZPM are zero point zero zero nothing but whatever might be there, it could help us. Even if it was only to bargain with the natives."

Then she inhaled and waited for the verdict. Allan pursed his lips and shook his head. "One more sentence and I was afraid we'd have to stop you to take a breath," he joked.

Sarah frowned, hurt that he was laughing at her, while Maria interjected: "I'm not in on this but she has been very adamant about it ever since she found out that McKay himself had seen some potential in there."

Allan sighed. There they went again. "Do you know where the old city is?" he asked Sarah directly.

She shook her head and breathed out: "No."

"Do you know how far away it is?"

"No," she admitted.

"Well, then…"

Sarah interrupted him quickly by: "But a villager could show us. The one who arrived when I was up in the tree crown."

Allan rubbed his chin. "And are you sure she'll lead us there? What with the whole settlement being fixed?"

Carlos moved closer and added his point of view: "Let's get through the lunch first and then we can learn more about the old city and work from there. Hmm?"

Others nodded, although Sarah didn't look too thrilled that she would have to wait for her yes or no.

All of them rounded a building and got to the central village where many people sat on furs and enjoyed a warm meal of meat, vegetables and sauce. The team scanned the place for where they could get the food and found a big kettle, tended by a cook, to their left. They made their way over and each of them received a steaming bowl of something edible and a wooden spoon from the smiling woman. She even directed them to empty furs where they could sit down.

As they set off towards them, a woman sitting nearby waved at them and Maria recognised her as Enria. She waved back and they hurried over to her.  
Maria burdened herself with the introductions as soon as they reached Enria's hearing range: "Enria, these are Captain Allan Jorgensen and Sergeant Carlos Vega. Boys, this is Enria."

The men nodded as Enria joined her hands as if in prayer and pressed them to her chest. "Be blessed," she greeted them.

"Nice to meet you," Carlos answered.

"Please sit and enjoy your meal," she told them heartily.

The team gratefully collapsed into the furs and dug into their lunch. The meat was spicy and tasted nothing like the meat from the Earth. The vegetables were cooked soft but not mushy, and tasted distinctly like pepper, parsley and sweet potatoes called sunroot or topirambour.

Halfway through their lunch, Maria said: "Enria, we've talked about the old city but we need more information."

Enria stopped eating and looked at her fearfully. "More information?" she repeated, her voice trembling ever so slightly.

"Is there a problem?" Allan wondered politely as soon as he noticed her hesitation.

She quickly shook her head. "No, no, it's just that I am not the right person to tell you. The Master," she said, placing a palm on her forehead for a brief second, "is the only one who knows its location and some of its secrets. He, and Dr. McKay who had already visited the city."

Carlos shrugged and swallowed a mouthful of food. "Can we speak to him?" he demanded.

Enria lowered her head with a sigh. "He… His life…" She gave a short sigh, which felt closer to a sob, and mentally collected herself. "The quake was bad and…and he died in one of the collapsed houses."

Everyone froze in shock. They knew there were casualties but they had no idea how severe. Losing the village's Master was a blow. There was a silent clatter as Carlos lowered his spoon into the bowl and swallowed thickly. Then he carefully glimpsed at the rest of his team, only to find them as shell-shocked as he was. Maria was breathing deeply in a hard-got concentration, Allan was rubbing the scruff of his neck and Sarah was wiping at her BDUs where there were new stains. Carlos presumed that the clatter he had heard was her dropping the spoon.

Allan cleared his throat uncertainly. "Well, ehm… We're sorry for his loss?" he offered as a small consolation.

Enria nodded gracefully. "Thank you. His family will surely appreciate your sorrow."

Sarah gave a short sigh when she realised that the old city would remain a mystery until Dr. Weir gave a go and a team left to find it with a Jumper. And given that there was no written record about the city, the chances were close to zero.

Enria mistakenly guessed that the sigh belonged to her stained clothes, and so she offered: "You can get cleaned up in the river. It's only a couple minutes away."

"Yeah, well, that sounds great," Sarah agreed unhappily. "But I don't have anything else to wear so I think I'll stick with…" she pulled the wet pant leg from her left thigh, "…ugh…this."

A woman from the group to their left got up and walked over to Sarah. "I'm sorry to interrupt but I overheard that you need clean clothes."

Sarah's eyes widened as she gave an infinitesimal nod. Others watched the exchange with curiosity.

The woman took the tiny bob as the cue to continue and went on: "There are always a few spare pieces in my clothes makery. You can borrow some and have Henry return them next time."

When Sarah blinked at her blankly, she coughed, her cheeks colouring dark pink, and explained: "I mean, you can have Sgt. Stackhouse bring them back."

"Oh, I-I possibly couldn't…" Sarah tried to back out but the woman looked at her intensely and Sarah found it impolite not to give in.

The woman outstretched her right hand and Sarah took it uncertainly. She was pulled up fast and steadily with a firm grip. The woman looked at Allan and assured him: "We'll be back in a while."

And then she was pulling Sarah away, who was stumbling over her own feet. Enria chuckled and apologised to the team: "I'm sorry for Keena. She can be…" she searched for the right word, "…intense when she sets her mind to something."

"It's alright, no worries," Allan said with a smile. However, both Carlos and Maria noticed his stressed undertone and knew it wasn't 'alright' at all. Too fresh bad memories, they knew.

Maria closed her eyes, knowing her having a bath, too, wouldn't look as suspicious as one of the men doing so, and opened her eyes again. Them she placed her bowl aside and prepared to get up. "I think I'll go freshen up. I feel sticky."

Enria blinked in astonishment, looked at the vacated seat Sarah had occupied, and frowned. "Why? You haven't been hit."

Allan realised what Maria was up to and gave her a grateful tired smile, saying: "I don't know, either. You don't even smell sweaty, Sergeant." He lifted his left arm and smelled his own armpit before exaggeratedly pulling a face in disgust. "But that can't be said about me."

Real grins broke on faces around him, not just in the nearest vicinity, and he realised that just maybe he could let his guard down a little bit and trust the natives that they'd do no harm to Sarah, when she was just having a bath. He hoped this planet was as good as Stackhouse had promised.

Enria went sober and offered: "Even though we still have about a half a day of light, we can spare a few minutes by the river and," she lifted her index finger, "bring water for dinner."

When the whole team nodded enthusiastically, she snickered and stood up, taking her unfinished lunch with her. "Let's go then," she announced.  
Everyone followed suit and soon they enjoyed the clear water of the promised river.


	46. Time Stands Still

Atlantis' Infirmary. Rodney frowned when he found himself in darkness with strange beeping in the background which he couldn't place. He remembered stepping through a Gate leading to the control room! He felt woozy and strange. He ached all over, soreness reminding him of muscles he didn't even know he had, and he felt dog-tired. He realised the pain niggling at him was dulled, which could mean only one thing – he had been drugged. He so wanted to get back to sleep but he couldn't because, with this realization, his head exploded with tiny stars of pain. He felt as if someone had hammered nails in the back and the sides of his skull and, in addition, he had the worst migraine he could imagine.

When his brain stopped feeling frozen, he wondered why he had been drugged like this because those must have been the good drugs Carson kept in the store for special cases. But given that he still hurt, he must have been injured some more. Unfortunately, the drugs prevented him from thinking straight, which he hated the most about his current situation because everything he could ever rely on was his thinking. What's more, he resented the molasses feeling, dumb, dull and dim.

He stayed in this state for a couple more minutes, realising that his headache had been fading somewhat and he could focus on finding out where he was. Not that he would realise that the drugs meant Carson's care.

He couldn't open his eyelids just yet because they felt as heavy as if they had been made out of lead, but he had his other senses. The sense of touch made him aware of sheets covering his sore body because they felt really heavy. But the sheets had also a positive effect when Rodney became acutely aware of the warmth he hadn't felt in days, which surrounded him like a cocoon.

Then there was the sense of smell. Rodney sniffed the air secretly trying to get a stronger smell of his surroundings, but it only fed him with more oxygen. Such a feeling was strangely familiar to him but the cotton in his head didn't seem to process it. The last sense Rodney was able to use was his hearing, and it gave him the information of an annoying beeping around his head and several different breaths somewhere nearby. He expected he would be alone because people didn't like him much and his team had better things to do than to sit around and wait.

He listened because that was all he could do at the moment. And when there was a clatter of metallic instruments, he painfully realised that he was in the Infirmary. And then he remembered that it was Atlantis' Infirmary which meant that he had escaped the hostile rainforest planet.

Rodney listened some more because he was too tired and hurt to wake up for the reality. He listened to get his bearings and to clear his head and to figure out what was going on before he blurted out something stupid like 'Where am I?'. He knew this had sometimes happened to himself and John, too, but just this time he wanted to be smarter than that, though this wasn't the only reason why he listened. He was scared. He was unconceivably scared due to the damned mission and he needed at least the smallest handle of things before he would face anyone else. He'd been on his own for more than three long days and needed time to mentally recuperate.

Nonetheless, he decided to open his eyes at least for slits to find out whose breathing he was listening to. His sight was blurry because the room was too bright after the cloudy world of M1X-808. Nevertheless, he caught a glimpse of an oxygen cannula in his nose, which was the reason for having more oxygen when he had taken a deeper breath. Rodney gingerly pried his eyes open some more and blinked slowly, even though it was harder and harder to keep them open.

After a moment, his eyes trailed down the length of his right arm to see dark-skinned hands holding his. Rodney focused on them, realised they looked distinctly female and, as he moved his head slightly to the right, he noticed the hands belonged to Teyla, who appeared to be sleeping sitting down.

Rodney's lips parted in a small smile and he carefully turned his head to the left, where he noticed Aiden resting on a chair with a cast left foot propped up on a second chair in front of him. One of the two people he longed to see the most was slumped in the chair in the legs of his bed, his hair looking much worse than usual, sticking in all different directions. Rodney assumed that John was awake because he had open eyes, although they seemed not to be focused on anything, and held something in his hands. Rodney was unable to see what, though. Nevertheless, he was so elated to see that his team was alright, that they came to see him in the Infirmary, that maybe their dream versions didn't lie.

Suddenly, the curtain was pulled open and a familiar female figure slipped inside. She was careful when she made sure that nobody outside the curtain saw her, and then she turned her face at him and her jaw dropped. The sight of her coming and seeing him awake... It made him long for saying a few words to her before losing his consciousness again, given that darkness once more assaulted his senses and even blinking was an immense exertion. John, for that matter, didn't appear to notice that someone had entered the cubicle, nor that a pair of eyes was wandering all over him.

Rodney gave Elizabeth his patented smile that he has managed something almost impossible, and whispered hoarsely: "J'ai réussi, ça a marché."

Nobody realised that he had almost completely quoted the old Elizabeth after as she had woken up, albeit in French.

Elizabeth blinked in astonishment that Rodney had woken up, while John's head snapped up from the book he was and wasn't reading. The book fell from his lap with a loud thud, waking up everybody else. Unfortunately, by that time Rodney was so exhausted that his eyes closed for good and the familiar darkness surrounded him and took him under, so that he could sleep and gain energy for when he would wake up next time. Thankfully, it was not a comatose state.

– – – – – – – – – –

After Elizabeth had left the curtained area, Carson briefed everybody else about Rodney's progress, making them very happy that he would get back to them soon. Then Carson brought another chair in so that they all could sit down, and went to his office and then his lab to do something useful while he still could.

Teyla claimed the chair on Rodney's right and clasped his hand in hers. John pulled the chair, which Carson had brought, to Rodney's left and sat down, his left hand rubbing the length of Rodney's arm. Aiden hobbled to the chair Carson had been sitting on, and plopped down gratefully. As annoying as his personal regular visits to the Infirmary were, he was really glad that the Ancient devices here were shortening his current healing process to a half. However, he was sure Rodney's recovery would require more than these few sessions and maybe Carson wouldn't even recommend them.

"Hey, Rodney, we're back," John said suddenly as he kept rubbing warmth into Rodney's limb.

"And we aren't letting you alone," Teyla added forcefully.

"Because as petty and arrogant you can be, you are our friend," Aiden told Rodney.

When John frowned at Aiden, he just shrugged and his eyes travelled down to his hands resting on his lap. Maybe it wasn't the best thing to be said but he had meant it to be reassuring.

They sat in silence for a few minutes, then John searched his pant pockets, fished something small and looked at others sheepishly.

"Do you want to play poker?" he asked uncertainly.

Teyla looked at him horrified. "You can't be serious!" she exclaimed. She couldn't believe John was inclined to belittle Rodney's condition in such a way.

John was visibly shaken by her comment but Aiden understood John's need to unwind while still keeping an eye on Rodney and making sure his state wouldn't deteriorate, though Carson had assured them that he would be fine. And Aiden was even positive that they would talk more easily over a card game than just sitting around.

"I'm in," he said and John bobbed his head gratefully. John knew he couldn't have asked for a more understanding right hand. On the other hand, Aiden was surprised how little his CO needed to feel somewhat better.

Teyla turned her head in disbelief and sighed. "You see, Rodney, this is what happens when you stay in the Infirmary unconscious for such a long time." Then she looked at the men and gave them a long suffering glare. "I'll play with you. But Rodney wouldn't be happy to see us like that when he wakes up."

John flashed her a small cheeky grin. "He won't even know we played. Just a game or two..."

She shook her head and finally agreed: "Well, just a game or two then."

John chuckled and began to shuffle the pack of cards. Teyla got up from her chair and unwillingly released Rodney's hand. Nevertheless, she kept her hand on Rodney all the time as she moved closer to others, tracing Rodney's legs below the sheets. Aiden furrowed his brow a bit and wondered aloud: "Shouldn't we bring another chair in as the table?"

John looked around and nodded slowly. "I'll fetch it."

He got up and sneaked outside, quickly returning with another chair and a huge grin. "People are going to start wondering where all the chairs are disappearing. I had to take this one from the waiting room."

Teyla took a deep breath to calm herself down and not to burst out laughing. It wouldn't be appropriate for her to laugh when she herself had chided John and Aiden for treating this situation lightly. As soon as John started dealing the cards, she sat down on Rodney's bed and squeezed his other hand. And then they lost in the game, or two, and even joked silently.

– – – – – – – – – –

Meanwhile, Elizabeth reached the mess hall and took a mystery meat sandwich. The meat had been approved by the medical staff not so long ago so she thought it was probably worth a try. However, she refused to know where the meat came from; that it was a certain planet tagged as M6-something was enough. Then she took a cup of a strong coffee and headed to sit down in the corner closest to the entrance. She had to force herself to swallow down every bite although it tasted like heaven. The meat was delicate and had just the right amount of spices on it. Under different circumstances, she would have enjoyed the meal immensely, but now her mind was occupied elsewhere. She warmed her hands on the coffee mug and took a careful sip, trying its temperature.

Suddenly, there was a shy cough and a slim female figure slipped into Elizabeth's field of vision. She looked up to see a hesitant woman holding a tray with her own breakfast. It looked like an oatmeal with some kind of a native fruit, and there was a juice in a glass. She wore a blue T-shirt, indicating she was a scientist, and her features revealed that she was Japanese, or Chinese. She was biting her lower lip and her eyes behind her glasses were wide as she greeted: "Good morning, Doctor Weir."

Elizabeth recognised her instantly, because the woman was one of the few natural ATA gene carriers, and so she easily plastered a professional smile on her lips before she answered: "Good morning to you, too, Dr. Kusanagi. Can I help you somehow?"

Miko stammered. "Oh, um, is this seat taken?" She motioned to the chair opposite to Elizabeth.

Elizabeth removed her right hand from the mug and stretched it out palm up. "Suit yourself," she told Miko with a warm smile. She wondered what the scientist was up to because their official meeting was postponed for the next day.

Miko sat down and laid her tray on the table. After a moment, she diffidently sipped her juice while Elizabeth calmly watched her moves, waiting for her to start. She was sure there was something the other woman wanted or needed from her.

Miko lay her glass down and sighed. "Here goes nothing," she muttered under her breath and looked straight at Elizabeth. "Something is wrong," she stated simply and then tugged at the hem of her T-shirt.

Elizabeth creased her brow. "What do you mean by wrong, Doctor? Is something broken or malfunctioning?"

Miko shook her head. "Yes and no." She focused on her bowl with breakfast and continued to explain. "Doctor Zelenka has been acting strange lately and I worry he's finally admitting to himself that Rodney, I mean Doctor McKay, is gone."

Elizabeth held herself back not to spill the beans when even the grapevine was mute about Rodney's return, and asked: "How strange?"

Miko pushed her spoon through the oatmeal to give herself some time. "He's closed up in his lab, refuses to talk to people, is always on his radio..."

"And that's strange for him?" Elizabeth wondered. It looked like a normal scientist thing to hole up during an important project. Yet, she knew that Radek may be a little more sociable than Rodney or, ugh, Kavanagh.

Miko nodded her head eagerly and pushed her glasses back up her nose. "He always keeps his lab open, people can stop by and talk. He has never done anything like this."

Suddenly, she was startled by a male voice. "Who has never done what?"

Out of the thin air, there was Radek standing right behind her. She stammered somewhat about scaring the hell out of her before she shook her head and took a bite of her breakfast.

Elizabeth calmly finished her coffee and smiled at Radek. "It was just women's gossip. No boys allowed, sorry."

Radek sighed in understanding. "And here I thought I could add my two cents because Dr. Kusanagi here seemed unhappy about the person's behaviour."

Miko smiled into her spoonful but didn't look at Radek. Elizabeth placed her cup on the plate and folded her arms across her chest.

"Well, I'll use this opportunity for something else. How are you really doing, Radek?"

Radek looked at her in disbelief. "Me?"

She nodded. "Yes, you. From what I've learnt, it's been awfully hard on you this past day or so."

Radek blinked and noticed her raised eyebrow. That's how he realised what she was implying. She was talking about Rodney without alerting Miko and setting the rumour mill. Therefore, he played along. "Oh, um, you know, Major Sheppard gave me a device to tinker so I keep myself occupied and don't have much time to think about anything or anyone. And the research is progressing nicely but, uhm, I need Sheppard to be able to continue. You know, the ATA gene, connection, intel and all that."

Elizabeth gave him a small smile. "I'm sure he'll find some time soon given that his current assignment is about to be..." she searched for the right wording and decided to change the sentence completely, "...well, I'll relieve him of the duty in a couple of minutes. I'm sure the chair is giving him a backache."

Radek rubbed the bridge of his nose. "Yeah, the chairs are really uncomfortable there. Give them my regards," he added then.

"I will," she assured him as she prepared her tray to get up.

Miko watched them uncomprehendingly as they talked about something that was eluding her. She could feel there was more to their conversation she just wasn't seeing but she had no way of finding out just yet. Or she could ask and hope to get an answer that would be at least partly true.

"Oh, mind if I interrupt?" she asked carefully.

Elizabeth and Radek gave her an encouraging smile and she used her left hand to rub her right shoulder blade. "I mean, I also have the gene, and a strong one for that matter. I could easily help you activate it, Radek."

Radek recoiled slightly in shock. That would cause a problem because John had forbidden him to talk and work on the projector casing until Rodney woke up with an explanation. "Well, Miko," he stated nonchalantly, "I can't keep you from your work and, what's more, the Major has already worked with the device more deeply so he understands its requirements better."

Miko wasn't persuaded because she knew that this wasn't the real reason why Radek refused her help. Elizabeth could feel Miko was torn between wanting to believe and second-guessing Radek's answer, because she and Rodney had been close despite their arguments. Probably it was Miko's adoration for Rodney...

Therefore, she offered to Radek: "You can try to work it out with Dr. Kusanagi. You can let her know."

Radek jerked somewhat. "I can?" He blinked and took off his glasses to clean them. "I wouldn't," he told the women and breathed on the left glass. "We've gone all this way keeping it a secret with minimal personnel aware."

Elizabeth rubbed her forehead just as Radek moved to the right glass. "I know but people are likely to find out and, from what I've heard, it's going to be soon."

Miko interrupted her: "Find out what?"

The others didn't pay attention to Miko as Radek's face split into a huge grin. "Really? He's going to be alright?"

Miko caught his arm as soon as he placed his glasses back on his nose. "He? You aren't talking about the project or Major Sheppard's assignment, are you?" she demanded.

Radek swore silently under his breath. Then he tried to save what he had said by: "No, no, I meant it. I call the device he because...because we have a bit of a bond together."

Elizabeth hid a smile successfully and looked him in the eye with a straight face. "Radek, tell her. Go to your lab and tell her. Explain it to her only, no more witnesses."

"But you, Sheppard's team and Carson..."

"I'm sure they won't mind," she calmed him. "Anyway, I should be going to the Infirmary." Elizabeth got up from the table, Miko watching her every move. "If anything, you know where to find me," she addressed Radek.

He nodded and she left the table, dropping her tray to the basin on her way out. She was moving swiftly as she made her way to the control room to check in with Peter.

Miko raised her right brow at Radek. "Infirmary?"

He raised his hands in the air. "Don't ask me."

She smiled gently. "Well, it explains why she overslept for our meeting and has had these mood swings recently."

"Must be the pills Carson has been feeding her since Rodney went missing," Radek claimed. The symptoms Miko had described fitted another health condition but he knew it wasn't true. He shrugged and went on: "Anyway, I'll finish this in my lab. Meet me in twenty minutes if you want to find out more. This," he made air quotes, "'secret' needs to remain a public secret for another day or more."

Miko bobbed her head. "I will."

Radek heaved a sigh, took his tray and quitted the room. A soldier knocked himself down next to Miko and asked: "What have you told them that they left you alone?"

When she realised who the man was, she smiled. "Enrique, it's none of your business. It's among the three of us."

There was no angry undertone to her sentence and Enrique chuckled. "Wow, growing up, Little Ancient."

Miko rolled her eyes. "Please, I asked you to stop calling me that."

"But..." he complained. At Miko's stern expression, he relented. "Fine, I won't call my little Ancient Little Ancient, alright Little Ancient?"

She smacked him playfully in the arm. "I hate you," she breathed out laughing.


	47. Missing And Found

I'm terribly sorry for the delay in writing but I had so much work for school that my head was ready to explode. I know it's a lame excuse, being closed in the labs for the whole week, so here I try to make up for the waiting part and have you enjoy some parts in between. Btw, has anyone read 'War And Peace' and can help me?

* * *

 _ **Missing And Found**_

Elizabeth reached the control room and made her way over to Peter's console. "Morning," she greeted him.

"Good morning to you, Dr. Weir," he replied with a genuine smile.

"Have I missed something?" she then asked.

Peter shrugged. "Not much. I've got a complaint about missing computers from the labs and one about losing chairs in the Infirmary."

Elizabeth's brows shot up to her forehead. "Missing equipment? Who would need computers and chairs?"

A male technician from another console snickered. "Maybe they have a group session watching films or playing games."

Peter shook his head and frowned. "Yeah, as if everybody didn't have their personal computers..." Then be looked at Elizabeth. "I don't think these two are related. Stealing from the Infirmary? That's unlikely."

Corners of Elizabeth's lips curled up. "I'm with you. But we should still look into the computer crisis."

Peter nodded and prepared the official complaint on his laptop. It was from doctor Jordan.

Elizabeth closed the laptop, almost catching Peter's fingers between the screen and the keyboard, and said: "My office."

He got up wordlessly and followed her to the glass office which was as much privacy as they could get in here. Anyway, they didn't have to investigate long before a scientist called that his group had borrowed some computers to have a bigger screen in total to better see the detailing of a Puddle Jumper schematics. They had hoped to finish their project before most of the crew came to work to return the computers but they got stuck due to a malfunction in the system. Mystery solved. And Elizabeth knew that the few missing chairs from the Infirmary were in Rodney's cubicle.

– – – – – – – – – –

Meanwhile, in the Infirmary. John's team had just finished the third round of poker. John gave them a meaningful sigh and said: "Okay, I promised to Teyla to stop soon so it's two to zero to one for her, you and me."

Aiden protested: "That's not fair. I want a chance to increase my score!"

Teyla smiled gratefully at John that he fulfilled his promise. "I'm sure you'll beat us next time we play. As a whole team."

Aiden sulked as John pocketed his cards again and prepared to take the confiscated chair back to the waiting room. Then he thought about it and decided to keep it in Rodney's vicinity because Elizabeth would surely love to sit down, too. But he needed to burn the extra energy by going somewhere...

"Mind if I leave for a moment?" he asked.

Teyla turned her head no, while Aiden shrugged indifferently. John smiled and left the cubicle more stealthily than a cat on a prowl.

A moment later nurse May slipped into the curtained area to check on her patient, surprising the remaining team members. "Sorry, I didn't know anyone was here," Jennifer apologised immediately.

"No problem," Teyla calmed her. "Do what you would do as if we weren't here."

Jennifer nodded shyly and quickly scanned the screens and noted down the numbers into the sheet of paper at Rodney's feet. She then exited fast without saying another word to the pair.

Aiden sat down and rubbed his cast ankle. "Damned cast, I itch all over."

Teyla smiled at him fondly while she washed Rodney's face. It seemed as if he was sensitive to her touch because his worry wrinkles were slowly evening out. She said: "Sit down and prop the leg up. I could try to help you."

Aiden looked at her doubtfully. "You think so?" Nevertheless, he did as he had been told and sat down on the chair closest to Rodney's head, levelling his leg to the chair he had been sitting on.

Teyla sat down on the chair John hadn't returned and began rubbing gentle circles on Aiden's calf, providing him with an easy distraction to his current issue.

– – – – – – – – – –

During that time, John scooted to his quarters, barely breaking sweat, and opened the door. He entered with a sigh and plonked himself down onto his bed.

"Oh my..." he let out an unhappy breath.

He rubbed his eyes because he was tired again but he wanted to be in the Infirmary for Rodney, for Elizabeth who would return soon. He knew he needed something to keep himself awake but more games weren't a possibility here. Then his eyes fell on the worn dog-eared booked lying on his bedside table.

"Hey, there," he said with a tiny hint of a smile.

He caressed its cover affectionately before taking in up and pressing it to his chest. He had never been good at waiting and him acting on impulse was what sometimes even saved them when prolonged brainstorming felt useless. He got up and paced the room for a while to gather his thoughts.

"Let's go," he whispered to his 'War and Peace' once he was ready, and walked outside again, only to collide with Capt. Daniels.

"So-sorry," he stuttered an apology just as Hillary swore: "Damn you."

John's jaw dropped at the swear words and he addressed her: "Excuse me?"

Hillary looked at him and jumped up as if she had got burnt. "My apologies, sir," she told him as soon as she realised whom she had collided with.

"That's okay," he answered slowly.

"I should have watched where I was going," Hillary apologised again. Then she noticed John's book and read the title. "This is some heavy reading you have here," she observed.

John looked down at his book and shrugged. "Long winter nights, I guess." Then he gingerly made his way around the Captain so that he could disappear to the Infirmary.

She noticed his movement and wondered: "Are you taking the book to someone?" When John raised his left eyebrow, she added hastily: "Could I borrow it afterwards? I have always wanted to try Russian literature."

John laughed shortly. "Actually, I'm planning to read it myself. Just not in my room. You know, the gory scenes and all." He shrugged again and hoped she hadn't read this book because he had barely got to page forty and was inventing things.

He started walking down the corridor but Hillary followed. "How gory, sir?" she asked. "Given what we sometimes encounter in this galaxy, it can't be that full of blood."

John sighed. "It is not so bad but, you know, with Rodney..." He left the sentence hanging unfinished in the air and looked down at his book.

"Oh," Hillary breathed out. Then something clicked and she blinked in surprise. Now she finally understood what had been going on between the two commanding officers. DADT from now on, then. "Ah, oh, of course," she said with evident regret in her voice. Her eyes fell and she stopped walking. John didn't notice until she wondered: "There had to be a reason why you put up with him for so long, right?"

John's eyes grew comically wide as Hillary gave him a sad salute and turned on her heels. She shuffled away but John didn't have enough presence of mind to respond and explain and even realise what she had really meant.

He turned his head in disbelief and frowned deeply. However, he remembered that he had promised to return soon, so he quickly rushed back to the Infirmary.

He entered Rodney's cubicle and found Teyla rubbing Rodney's right arm and Aiden snoring softly to his left with his cast leg propped up. She heard John and lifted her head slowly. "Are you feeling better?" she finally asked after a minute or so of uncertain staring.

John shrugged. "It depends. I've cleared my head somewhat but I really wish Rodney would wake up soon. There are so many..."

Teyla placed a finger on her mouth. "Ssh, I know. But we only have to wait some more."

John nodded weakly and sat down in the free chair. "He's going to be fine. He has to," he breathed out resolutely.

Teyla agreed with him and looked at his arms, where he cradled his book. "What is it?" she queried in real interest.

John lowered his gaze and admitted: "That's my book. A piece of Russian literature."

Teyla tried to read its title, while always soothing Rodney. She was unsuccessful as she commented: "Rodney has told me many stories about Russia and its people. They seem like a brave and resilient nation."

"That they are," John couldn't disagree. "Well, most of the time," he added then. He rubbed his forehead, remembering a tiny piece of intel he had gathered during his conversations with the said man. "Rodney had lived there for a few months before he got to Antarctica."

Teyla digested the information, which she had partly realised even before John told her, while John made himself comfortable and opened the book at his last dog-ear. He looked at the page number and smiled faintly. He had already got to page 42!

Teyla eyed the cover some more and managed to make out the first two words in its title: 'War And...'. She blinked several times to make sure she had read right, and resumed her ministrations to Rodney. John was reading about wars. She found it surprising although she didn't know what the book was about. They were actually living in one of the wars, one that concerned the entire galaxy!

She yawned even though she had had the very first vigil over Rodney. When Aiden had exchanged with her, she was ready to go to bed. But she decided to rather have a shower and that was when she stopped feeling sleepy. It was true that it helped her relax but she afterwards had to do some of her katas and stretching to be able to fall asleep. All that was taking its toll now when the repetitive motions and the full stomach after a breakfast made her eyelids flutter. To all that, there was the soft rustling of John turning pages. Her head lowered out of its own volition and she let out a long breath when it touched the mattress near Rodney's hand.

John had started reading on page 41 to get into the story and progressed nicely. However, reaching page 44, he couldn't remember what had been written ten paragraphs ago. He sighed and returned to the previous page to re-read them. Drinking, betting, overcoming limits. That officer Dolochov was risking a lot when he sat down on the window ledge with a bet to finish a bottle of rum in one go while not holding on anything. If not for the drinking part, John realised that Dolochov's behaviour resembled his own. Always living on the edge, pushing other people, challenging authorities. He thought that Rodney may have also made this connection, assuming he had read the book. John ran his hand through his hair and frowned. Dolochov was gambling with his life, with his reputation, and he seemed to have liked it. Lost in his thoughts and from time to time reading a paragraph more, he didn't hear that the curtain was pulled aside and that Elizabeth had slipped inside the cubicle.

It was when he heard a soft but hoarse voice whisper something unintelligible that his head snapped up to find its source. When he noticed that Rodney was watching them all, he was so surprised that he dropped the heavy book with a seemingly deafening thud. He gasped for breath fearfully when Rodney closed his eyes again, and got up quickly, ready to rush at his side.


	48. Wage War And Keep Peace

AN: Huge apologies to all my readers - the school is intervening more than I would like it to. I try hard to find my scarce time to write but I do realise that it's not as good as it used to be, those few months ago when I the idea to start this story struck. Therefore, try not to blame me too much and I promise to re-read and rewrite the problematic sections as soon as I have the capacity to do so. It will surely be before the end of this story.

* * *

 _ **Wage War And Keep Peace**_

Elizabeth felt upset that it was taking her so long to return to the Infirmary. As if all people had used the opportunity that she was in the control room to discuss various issues concerning science department, assigning tasks and handing in reports personally. She was mentally worn-out, having to reassure everyone that there would be no permanent damage to the city when the chief scientist was gone when she actually knew that he would be running around the labs in a few days, shouting, swearing, but also loudly lecturing, and it wasn't easy at all to keep a stoic image of a leader.

On her way to the curtained bed, she carefully avoided talking more than absolutely necessary not to get more delayed. She sighed thankfully when she reached the white sheet and pulled it aside carefully, her eyes travelling all around the room to catch anything suspicious.

She hovered for a bit in the entrance, then turned around to look at Rodney's bed, finding the resolve to fight and encourage him to wake up.

What she didn't expect was locking eyes with the said man. Her mouth hung open, her brain frozen in the moment, because she could hardly fathom what her eyes currently saw. And then Rodney spoke up: "J'ai réussi, ça a marché."

At the same time as John began to stare at Rodney, Elizabeth was fighting back tears of relief while blinking away the wonderful astonishment of seeing Rodney up and about and smiling at her broadly. She placed a hand in front of her mouth, deciphering that Rodney's sentence meant: "I've managed, it worked."

She heard the fallen book from far away, all her senses overwhelmed by things so typical of Rodney – the deep blue eyes that, when he was drugged, gained the indefinite colour or blue, green and grey, the colour of the sky about a quarter of an hour before the sun rises, the real smile reserved only for her that had the corners of his mouth lifted partly cheekily, the subconscious movement of his free hand, partly clenching and unclenching his fist.

But then his smile faltered as his eyes closed and her heartbeat sped up in worry that something had gone terribly wrong.

She faintly acknowledged a gasp as she searched Rodney's form for another sign of motion. In was useless, he had fallen into oblivion again.

However, the motion to her left alerted her and she stopped the body from moving. Then she heard a voice asking: "John? What's wrong?"

Elizabeth looked around and found out that Teyla had lifted her head from where it was lying next to Rodney's hand and that Aiden was cracking his neck, blinking away sleep while scanning the surrounding area, as if they had been woken up by an enemy on a mission.

Aiden frowned at the pair's expression and placed his leg down. John exchanged a look with Elizabeth and together they ran out of the cubicle, darting to Carson's office. They figuratively scrambled over one another in their hurry.

Teyla glanced at Aiden questioningly and noticed that Rodney's head was resting differently, facing straight ahead, instead of his right arm. "Ancestors," she breathed out, standing up. "Aiden..." she started as they both heard three pairs of running feet. Bells of belated realisation started ringing in both their heads – Rodney must have briefly awoken!

Carson harshly pulled the curtain aside and barrelled straight to Rodney's bedside, pulling his pen-light out of his lab coat pocket. Teyla had just enough time to jump out of his way and pull the chair with her. Carson shone the light in Rodney's eyes and was delighted to get a quick response.

Meanwhile, John and Elizabeth huddled at the entrance and waited, holding their breaths. John squeezed her hand tightly and she nodded thankfully. She was trembling inside, Carson's current behaviour wasn't reassuring her at all, despite the high and steady readings on the monitors around the bed.

Then Carson looked at the aforementioned pair and asked: "How long?"

John couldn't answer and felt ashamed that he hadn't noticed Rodney having been awake until the man spoke up. John wanted to be here for Rodney and he failed miserably. He hung his head and didn't meet Carson's eyes.

Elizabeth swallowed thickly because she was sure that Rodney had been with his team some time before she entered the cubicle. It was just good luck that she had come when she had. She blinked and shrugged. "I guess that for about a minute or so. He said two sentences and blacked out again," she informed Carson unhappily.

Carson nodded and checked the monitors. Aiden sat up straighter and said: "Why does this remind me of the old Dr. Weir?"

The others thought about this idea, the memories all too fresh despite the last few days with constant worry about Rodney. Carson looked up and sighed. "Well, Aiden, it is similar..." he said out loud but added a silent afterthought to that, "But not that we'll lose him."

The area was so eerily quiet that everyone heard that even though Carson hadn't wanted them to. Everyone understood his worry, it was the same whenever a mission went wrong and one of them was to recover in the Infirmary. What was more, they all realised it had to be hundred times more difficult on Carson because he had to behave professional and be reassuring even when he had had no clue of the outcome.

Carson patted Rodney's leg and glanced at the others. "I don't want to sound overly optimistic but I believe we'll be able to talk to him by tomorrow."

Elizabeth wavered on her feet in relief, John almost yelping in happiness. Teyla beamed delightedly and Aiden was glad to be sitting down, otherwise he was sure he would have collapsed.

"Thank you, Carson," Elizabeth said for them all and Carson nodded briefly.

Teyla gripped Carson's shoulder and pulled him around so that he was facing her. Carson was surprised and tensed somewhat. Teyla didn't seem to mind as she placed her palms on Carson's shoulders and lowered her head in front of him. Carson glimpsed around helplessly and John indicated bowing his head, a small smirk playing on his lips. Carson copied the move, his forehead lightly touching Teyla's. She lifted her head after a moment, a genuine smile gracing her lips.

"I had no doubt in you," she told him.

And he replied: "I guess you were the only one then."

Everyone but Carson laughed shortly because Carson must have surely realised that they had every faith in him that Rodney would recover under his treatment. But Carson realised all too well that the infection was still raging in Rodney's body and that his heart could have stopped and even could stop again easily and it wouldn't have been that easy to revive him, unnoticed or not.

Carson decided not to let others glimpse at this uncertain part of the treatment so he announced: "Okay, enough fun now. You should better go fulfil your duties before others start wondering where you have disappeared." When nobody made a move out of the curtained area, Carson added: "And this concerns everyone, thank you very much."

John made a face and complained: "Why? It's not like we're scheduled for a mission."

Carson locked eyes with one after another, his sight staying the longest on Elizabeth, who bobbed her head in unhappy acceptance. However, she was the only one.

When the response was still minimal, Elizabeth sighed and added: "I've got a report on missing Infirmary chairs earlier today. And people have been asking about the three of you." Saying so, she indicated the awake part of her foremost team.

Aiden pushed his hands in his pockets. "Really? Can't you just tell everyone that we've gone on a mission?" he whined.

Elizabeth shook her head, her lips trembling with a suppressed smile. "Can you enlighten me why I would send someone with their foot in a cast on a mission when current ones involve a lot of walking?" she asked mainly Aiden. "Or someone who still can't shoot properly and clearly has their subordinates worried about their mental health when they disappear for the whole afternoon?" she shot in John's direction.

John jerked slightly, offended. He couldn't fathom how she had learnt about him going missing when Rodney was treated for the first day. Surely Teyla and Aiden hadn't talked. And his hand was almost okay, it only twitched under strain and he was sure he could compensate for, if not control, the shaking.

Carson eyed him sceptically and asked: "Major, you did what?"

"God help me," John breathed out quietly. "I just found a laboratory and got a little preoccupied with exploring it."

Teyla looked at him with a frown on her forehead. "And why didn't you answer the radio?" she asked him unhappily.

John shrugged. "The lab must have blocked the signal and I have apologised already." John gave everyone a pointed stare. "I've told you that there were some consoles for echolocation. With squeaks like these, it was easy not to hear other sounds."

John hoped they wouldn't question him any more because he had deliberately switched off his ear-piece to block everything and everyone. What with having brought Rodney to the Infirmary and then having told everyone, maintaining the façade of calmness despite his tremendous dread of seeing all the tubes and monitors and then using Rodney's secret password to hack his medical records and learning about completely everything since handing Rodney to the doctors' care.

Carson was gradually growing tired of persuading them to leave so he bellowed: "Out!" Everyone stared at him in shock and John opened his mouth to protest. Carson took a breath and continued angrily: "Everyone get out and I don't want to see you for another three hours. Go make your rounds, deal with these petty problems outside of my Infirmary and let me tend to Rodney."

He ended with half the force he had begun with but the team filed out quickly, not bothering to respond. Elizabeth moved over to the curtain and looked back at Carson, noting how awfully exhausted he suddenly looked. She gave him a sad look while saying: "You didn't have to kick us out like this. They would have realised that you want to spend some time with Rodney, too." Then she left the man alone with Rodney.

Carson hung his head and slumped into a chair, drained by his own outburst. He needed Rodney to get okay soon and to tell him what had happened on the mission and why he had returned so bruised and beaten and generally in such a bad condition.

Meanwhile, the team was sitting down dejectedly on an examination table. Elizabeth walked to them and partly calmed, partly reprimanded them: "Carson didn't mean it like that. He also has feelings and emotions and can lash out when he's hurting."

John looked up at her, his hands resting on the book in his lap. "But still, he can't kick us out." He lowered his voice and added vehemently: "Rodney's our friend and we're not leaving him alone, not when that's what the other team did to him."

"I agree with John," Teyla said. "He must have endured so much on his own with the Wraith, and he deserves to be reassured of where he belongs."

"But he has fallen asleep again," Elizabeth reminded them. "And you all need to rest properly before he tells us what happened." She gave John a meaningful look as she went on: "I worry we'll lose more sleep afterwards."

The team was reluctant to agree but knew all too well that it was quite likely Rodney's experience would have such a negative effect on them.

"Come on," Teyla finally took the initiative and hopped to her feet.

"Well, we can always hole up in Rodney's laboratory," John allowed and the three of them set off in that direction.

Elizabeth shook her head and returned to the control room.


End file.
